I know it may seem like it would be really easy for my family to find out I’m a Satanist, they apparently don’t care enough or don’t google me very often. That’s just fine with me. There are some people in my family who would never be able to wrap their heads around being a Satanist and not believing in Satan.
I also try to keep it on the down-low in professional settings. I work with children, so it’s not my job to try to convince them to be Satanists. I’m sure a few of them are, but not all of them. If they ask me questions about any religion, I’ll answer them, but that’s just because I feel they have a right to information. I’ll also point them to just google stuff, but make sure the information is accurate.
Now, since I’ve been interviewing a lot of out and proud Satanists, I’m going to bring on a person who calls himself a “Closeted Satanist’.
Buckle up for the latest installment of:
THE INFERNAL INTERVIEWS
1) What made you decide to join the Church of Satan?
Joining The Church of Satan was my way of making a pact with The Devil, so to speak. It was my way of saying to myself, “You are one serious mofo” concerning my commitment to the religion/philosophy that has proven to be a most useful guide through life.
2) What is your response when people ask you if you’re religious?
I usually just tell the curious that I’m non-religious. If I think they’re being pushy, I’ll confirm my atheistic stance to let them know I’m not buying what they’re selling. On the rare occasion when I feel I’m talking to a kindred soul, I might divulge that I’m a Diabolist.
3) Do you have any Satanic Paraphernalia in your house? Hidden?
I keep my ritual items and books displayed in my bedroom, along with a badass painting of Magus LaVey created by Rev. Eric Vernor. One might find a book I’m reading st any given time lying on a table in another room – I like to flirt with danger.
4) Would you rather go to space or ride a T-Rex?
That depends. Are we talking riding the T-Rex in the Jurassic era or are we talking modern-day? Because I would totally dig going on a rampage through a busy part of town on the back of a dinosaur. Otherwise, I’d choose space.
5) Does anybody close to you know you’re a Satanist?
When I was much younger (I’ve been a self-identifying Satanist for about 23 years), I was much more open about my interest in Satanism, so a lot of people knew. As I grew older and learned that subtlety can be my friend, I wore it on my sleeve less and less. There are probably still some who suspect that my involvement with Satanism was more than just a passing interest but I only talk about it with close confidants these days.
6) What is your Membership Status within the Church of Satan?
I’m a Satanist (First Degree member). Basically, that just denotes active membership within CoS.
7) How do you weave Satanism into your daily life?
My main source of income is my job in the steel structure manufacturing business. I work in an environment saturated with a lot of “good ole boys” – the “God, Guns and Government” types. I use Lesser Magic skills on a daily basis, like diplomacy, flattery and empathy (the latter two aren’t always genuine). I also live in a small town 30 miles outside of Nashville, TN, so those skills come in handy pretty much everywhere around here.
8) Do you have anything you’re working on currently you’d like to talk about?
I’m currently writing songs for an acoustic project I plan to record with my wife’s assistance on vocals. I’ve also recently been inspired to take up painting. I’ve always been an above-average sketch artist but never seriously tried my hand at mediums involving color. I’ve got a long way to go but I’m steadily improving.
9) What made you decide to stay in the closet about being a Satanist.
I have young children whom I don’t desire to see suffer on account of my interests and affiliations.
However, I’m not a total closet-Satanist. I just choose to keep that part of my life out of the spotlight. I’ll still talk about Satanism with open-minded folks and I do wear a Baphomet sigil ring often, so those in-the-know can identify my interest.
10) Define Magic.
Magic is a hunk of blackberry cobbler topped with vanilla ice cream.
Ladies and Gents, and every flavor in between, I found this entry to be particularly interesting since I find myself hiding it in some social circles and being really open about it in others. You can be a Satanist and be Satanic without wearing Satan on your forehead. I hope this gets you all thinking and let me know if you have any questions for me or my guest.
So this interview is really exciting for me because I really love the Raising Hell Podcast. I’ve been listening to Milton and his guests for a little over a year now and it has helped me so much. This Podcast is amazing because it will talk about anything from Magic to Sex to Parenting to Disabilities and beyond.
One of my favorite people Milton brings on is Witch Troj. She is wonderful to listen to and she always has a way to articulate her opinions in ways that allow the listeners to absorb the information while drawing their own conclusions. He also has wonderful segments such as The Grownup Grotto, What Would Josephine Do, What the Wild Things Think, and more. I find each of these segments offers different information that pertains to both Satanism and Parenting.
To be clear, I am not a parent, I just want to be one day and I figure it’s probably best to start learning now so that I can be the very best like no one ever was.
And on that note, allow me to give the floor to my future friend (Oh yeah) Warlock Milton Cruver!
1) What Satanic qualities do you inject into your parenting? – Satanists have always had the innate privilege of representing our religion through the simple act of living, unlike other religions in which people are expected to follow a particular set of mandates. Satanism is not a religion one practices through an ideology which must be adhered to but which one identifies with as naturally defining of how one has always lived their life. This is what is meant by the dictum of, “Born, not made.” and we present ourselves accordingly. It is for this reason there could never be any indoctrination or proselytizing into or within our religion. Any attempts to do so are always met with the most resounding of objections from those who “get it”. The mentorship of our young ones, as I see Satanic parenting to be, comes from a curriculum of pragmatism and realism which exults in the magic of allegory, theatrical expression and symbolism. We are here to assist our youth in navigating the world unfettered by the chains of unreasonable expectations and assertively engage in showing them how to think instead of simply what to think. In tandem with this is our dictum of Responsibility to the Responsible. Rather than supporting an environment which extols a victim mentality of blaming others and making excuses, we champion the ego building lesson of being responsible for ones actions and holding others accountable for the same. Submitting to peer pressure is not a valid excuse for poor choices and we do not condone association with groups that undermine an individuals self-worth. In all things, we set the example for our children through living a life unashamed of who we are. If the first step in life is coming to a realization of what you represent, the completion of that circle in all its Satanic glory is being proud of what that is. You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be you.
2) How often do you have to tell your children not to put things in their mouth? – Not as many times as perhaps I should. If it’s not going to poison them and it’s not a choking hazard, they can figure it out for themselves. Why deprive them of the adolescent joy of finding out that Mama’s fruity smelling soap does not indeed taste like mango lemon sherbet? And the humorously betrayed faces when that toy they’ve managed to cram into their mouth sticks out at all odd angles? Kids are far too often not allowed to test the world, even within the relative safety of the home. I think todays kids could do with a healthy dose of getting back to basics, and making a few more mistakes before they find themselves in the much less forgiving world of societal expectations and personal faux pas.
3) Describe your relationship to Satanism and The Church of Satan. – First and foremost I’d like to state that this relationship, as all should truly be, was consensual. Satanists live our religion. We are Satanism. There has never been a need for a brick and mortar Church as we carry our churches with us. In our hearts and minds and upon our bodies, the temple in which Satanism resides comes ready-made in the form of our fleshy vessel and quite appropriately returns to the earth when we leave this mortal coil. Those few who have opened their own personal lairs (the late Anton Szandor LaVey included) to worthy individuals of our cabal do so with a discerning eye and do not suffer the majority to partake in the comradery and ritual which takes place behind closed doors. As a Warlock in the Church of Satan I am active within the organization and the membership which it comprises.
4) Do other parents ever give you shit for being a Satanist? – There have been instances where those whom I associate with on a professional level uncover my association and involvement with what have been labeled, “the dark powers”, and approach me with venomous concern over how they think I must comport myself as a parent. With few exceptions, I have been able to not only allay those concerns but find common ground and now enjoy very supportive and enjoyable friendships with some of them. Parenting is one of those hot button topics which, rightfully so, people tend to take personal and concern themselves over greatly. It is more important to me that a guardian support the individual child through an open and honest relationship, than what they personally choose to believe or to what faith they ascribe themselves to. I’ve found myself agreeing most wholeheartedly with devout believers on some topics, while some of my atheistically inclined fellows hold opposing views.
5) What is your favorite salt-water creature? – I’m a sucker for the octopus. (HAHA)
6) Are you working on any projects currently? – As host of the Raising Hell podcast, I’ve been presenting the Satanic Perspective on Parenting for over three years now. I’ve colluded on a number of projects, some public and others more behind the scenes both within the organization and outside from media representatives and independent artists. There are several endeavors underway which will be released either towards the end of the year or in early 2019 which I’ve had a hand in and I look forward to seeing them come to fruition. Stay tuned!
7) What do you think your greatest accomplishment is? – In my young adult life, I take great pride in having successfully pursued a career in public service as a Fire Fighter while continuing my day job and supporting my family. Working through the required curriculum and academy time throughout the week and attending classes and events on the weekend makes for a busy schedule, but working towards a goal and setting an example for my children with a healthy work ethic and drive to succeed is immensely gratifying.
8) What’s your favorite scary movie? – This is incredibly difficult to answer, as there are a number of incredibly worthy movies. But if there was one I would recommend to people, it would have to be Dog Soldiers (2002). The basic synopsis is that a British Special Forces team is set to do war games against another special forces team, finds them dead in the woods and ends up battling werewolves. For anyone who despises movies where the protagonists don’t fight back and make terrible choices, this one is a refreshing change of pace.
9) If you could tell your young self one thing, what would it be? – Stay the course. At times it will be tough, but you’ll be tougher.
10) Define Magic. – While I could recite the clinical definition of Magic as it applies to Satanism, I prefer to explain it as I would to a child. Magic is what captivates you and in turn, what allows you to hold the world captive. The most mundane of things can hold the greatest of power. The ability of a flame to capture ones attention. The rapture one feels when an infant laughs with joy. The serene peace one can find in the morning sunrise. Whether through you exerting your will to change the hearts and minds of those around you or by ritualistic expression overcoming your own personal tribulations, magic has the ability to change not only the world around you, but that the one in which you choose to move through. (This was beautifully put)
Thank you thank you thank you so much Milton for taking the time to answer my questions. I continue to learn through your words and I can’t wait for the next episode of Raising Hell to come out. Seriously, guys, you have to listen to the show, even if you’re not a parent or not a Satanist.
Stay tuned for even more interviews from our wonderful friends of the Left-Hand Path.
Before I sent in my Church of Satan Membership application, along with my Active Membership Application, I started learning. I learned about Satanism though The Satanic Bible and various texts you can find on the Church of Satan’s website. I explored the reading and the interviews and the movies. I listened to the music and, most influential for me, podcasts. Today I will be posting the first of two interviews with the hosts of my two absolute favorite Podcasts.
This first one is with the host of Confessions of a Wicked Witch on Radio Free Satan. This is where I learned about Lesser Magic, Greater Magic, Rituals, Holidays and so much more. I love listening to the Podcast and look forward to each new post. I find Magistra Ygraine’s voice really soothing, too, so I like to listen to it when I’m trying to relax.
Sit back, pour yourself a glass of wine, and enjoy.
1) Tell me about your Podcast.
Confessions of a Wicked Witch has been on Radio Free Satan for years but we are changing the format. I’d like to surprise folks but I will say that it is high time I take these Confessions to an appropriate authority figure. After all, what good is a confession without a Priest to hear it?
2) What do you think the biggest difference is between a Satanic Witch and a Satanic Warlock, if any?
Other than genitalia, you mean? I prefer to stay on my side of the fence. It is more fun to be charmed by a Satanic man than to analyze his charms.
3) What would you do if all toothpaste suddenly tasted like burnt hair?
Grow mint and make my own.
4) What in your life are you most proud of?
My daughters. My Grandfather. My Mom. My Dad. My connections to humanity that haven’t been ruined by, well, humanity.
5) What is your ideal car?
The family joke is that I started as a minivan Mom and have, intentionally gotten smaller cars to avoid driving people around. My dream car? The Lotus Elon Emma Peel drives in the British series, The Avengers. 2 seater, you’ll notice.
6) If somebody said they would give you $100,000,000 if you punched your best friend in the face, how would you spend your money?
1/2 to the punch-ee. Then, well, ask around. I know how to spend money in truly decadent ways.
7) Is there a part of The Satanic Witch that speaks the loudest to you?
TSW did not automatically “talk” to me. I was too indoctrinated in the WORDS of feminism to notice I was practicing the arts LaVey described, as feminism. I tried, diligently, to shatter the salad dressing tests and the clock, and once again, Dok knew his shit.
8) Describe to me the experience of realizing you were a Satanist.
I think I knew before I knew, if that makes sense. Yet, the first time it came on like a light bulb was in The Black House, sitting with LaVey, happily discussing the Bacall/Bogie movies. I had been so nervous, so sure I would say or do something stupid, that when I snapped to I realized I had never been so comfortable, so me, in a “religious” setting in my whole life.
9) Tell me about The Wicked Witch of the year award.
I can only escape so much of my upbringing and experiences. I come from strong, accomplished women. I have given birth to three strong and accomplished women. As social media allowed more interaction I wanted to use my platform to introduce to Satanists at large, as well as to the mainstream, accomplished Satanic witches. It really is that simple. The rest is just my usual shits & giggles approach to life.
10) Define Satan to me as if I were a Non-Satanist.
I owe this one to Magistra Templi Rex Barton . The Miltonian ideal in Paradise Lost: He who would rather reign in Hell than serve in Heaven. He who will not kneel, will not yield, and will not apologize for his earned pride.
Thank you again to Magistra Ygraine for not only sitting down to take the time to answer my silly questions, but also taking the time to create a podcast that really helped me on my quest to the best life I can have. Her words have given me confidence and strength in my daily life and I hope you all get a chance to read her words.
Have a great day, my Darling Devils and pop by tomorrow for an interview with The Raising Hell Podcast.
Seriously, getting to do these interviews is such an honor. Not only does it allow me to learn more about Satanism from different perspectives, but I also get to make connections within the Satanic communities.
I also want to get our voices out there. Satanists aren’t a quiet people, but we also don’t bother people unless they asked to be bothered. These interviews allow me to show the universe what is really going on in our heads.
So, without further ado, I present the latest…
Our latest victim is Gareth Nelson. He so kindly sent me the above picture so I wouldn’t have to go searching for it. Gareth is, like me, just a regular member waiting for the Active Member application to come back (Soon…).
1) How did you discover you were a Satanist?
At around 14 I started trolling people in school by pretending to be a “satanist” and saying I worship the devil etc etc, then a friend told me “you know Satanists don’t actually worship the devil, right?” and encouraged me to read the satanic bible, which I did overnight – that night I remember thinking “how on earth did this LaVey guy read my mind?”.
I then started calling myself a Satanist, but accurately.
Then at 17 I applied to join the CoS, I was accepted as a registered member at 18 and I’m now 30.
2) Is there a part of the Satanic Bible in particular that speaks to you?
Book of Satan IV, do I need to give the full quote?
Life is a truly precious thing, the most valuable and precious thing in the entire universe to me is my own life.
3) If you were the opposite sex, how would you style your hair?
Long and dyed pink, because that’s hot. Which reminds me, next time my wife dyes her hair I must encourage her to go pink again.
4) Is there anything about Satanism you’d like Non-Satanists to know?
You’ve had the usual answers from others you’ve interviewed: we’re atheists, we’re not those parasites (you know who I mean).
What I would say is “Satanists don’t have to like each other” – although we do often tend to get along, it’s actually expected even amongst members of the CoS that some Satanists will just not like or downright hate each other.
The other thing I’d like people to know is that we seriously mean it when we say we’re against racism – racism is collectivist, we care about individuals. Most of them are dumbasses, so it’s not about “we’re all the same inside”, it’s more “your ethnic group is irrelevant”.
I’ve noticed a weird tendency recently to make out that the CoS is some sort of neo nazi group, naturally we’re nothing of the sort – but the herd will never truly “get it” anyway. The comments on social media (such as on Twitter) are definitely a strong reminder of how different we are, non-satanists truly do seem to have some kind of reasoning deficit and it’s sometimes a little scary.
5) What is your favourite band?
Can I name two? If I had to name only one, I mainly listen to Nine Inch Nails – I often call Trent Reznor’s music my “coding fuel” – it’s the stuff I blast on headphones while coding stuff people consider impossible.
As a diversion, I happen to consider software to be a form of magic, there’s a reason why complex and clever code is often referred to by coders as “black magic” – I would say that they’re onto something.
If I could name two, I’d also name Jimi Hendrix as well. That’s almost a cliché amongst guitarists (I’m a guitarist myself) to name Hendrix (or Steve Vai), but the man was truly a genius with the things he did, some of which is near impossible to replicate without a lot of practice and hard work.
6) If kittens had stingers, would you still love them?
I’d love them even more, cats are already satanic little fuckers with claws and a full command of lesser magic (“I’m cute and fluffy, obey me and feed me”) – imagine if they backed that up with stingers, they’d form little kitten armies and dominate the world. (The Author like this idea)
7) Do you have a piece of Satanic merch that is your favorite?
I’m not big on “merch” to be honest, my ritual chamber has some basic stuff in it – a Baphomet cloth, black candles and ritual blade etc, if that counts as “merch”.
That said, I am quite fond of the “Proud CoS member” t-shirt from iSatanist, it’s somewhat childish but I love the odd looks I get when wearing it in public – even better when helping my disabled son get around in his wheelchair, it really messes with people’s mental image of what a Satanist is. (Hell yeah)
8) When was the last time you performed a ritual?
I don’t like to discuss rituals in public, at least not in detail, I will say that as time goes on I find myself entering the ritual chamber less often and relying more on lesser magic to get what I want.
I do still sometimes ritualise on top of more mundane manipulation tactics, or where I feel I’ve gone “off-track” in some way.
9) If you could only drink one beverage for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Caffeinated virgin mojito – absolutely love the taste of mojito, but hate alcohol. Best times in my life have been when I’ve had my brain operating at peak capacity and my intellect is very precious to me, so i’ve never enjoyed being drunk.
Caffeine on the other hand, caffeine is awesome – and so is the taste of mint and lime. Especially served icy cold with a nice sirloin steak and soft cheese.
Excuse me while I fantasize about steak….
10) Define Satan.
Satan is me.
Ok, let me elaborate – Satan is a symbol for my potential, that little voice inside pushing me to do better, to be greater than I am. Satan is my inner drive, the black flame – to put it less poetically, Satan is a symbol that I strongly identify with.
In christian mythology Satan is the guy who pointed to Jehovah and said “you are wrong”. That is only one mythology among many, LaVey pointed out many examples of the devil archetype in different cultures. The point is, Satan is a role model, something to aspire to – the outsider.
Satanism is ultimately about a brutal rejection of spiritual delusion and a celebration of reality as it actually is, and Satan is the symbol of those of us who make that rejection.
Ladies and Gents, Boos and Ghouls, I hope you’re still loving these and haven’t yet gotten sick of me… No you can never get sick of me. I really love that people are willing to answer my silly questions with thoughtful answers. We are learning a lot together.
Two more Infernal Interviews are lined up, but I’m sure more are coming after that.
First things first. I did not create the title. My current interview victim did.
I was going to save this one for tomorrow, but since this morning’s post was, uh, interesting, I decided to end today on a really positive note. I’ve been doing these interviews with people who are members of the Church of Satan and while they have been so much fun, I also have a selfish reason for doing them. It helps me learn.
I’m a Baby Satanist. I’ve only been calling myself a Satanist for a year and a half now and became a Member of the Church of Satan just a few months ago. Right now, I’m still, and will always be, studying and attempting to learn. I know what I think Satanism is about, but no two Satanists are alike, which means I have a lot to learn.
That being said, here is our newest victim in what will hopefully be a long line of interviews. I proudly present: *Trumpet Sounds*
Church of Satan Warlock Robert Leuthold
Sit back, turn down the lights, and enjoy…
1) Why did Satanism appeal to you before you joined the Church of Satan?
I read a King Diamond interview way back in ’97 and got the Satanic Bible (my first copy of many) shortly afterwards. I was all of seventeen, so I went right into First Phase, with the expected disastrous results.
I read the book again in my mid-twenties, with a lot more maturity and life experience, It all made sense, and I saw myself reflected in the Satanic Bible. Little did my Catholic Mom know she raised me as one.
2) Which of the 11 Satanic Rules of the Earth speaks to you the most?
With the social climate of late, I’d say “Do not make sexual advances unless you are given the mating signal” Consent is key. Satanists are supposed to be the highest embodiment of human life, after all. You can’t project that while being a creeper who ignores consent.
3) Is there a misconception people have about disabilities that you’d like to clear up?
Well, there are a few. First and foremost, bluntly:
There’s a pretty big misconception that the wheelchair somehow affects my dick, it doesn’t (once you go gimp, you walk with a limp, after all).
Second, some Satanists misconstrue the concept of Might Is Right, and somehow think that my disability somehow makes me unfit to be a Satanist. That logic is as lame as my legs. (You made me snort laughing)
4) If there was a Spaceship in the sky about to fire the lasers, what would you do?
Join the aliens and pick out targets. First? Justin Bieber.
5) What about Satanism would you like Non-Satanists to understand?
Non-Satanists never will, it’s like kicking water uphill, or trying to make me ballroom dance. Aside from the obvious atheism, and that the statue guys aren’t us? That Satanists aren’t drug addled illiterate metal heads that sacrifice animals.
I know my blog is called I’m a Satanist and…, but if you would have done your research, you’d know that true Satanists just use Satan as an external, fictional representation of my best self free from Abrahamic laws. I don’t actually believe that there is a real devil as described by various religions. I say this because I am also referencing the Satan Characters from all of the other religions.
There are people out there, however, who do believe in the Christian Satan and worship him as though he were real. We call these people Devil Worshippers and they make life hard for real Satanists who subscribe to the teachings of LaVey.
We who stand with The Church of Satan find ourselves constantly battling these people because they make us look really fucking bad. Just like with people who believe in God, Allah, Odin, or whatever, I say this:
Seek help for your delusions and leave us alone.
Seriously. You Devil Worshippers are make Satanists look so bad. We are constantly having to battle these perceptions that we are animal-killing, blood-drinking crazies who dance in circles around fire in the forest during the night in order to bring forth the devil for our Black Magic. I mean, the last part is pretty close but that’s just me. I like fires and dancing…
So, I fucking interviewed one.
EXTRA EXTRA WARNING: These views are NOT of the Church of Satan or Satanists. I interviewed a DEVIL WORSHIPPER!! Very different.
1- How did you first discover Satan?
I have discovered Satan in church, believe it or not.
I have always been the one to analyze things and really dissect things. Reading this evil ‘bible’ for what it is, I began to question things.. How a ‘god’ could just demand blood sacrifice and slavish worship upon everyone. But that’s something Churches don’t want you to know. Christian churches don’t want you to read the Bible for yourself, they only tell you which parts to read. They mainly want to induce you into a hypnosis state during the program to access your subconscious and further brainwash through fear. This is how it works, they essentially bore you(into fear) to get you to believe the biggest lie ever fabricated, apart from this Holocaust lie.
2- What is your relationship with religion?
Well, religion in itself actually means “to bind” in Latin. Liagre to bind, ‘re’ meaning again. I will not oblige myself to follow anyone’s religion(bindings)
“We used to bow before Kings and Emperors, now we bow only to the truth, and follow only love.” Khalil Gibran. Satya Satnam Satan literally translates into ‘truth’ in Sanskrit, ask any Hindu.
3- If the Hulk and the Predator were in battle, who would you bet on?
4- If you die and find out that we are TOTALLY wrong, what would you say to the real maker of the Universe?
“Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason, than that of blindfolded fear.”-Thomas Jefferson
5- Garlic bread… yes or no?
Yes, however I do not eat dead animal remains. That’s disgusting and cruel. Animals are our friends. (The Author did not ask this…)
6- Do you perform any types of rituals? If so, are you willing to describe them for me?
I perform invocation and evocation rituals, mantras, and reverse Torah rituals, basically reversing the spell They have inflicted on the World through blood sacrifice and power. Rituals are essentially putting yourself into a trance like state and communicating with our gods, ‘demons’ into your Astral altar. Remember Lavey himself stated demons are real entities.
7- If you had a familiar, what would it be and why?
I would like to make my cat my familiar, but he is old.
8- You hear the World has begun a nuclear war. What is the first thing you do?
Om Namah Shivaya (That sounds delicious)
9- If the Christian God is real, what would you tell him?
If you research Ancient Sumeria, Jehova(Jewish God) is Enlil, Enki’s half-brother. ENLIL is the one who drowns humanity because they were too “noisy”. SATAN/Enki prevents that by calling on one of his humans(that Enki created. Enki is our creator God. This is proven) to survive(‘Noah’s ark’) and repopulate along with were animals and other humans.
10- Define Magic.
Magic is in anything and everything. Magic is all around us. Our words are magic. Our thoughts are magic. People don’t understand how powerful words are.
Because magic has survived and is slowly overpowering religion is because magic is stronger. Religion is an offshoot of magic. Religion does not have roots of its own, lacking strength. Magic is real, so it commands belief.
REMINDER: These are not the views of the Church of Satan.
Also, I am not going to say who I interviewed, even if you ask nicely. I’m just trying to learn and pass on what I find out to you, my Darling Devils. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE NOTE THAT THESE ARE THE VIEWS OF A DEVIL WORSHIPPER AND NOT A SATANIST. Also these answers are fucking nuts, so.
I hope you all have a great day, Friends of the Infernal Flame!
No, not the kind of Witch with warts and a long nose who throws newt’s eyes into bubbling cauldrons to make potions that make me immortal. Nor do I lure little children away into the night to suck away their life force to make myself beautiful. No, I am something much more powerful. I am a Satanic Witch.
I would like to make it clear that I am not (yet) a Second Degree Active Member of the Church of Satan, which means a person has moved up from Member to Active Member to Witch/Warlock. There are other levels to the Hierarchy that you can find on the Church of Satan’s website, but I’m not going to touch on those during this post.
For this post is all about Satanic Witches and what I feel it means to be a Satanic Witch. I highly recommend reading The Satanic Witch if you haven’t already because it is a really great guide to figuring out if you even are a Satanic Witch, what kind of Satanic Witch you are, and what the hell that means.
I find myself falling into two different types of Satanic Witches. I am both pretty and an old grandma. I know it seems a little oxymoronic, but that’s who I am. Let me explain a little further.
I like to bake. I really love making sweet baked goods for people, as well as big meals if I have the space to host. I love to feed people and send them home with enough leftovers to fill their bellies for days to come. I am only 24 years old, but my friends will sometimes call me Grandma Lauren because I like to watch Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy, hang out with my cats, cook, bake, and (if my insomnia allows) get to bed before 10.
I am also a beautiful. I am! It’s taken me a long time to realize this and call myself beautiful, but it’s part of what makes me a Satanic Witch. I am able to use these eyes and hips to draw people in and help get what I want. This is not to say that I am luring men into the shadows to kill them by flashing them a glimpse of my ankle. Not at all. But, if my pretty smile helps me get a job over a different candidate, you damn well know I’m going to be flashing them these pearly whites throughout the entire interview! Know what you’ve got and make it work for you. With that in mind, let us begin talking about…
Lesser Magic: What I find the most interesting about Lesser Magic is the fact that it is called “Lesser”. I understand that it means the difference between ritual-induced universal influence VS flirting… Lesser magic is literally how you sell yourself. I’m a pretty baker so when I need something I can flutter my lashes and offer a cookie to get what I need. (They’re homemade and I only use Amish butter so there’s a lot of flavor from that fat…. yum!) I digress.
I honestly think that Lesser Magic is the most powerful magic available to the Satanic Witch because we have the ability to use it on the daily. This can also happen over messages, too, if you are, like me, better with the written word than with spoken word. To be fair, I am good at poetry, but you know what I mean. Lesser Magic is known as manipulative or Non-ritual magic. Then, there is something we use that is called…
Greater Magic: Greater Magic is ritual magic. This is the kind of magic that will cause people to point and scream “BLACK MAGIC” or “DEVIL WORSHIP” and crap like that. That’s bullshit. First off, there’s no such thing as black magic or white magic, there are only delusional people who trick themselves into thinking that they aren’t performing a ritual for selfish reasons. BREAKING NEWS: Everything you do is selfish so just learn to deal with it.
Greater Magic must take place during a ritual. If you haven’t done a ritual yet, I highly recommend it because it made me feel so calm afterwards. Basically, a ritual is done if a Satanist has done everything possible to influence the world physically. Let me give an example. Last year I was interviewed for a job and I went in and did really well and filled out what they wanted me to fill out and graduated college so I could start working right away and then… I waited. I waited and waited and waited and the weight of the waiting was so heavy that I found that all I could do was sit there and wonder if they were going to call me. That’s no way to live! I was wasting my time!
So, I performed a compassion ritual with two of my Satanist friends so that I might sway the mind’s of those thinking of hiring me. I left the ritual finally feeling like I had done everything possible! The choice was far out of my hands and all I could do was hope that my curse would work.
It did! Two days later I got a call and had been hired as a Drama Teacher! 23 years old and straight out of college! Now, I’m not saying that magic is real like in Harry Potter. As cool as that would be, I just don’t buy it. BUT I do believe that Magic is real.
Magic, to me, is very small. Unless we go into the ritual chamber, magic comes to us in the form of being able to make the best box cake anybody has ever tasted. Maybe its finding a full bottle of alcohol on the side of the road one day. Maybe it’s something scientific we just don’t have a name for yet. Hell, we barely understand Gravity.
During a recent interview with a Witch of the Church of Satan, I asked her a quick follow-up question and I basically got the answer I expected.
How do you think being a Satanic Witch differs from being a Satanic Warlock?
“My first impulse is to say that Witches have Vaginas and Warlocks have penises, but even that rule has exceptions. There’s certainly no different standard for one over the other. When I try to imagine what I would be like as a warlock, the only difference of any significance is that I would have different secondary sexual characteristics. But they would be really significant! I mean, my cock, it would be monstrously huge!” -Heidee Nytes
(If you’d like to read more of that interview, click here).
Damn, I love Satanists.
If you would like to know more about what it means to be a Satanist or a Satanic Witch, I would take a look at a podcast that I listen to. She hasn’t posted since March, but I promise that Confessions of a Wicked Witch with Magistra Ygraine because she is so brilliant. Her voice is very soothing to me so I like to just listen to calm down every now and then. Another fun part of the podcast is the Wicked Witch of the Year Award. This is pretty straight forward, but if you would like to know more, please go listen to the podcast. It’s so good, as are all of the hosts and shows on Radio Free Satan.
Well, I hope you have a Devilish Day my Dark Darlings!