My Time has Value

Morning, everyone, and welcome back! I am so glad to be able to pop in and post an update because I have been one busy Witch these last few days! School has started and there is a lot to do for each class since they are online. While I’m doing that, attempting to be a student, I am also teaching, which is a lot of work in itself. I already have myself stretched really thin, so it makes sense that the stress doesn’t end there.

Last month, I had a show open and close. As I have said before on this blog, I am a Freelance Theatrical Lighting Designer, which just means I don’t belong to a specific theatre or troupe. I can pop around from show to show, depending on what kind of show I want to do.

silhouette photography of people on theater

Well, I’ve just come across my first big speed bump. I’ve never had an issue with being paid on time, so I wasn’t too worried when the paycheck I was to receive was late. I was told that I would be paid after my work was done, which would be earlier than the show closes. I’m not needed once the show opens because, well, the design is over.

Weeks go by and I not only do not receive my check, I don’t receive any updates from my producers or directors. When I do ask, people would try to get away from me as soon as possible because they knew they didn’t have the answer that I wanted. It was really pissing me off because I deserve to be at least informed. If you can’t pay me, at least let me know when it’ll happen.

A week after we CLOSE the show, I get a group text from my Producer saying that checks were ready and she just needed us to text her our address. So, I give her my address and wait. Another two weeks I waited before I finally emailed her saying I needed my check. Surprise! Apparently it had been sent back and she just never told me.

Whatever, I just need the money. I’m not the richest person in the world and I was starting to need gas. So, she tells me I have to meet her to get it. I have to meet her at a roller rink 45 minutes away from me because that works best for her. At this point, I’m livid. I have shit to do and that’s a lot of my time taken away.

So, I go. I make the trip to get my money and she’s late. I wait another 30 minutes before I go inside and check to see if she went in and was waiting for me. Nope! She was FUCKING ROLLER SKATING WITH HER KIDS! She had looked at her phone, saw that I said I was waiting and exactly where I was parked, didn’t respond, and went in to just do her own thing.

Well, I was going out later that night so I was already ready and I have to say, I looked FINE. Black skinny jeans, black heels, skin-tight black shirt, grey leather jacket and my necklace from Reverend Campbell. So, that’s what I look like as I storm into this roller rink, pissed to hell, walking towards this woman with fire in my eyes. Once she saw me I got my check real quick. One thing I refused to do was say “thank you”. I was not thankful to her. I was mad.

What really, really pissed me off was that the check wasn’t in an envelope, so I couldn’t even check to see if the address was wrong or check to see why it had gotten sent back. THEN I SAW THE DATE. The date the check had been written was that day. Why? Was the last check bad and she wanted to rewrite a new one? WHY?!?! I think she never sent it. I think I was never going to get paid.

This makes me so, so mad because I value my time. I had been planning on deep-cleaning my apartment, dying my hair more purple, washing my cats, cleaning my car, doing homework, and grading homework. I had shit to do! I miss posting here! But no, I had to waste so much time and energy on getting a fucking check.

Value your time. I wish I hadn’t put myself into a position to be so dependent on this particular check, but the holidays really sucked a lot out of my funds. Next time somebody is behind on paying me, I’ll think of this time and make sure they are bending themselves over backwards to get it to me, not the other way around.

Have a better day and remember to make your bed.

HS!

LH

I Started School!

people notes meeting team

Hey guys! I just stared school today, as a student instead of a teacher, though my teaching job started back up again today. Well, I went in to do my homework and one of my classes had me fill out a questionnaire about myself. Well, I thought I’d have some fun with it and give some… interesting answers. Here they are.

What or when were you the happiest?

Directly after reading “What were you the happiest” to myself just now.

What are your pet peeves?

Would you like to go alphabetically or in order from least to worst?

What is your favorite season?

Of what show? I really like seasons 1-5 of Supernatural.

What living person do you most admire?

Alexander Hamilton as portrayed by Lin Manuel Miranda.

If you could be a non-human animal for a day, what would you be?

Does it have to be real? I want to be a Star Whale.

What is your most marked characteristic?

My ability to seriously screw things up. Please use this as an example.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?

Sometimes I work so hard I forget to cash my paychecks

What is the trait you most deplore in others?

When they sneeze more than twice and I have to say “Bless You” more than twice.

What do your friends say about you behind your back?

“What did Ms. H assign for homework?”

I’m a teacher, I don’t have friends.

Who are your favorite heroes or heroines in fiction?

Well, I really like Randy from Alas, Babylon by Pat Frank, but I don’t do drugs, even fictional ones.

What fictional characters do you most dislike?

Micah from Red Dead Redemption 2. He’s awful.

Who are your favorite musicians?

Nickelback… kidding, kidding. My favorite band is Deadly D.

Who are your heroes in real life?

Nickelback.

What talent do you wish you had?

Humor, I’d love to do stand up.

What is your present state of mind?

Are you a cop? Because you have to tell me if you’re a cop.

On what occasion do you lie?

No… why, what have you heard?

What historical figure do you most identify with?

Alexander Hamilton as portrayed by Lin Manuel Miranda.

What is your favorite journey?

Steve Perry

What living person do you most despise?

Neal Schon

What is your greatest fear?

Neal Schon

What is your greatest extravagance?

Food.

What is your greatest hope?

Free Food.

What do you most value in your friends?

Their animals.

Who are your favorite writers?

Whoever wrote the new Black Mirror movie where you have options! Crazy!

What is your motto?

Confuse don’t abuse.

I hope you enjoyed reading those as much as I enjoyed answering them! Back to work!

HS!

LH

It’s New Years Eve!

Man oh man, I am excited! New Years Eve is one of my favorite holidays and it is finally here! Now, I know some of you might be saying today isn’t the holiday, tomorrow is, but come on let’s be honest here. Most people are celebrating tonight and spend tomorrow eating and nursing hangovers.

At least, that’s how I’ve always done it. Other people may celebrate differently, but I think I’m in the majority. So, tonight, I’ll be going out with friends and partying until midnight… and probably past that, too.

man with fireworks

One thing that a lot of people do, too, is to make promises to themselves in the form of a New Year’s Resolution. I think it’s really funny that people do them for the same reason it’s funny that we celebrate New Years. It’s pointless. Yes, we are going into a brand new year, but all that means is that the Earth has come back around to a random point in its orbit again. It did that April 9th, too, but I was the only one I knew celebrating that date.

All that being said, I love that people make New Years Resolutions. For one thing, it causes them to reflect on the parts of themselves they may want to change and make a plan to change it. It may be going to the gym or being a “better person” or a better student or maybe even smaller and more personal.

I don’t do resolutions because I don’t need an arbitrary date to be self-reflective. I do, though, try to clear my conscience. I want to go into this New Year free of anything that may be weighing me down. This isn’t to say that I’ll be performing a ritual, but I have been going through my life and taking stock. Anything I deem as negative is removed. Some of these things were really difficult because they involved major changes that had an impact on others.

But I feel really good! I thought I was being a “good little Satanist” and living my best life, but I wasn’t. I was living a safe life, within which I had fallen into a comfortable rhythm. I don’t want to go into detail just because it may be too soon to talk about it on my little blog, but I can tell you that I am a better Satanist for having made these changes and that makes me a better overall person.

So, whatever you’re thinking about changing, do it. Fucking do it. If you’re trying to better yourself FOR YOURSELF, then what’s holding you back? I will tell you that I know it will be scary and I know it might be painful, but you have a duty to yourself to get your ass up and make this universe EXACTLY how you want it, because it’s the only one you’ve got and it’s the only chance you’ll get.

Now, time to attack the laundry. I like to go into the New Year with a clean house.

Happy New Year!

Hail Satan!

LH

It’s Almost a New Year!

Hey, everyone, how’s it going? I know it’s been a long while since I’ve posted, but man oh man did I need a break. The school I work at went on winter break a while ago, so I’ve been relaxing and trying to get everything in order around the house. Between that and the holidays, as well as some personal issues, I’ve been busy and tired.

But, now, I’m back and it’s almost the New Year! I gotta say, I love New Years Eve. Some people think it’s stupid because it’s a nothing date that, in the grand scheme of things, is meaningless in the universe and resolutions never stick and blah blah blah. Whatever! New Years Eve is fun and exciting! It’s a time to be with friends, drink, dance, remember, and, perhaps, change for the better.

people dancing inside building

I plan on going out with my friends, myself. For New Years Day, I’ll have sauerkraut because it’s good luck, according to my German family. Whatever, I’ll roll with it. I’m willing to try anything in order to give myself a head start.

One thing I am actively doing to “start the new year off right” is fixing my brain. I say I’m doing it for the “New Year, New Me” saying, but that’s just happenstance and cute. I have some really deep-seeded mental health issues that are buried so far down that I’ve lost what happened to even make everything shitty. What I recently found out, luckily, is that the school I work at provides free therapist services to teachers and jumped on that shit right away!

Since you’re reading this far, you’ve read the title of the blog, so I don’t really have to tell you I’m a Satanist, but I should remind anyone that I don’t believe in a real Satan. Satan is a fictional, external representation of one’s best self, free of Abrahamic laws. That means, when I say “Hail Satan”, I’m really hailing myself. I am the god of my universe. So, if I am god, I must be infallible right?

Fucking no! You’re still a human and humans are broken, meat sacks flying through a universe that doesn’t care. I am of the opinion that mental health is just as important as physical health. Hell, if your mental health is suffering, it can present itself as physical pain. I’ve spoken about their briefly before when I talked about how my anxiety causes me to puke my guts out.

You can’t make your world better if you’re broken. You can’t be your BEST SELF if you hurt yourself or kill yourself or never leave bed or never shower or see people or whatever. Get yourself mentally healthy so that you can go out and conquer the universe.

Some people probably don’t agree with me, and that’s okay, but I know that I feel better after talking to my therapist. Others may think I’m weak for not fixing it myself or whining for posting it here, but I’m not. Sometimes people need to see that others are going through what they feel in order to decide to heal. And I am strong enough to look at myself and say “Yeah, you’re fucked up” and then actually do something to fix it.

So, going into the New Year, I am taking steps to improve myself. I’m excited to see what this “new” journey around the sun has for me and what I’ll do throughout. I’ll do my damnedest to make sure it’s fun as hell.

Have a great day, my Darling Devils.

HS!

LH

I Performed a Ritual

Hey there, friends, I’m dropping in to say hello! I survived my crazy week and am now operating at my acceptable level of stress. It was a great time, but I didn’t get to talk about my ritual two weekends ago!

A few days ago, somebody asked me to address ritual magic and how I interpret it. I will give my opinion, but I’d like to take the time to mind everybody that, while I am an Active Member of the Church of Satan, I do not speak for the Church of Satan or any of its other members.

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My Ritual Outfit

So, my friend Colby and I set up everything at his house, but we had to make a few changes to the ritual due to the fact that fire is a danger we were unwilling to risk. Instead, we used water. The necessary candles were used, we just didn’t feel comfortable burning anything in his basement.

I recited the proper words and we went through compassion, destruction, and lust, as we had discussed before going into the chamber. I don’t know why he needed to ritualize, nor did he know my intentions, but I knew enough to formulate a ritual around our needs.

I don’t want to go very far into what the ritual actually looked like, as it is depicted on the Church of Satan’s Youtube, as well in The Satanic Bible. There were candles, robes, music by my boy Hexenkraft, bells, and everything else that goes along with entering the ritual chamber. I will, though, talk about how it made me feel and how I use Ritual Magic.

art blur bright candlelight

When I perform a ritual, it’s because I have done everything in the physical world I could possible do to influence my desired outcome. If I, let’s say, had my eye on a guy who I wanted to go out with, I would have used every trick in The Satanic Witch, bringing out the big Lesser Magic “guns” each time I have the opportunity, in order to draw him to me. If I have done all that I, myself, can do, I might decide to perform a ritual. This is a way to take all my strong, emotional, powerful feelings and throw them from my body, towards the object of the ritual, and use that power to also help in reaching my desires.

It also clears my mind, taking a weight off my shoulders, because I feel as though I really have done EVERYTHING. I have covered all of my bases and there would be no reason to stress anymore, meaning that I can move on and put my energy into other creative or professional endeavors. My energy is wasted on worrying about that which I can’t control, and my energy is my power. I don’t want to waste it.

So, after my ritual, I felt lighter than air. I felt dark and powerful and that I could have moved a mountain with just a glance. It was a wonderful, electric feeling that I took with me the rest of the night out with my friends, and man did I have a good time!

That is what ritual means to me, so it might be different for other Satanists. Just like people, no two rituals are the same and asking Reverend Campbell would probably have a different answer than me, so I recommend asking others and, even better, doing your own! There’s no better way to experience a ritual than just doing on yourself.

I hope you liked this little entry and if you have any questions or comments you can email me or comment below and I’ll check them out. Be sure to check out my Youtube videos where I sometimes post instead of on here and follow me on Twitter if you want to really know what’s going on in my brain.

I’ll see you on the other side, my friends.

HS!

LH