I Want to Tell You a Scary Story

I would like to start this story by saying that I don’t believe in ghosts or demons or anything like that. I need more evidence in order to believe that something other than decay happens to us when we die. Hell, I’m an astrobiology nerd and believe that aliens are real, but I don’t think they’ve visited Earth. The evidence just isn’t there for me.

So, I believe this is a scary story about sleep paralysis. For those who haven’t experienced this, Sleep Paralysis is when your body shifts between waking and sleep in an irregular way, thus they will be awake, but unable to move. Some people say they hallucinate in these moments.

So, that being said, here’s what happened.

close up photo of blue flowers

A few months ago, I was staying over at my grandparent’s house with my boyfriend. They had us sleep in separate bedrooms, so I took the twin bed so he could have the full. Plus, the twin bed has the misfortune of being right beside my loudly snoring grandma; facing the morning light; fitted with a door that allows a lot of light in; and decorated with two paintings of pale, dead-eyed children.

The biggest issues for me are the morning light and the hall because my room as to be totally dark for me to fall asleep. I also have to leave the door slightly ajar so that my former-foster kitten can get in and sleep with me. The paintings are just creepy as hell, but I’m able to push them out of my mind once Harper, the cat, jumps up with me.

After what felt like a few minutes, my door pushed open. I was facing the wall, so when I looked, I couldn’t see anything other than the tiny blue flowers of the wallpaper. I thought it was my boyfriend, at first, coming in because he couldn’t sleep, just based on how the door had opened so far. I could hear the hinges squeak, so I could hear it had swung wide. Then he didn’t say anything.

Then, I thought, maybe my cat had pushed the door wide open and I braced for the mattress to bounce under her weight. She was a very fat cat and the mattress was small and old. Actually, both were purchased from an insane asylum in Sedro Wolley when it shut down.

She never jumped up. Nothing huge on its own so I closed my eyes to fall asleep, but then I felt something. Nothing touched me, but it felt like something was hovering inches over my body. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t see. I could just lay there and feel. I don’t know how to explain it other than to speak to your experiences. I feel that most people know when somebody is next to them and can understand what I mean when I say that it felt like somebody was bending over me, very near me. The feeling stayed that way for five minutes

Then I heard what I can only describe as a hoof being slowly dragged on concrete. It happened three times Kkkkkkkkkkkr-click, Kkkkkkkkkkkr-click, Kkkkkkkkkkkr-click. The feeling of somebody over me was still there for a few more moments, and then suddenly disappeared. I could move again and I instantly shot up and towards the door, trying to see anything.

All I saw was the door wide open and the top of the stairs.

Again, I don’t think something was actually there, I 100% think I was imagining everything. But, wow, what an imagination I have! It was able to scare the crap out of me, to the point where I’m still thinking about it. I’m not scared anymore, but it was damn scary in the night.

I ended up going in and sleeping with my boyfriend for the rest of the night.

So, that’s my scary story. Nothing supernatural, but still contains the same, great fright!

Have a great rest of your day, my loves!

HS!

LH

Yesterday was Veterans Day

Hey guys, this was supposed to go up yesterday, but apparently I missed the button so you get it today. So, all this happened yesterday and I don’t want to go back to fix all the tense issues. Cool? Cool.

I went for a walk today. The bitter fall breeze bit my cheeks until they were cherries and Feel Like Making Love rang through my headphones, overpowering the lonely sound of my sneakers crunching through fallen leaves. Through the trees that line the trail, I watched various sea birds bob up and down on the Puget Sound, scuttling past sailboats named Freedom and Seas the Day.

The forest trail gave way to a park dotted with people and their dogs. I watched the shivering owners desperately wrap themselves tighter in their coats and shove their throwing hand frantically back into their jeans pocket after tossing their dog’s slobbery tennis ball. A few held coffee from down the street. One man stood in the center of a large patch of grass, a mirror ball gliding over his fingers in a manner that suggested years of practicing in his room had given him the idea that people would gather around and watch. Nobody had yet.

aerial photography of a mountain

The park morphed into walkways that spanned the small inlets of water that scooped into the earth. A woman wearing a cranberry hijab stopped me and pointed towards deeper water where two black lumps were rolling through the waves. Sea Otters. I watched them for a moment, listening to the woman murmur to her husband about how cute the little creatures were.

As I walked on, my small Sigil of Baphomet necklace tapped rhythmically against my chest. I thought again of the sailboat named Freedom as I passed the small groupings of flags fluttering at half-staff, and I was grateful. I thought of the other places in the world where a woman would never walk alone and I was grateful. The tapping of Baphomet upon my chest reminded me that I am very lucky to live in a world where I am free to be whatever religion I choose, no matter how evil those may assume it is. I thought, naturally, of the military and all they’ve done, since the birth of the nation, to protect my right to be myself, and I was grateful.

Then I thought of the veterans in my life. My great-grandfather was one of the first responders to Pearl Harbor and once told me of seeing the smoke on the horizon, his heart turning the same acrid color. As I began to feel pride, a wave of anger washed through my arms and down into my fingertips. My great-grandpa was not, is not, an honorable man, nor should he be celebrated.

My great-grandpa should not be celebrated. He was cruel to his family and created rifts within the family that won’t be healed for generations. He abused his family. He threw unwanted kittens into rivers rather than fix his cat, first allowing his children to play with them. He was, and still is, a manipulative, horrible man.

I passed a group of runners going the other way. A few of them nodded at me while others stared straight forward, as if I weren’t there. I realized, then, what I was thankful for were the individuals who went into the military. They want to protect what the country stands for, which means fighting for things you may not believe in. I’m thankful for them and I gladly thank them.

What I refuse to do is blindly thank veterans. I’m sure this is where people will start to get irritated with me, but that’s okay. I understand that there are evil people in the military who have still given so much. I, too, understand people in the armed forces have raped and murdered their fellow servicemen. Am I supposed to thank them? I don’t think so and I won’t. A person can be part of a greater good and throw kittens into rivers.

The bitter fall breeze halted and my cherry cheeks grew hot as I stepped into my house from the cold. My cats ran up to greet me and I ran my hand along their tails, warming my fingertips on their heads. I knew I was glad for the good men and women who were protecting me, even though they didn’t know me or agree with me. In the end, there is more good than bad. I just wish we could do better.

So, on this Veterans Day, thank you for all you’ve done.

Except my great-grandpa and those like him.

HS!

LH

I Spoke with The Homo Satanist

As I was scrolling through Twitter yesterday, a term caught my eye. “Homo Satanist”. As somebody who is part of the LGBTQ+ community, I began to feel myself prickle, preparing for rage. I was pleasantly surprised that it was actually a title of a book, as well as the title somebody had chosen for themselves. I was curious, so I dove a little deeper.

Fred Andersson is the an author and, while not a member of the Church of Satan, feels very connected to Satanism and the philosophy of Anton LaVey. So, I decided to send over some questions to get to know Fred a little better in this edition of

end of MY rope

Please give a round of applause to our latest victim Fred Andersson

d6tX60E0_400x400.jpg
From Twitter
1) What is your relationship to Satanism and the Church of Satan?
I’m not a member of CoS, but I feel very connected to their philosophy and LaVey is a role model of some sorts, even if I don’t agree with him in everything. But that’s also the great part of CoS and Satanism; we’re all true individuals and respect each other. I’ve always, since I was a kid in a Christian community, had similar ideas and ways of looking at life as CoS, but it took me some time to understand the value in this. When a friend years ago told me I really need to read The Satanic Bible I bought it, read it, found it fun and interesting but it didn’t leave a big mark. Maybe I year later I picked it up and read it again, and some things spoke to me even more. And this happened every year or so until I finally “got it”. LaVey himself I’ve always found interesting and witty and I understand what he was trying – and succeeded – to do.
2) What does being part of the LQBTQA+ community and being a Satanist have in common? 
I found out that may inside the community either sees themselves as Satanists or at least have the same philosophy, and I love this. I believe that Satanism, and maybe more specifically CoS, is the perfect thing or LGBTQ+ people, as we’re embracing ourselves, our sexuality, we breaking free from norms to live the lives WE want to live. Some Christians blame us gays for being egocentric – and I say YES to that, because we dare to do it. We’re not tied down by guilt and Christian moral rules; we live as we want.
3) Where would you take Charlie Chaplin on a date in the year 1994? 
I would probably take him to an old wax museum in Sweden, now bankrupt since many years back, where they had THE worst very wax figure of him ever made. I think he would have appreciated it for some reason.
4) How do you celebrate Halloween?
The thing is, Sweden isn’t much of a Halloween country. The tradition itself have been growing over the years, but it’s not the same as in the United States. I usually try to watch one of the Halloween films, this time it was my hold favorite Halloween III: Season of the Witch. That one sets the mood very well!
5) Tell me the story behind Homo Satanist. How did you come up with the name/title/term? 
It kinda just came to me while thinking about who I am. I usually just introduce myself as Fred, because Fred for me is everything I am – but if I’m not Fred then I’m not a homo sapiens like my fellow humans… and suddenly it struck me; I am Homo Satanist, a man of Satan. That felt so comfortable I decided to build a concept around it, and that’s one of the things that lead to the book.
6) What’s your favorite movie and why?
Difficult to say! In my personal collection of films, physical media, I have over 7000 titles! But If I must chose one I’ll chose Stanley Kubrick’s Eyes Wide Shut, a film which triggers both my fascination for the occult, rituals, sex and individualism. I love it so much I might one day write a book about it – and the novel it’s based upon and the 60’s Austrian TV-movie based on the same source. I always find something new in it and it still, to this day, have some of the best writing I’ve ever seen in a film.
7) Is there a story that you weren’t able to fit into your book that you’d like to tell? 
Oh sure, but most of them deals with what’s legal in Sweden or not – and when some things still are not legalized or accepted it’s a bit difficult to talk about it without being branded a criminal. It’s not that I’m especially active in this area, but the idea of banning certain substances is primitive and goes against my whole idea of individualism.
8) What do you do when you’re bored? or Do you get bored? 
I rarely get bored nowadays, but if that happens I usually watch the most depressing film I have available. It makes me appreciate my own life a lot more and triggers my emotions in very stimulating way. I also have a tendency to shop a lot of expensive books when I’m bored, which is both good and bad.
9) THE ZOMBIES ARE COMING! Quick, what in your house do you grab and why? 
I suppose the cats have already escaped, so that means I’ll grab water and warm clothes. Because I bet I’ll need to hide in the woods for a while until it’s all over!
10) Do you have any other creative projects you’re working on? 
I’m currently finishing the editing of a short story collection, which I hope will be published in two-three months, but it’s written in Sweden. I’m also halfway through something we can call Homo Satanist 2 and one book about chaos magic, or maybe more an inspiration to use magical thinking in everyday life.
The End
I love that in order to get over being bored, you watch a sad movie. That’s wonderful. Thank you, Fred, for taking the time to answer my silly questions and I hope your book does very well!
And thank you all for coming back and reading, I really love doing these interviews and you guys make it worth my time!
I’ll see you all later, my Sweet Satanists!
HS!
LH

I Celebrate Little Victories

When people think of Washington State, they think of mountains, evergreen trees, and rain. While all of these things are true, Washington has a dark side. We are the state with the highest rates of suicide and depression. Rates of diagnosis for depression are on the rise, here, too. Most of these come from Seasonal Affective Disorder or SAD, which is another name for Seasonal Depression, and describes a time every year that depression arises.

close up photography of wet leaves

I love living in Washington State. It’s full of color and beauty in ways you’ll never see in other states. We have desert, rainforest, plains, mountains, and pretty much every biome of which you can think. Last summer, I had breakfast by a river; lunch by a glacier lake; and a sunset dinner on the beach with my toes in the sand. It’s an amazing places to live, but can be trying.

My family is riddled with Clinical Depression, also known as Major Depression. It’s different from Seasonal Depression because it is constant and, while we have good days, it isn’t something that goes away for the majority of the year. Winter and fall do make clinical depression worse for us, though, so there are elements of SAD in that I can handle it most of the year. Then the sun goes away. That’s the biggest issue is that the sun goes away, so I try to take vitamin D3 and eat better (besides the holidays), but it still happens.

There are days where I can function perfectly, but all I can think about is hanging myself. Don’t freak, don’t panic. I don’t need sympathy, I’m just trying to put what I’m trying to say in perspective. I want you to know where my mind is.

adult attractive beautiful beauty

The days when I can function perfectly normally an still think about suicide on repeat are considered good days. Bad days are very bad. Bad days may mean I don’t feed myself because a small part of my mind hopes I’ll just starve. It may mean I won’t talk to anybody for weeks, if I can. My anxiety makes it worse, too, by causing me to throw up when I’m stressed so I wake up to a really bad day and I begin to lose weight.

So I have Little Victories. Small things I can do each day to make myself feel less like a failure. Posting here can be a little victory sometimes. Sometimes they’re even smaller, like getting out of bed, doing my makeup, taking a damn shower. Now, I don’t text my mom each time like, “MAMA I AATE TODAY!”. No. But it helps ME get up and actually accomplish the shit I need to get out and do.

I hope that makes sense. Little, personal victories to keep you going are very healthy if you have a mental illness. As somebody with Depression, anxiety, and PTSD, my victories are sometimes very small. I’m not trying to whine or get attention or anything, I just want somebody, anybody, to feel a little better and that they’re not alone.

I hope you all keep yourself well this upcoming rainy season.

HS!

LH

 

I Interviewed The Satanic Warlock of the Year

Good morning, my darlings, and welcome to a very special edition of The Infernal Interviews! Today, we hear from the winner of Reverend Campbell’s Satanic Warlock  of the year Award, Les Hernandez. For those who don’t know, The Satanic Warlock of the Year is nominated and voted upon by other members of the Church of Satan during the month of October. Nominees must be in good standing with the Church of Satan and “not necessarily in a direct way, but more importantly through their actions and mastery of their works and demeanor.”

While the award has passed this year, you can still watch the awards show on Reverend Campbell’s Youtube page, which I highly recommend, as we get to hear from a wonderful collection of guest speakers. This years winner, Reverend Les Hernandez, is an amazing example of what it means to take the teachings of Satanism and create real change in the world. I’m not going to get really into it, as they’ve been discussed before, but if you’re interested, some of his many accomplishments can be found here.

So, without further ado, let’s dive into today’s edition of

end of MY rope

 

Our victim today is The Satanic Warlock of the Year, Reverend Les “Bloodfire” Hernandez.

IMG_7567

Thank you, again, to Reverend Hernandez for taking the time to answer my questions!

1) What does being a Satanist mean to you? 
Being a Satanist, to me, means owning your actions and thinking before
you act. It means taking pride in your personal successes and
achievements, and not letting anyone prevent you from pursuing your own
happiness. It’s being true to your own nature and not what the media and
societal norms try to program you to be. This can be
dangerous–especially in a society where the norm is portrayed as
extreme Left or Right, not seeing that both sides are just different
flocks of sheep. The danger comes in both sides’ hatred of anything not
like them. Blues will call you Red, Reds will call you Blue, while both
sides are blind to your real color, or Third Side. People get beaten and
killed for not conforming, even in this day and age, so the Satanist has
forethought and knows when to be what or when to “tuck the Baphomet,” as
has become the phrase. Change doesn’t come from conformity, however. It
comes from The Other; it comes from that outsider rebellious spark or
Black Flame. These things are why the spirit of rebellion will always
exist where there is a free mind, and why we embody the ultimate rebel
in the form of the adversary–Satan.
2) How do you spend your birthday? 
As richly as I can! I used to throw live events where my band would play
and I’d be surrounded by Martinis, but I like things a little quieter
these days. A good steak dinner with perhaps a nice Charles Smith
Cabernet Sauvignon, with select company in a dimly lit room is more my
style now. Followed eventually by more carnal, sensual pursuits, which
no real birthday should go by without.
3) Which of the Eleven Satanic Rules of the Earth speaks to you the most? 
Off-hand, I’d say number three: “When in another’s lair, show him
respect or else do not go there.” This should apply across the board,
from homes, to businesses, to the local Wal-Mart! People seem to feel
like just because they’re in a store in the mall that they don’t need to
remember etiquette. I’d like to see Willy Wonka’s lesson’s on a grander
scale in these cases. Can’t keep your voice down on your cell phone in
the grocery store? Fall into a trap-door in the floor leading to a patch
of poison ivy. Folks would start behaving more civilized, I’d wager.
4) If cats had wings, what would be the best name for one? 
Labia. Without a doubt!
5) What in your life are you most proud of? 
The letters I sometimes get from folks who tell me how I’ve inspired
them or changed their lives in some way. To hear from others what you
felt about your own mentors growing up–that’s absolutely magnificent,
also humbling.
6) Describe your idea vacation if you could time travel. 
I’d hop in my TARDIS, pick up a young Barbara Feldon (1960s era), and
bounce around every top eatery of the past few centuries. We’d see the
Ramones when they were young, The Beatles, every creepy old bookshop in
the world. I’d probably spend a lot of time in the 1960s and ’70s. And
I’d also probably eventually return Ms. Feldon to her time and pick up
Winona Ryder to go check out other galaxies and the future with me.
Hell, with a TARDIS you don’t have to limit your vacation time! Might as
well do it all! (Last years Satanic Warlock of the year also loves Doctor Who. The author is seeing a pattern.)
7) How did it feel to win Satanic Warlock of the Year? 
First of all, being nominated was a shock. I really didn’t expect it,
much less to win. Hell, I voted for Adam Cardone! Hahaha! There were so
many impressive nominees that I was just proud to be in such esteemed
company. These are folks I greatly admire, each for their own reasons.
Here I am just doing my own thing, so it caught me off guard. I’m
definitely honored and grateful to those who voted for me. It’s a proud
honor, indeed!
8) What advice do you have for young Satanists? 
Study our core texts, don’t just glance through the books. Apply what
you’ve read in the real world. Get a firm working grasp of these
principles and ideas. These are the tools that will move you forward.
Study the history of Satanism, so you can confidently speak to your
religion when confronted by naysayers. Read HTF Rhodes’ ‘The Satanic
Mass’ and A.E. Waite’s ‘Devil Worship in France’ to get an understanding
of why we can honestly say that there was no such religion as Satanism
until it was founded and codified in 1966 with the creation of the
Church of Satan. Then familiarize yourself with the reality of the
Satanic Panic of the 1980s and ’90s, and just how real that kind of mass
hysteria can be–it ruined people’s lives ad destroyed families. These
tools will give young Satanists a strong foundation to move into the
world from.
9) What is your best Halloween memory? 
One of my favorites was spent at a fellow member’s house, who is no
longer with us. I met a lot of other Satanists that night that I still
call friends. Drinks flowed, the conversation was great, there was a
group ritual. Memories I’ll always cherish.Another favorite Halloween memory was when I was 16 and dressed up as
Nikki Sixx. A friend and I went into this rock’n’roll shop and, as the
cute counter gal was talking to us, I took off my wig and she about hit
the floor in shock that it wasn’t real. It was the ’80s, so big hair was
normal. We all had a good laugh!

10) How do you answer the question “What is Satanism?” 
Satanism is an atheistic religion based on humanity’s carnality and real
nature instead of believing in some fantasy afterlife we have absolutely
no proof of. Satanism is selfish, but we acknowledge the difference
between selfish and greedy. It is the Individual over the herd; the
outsider excelling out of genuine passion as opposed to the life-hating
daily grind working drones with no hope of fulfilling any dreams.
Satanism is putting your lust for life into reality–living it on your
own terms, but always being in control of it. It’s the best tool for
real happiness, as far as I’m concerned.
The End
Thank you, again, to Reverend Hernandez for taking the time to answer my silly questions and to Reverend Adam Campbell for putting everything together. If you’d like to participate next year, start following Campbell on Youtube or you can join me in becoming a Patreon.
If you’re wondering, there is a comparable award for the ladies in The Church of Satan. Magistra Ygraine holds the Wicked Witch of the Year Award on her show, Confessions of a Wicked Witch, presented by Radio Free Satan. The nominations for this begin soon, so keep an ear to the ground.
Thank you all for reading and thank you once more to Reverend Hernandez and Reverend Campbell for everything, and congratulations.
HS!
LH

I Love Halloween

Hey, guys, what’s up! I hope you had a wonderful and safe night last night. I know mine was absolutely amazing. It started at 6am PST and I got back home at exactly midnight because, like in Cinderella, I will turn into a grumpy old man after that. It’s bedtime.

Snapchat-1192340442.jpg

This Halloween ended up being quite the rollercoaster. I learned a lot, too. I learned a lot about the work ethic that has been instilled in some of my students and also that of their parents. I learned about that some parents are really shitty examples for their kids and that’s why they’re really shitty kids in class. I learned why some kids lose their magic. It was a really interesting, eye-opening experience this year.

Let me tell you about my night.

I am a teacher in a small school and I have my own two-story building of which I am in charge. Due to the fact that I have this massive theatre to my disposal, I am able to put on a Haunted House. This was the second year and we had it set up where there were three ways to get through a section of the attraction: One tunnel where you had to crawl; One tunnel where it was so dark that you couldn’t see; One tunnel where you were blinded by flashing lights before getting on an elevator and going down. Then you either went through the Halloween room or the IT room, funneled through  a few more and then out past the chainsaw clown.

It was very simple and nicely signed so that there was no way to screw it up. Well, except the feckers who wanted to screw it up. The ones who didn’t want to play along. I gotta say, why did you come? Why come pay money to get into a Haunted House put on by the school if you were going to break stuff, hide, go off course, ruin scares for others, and generally screw around? It doesn’t make it fun and you become the person nobody wants to hangout with.

Think back on some of your favorite Halloween memories. For me, its times when everybody was playing along. If that’s willing to be scared at a Haunted House and enjoying that feeling of fear, it’s more fun when everybody suspends their disbelief and allows themselves to feel like they’re going to die! One little girl last night said to herself “Is this how I’m going to spend the last moments of my life?” and I couldn’t help but laugh out loud.

For me, that was the most annoying part of the night because it was ruining my fun, too. You’re in MY house and you paid me to scare you… LET ME SCARE YOU!

My next biggest issue was people with shitty work ethics. I had two kids leave during the show and one didn’t even tell me. I learned when I saw him walking away and confronted him. The other got too tired from sitting on the steps making creepy sounds. Seriously. Then 8 students who gave me slips saying they were coming didn’t show up, so I had far less actors, and therefore scares, to work with. I was livid. We pulled it off and had grown women crying, but it could have been so much better if these kids were true to their word. I’m going to call them out on it, too, because it ruined something with my name on it. We were on the front page of the paper, above the fold, and I feel like I gave a sub par performance. That’s my name. That’s my reputation as a teacher and a theatre professional.

 

The worst case of abandonment was when two sisters (twins) approached me the day before the Haunted House. They were supposed to be the girls from The Shining and had even purchased the outfits. One of the girls came up to me and told me that they weren’t going to be able to do the Haunted House because it was their last Halloween. What? I was so confused. Were they dying? No. Apparently their parents decided that they can’t go trick-or-treating once they’re teenagers and they were 12. 12! I didn’t stop collecting candy until I was, like, 15 and even after that I still went with my family and the other kids. It was Halloween where I could stay up late, eat candy, scare people, and be weird. Don’t take that away from your kids. It’s a special time and it keeps them being creative and allowing themselves to be, well, themselves for a night. Truly and purely. What’s more fun than emulating your favorite character, whomever that may be.

So, not only did these parents rob their children of scaring a bunch of people all night, they took actors away from me and taught them, simultaneously, that it’s okay to ditch out on commitments that you don’t want to do and that creativity is something to be grown out of. Wonderful parenting.

When we did get everything going, we were amazing. We were so good that we had grown men screaming, adult women crying, and children wondering if they were going to die. (“Is this how I’m going to spend the last moments of my life?”). Sometimes, we did too good, though, because the kids who thought they were going to be tough ended up getting scared. This made them upset and they would react to their fear with anger, striking my actors and throwing stuff at them. Sometimes they would tear apart walls in order to get around something they saw early and wanted to be cool. Sometimes they threw candy at us, though, so that was fine.

The thing is, sometimes the parents were with them and just allowed this, even leading it a few times. I was astonished that this is how they would behave in a place that wasn’t theirs. They didn’t make the set pieces or the costumes, but they were fine with destroying them. I had to throw a few people out. My actors, kids in this case, were my first priority and the guests were disrespecting them and the space they worked so hard to create. I can’t allow that.

Afterwards, we were all so tired, but so happy. We overcame issues with the sound, worked together as a team to scare the shit out of people, and had a ton of fun doing it. I couldn’t have asked for a better Halloween.

I hope that Samhain was everything you wanted and more, my Darling Devils. Now let’s start planning for next year, WE’RE LATE!

HS!

LH

I’d like to say Thank You

For those who don’t know, today is the day in history in which Anton LaVey shuffled off this mortal coil in 1997, but that’s not what I’m here for really focus on. Instead, I’d like to say thank you.

Something that really amazes me is that LaVey created Satanism and was able to pull me into a religion 20 years after his death! (I joined last year). Talk about some strong lesser magic. I remember looking through the various pages on the Church of Satan site and being entranced by the pictures of LaVey in these dark, interesting photos, surrounded by imagery that many would call “creepy”.

lavey-ritual-tier.jpg
Photo Credit: Church of Satan Archives 

Well, I thought they were damn cool! I was drawn further into the Church of Satan because this man was presenting himself as confident, dark, and creative, which was something I saw in myself as well. I wanted to know more.

I realize now that this is the second layer of defense that LaVey had against those he didn’t want in the Church of Satan, the first being the name. If you can hear that title, see the Satanic imagery and still want to learn more, then you might be a Satanist. Probably not, but maybe. Once you allow yourself to sink into the darkness and have fun with it, you can get down into the beliefs into the Church of Satan, which are nothing more than (seemingly) obvious.

Some people say that they find themselves within a religion and I just gotta say, that’s total bullshit. I didn’t find myself within The Satanic Bible, but I saw me. I saw LaVey sitting down with a glass of red wine, creating a religion for himself that was able to reach past his death, 20 years into the future, and touch me. I didn’t need a name for how I was living my life, because I was always going to be living in a Satanic manner, but I had the name Satanism because of Anton LaVey.

lavey-snake-portrait.jpg
Photo Credit: Church of Satan Archives

I saw those people around me worshipping an idea that never seemed to actually do anything but was still given all the credit and that pissed me off. I saw people harming others and forcing their ideas onto others in the name of this idea and that pissed me off. LaVey saw this, too, and created something else. I am the god that must be worshipped. I am the god that can change tides and move mountains and I WILL be given credit where credit is due.

So, thank you Dr. LaVey, for seeing clearly. Thank you for taking what I was feeling my whole life and putting it to paper, decades before I was a glimmer in my mama’s eye. Thank you for being unapologetic about who you were and what you enjoyed. Thank you for creating The Satanic Bible and the Church of Satan so that I might eventually wander through its proverbial doors and discover I was already there, leafing through the pages.

There are various hats I wear in various times in my life. Downtown Party Lauren isn’t the same as Teaching Children Lauren isn’t the same as Lighting Designer Lauren, but one thing I always keep with me is the words written by Anton LaVey, as the teachings of Satanism, the ones I felt but never had the words for, will always inform my decisions.

So, thank you to Anton LaVey, and also to the rest of the founding members that have taken up the torch since LaVey passed. It is because of them that young folks, like me, were able to finally have the word to describe who we are: Satanist.

Have a wonderful rest of your Monday, my Darling Devils, and I’ll see you tomorrow.

Hail Anton LaVey!

HS!

LH