My Boyfriend Is Not

26219858_10208874511180334_6240785577136395878_n
Two of my Loves

Man, is this guy special. I am very, very lucky to have this Dylan in my life. Seriously, I couldn’t imagine my life without him now that I know what it’s like to see him every day and be able to love him.

No, he is not a Satanist, but he is an atheist. I mean, I am an atheist, too, but while I was finding myself within Satanism, he was not, and that’s totally fine. As I said before, I once dated a Hardcore Christian, and one of the most annoying things of that relationship was him always trying to push his religion onto me. Ugh. Everybody knows that person, almost always Christian, who wants to save you. I’m not here to do that. If people have questions, I’ll answer them, but I’m not here to pester anybody.

So, Dylan is great, because he supports me in anything I am interested in, even if I’m not good at it. I hope that I treat him the way he deserves to be treated, even if I did accidentally take his debit card to work with me today.

27971918_10209094367636608_1604478538069860168_n.jpg
Our first picture together

We actually met on Tindr, which I never thought could work for anything but hooking up and leaving. He was actually my first ever Tindr date and he actually came to work with me. Not school, the Lighting Design one. Honestly, I didn’t believe in love at first sight until that moment I saw him waiting for me in the lobby looking lost. I know that sounds stupid, but I swear it’s true. I went up to him while his back was towards me and said

“Looking for somebody?”

And that was it. We spent all but around 15 days together since then and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’ve been in a few relationships before this one and this is the first time I’ve wanted to be around the other person every moment of every day. We can just be ourselves around each other and that means not leaving the house and, for me, changing from Pjs to new Pjs. I like comfort.

We have been together for a year and four months now and live together with our sweet babies. I come home every day excited to see him and the boys.

26219858_10208874511180334_6240785577136395878_n
Albert not giving a single shit

So, I don’t think it matters to him that I’m a Satanist… especially since he has tattoos that would make a Christian have a heart attack. He’s pretty special to me. I’m very lucky to be able to have found somebody who is this wonderful.

Also, Since he is so important to me, the selfishness and want to improve my life I feel extends to him, as well as other important people in my life, such as my Mom. I’m very proud of all that he has done and I will continue to lift him up in any way I can… unless it involves feet.

The only thing we can’t agree on is milk. He doesn’t drink dairy milk and that’s whatever, I don’t care, I just don’t think he should be allowed to call the stuff he drinks “milk” because it’s not. Because it comes from a coconut. It’s juice.

I hope you all have a wonderful night, my loves.

HS!

LH

P.S. He has a blog, too, so here’s a shamless plug for that. If you like movies, especially horror, check this shit out https://wp.wwu.edu/jmassacre3/

I Don’t Sacrifice Animals

28168200_10209167351221152_8064416194669019783_n
Albert Asmodeus Einstein with his lip stuck

Meet my sweet kittens! They are my little fur babies and I spoil them to a disgusting degree. They have dry food at all times and get wet food twice per day; They get treats and various toys, though they prefer used ear swabs and tampon wrappers. I got them a year and a half apart and both off of Craigslist.

(I promise this isn’t just a post about my cats. There’s some substance at the bottom)

25551994_10208743192177441_8880730926816457729_n
Edwin Lucifer Hubble asleep with his tongue out

My boyfriend and I let these cats walk all over us. Literally, it doesn’t matter what we are doing, as long as we are sitting down, one of the cats is laying on one of use, or trying to lay on one of us. Edwin, the elder, is quiet but pushy, which is really cute. He comes up silently beside you and will attempt to walk into whatever part of your lap, stomach, or chest he can squeeze onto. If you allow him access, he will start laying down. This process can take up to three minutes as he tries to find the best place to lay. if you DENY him access, he will push and then back off and try another angle and push from there. Sometimes, he pretends to leave so that he can get your guard down and then jumps up out of nowhere and you’ve lost. I literally went through this at the beginning of this paragraph.

IMG_20180408_165148.jpg
“Damn it, Edwin”

Albert, my sweet kitten, is so loud. He, too will approach calmly, as Edwin does, seeking to lay down peacefully. If you allow him access, he will lay down quickly and purr his heart out. He also will move constantly because he gets excited about getting love. if you don’t just let him on, he will yell at you and ram his head into you until you submit. And you will. He is still small enough to work around so you end up getting more done with him on you than you would getting yelled at the whole time.

Our boys are big talkers normally and like to just randomly yell at things like posters, the toilet, us or each other. They’re really sweet and will sometimes sleep together, but prefer to sleep with us during the night and play during the day, with some naps sprinkled in. When we are gone, they can get a little naughty. Well, a lot naughty.

25348459_10208714067609345_6540818016629842503_n
Albert gazing upon his latest kill

Just yesterday, we were around for one of their crazy times and Edwin fell over the open gate of their sun room and Albert flew off the counter, apparently aiming for the fridge, and ended up smacking flat onto the door. It was great. Also, their little sun room is a dog crate that I put them in to take them outside. As I’ve said, they’re very spoiled. They also get cat grass sometimes, but not all of the time because they like to just rip it out of the dirt.

My boyfriend and I are never alone in the house. Either one or both of them will fallow us from room to room, even going so far as to wait by the door when we leave.

Our bathroom door is broken and in order to keep the cats from coming in, we open one of the drawers. This means that the door is still about an inch open and, despite having failed many times, the boys will try to squeeze their little faces through to be with who ever is in there. It’s really funny and really sweet.

All in all, this post could have just been “I love my cats” end of story, but I wanted to introduce them to the world because they’re so unique. My cats are the best cats. But I also wanted to talk about the fact that people think Satanists sacrifice animals in rituals. No. We don’t and I don’t appreciate being tagged as an animal murderer by people. Well, unless you’re vegan because that doesn’t count. But, seriously, animals are far better than people in every way and I go to great lengths to avoid hurting all animals. Once, I changed lanes to avoid hitting a toad. The only thing I can think that humans have over animals is tacos. Besides, all the animal abusers and killers I’ve ever known were of faith.

29386713_10209347325320392_3099006594134835200_o.jpg
Waiting to watch somebody pee

FUN FACT: When I was dating a Hardcore Chrtistian, he told me how he wants his wedding to be. No guests, just one witness, a preacher, and the two to be wed. (Now, I don’t remember all of the animals involed, but i’ll do my best). He said it must be in a field in a valley. There, the groom with cut the enimals in half and drags a half to each side of the valley so that the blood runs down into the middle. Some of the animals I remember are an ox, a lamb, a pigeon, and a dove. I know there were more, but I can’t remember them. Then the couple will stand on one side of the river of blood and the holy man will be on the other. The couple would then say some words, which I don’t remember because fuck that, the pastor tells them to say, walking through the blood as they do. When the are done, they will be married to each other and to God. Then the animals will be cooked and eaten at a party with friends and family.

I promise you this is true. Hand on my Science textbook and takeout menu. If somebody reads this and gets all up in arms over it, then I don’t know what to tell you, because he was a hardcore CRC member and apparently insane. Satanist, as I’ve said before, don’t animals unless in danger or for food. Satanists don’t need to stoop to such pathetic levels in order to perform successful rituals.

So, people might want to update their beliefs on where evil really lives in the world.

Enjoy your Sunday. I’m going to get some tacos and I’ll be back tomorrow for my birthday!

HS!

LH

I Am A Lighting Designer

As I’ve mentioned before, I am a Middle and High School Drama teacher in the Pacific Northwest, but that doesn’t really pay a lot, especially since I’m only a part-time teacher. So, on the side, I also work as a Theatrical Lighting Designer.

“What does a Theatrical Lighting Designer do, Lauren?”

I’m glad you asked.

FB_IMG_1523121898428
Me working as a Light Board Operator

Well, a Lighting Designer in a theatrical setting is responsible for, well, giving the show light in a way that is artistic, but doesn’t distract from the play; giving basic light to the show, but without making it boring or flat; trying to manage complementing all of the costumes, sets, and actors while also matching the tone of the script as well as the Director’s “vision”.

So, the first thing I do when I get a script, is read it three times. The first time, I read it to enjoy it. I just want to go through the story and read it. NEVER watch another production this early in the game because you don’t want to be influenced by another Lighting Designer’s design for a specific show.

The second time I read through a script, I read it for comprehension. I want to find out what is going on below the surface of the characters and the play itself. Something that is important is how characters relate to each other and how they feel about the environments they’re interacting with. Are they in a spooky forest with their lover? Is this character alone in their childhood home? What if that home just burned down? All of these things will inform your design.

The third time I read the script is my technical reading. I want to see where the scene changes are, where any blackouts should be. Pro Tip: Don’t use too many blackouts, because when the stage goes dark, it’s a really powerful statement. I also look at time of day, what kind of building they are in, what time of year we are set in, as well as time period. Why? Because a Denny’s in 1980’s New York City at 11:30pm is going to have different lighting that a cabin in the mid 1800’s at high noon. Dig, dog?

Well, all of this also has to match up with the Director’s “Vision”, which is their idea of how the play should look when presented opening night. This can either be very, very easy or absolute HELL to work with. It all depends on the Director. If you find a good Director, stick with them. If they like your work, or like working with you, you’ll always have a job and they’ll push to get you paid more if they can.

Why does this matter if YOU’RE the designer of the lights? Well, because you might be doing the classic Our Town, but your Director envisions it taking place in a world where humans evolved in caves. These would require two very different designs.

The nest thing you’ll do is find out what kind of lights you’re going to have, how many the theatre has, where the lights are located in the theatre, and what kind of board they have.

FB_IMG_1523121820526
Average Light Board

You need to know these things because you have to prepare to price, purchase, rent, design, focus, hang, and go into dress rehearsal. Producers and Directors will want you to go in and purchase exactly what you need so that when you get into the theatre you can use a team to move the lights where they need to be moved right away. This also includes adding gels. Gels are these very thin sheets of colored or textured plastic-y material that change the color of the light. You can also use these fun little things called gobos, which are these little metal or glass discs that are used to sculpt the light into a design that can be seen on stage.

The faster this is done, the faster you can move into writing cues. This just means you go onto the light board and tell the computer which lights it should turn on; how quickly they should rise and fall; how bright they should be; and, if you have LEDs, what color the light should be. LED lights allow for amazing color variety and this allows your design freedom that traditional lights don’t provide. Sometimes, like in the show I am currently working, you’ll have multiple light boards with no computer to write cues into.

After all of this, you’re ready for the cue to cue. This means that the actors put on their makeup and costumes and move from each scripted cue, such as entrances and exits, and technical cues, such as light, sound, and set cues. This is just a good way to make sure there aren’t any design issues in the show. It’s a good way to see how the light works with the final colors on stage; see any shadows or bright spots; and make sure your design fits with the Director’s vision.

If all of this goes smoothly, you give the cues you’ve written to your Stage Manager (Aka God of the Theatre) and then hang out until the end of Hell Week to make sure the Stage Manager is calling your cues correctly and they’re coming up at the right times. You’ll also be asked to train or manage the Spot Light Operators, telling them where you want them to focus their beams and, if you have multiple SPOs, who should take which character during scenes where they both need to have their lamps on.

Once the show opens, you’re done and can take a long break… sometimes. Other times, especially in small theatres, you’ll be asked to run the light board, too. This will be the case more often than not early on in a career. You won’t often get paid more, if you’re getting paid at all, but you’ll get a good reputation and that is far more valuable in the theatre world.

Well, there it is! I hope you have a wonderful day, Thespians!

HS!

LH

I’ve Noticed Something…

I’ve been using my relaxing time to watch Buzzfeed Unsolved. I want to start off by saying that I really love Shane and Ryan and I really appreciate the hard work they do in order to bring us these wonderful, funny, interesting videos. Some of my favorites include “The Grizzly Murders of Jack The Ripper“, “The Suspicious Assassination of JFK“, and “The Shocking Case of O.J. Simpson“, though all of their videos deserve a watch. Yes, including the ones where Ryan craps his pants in the dark because he thinks there are ghosts and demons. Shane is hilarious.

All that being said, I’ve noticed that they have a bad habit of throwing Satanists under the bus. The first time I noticed this was when I was watching their video “Three Terrifying Cases of Ghosts and Demons” and somewhere around the 37 minute mark, they mention a woman who was thought to be a “Satan Worshiper”. I didn’t think too much about it at first because I am not, in fact, a Satan Worshiper, I am a Lauren Worshiper. Then, around a minute later, they went and threw out the big “S” word. Well, the priest they were speaking to said “Satanic Cult”.

Screen Shot 2018-04-06 at 11.45.58 AM
Above: NOT a Satanic Symbol

Couple things. I would have kept my mouth shut if we had stuck with “Satan Worshiper” or “Devil Worshipers” or “Lunatics”, but we didn’t. They went to “Satanic Cult.” First thing, Satanists don’t do cults and those who are members of the Church of Satan, like myself, aren’t part of a cult. Cults control you, which is the opposite of what Satanism is about.

“But, but, but Lauren! There are RITUALS in Satanism!”
Why yes… yes there are, but they’re total psychodrama meant to make the participants feel as if they’ve done everything they’ve physically can to sway their desired outcome in their favor and now need to shed the weight of worrying so that they can push forward onto other endeavors. That being said, never deny the power of magic. If you perform a ritual and it works, make sure you give credit where credit is due. That being said, I want it to be clear that I, personally, don’t believe in magic as something supernatural, but rather something natural that we don’t yet have a name or explanation for. But, hey, I moved on, because people get things wrong sometimes.

Then, it happened again. I was watching the video “The Disturbing Mystery of the Jamison Family“. At 16:45, the boys mention that the father in the missing family was reading “a Satanic Bible”. Okay, so let us say this is true. Maybe he was reading The Satanic Bible. So what? Anybody who has taken a look into The Satanic Bible written by Anton LaVey (because anything else that claims to be a “Satanic Bible” is BS) will know that there’s nothing evil about it. It makes clear that Satanism is about being an individual and making sure you have a successful life because there is no afterlife; Nobody is controlling your life besides you. But, I kept on watching, because, as I’ve said before, I really like these guys as people and they make me laugh.

But then it happened again! I was watching the video on the freaking Illuminati, which is wrapped in mystery enough itself, when all of a sudden I hear “The third theory is that the New World Order is connected to the Anti-Christ because the Illuminati are Satanists” before going on to quote a book from Pat Robertson saying that Satanists were responsible for “The French Revolution, The Communist Manifesto, and the creation of The Federal Reserve”.

At this point, I had to pause the video because I was laughing so hard. That’s when I looked up and saw this:

Screen Shot 2018-04-06 at 12.24.24 PM
Again, the symbol used above is NOT SATANIC

This was making me laugh so much at this point that my cat came over to check on me. Guys, maybe the people who created these things were Satanists in their heart, but they wouldn’t have even known what to call it or, if they did have Satanism as it is now, I doubt they would have ever admitted to it OR have also been a part of the Illuminati. I mean, sure, I’ll let you think they were the Illuminati, but they weren’t Satanists.

And then… my favorite. “The Demonic Goatman’s Bridge” video! Oh my goodness. So, here’s the basics of the story. Basically, they say that there is a demon that… haunts(?) the bridge because Satanists have been performing rituals on the bridge.

Screen Shot 2018-04-06 at 12.32.06 PM
This is very close to a Satanic symbol

No, guys, just, no. Satanists, real Satanists, don’t believe in Demons. Satan isn’t real, Lucifer isn’t real. None of that. People who worship Lucifer are called Devil Worshippers and are closer to Christians than Satanists. Also, Satanists tend to perform rituals in private, safe areas because they are private events that we don’t want to be interrupted.

They then did a BS ritual with protection circles and other white magic crap. Ryan had stated that there had been evidence of people doing rituals on the bridge and they had the following exchange.

Screen Shot 2018-04-06 at 12.32.33 PM
What the hell

As I’ve stated before, Satanists don’t believe in the same thing Ryan believes. We are very practical people and don’t believe that there are ghosts or demons or Lucifer or gods or any of that crap. You’re on a bridge and you’re freaking yourself out.

Then, later in the same video, they said there were often Satanic Rituals carried out in the woods and that animal bones were often found there. They said that the town went so far as to stop selling cats because so many were turning up dead in the aforementioned forest.

Screen Shot 2018-04-06 at 12.45.54 PM
Another not Satanic symbol

First of all, fuck you. I’m sorry, but this actually hurt my feelings. I love cats. You know, I love all animals, but cats especially. I have two, in fact, named Edwin and Albert, who I spoil rotten. I also used to foster sick and young kittens before they were put up for adoption at a local animal shelter.

Second of all, if you had done your research, you would have seen the Eleven Satanic Rules of the Earth, as seen blow:

blackthorne-eleven-rules-earth-lg
Available for Download at The Church of Satan Website

I’ll bring your attention to Number 10: “Do not kill non-human animals unless you are attacked or for your food”. This literally means that humans are animals, too, and we shouldn’t hurt non-human animals unless we need to stay alive because we are starving or being attacked.

This whole video was a mess, but I still love the boys. I just want them to do their research. And they are, by no means, the only ones. I also noticed two videos, called “5 Nightmarish Facts about the Mysterious and Legendary Chupacabra” and “5 Most Mysterious & Secret Societies on the Planet“, both of which are videos from the channel Top 5s. Again, I greatly enjoy the videos this channel creates and have watched a lot of them, I’m just pointing these out because they have inaccuracies.

All in all, I just want to not be labeled as an evil person who kills cats and summons demons, because I’m not. If you are somebody who is trying to do good, in-depth journalism, you can contact the Church of Satan directly here. I am NOT a spokesperson, I’m just a Member of the Church of Satan who wants to be a little bit more understood.

Have a good rest of your day, my loves.

HS!

LH

I Love Easter

29793629_10209481791641966_7394672310533378008_n
My Easter Best

Hey guys, it’s been a while and I’m sorry for the silence. I was really busy with school stuff and FINALLY made it to Spring Break, so I was relaxing. That being said, I did have to go to Easter.

Here’s the thing to know about my family 25% of them are various flavors of Christian; 25% are outright atheist or agnostic; the rest are, as I call them, Fake Christian. We all know and roll our eyes at the Fake Christians when they spend their normal Sundays watching football, nursing hangovers, sleeping in, or letting themselves relax in various ways, never once stepping into a church unless it’s Christmas, Easter or the like. Once and while, some of them might go to church if they’re asked to go by a Real Christian, but they probably wouldn’t go otherwise.

My Dad is a Fake Christian. I spoke about him briefly in my post about gun control. I think my Dad has gone to church 15 times since he moved away from his parents house, whenever that was, though when he first moved to Washington State to be with me, he was very worried about making sure there was a church nearby. Since he’s moved here, he hasn’t gone to church except for, maybe, a wedding… it may have been a funeral, I can’t tell them apart. Same thing with my Grandma, who is an alcoholic. I have a fun family.

Now, I don’t give a shit about this, but it comes up a lot during Christmas and Easter and, if you recall, Easter just passed on by. As a Satanist, I do my best to make the best out of this stupid, confusing holiday. Basically, I love cheap chocolate covered marshmallows for a nasty amount. How cheap? 12 chocolate covered marshmallows for $1.08 after tax. I have three boxes in my freezer right now. Trust me, the cheap ones are the best. Well, these treats are pretty seasonal to Easter so I make sure to tell the Easter Bunny (AKA Mom) that I ONLY want chocolate covered marshmallows. She always delivers.

I also really enjoy hiding eggs from children and watching them find them because they’re struggling and I laugh. Since Easter fell on April 1st this year, my mom filled the eggs with either chocolate, hardboiled eggs, or raw broccoli. We also told the kids that we had hidden an egg with a $20 inside, but that was a lie. It was the best.

So, yes, I love Easter. But, at the same time, I hate Easter. I fucking hate it. So, I do try to protest it in my own little way, as you can tell by the outfit I wore to Easter. I also wore a pentagram necklace, because I do every day.

So, I hate Easter because of the previously mentioned Fake Christians because they make us pray. One time, I was dating a Hardcore Christian (Don’t ask), my Dad asked him to “say a few words” so he stood up, put his hand on my shoulder, and started praying. I was so mad I shook his arm off of me. Dad was upset about that later.

The reason I hate the Fake Christians and their forcing their Fake Christianity on us during Easter is that they don’t practice these beliefs the rest of the time, besides Christmas, and they can’t explain the bunny and eggs to me. Like, I don’t care, but when they get all high and mighty about the holiday they only care about because they want to get into an imaginary place after death and think that their god won’t notice that their fucking liars. ALSO WTF IS THE BUNNY AND THE EGGS? At least the religion you stole it from had them as the symbols of fertility, but unholy shit, none of it makes sense from the Christian standpoint. Well, other than making the pagans conform to Christian values.

But, in the end, I get chocolate covered marshmallows and that makes me happy.

Hail Chocolate Covered Marshmallows and Hail Satan, my Sweet Bunnies.

LH

I’m Getting a Massage

As I’ve said before, I’m a teacher and right now my school is on spring break! During this break, I am going to be focusing on me. Me needs some love. Sadly, school starts back up on my birthday, which is a Monday, so I won’t really be able to celebrate one the day of my birth. So, instead, I’m celebrating for the entire week beforehand.

My first present to me is a massage because I fell on stage a few weeks ago and my head bounced off the deck, giving me whiplash, making this massage for relaxing and for medical reasons.

Later, redoing my hair and baking with my love.

We shall see what else the week brings. Ideas? Message below and let me know.

HS!

LH