I’m Going Back to School

Yup! I’ve decided to go back to school. No, I don’t mean the school where I work, though I do plan on going back there today as I’d like to keep my job. I really like being a Teacher.

Though, I’m not technically a teacher. I do teach a middle and high school class, but I don’t have my teaching certificate yet. Well, then how am I teaching? Long story short, I was going to school for English and Theatre degrees and I had my English BA finished when I was contacted by La Conner School District. They didn’t have any applications for their Theatre Program and my mom’s friend (who works there) knew that I had been working in and studying theatre for years so she asked me to apply.

analog binder blank book

Well, at this point, I was still in school, so I applied real quick, graduated with my BA in English Creative Writing, and quit my job as a janitor. I got the job and they issued me an “Emergency Certificate” which is good until for three school years. So, I teach, but I’m not a Teacher in the sense that I haven’t had formal training.

Yet.

I’ve been accepted into a Masters program already, though I need to take two classes at a community college in order to get all my prerequisites covered and I could not be more excited! I’ve missed being a student and using my brain… though the nicest thing will be only worrying about my assignments and not 38. Also, I won’t have to write tests or lecture and that is awesome.

Unfortunately, I may not be able to get financial aid at the community college because I already have a Bachelor’s… I don’t get it either but that’s what they told me. So, my bill would end up being over $1000 for just the two classes and not counting books.

The reason I bring this up is because I’m considering creating a Patreon and I was wondering what your thoughts are on the matter. Obviously, I’d post more often since y’all would be literally paying for my words, but I’d still post content here for those who can’t. Trust me, I get that, I was only just finally to become a Patreon of Reverend Campbell.

So, let me what you know in the comments or shoot me an email. I’ll see you later, my adorable abominations!

HS!

LH

quote-satanism-demands-study-not-worship-anton-szandor-lavey-136-62-57

I Worship Beauty

I walk a lot. I like to take a route that goes from my house to downtown to the ferry docks and back. There’s a long trail that goes through two parks and the whole trek is probably about 4 miles. I try to do this walk whenever I can because not only is it good for my body but it is beautiful. I get to see the various people and buildings downtown and the brick and older folk that hangout in the Fairhaven area. I also get to walk through the forest and along the Puget Sound, where I’ll sometimes see various animals such as seals and ducks playing in the water. It’s a beautiful walk and I greatly enjoy my time. (Also, my butt looks great).

IMG_20180524_193533_191.jpg
Not from last night, but still from my route

Last night’s walk was particularly wonderful for a few reasons. For one, the weather wasn’t super hot, though it was a little muggy, but the clouds were back and there was a light rain, so it wasn’t too bad. At one point, it did start raining a little harder, though this was a great mishap as I was able to get an espresso poured over Oreo gelato and it was AMAZING! I also had to wait on two long trains, which was not amazing, but that’s okay.

A few times, I would stop on my walk and just look around at all the wonderful beauty around me. Normally, I walk while listening to music, but when I take my little moments, I pause the sound and listen to whatever there is to hear. Sometimes, its conversation. Other times, all I hear are the sounds of The Sound; waves shush against the beach rocks, gulls and ducks chatter and dip under the water, and the wind whispers damp, salty air through my hair.

It was lovely. Well, until some damn woman came up and started talking to me. She wanted to point out the river otters that were playing just off shore, which I had been looking at, and comment on the general beauty of the scene. I agreed with her. The sun was setting and streaming through small breaks in the clouds onto the calm Puget Sound waters. In some places, the pink light caught the shadow of rain falling in the distance, dyeing it.

The woman then signed deeply and said “God is great” and, since this was a stranger, I simply nodded in agreement. I understood what she meant and I also didn’t want to get into an argument with a stranger on a dock. What she saw was a scene made for her by a creator who she called God. She thought she was seeing His hand in the waves, the hills, the birds, the light. She thought that she was seeing God through nature.

In the end, we agreed. What she was trying to say to me was that she thought what we were seeing together was breathtaking, which was true, we just had a different perspective. I think mine is far more beautiful than a creator. I look at the Puget Sound and I see the randomness of The Universe that, hundreds of years ago, began to create the necessary components for stars, which warm our home. The Sun just so happened to form and Earth came together just in the perfect spot for liquid water to occur, giving life a fighting chance. That water froze and flowed and changed the face of the planet, changed where my ancestors came and went, changed my life. The choices of people who would never know me or imagine me made it possible for me to even exist on this random planet.

I looked at the beauty of the Puget Sound as I stood there with this woman and felt awe. I was blessed with life thanks to events out of my control and that is what I worship. I thank the Universe for existing and Life for allowing me to experience it. I would never credit such glory to anything but nature and my heart hurt slightly for the woman who would never bother to learn about what really had to happen for us to be standing there together, looking at the river otters gliding through the water, because she thought she already knew. She thought it was a gift from God.

I said my goodbye and began to walk, Lighting Crashes by Live playing in my headphones. Others had stopped to watch the river otters in the sunset-stained water and I wondered how they saw the moment. I wondered if they were even thinking about it.

Later on, I was alone on the trail and saw the river otter again, this time swimming in a water hole shaded by birch trees. I had the moment to myself this time and didn’t waste it thinking about glaciers or god. This time, I watched the otter glide between flustered geese and ducks. I took note of how his nose popped up and down as he swam and how the color of his coat matched the logs that he slid past.

The sun has started to come out and seems to promise another beautiful evening walk. I can’t wait to see what the universe has for me to stumble upon today.

Hail Beauty, my Darlings!

HS!

LH

 

It’s Saturday!

Man, I gotta say, it has been a long week. I’m not sure if that’s because school is back and I’m not used to having to do things or if it’s because my mattress is broken… Either way, it was a long week.

I wanted to talk to you guys real quick about something personal. Something that a few readers might be uncomfortable talking about. Something that happened to me just last week… I want to talk to you about periods.

Oh, get over yourself, it’s not that big of a deal. Every month (normally) women go through this and most of the time you’d never even know. Literally hundreds of women in your town alone are having their period.

But we’re not here to talk about other people’s period, we are here to talk about my period, which is a little different from “normal”. First of all, I only get mine every three months and second, when it does come I get endometriosis and that is some next-level pain.

adult athlete cramps field
Yeah, like that

So, why the hell would I feel the need to talk to you about my damn period? Well, because I feel I turn into my purest form of “Satanist” during those six days. First of all, I have to be thinking about how I look more than normal because if I leak through my tampon, it can get through my clothing and suddenly I have a big red stain on my ass. That is not ideal. That is not the image of myself I want in the world. So, I have to pay attention to when I put a tampon in and make sure it’s changed. You’d think this would be easy, but when you’re busy it can be a challenge.

Next, I am in so much pain. Like, screaming-into-my-knees-even-after-I-take-Pamprin pain. This does nothing other than make me really appreciate the times when I am not in pain, which I can see the theoretical value in, but it’s really not that great in practice. Why, why, why would any person, especially a Satanist, want to be in pain like that while also trying to drive, work, be a member of their family, be a good friend or partner. It’s impossible!

So, when I am in this pain, I am a huge asshole. Massive, massive asshole. I don’t mean to and I’m just hurting and my focus is more on that. I’m mad at my body not you asking me if I can do the dishes or some stupid crap like that.

During this time, I just want to focus on me. I want to eat whatever I am craving and lay around with a hot pad and stupid TV to watch. For those of you who want to know what you can do to help, you can do what we want you to do. If we want a back rub, it’s because our spine is going to break in half and it feels like somebody has been punching our kidneys all day, so do it!

man crying on field
I feel it

Here’s the thing, though. I don’t need anybody to come rescue me when I’m on my period because I know what to do and I will fix it myself. I know that I have to go on a walk, even if that sounds awful, because it will help the pain. I know I have to keep tampons and medicine on my person in case of emergencies. I know what to do if there is a leak and everything goes to shit.

As a Satanist, I’m not going to sit there in pain and post about it in Facebook. I am going to fix it so that I can continue to live my life. I still need to be able to go teach the children and do the various small jobs my family asks me to do. I have cats to take care of and things I want to be able to do and I refuse to let a fucking period take away from any of the things I actually enjoy.

So, all in all, I guess I’m trying to say that everybody needs to chill the fuck out about periods and just let women do what we need to do. Sometimes we may ask for help, sometimes not.

Also, the Supreme Court needs to vote NO on Kavanaugh’s confirmation.

HS!

LH

It’s Time for School

Well, guys, it’s that time of year again. Parents are posting shitty pictures of their children with their backpacks on, the Pumpkin Spice goop is being dusted off, and the sky is grey with clouds, or smoke, I can’t tell anymore. This also means that I’ll be having to go back to work. As most of you guys may know, I’m a teacher and my school goes back on Wednesday.

man in black and white polo shirt beside writing board
Photo by Pixabay 

To be honest, I’m not super excited to be back. Don’t get me wrong, I am super excited to see my students and get back into the theatre with them. I’ve been working really hard on my plan for the year and I think it’s going to be a really fun time.

I’m not excited to go back because I’m scared. I live in the United States, which has a long history of school shootings and mass shootings. Since the year 2000, there have been 194 school shootings (just school shootings, not mass shootings) which have caused hundreds of students and teachers to lose their lives long before their time.

Now, the name of this blog is called “I’m a Satanist and…” because, well, I’m a Satanist and I have shit to say, so it’s not really a secret who I am on a fundamental level. A large part of being a Satanist is loving life, what ever that means to you. In order to do that, one thing must be true: You have to be alive.

I value my life very much because I only have this one and I am going to enjoy it, damn it. At the same time, I’m a teacher and I have a very special place in my heart for the kids I teach and interact with on a daily basis. I would do anything in the world for them, which includes putting myself in a place where I might die. I hope I would make the right choice.

grayscale photo of a boy aiming toy gun selective focus photography
Photo by Pixabay 

I’m scared to go back to work because I don’t want to be put in a place where I might have to make these choices. I don’t want to hear those kids screaming in either fear or pain because somebody decided to bring a gun into their space and kill them. I don’t want to die, either. I don’t want to be a name on the news because I died or had to be a hero.

I’m not a police officer, nor a firefighter, nor any other flavor of hero or first responder. I teach middle and high school drama. I want to teach the kids how to project and the right way to put a Gobo into a light. I don’t want to teach them how to hide from somebody who wants them dead.

I know there are people who say that guns aren’t the problem, but they’re also not part of the solution. I’m begging everybody out there to get up and make your voices heard. If you like this blog, get out and vote or march or call a representative or anything because you will be helping keep me and my students safe.

I’ll be back soon, my loves. Gotta go dye my hair some more.

HS!

LH

P.S. There was a shooting at a Florida school football game just last night.

I Get Anxious

So, I’ve talked previously about how I live with depression, which is something that runs in my family. This post is going to be similar to that. I want to talk about my Anxiety, how it impacts my life, and how I deal with it as a human and a Satanist.

First off, I want to talk directly to the people who think that this is bullshit. This whole post is for you because I want to explain to you the physical toll it takes on my body. This is more than “just getting nervous” or “an excuse”. It’s real and it hurts.

The Mayo Clinic defines anxiety as “intense, excessive and persistent worry and fear about everyday situations”, which is may not seem like a big deal, but those who live with anxiety can tell you otherwise.

businessman office mobile phone finance
Photo by Markus Spiske 

Here’s how it goes down for me. It doesn’t matter how big or small an issue may be, I will puke. Every morning, and sometimes into the day, I will puke and puke until there’s nothing in my stomach and then it’ll keep trying to pull stuff up. It’s really gross and it’s really bad for my throat and teeth. It gets so bad during really stressful times in the year that I have to schedule time into my morning to deal with this.

One time, it was almost immediate. My car broke down two hours away from my house one night and I had to wait two hours and pay $300 for it to get towed to my parents house 30 minutes closer. My Mom let me use her car to get the rest of the way home and as soon as I got into her car, driving again, my body knew that it was out of the situation, I threw up in my lap. I knew it was going to be expensive and that I was going to have to go live with my parents until it was fixed, which was going to take forever because my dad refuses to help people other than himself, but in a dickhead way.

Something that also crosses my mind in these states of anxiety is suicide. Now, I’m a Satanist, so I would never kill myself, but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t a thought I have from time to time. Here’s the thing, it’s okay to be weak and to have these thoughts as long as you don’t act on them, but instead do something to relieve yourself from whatever is causing these issues.

The thing is that I thrive in high-stress environments such as theatre. I love being a Stage Manager and being in charge of everything. I like fixing problems and calling cues and getting actors into places and all the millions of other things that an SM does.

I do not like walking past the woman who cleans my classroom because she is really passive aggressive and does a crap job anyway. I could do better because I used to be a damn good janitor. I loved being a janitor because the cleaning soothed my anxiety about writing a paper in class or having to tell my director I needed a night off.

So, what do I do? Well, I do my best to get these things I’m nervous about done as soon as I can so that my body doesn’t kill itself. I also try to get something easy in my stomach, normally a protein shake, before I start to feel too nauseated. Sometimes it comes back up no matter what I do and the shake is easier. (I know this is TMI but I’m trying to make a point).

I also get nightmares, bite my nails until they bleed, shake, and get irrationally upset. I don’t like myself and I don’t like how I feel, so I want it to stop as fast as possible and that means fixing the problem, as scary as that may be.

Remember, it’s okay to feel this way, but you have to work to get out of that funk so you can enjoy life.

Have a wonderful rest of your day, my Sweet Satans.

HS!

LH

No, I Don’t Run an ASSC.

I was halfway through this post and it deleted, so here we go again. No, hold on, I’m going to get a snack first.

Okay, I’m back. So, as I have said before, I’m a teacher and I also run two different clubs after school. The first is Drama Club. I teach drama so it’s natural for me to run this and I love it so much! I don’t do much other than steer the kids and teach them the skills they need to act, work back stage, or be part of the creative team. The students are totally in charge of directing, stage managing, sound, lights, costumes, set, and props. The productions they put on are totally student created.

This is crucial because it teaches them responsibility as they know their friends and family, as well as strangers, will be coming to see what they’ve done and they want to be able to take pride in their work.

The other club I run is Dungeons and Dragons (DnD) club. Here, as in Drama Club, the students take charge. If one of them decides they have a story they want us to be a part of, they take charge as Dungeon Master (DM) as long as the current DM is done with their campaign or wants to take a break. If they’re not DM, they’re playing along with me. I mostly just show them where they can find the information they need within the books and explain how to do things such as rolling a character (4D4-lowest=STAT).

dnd_mound2
Not my dice, but they could be

I LOVE running this club because it is so much fun and it teaches them so much. These students have to learn how to work together to overcome obstacles and that doesn’t just mean fighting big dudes. Sometimes you have to solve a murder or get through a dungeon with a bunch of traps and other times you’re running a business in order to get money. There’s a lot of quick math and you have to learn how to work together and use other character’s skills to get around (or through) problems. On top of all of this, they create friends and that’s really important for students.

All that being said, I would like to make an official statement.

I DO NOT RUN AN “AFTER SCHOOL SATAN CLUB”

ASSC_1_Test_Layered.png
From Afterschoolsatan.com

When people find out I’m a Satanist, either by noticing my attire or I feel I can tell them, one of the questions they ask, if they also know I’m a teacher, is if I run “one of those After School Satan Clubs they saw on Facebook”.

No I don’t.

First off, let me sorta explain what an After School Satan Club is. To the best of my knowledge, the clubs were created by a group of well-meaning trolls who wanted to provide a space for children to learn STEAM programs in a secular environment. look, I get it. Doesn’t it sound really cool to have a place for little kids to be themselves and learn and grow, all under the loving eye of Papa Baphomet?!

No, actually, that sounds awful. One thing Satanists don’t do is force our religion on others, especially children, so the club’s desire to have the kids learn in a secular environment is instantly squashed by the name of the club itself.

The idea of a club also goes against Satanism as we have the internet. Yes, there used to be a grotto system in place, but that was before we could connect on social media. So, Satanists would never endorse a club for children, no matter how well-intentioned.

Here’s the thing, if you really want children to learn and grow in secular environments, there are better ways to do it. You can donate to the school or to clubs directly; you can go to sporting events or school plays; you can make sure to encourage children to work hard in areas they are interested in, even if it’s not something in which you are interested; you can be their cheerleader while also helping them improve. If you’re worried about education losing funding, call your local representative and make sure your voice is heard in a meaningful way, not stunts.

So, no, I don’t run an After School Satan Club, but I do run two clubs. These clubs operate based on my values and as much as that includes not forcing Satanism down people’s throats, it also includes pushing to be the best at what you do and becoming who you want to be, which does translate into my teaching. I want to give the kids the skills they need to go out and play DnD without me or leave Drama Club and get into a professional production. So, I guess I run a Club That Meets After School That Isn’t Satanic But The Teacher is a Satanist So The Club Teaches You How To Be a Better Person on the Down Low But is Mostly About Life Skills. A CTMASTISBTTSSTCTYHTBBPDLBMALS. Catchy.

Have a great rest of your day, my Devilish Darlings.

HS!

LH