I Hate Lady-fied Words

In the Theatre, we have sort of moved away from using “actress”. Some people still use it if a bunch of actors are in a room and they need to point at a lady next to a bunch of dudes and need to distinguish her from the others, but normally we’d just describe the actor.

People very obviously get irritated when people say things such as “Female Prosecutor” and “Woman Professor” because it indicated that having a woman as whatever is being described is abnormal. For example, “I was driving to Wal-Mart and this fucking lady truck driver cut me off!”. Now, I’m not saying the speaker hates women, it just implies that truck drivers can’t be ladies and people get pissed at that.

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So, can we just all agree to stop lady-fying words that are perfectly fine as they are. I was on Twitter recently and somebody had tweeted something that called a woman a “Shero”. They had mixed together “Hero” and “She” in order to lady-fy it and I’m sure they meant to do it in order to fight the patriarchy but here’s the thing: Hero is not a gendered word. I’m a lady and if ever anybody calls me a hero for some reason, my reaction would not be “excuse me, sir, but I am a woman”.

Hero comes from the Greek and meant “Protector” or “Defender”, though I did find one definition that translated it as “Safeguard”. It’s just a word and a word that doesn’t contain, at least in my eyes, any sexism.

Another example of this is “Shemale’ which is an informal, offensive way to describe a guy who looks feminine, a masculine woman, a trans woman, and more. This does have an offensive, sexist definition and is a word that I do not use. It’s a word that is meant to hurt people and separate them into something not normal.

So, this blending of words in order to make them feminist is very strange. I know some words were created with the idea of “women are lesser” in mind, but I don’t think we should be gendering somebody’s greatest moment.

Let’s say you’re a woman and you’ve done something amazing. You’re a firefighter who saved a kid from a burning building and the news is interviewing you and they ask you “What does it like to be a Shero?”. That would irritate me because it’s taking attention away from the incredible act. It makes people think about “wait, Shero. What’s that. Oh, because she’s a woman who is a hero”. I don’t want them thinking about that! I would want them thinking about how I’m an amazing firefighter! I’m not, but ya know what I’m saying.

So, let’s maybe focus on some more important shit like how a lying sex-offender is controlling The United States.

I’ll be back later, my Lovely Lucifers.

HS!

LH

This is my “Me Too”

Listen, if this post isn’t something you want to hear about, click away now. I don’t want shitty comments on here because it isn’t productive. So if you’re going to be a twat, find the nearest exit (which may be behind you) and exit the plane.

So, I had a man force himself on me. I know, I’m being very blunt but I don’t want to sugarcoat this in any way.

Two years ago I was on the bus home from University and, as we were rounding a corner, the bus made a really scary sound and everybody’s eyes snapped up. I happened to make eye-contact with a guy we will call Jackson. Jackson had really pretty blue eyes and made a little worried face that made me laugh a bit, so we started talking.

photo of a woman standing inside bus

When the bus stopped, we got off and started walking the same way. Then we kept walking the same way until we were at my apartment door and, as it happened, so was he! Jackson was my across-the-hall neighbor. We spoke a few times and I found out he was a Marine and was a business major. He wasn’t somebody I saw myself with, but I thought he was nice enough.

Not long after meeting, he invited me over to watch Aladdin. Though, we didn’t watch it in the living room because “his neighbors get jealous when he brings women over” so we watched it in his bedroom. Whatever, I understood hiding from my roommates because I, too, had roommates that preferred their privacy.

Well, that’s when he started trying to have sex with me. I said no and it happened anyway. That’s all I’ll say about that. After, I ran home and went to sleep. I think I had a drink and a cigarette before sleeping. I just wanted to go to bed and wake up and move on. Nobody would believe a sailor could do such a thing, right? And girls made stuff up all the time… right? So I was told.

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I went to great pains to avoid Jackson and my grades and work suffered. I was often late because I was hiding away. Eventually, I stopped seeing him and figured he had moved out. Later, I met a girl in a Technical Writing class who had been one of his roommates. It turns out he had done the same thing to her that he did to me.

I also found out he had killed himself.

When I googled his name, I found his obituary and real all the loving comments below. I thought about saying something and revealing the monster that had ruined my life but I didn’t. There was no point anymore, was there?

I still don’t trust everybody and I have a hard time with some sexual things, especially near the anniversary. I’ve moved on a lot and I know it’ll be okay later, but the scars are still there.

I’m not asking for sympathy or whatever, I just wanted to tell my story and let those who may be going through this now that you’ll be okay and to urge them to report it. You’ll be okay. I promise.

The thing is, he could have gone somewhere with me if he had been patient.

Have a good Sunday, my Darling Devils.

HS!

LH

I Love Horror Movies

Oh my goodness, do I love myself some horror movies. They’ve been an important part of my life ever since I was a little girl and my Dad showed me Scream, which Mom wasn’t super happy about. Though Ghost Face still scares me to this day, as does the girl from The Grudge, I watch a horror at least once a week with my boyfriend. He actually has a blog, Jurassic Massacre 3, that reviews and delves into various movies that fall into horror/thriller genres.

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All that being said, I’ve seen a few horror movies in my time and I thought I’d share with you some of my favorites and why I love them. I meant to have this posted yesterday, but I found it too hard to pick just 10. It’s time for:

Lauren’s Top Ten Horror Movies*

* For now

10) Scream (1996)

As I said before, this was the first Horror movie I ever remember watching and it still scares the crap out of me. I think that’s because I saw it when I was so young. I, now, appreciate it for what it is: A scary movie that pokes fun at scary movies while still, purposefully, falling into those tropes. It’s a fun film that you don’t have to take seriously but still manages to scare. I like to watch this one a lot during Halloween Month (October) as it puts me in a spooky mood and allows me to hide from the rain.

9) The Grudge (2004)

J-Horror scares the crap out of me because of the types of spirits depicted and their use of atmosphere to creep out the audience instead of falling back onto the jump scare. This movie gets me more than any other in the genre because of the damn sound the woman makes. That long, choked inhale will stick with me through the night and I’ll end up scaring myself more than the movie scared me as I imagine where she might be hiding.

8) The Thing (1982)

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The most impressive part of this movie is the practical effects. I have a deep love for practicals because they just look so much better on-screen and age better than CGI and others. I come from the theatre community and we don’t get the luxury of adding or taking away whatever we want in Post because it’s all, obviously, live! That means we have to work extra hard to trick audiences into believing whatever world we are creating. If theatre can, movies can. The Thing is a prime example of what a movie can look like when practical effects are used. The 2011 version is the opposite.

7) Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986)

Now, don’t come at me saying the original is also better. Trust me, I know the argument. I like this one more because it has more replay value, to use video game terms. There’s a bit of humor, some amazing set pieces, and gore that will make your stomach try to escape your body. This is also a great example of a movie not treating its audience like children as there’s very little explanation as to what’s going on or who we should care about. Well, other than the text scrolling in the beginning but I let that slide because it was in the original.

6) Sinister (2012)

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Damn, what a creepy movie. As I have said before, I’m not a huge fan of jump scares because I think they’re a cheap way to scare people and this movie has very few of them. Every detail of the movie is designed to make you feel off. The entire movie takes place in the house (until the end) in order to make you feel claustrophobic; the movie is generally quiet and the music to enhance the terror, not be the scare. I really like the use of color and darkness, too, as everything seems to have a grey wash to it and there are times when the lack of light makes the viewer feel closed in upon.

5) 1408 (2007)

This movie has a crappy rating on Rotten Tomatoes for some reason but I really like it! Basically, it’s John Cusack v An Evil Room. The effects didn’t age well and there are parts that seem a little silly, but I really love the concept presented as well as how they are executed. This movie is also able to make you really sad as you follow the main character through the torture he endures within the room. What’s really cool about this movie is that the set never gets boring, even though the action mostly takes place within the room.

4) Cabin in the Woods (2012)

Alright, I know I already put a horror/comedy making fun of horror movies on this list but I don’t care what you say because this movie his amazing. I really love the overall concept of this movie and if you haven’t seen it, go give it a watch, especially if you’re a horror fan. This movie tips its hat to the horror movies that have come before while also screaming for change. There are also characters worth rooting for and a bunch of tiny details that show just how much thought went into the script. Well, except the eagle part.

3) As Above, So Below (2014)

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So, this movie made me nervous at first because it is shot like a documentary and I was worried I was going to be thrown into shaky-cam hell, which, other than a short piece at the start, I wasn’t! The movie takes place in the catacombs under Paris, which is actually where they filmed a majority of the scenes, so the production value of this movie is astounding. The real human bones in each shot, combined with knowing they are far underground, adds to the feeling of being trapped. Basically, these people are looking for the Philosopher’s Stone and get trapped and have to go through Hell to get out. “The only way out is down”.

2) Night of the Living Dead (1968)

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My grandma and I used to have something called Crappy Movie Night when I was young. We would go the used book store and get an old horror movie. This is how I saw Night of the Living Dead and instantly fell in love. This was great! The zombies weren’t scary alone but as they grew in numbers, the living inside become the real threat. Man, it’s a great film! I loved zombies ever since then and still plan different ZA escapes depending on where I am. Plus I love sad endings. The best part about this movie? I got to meet Barbra.

1) Tusk (2014)

This is the best horror movie ever made. I watched it for the 7thtime last night and I noticed two more details that I hadn’t seen before. I really don’t want to spoil this movie so I’m just going to tell you what it does correctly. First of all, it’s a great idea. There’s something believable about the plot, even though it seems insane. You, as a viewer, feel the pain of the main character on physical and emotional levels and it’s impactful because the movie takes the time to round out its characters. Second, the camera work is perfection. The angles, frames, and close-ups aren’t frivolous and tell you exactly what’s going on and who’s in charge… if you pay attention. Third, IT’S SO FUCKED UP. This is my favorite movie.

Here’s all you need to know: Justin Long gets turned into a walrus.

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That’s all for now, folks! Please, take a few hours and watch one of these (Tusk) and let me (Tusk) know what (Tusk) you (Tusk) think (Tusk).

HS!

LH

(Tusk)

I’m Going Back to School

Yup! I’ve decided to go back to school. No, I don’t mean the school where I work, though I do plan on going back there today as I’d like to keep my job. I really like being a Teacher.

Though, I’m not technically a teacher. I do teach a middle and high school class, but I don’t have my teaching certificate yet. Well, then how am I teaching? Long story short, I was going to school for English and Theatre degrees and I had my English BA finished when I was contacted by La Conner School District. They didn’t have any applications for their Theatre Program and my mom’s friend (who works there) knew that I had been working in and studying theatre for years so she asked me to apply.

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Well, at this point, I was still in school, so I applied real quick, graduated with my BA in English Creative Writing, and quit my job as a janitor. I got the job and they issued me an “Emergency Certificate” which is good until for three school years. So, I teach, but I’m not a Teacher in the sense that I haven’t had formal training.

Yet.

I’ve been accepted into a Masters program already, though I need to take two classes at a community college in order to get all my prerequisites covered and I could not be more excited! I’ve missed being a student and using my brain… though the nicest thing will be only worrying about my assignments and not 38. Also, I won’t have to write tests or lecture and that is awesome.

Unfortunately, I may not be able to get financial aid at the community college because I already have a Bachelor’s… I don’t get it either but that’s what they told me. So, my bill would end up being over $1000 for just the two classes and not counting books.

The reason I bring this up is because I’m considering creating a Patreon and I was wondering what your thoughts are on the matter. Obviously, I’d post more often since y’all would be literally paying for my words, but I’d still post content here for those who can’t. Trust me, I get that, I was only just finally to become a Patreon of Reverend Campbell.

So, let me what you know in the comments or shoot me an email. I’ll see you later, my adorable abominations!

HS!

LH

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I Worship Beauty

I walk a lot. I like to take a route that goes from my house to downtown to the ferry docks and back. There’s a long trail that goes through two parks and the whole trek is probably about 4 miles. I try to do this walk whenever I can because not only is it good for my body but it is beautiful. I get to see the various people and buildings downtown and the brick and older folk that hangout in the Fairhaven area. I also get to walk through the forest and along the Puget Sound, where I’ll sometimes see various animals such as seals and ducks playing in the water. It’s a beautiful walk and I greatly enjoy my time. (Also, my butt looks great).

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Not from last night, but still from my route

Last night’s walk was particularly wonderful for a few reasons. For one, the weather wasn’t super hot, though it was a little muggy, but the clouds were back and there was a light rain, so it wasn’t too bad. At one point, it did start raining a little harder, though this was a great mishap as I was able to get an espresso poured over Oreo gelato and it was AMAZING! I also had to wait on two long trains, which was not amazing, but that’s okay.

A few times, I would stop on my walk and just look around at all the wonderful beauty around me. Normally, I walk while listening to music, but when I take my little moments, I pause the sound and listen to whatever there is to hear. Sometimes, its conversation. Other times, all I hear are the sounds of The Sound; waves shush against the beach rocks, gulls and ducks chatter and dip under the water, and the wind whispers damp, salty air through my hair.

It was lovely. Well, until some damn woman came up and started talking to me. She wanted to point out the river otters that were playing just off shore, which I had been looking at, and comment on the general beauty of the scene. I agreed with her. The sun was setting and streaming through small breaks in the clouds onto the calm Puget Sound waters. In some places, the pink light caught the shadow of rain falling in the distance, dyeing it.

The woman then signed deeply and said “God is great” and, since this was a stranger, I simply nodded in agreement. I understood what she meant and I also didn’t want to get into an argument with a stranger on a dock. What she saw was a scene made for her by a creator who she called God. She thought she was seeing His hand in the waves, the hills, the birds, the light. She thought that she was seeing God through nature.

In the end, we agreed. What she was trying to say to me was that she thought what we were seeing together was breathtaking, which was true, we just had a different perspective. I think mine is far more beautiful than a creator. I look at the Puget Sound and I see the randomness of The Universe that, hundreds of years ago, began to create the necessary components for stars, which warm our home. The Sun just so happened to form and Earth came together just in the perfect spot for liquid water to occur, giving life a fighting chance. That water froze and flowed and changed the face of the planet, changed where my ancestors came and went, changed my life. The choices of people who would never know me or imagine me made it possible for me to even exist on this random planet.

I looked at the beauty of the Puget Sound as I stood there with this woman and felt awe. I was blessed with life thanks to events out of my control and that is what I worship. I thank the Universe for existing and Life for allowing me to experience it. I would never credit such glory to anything but nature and my heart hurt slightly for the woman who would never bother to learn about what really had to happen for us to be standing there together, looking at the river otters gliding through the water, because she thought she already knew. She thought it was a gift from God.

I said my goodbye and began to walk, Lighting Crashes by Live playing in my headphones. Others had stopped to watch the river otters in the sunset-stained water and I wondered how they saw the moment. I wondered if they were even thinking about it.

Later on, I was alone on the trail and saw the river otter again, this time swimming in a water hole shaded by birch trees. I had the moment to myself this time and didn’t waste it thinking about glaciers or god. This time, I watched the otter glide between flustered geese and ducks. I took note of how his nose popped up and down as he swam and how the color of his coat matched the logs that he slid past.

The sun has started to come out and seems to promise another beautiful evening walk. I can’t wait to see what the universe has for me to stumble upon today.

Hail Beauty, my Darlings!

HS!

LH

 

It’s Saturday!

Man, I gotta say, it has been a long week. I’m not sure if that’s because school is back and I’m not used to having to do things or if it’s because my mattress is broken… Either way, it was a long week.

I wanted to talk to you guys real quick about something personal. Something that a few readers might be uncomfortable talking about. Something that happened to me just last week… I want to talk to you about periods.

Oh, get over yourself, it’s not that big of a deal. Every month (normally) women go through this and most of the time you’d never even know. Literally hundreds of women in your town alone are having their period.

But we’re not here to talk about other people’s period, we are here to talk about my period, which is a little different from “normal”. First of all, I only get mine every three months and second, when it does come I get endometriosis and that is some next-level pain.

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Yeah, like that

So, why the hell would I feel the need to talk to you about my damn period? Well, because I feel I turn into my purest form of “Satanist” during those six days. First of all, I have to be thinking about how I look more than normal because if I leak through my tampon, it can get through my clothing and suddenly I have a big red stain on my ass. That is not ideal. That is not the image of myself I want in the world. So, I have to pay attention to when I put a tampon in and make sure it’s changed. You’d think this would be easy, but when you’re busy it can be a challenge.

Next, I am in so much pain. Like, screaming-into-my-knees-even-after-I-take-Pamprin pain. This does nothing other than make me really appreciate the times when I am not in pain, which I can see the theoretical value in, but it’s really not that great in practice. Why, why, why would any person, especially a Satanist, want to be in pain like that while also trying to drive, work, be a member of their family, be a good friend or partner. It’s impossible!

So, when I am in this pain, I am a huge asshole. Massive, massive asshole. I don’t mean to and I’m just hurting and my focus is more on that. I’m mad at my body not you asking me if I can do the dishes or some stupid crap like that.

During this time, I just want to focus on me. I want to eat whatever I am craving and lay around with a hot pad and stupid TV to watch. For those of you who want to know what you can do to help, you can do what we want you to do. If we want a back rub, it’s because our spine is going to break in half and it feels like somebody has been punching our kidneys all day, so do it!

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I feel it

Here’s the thing, though. I don’t need anybody to come rescue me when I’m on my period because I know what to do and I will fix it myself. I know that I have to go on a walk, even if that sounds awful, because it will help the pain. I know I have to keep tampons and medicine on my person in case of emergencies. I know what to do if there is a leak and everything goes to shit.

As a Satanist, I’m not going to sit there in pain and post about it in Facebook. I am going to fix it so that I can continue to live my life. I still need to be able to go teach the children and do the various small jobs my family asks me to do. I have cats to take care of and things I want to be able to do and I refuse to let a fucking period take away from any of the things I actually enjoy.

So, all in all, I guess I’m trying to say that everybody needs to chill the fuck out about periods and just let women do what we need to do. Sometimes we may ask for help, sometimes not.

Also, the Supreme Court needs to vote NO on Kavanaugh’s confirmation.

HS!

LH

It’s Time for School

Well, guys, it’s that time of year again. Parents are posting shitty pictures of their children with their backpacks on, the Pumpkin Spice goop is being dusted off, and the sky is grey with clouds, or smoke, I can’t tell anymore. This also means that I’ll be having to go back to work. As most of you guys may know, I’m a teacher and my school goes back on Wednesday.

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Photo by Pixabay 

To be honest, I’m not super excited to be back. Don’t get me wrong, I am super excited to see my students and get back into the theatre with them. I’ve been working really hard on my plan for the year and I think it’s going to be a really fun time.

I’m not excited to go back because I’m scared. I live in the United States, which has a long history of school shootings and mass shootings. Since the year 2000, there have been 194 school shootings (just school shootings, not mass shootings) which have caused hundreds of students and teachers to lose their lives long before their time.

Now, the name of this blog is called “I’m a Satanist and…” because, well, I’m a Satanist and I have shit to say, so it’s not really a secret who I am on a fundamental level. A large part of being a Satanist is loving life, what ever that means to you. In order to do that, one thing must be true: You have to be alive.

I value my life very much because I only have this one and I am going to enjoy it, damn it. At the same time, I’m a teacher and I have a very special place in my heart for the kids I teach and interact with on a daily basis. I would do anything in the world for them, which includes putting myself in a place where I might die. I hope I would make the right choice.

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Photo by Pixabay 

I’m scared to go back to work because I don’t want to be put in a place where I might have to make these choices. I don’t want to hear those kids screaming in either fear or pain because somebody decided to bring a gun into their space and kill them. I don’t want to die, either. I don’t want to be a name on the news because I died or had to be a hero.

I’m not a police officer, nor a firefighter, nor any other flavor of hero or first responder. I teach middle and high school drama. I want to teach the kids how to project and the right way to put a Gobo into a light. I don’t want to teach them how to hide from somebody who wants them dead.

I know there are people who say that guns aren’t the problem, but they’re also not part of the solution. I’m begging everybody out there to get up and make your voices heard. If you like this blog, get out and vote or march or call a representative or anything because you will be helping keep me and my students safe.

I’ll be back soon, my loves. Gotta go dye my hair some more.

HS!

LH

P.S. There was a shooting at a Florida school football game just last night.