It’s Time For… THE Talk

Oh, yes, my Satanic Sweethearts, it’s time to talk about the birds and the bees… the horizontal tango… the, um… sex. Yeah, I’m here today to talk to you about the sex. It’s a personal topic for some and just a water-cooler discussion for others. Everybody’s relationship to sex is different and will change depending on upbringing, religious beliefs, socio-economic status, and more.

I’m here today to talk to you about the Satanic view of sex. I will pos be including an interview I conducted with a woman Heidee Nytes who works in the adult film industry for an inside look into the mind of somebody who has made a lucrative perfusion of acts that make the meek blush. But first, MY Satanic perspective on sex.

Again I would like to reiterate that while I am a MEMBER of the Church of Satan, I am not an Active Member (Yet) and do not act as a spokesperson for the Church of Satan and do not speak for it or other members!

Okay, here it goes: I don’t give a fuck what you do in the bedroom. I don’t. Honestly, I’m not sure why anybody cares about what anybody else does in their lair during intimate moments. Well, as long as everybody is of age, has the ability to consent, and has already consented. Now, the wording here is designed to be careful.

First off, everybody has to be of age. To me, that means 18. I know the “age of consent” is different from state to state, but come on, have you met teenagers? I have and I don’t see why anybody would want to hang out with any of them for an extended period of time, let alone engage in a sexual relationship. Next, everybody must have the ability to consent. That means animals can’t consent and babies can’t consent and drunk/drugged people can’t consent and people with disabilities can’t consent. If somebody can’t consent, you can’t get on with the nasty. Lastly, everybody has to consent. Seriously this is so important. YOU don’t want to be accused of rape, do you? Then who cares if “the mood” is ruined because you have to look a person in the eyes and make sure they want you like you want them. It’s just safe that way.

After all that, I don’t care who or what you do or how often or with what or how many. I don’t. You know why? Because it doesn’t matter to me. I don’t wake up in a cold sweat each night every time a man goes to bed with another man or a group decides to have a threesome. I just don’t care. I don’t care if you like to lick feet or having cherries in a woman’s nose turns you on.

BUT, I do want you to be able to get your rocks off. Everybody has the right to enjoy what they enjoy, no matter how off-broadway those desires may be. A person who has a hand in making sure that people get what they want is Heidee Nytes. Heidee works with David Harris, a Magister of the Church of Satan and producer of custom adult films, which I’ve spoken about in detail in a pervious blog post.

I wanted to ask her a few questions so that we might get some insight into a profession most of us are willing to watch, enjoy, and then demonize because Christian values have made us thing that we should be ashamed of the pleasures of the flesh.

So, without further ado, our wonderful Heidee Nytes!

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From ‘Nadia and the Therapist’, Photo taken from AVN.com

1- What is your official job title?

I have so many “jobs!” As Heather Height I am a stand up comedian a freelance journalist and writer, a film producer, a wife and a mom.
As Heidee Nytes I’m a fetish model and a Pro Domme.
I guess my most “official” job title is VP of Dave’s Custom Media: Davescustommedia.com
2- What is your relationship to Satanism?
I am an active member in The Church of Satan where I have earned my other most official title of Witch Heather Height.
3- Do you have any misconceptions about the field you work in that you would like to clear up?
As far as stand-up:
1. There is not one element of comedy that some drunk know-it-all audience member can elucidate for any comic before, during or after the show.
2. No, drunk girl in the front row, you are not “helping.”
3. It is not the comedians job to care about your feelings, that’s why it’s not called a stand-up compassion show.
In regards to fetish modeling and being a Domme:
1. I don’t do blow jobs, I make subs blow other people.
2. Yes, I love what I do, but I also like to get paid for doing it. This is my work, don’t try to get me to Domme you for free. (This happens more than you would think.) Some guy wants me to write him an email explaining what I would do to him, that takes time. He’s basically asking me to write a short erotica for him for free. To quote Goodfellas, “Fuck you, pay me!”
4- If you had a pet panda what would you name it?
Lao Tzu Flufferbottoms
5- What’s your favorite drink to have when you go out with friends?
I change it up from time to time, usually between gin and tonic, Bloody Mary’s or margaritas.
6- Have you ever had to deal with a stalker-like situation?
I may have had stalkers, but I either befriended them or blocked them. So it hasn’t been a problem as of yet.
7- What are you most proud of?
Jeepers, I have a lot of things that I’m proud of pretty equally, assuming you’re referring to accomplishments. I have set many goals in my life and accomplished them. (I try to keep that in mind when I’m feeling shitty about the ones I don’t accomplish.) Before I became a writer and comedian I ran the first corporate massage business in NE Pennsylvania. I will always be proud of that. Not long after becoming a writer I had several articles published in Forum Magazine without ever going to school for Journalism. The very first fetish film I did I ended up staring in and it was nominated for an XBiz award, that was pretty cool. I think the most recent thing was two things that are closely associated in my mind; I did a spread for Old Nick Magazine at the age of 45 and served as a nude altar for the 50 year celebration of the founding of The Church of Satan at 46. I’m damn proud if that!
8- Tell me about your most recent project.
My most recent completed project is our first full length adult film, Nadia and the Therapist.
It’s really been like my baby. I wrote the treatment and the screenplay. I did the set design and helped with the casting, I also costarred as the therapist. We shot the whole thing in one grueling 12 hour day! Our star, Nadia White, wasn’t feeling well all day, she did an amazing job! My husband, Magister David Harris, shot and directed with the help of our friend Wilfredo who runs Evangelinevonwinter.com with his wife. David did all the editing and got it up on our clips4sale store,  (available for purchase here:
And today, just 5 months after shooting, Nadia and the Therapist was on the front page of AVN.com!
You can read the write-up here:
9- If you could only read one thing forever what would it be?
The internet. (The author should have seen that coming)
Seriously, though, if I had to pick one book? Stranger Than Fiction by Chuck Palahniuk.
10- If you only had three wishes what would they be? 
Well, in all honesty,  I would go the pragmatic route and wish for infinite wishes. But in the interest of the insight that these questions are supposed to highlight:
1 That my husband and I were immortal so we could be in love forever.
2 That I could take back all the dumb parenting mistakes I made.
3 That our little Mom & Pop fetish film company grows into the porn empire that we dreamed it would one day be.
Unholy cow, guys, that was so much fun! I count myself as #blessed (ha) that members of The Church of Satan have been willing to answer my silly questions, as well as my more important questions. I hope you all really enjoyed reading these and I hope more Church of Satan members step up to the batter’s box.
Keep on enjoying life, my Friends of the Infernal Flame!
HS!
LH

I Got to Interview a Magister of The Church of Satan!

Seriously, you guys, I am so excited! While this wasn’t an in-person interview, I am so Honored that Magister David Harris was willing to give up time out of his day to answer some questions we had.

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Magister David Harris from Church of Satan Website

According to David’s Twitter account, which you can find here, he is not only a Magister of The Church of Satan, but also a “smut peddler and occasional comedian”. You can also follow his podcast, Sex, Songs, Sinema, & Satanism with David Harris, on Stitcher where he discusses topics such as Slenderman, interview first-time fetish models and members of the Church of Satan, and so much more.

David, along with his wife, runs an east-coast based production studio that specializes “in creating custom fetish and erotic films for clients seeking a more personalized content viewing experience”. His website, Dave’s Custom Media, goes on to explain that they are there for all kinds of interests and desires, which is pretty dang cool if you’re into something that may not have a wide array of options or if you’re looking for something specific. Potential customers can search videos, check out photos, look through models, and email a request to David to find out pricing.

REMINDER: These questions have been carefully selected to dig deep into David’s brain so we might discover the demonic diamonds hidden within.

1) What attracted you to the Church of Satan?
The notion that I, and I alone, have more ability than anyone else, to affect positive change in my life. The idea that I am my own god is probably what made Satanism most appealing to me.

2) What kind of projects are you working on right now?
Right now, I’m focused on promoting Dave’s Custom Media’s 1st full-length film, “Nadia & The Therapist.” It’s a light-hearted fetish comedy/adult film starring Nadia White, Heidee Nytes, & Autumn Bodell, that tries to invoke the spirit of the classic era of pornography.  Back when adult films had storylines.   I actually enjoyed knowing why the folks in porn were doing what they were doing, and I’m learning that I’m not alone in that.  Incidentally, anyone that’s interested can see the trailer and buy the movie at my website, www.davescustommedia.com.

I’m also focusing on the “custom” portion of Dave’s Custom Media.  We produce custom erotic & fetish videos for folks that have a particular thing they’d like to see.  Even with all of the free porn out there, it can be hard to find that perfect scene that really gets you going.  You can contact us and let us know what you want to see, and for a fee we can shoot it for you.  Depending on what you specifically want to see, videos can run you as little as $100, or well into the thousands.

3) What about Satanism would you like Non-Satanists to know most?
Beyond the usual notion that Satanists are atheists, and not people who worship the Christian devil, I’d like people to know that no two Satanists are alike.  Satanism is very much a religion for the individual, and everyone has their personal view of the world that they filter through Satanism.  And so long as that view adheres to the philosophy outlined by Anton LaVey, those individuals can be said to be leading a Satanic life.

4) What is your favorite kind of music?
Ten years ago, I would have said metal, hands down.  But I’ve mellowed as I’ve reached middle age.  Many of my favorite bands are still metal bands, but I’ve grown deep passions for a lot of different genres, from disco, to folk music, to 70s singer/songwriters, to electronic & industrial music.  I don’t feel as though there’s a definitive answer to that question anymore.

5) What is your movie about?
Nadia & The Therapist is about a girl named Nadia (played by Nadia White,) who seeks the council of a psychotherapist, (played by Heidee Nytes.)  Nadia’s wedding is approaching, but she doesn’t feel as though she can tell her husband-to-be about certain sexual needs that she has.  She confides in Dr. Nytes stories of her experimenting with self-bondage, being forced to orgasm while bound, as well as the trials and tribulations of BDSM dating, which can often lead to some awkwardly funny situations involving flogging, spanking, and more.

6) What is your third favorite lizard?
The Draco.  Gotta love a flying lizard.

7) How do you celebrate your birthday?
My mood on that varies from year to year.  I turned 40 this past year, and we had a big disco celebration capped off with a midnight nude swim in the ocean.  There have been other years when a quiet dinner was all I wanted.  My wife is amazingly in tune with how I want to celebrate my birthday, and always knows what to plan.

8) Which of the 11 Satanic Rules of the Earth speaks to you the most?
Lately, I’ve been big on #5: “Do not make sexual advances unless you are given the mating signal.” I think straight men today, thanks largely in part to the media, have become more and more uncomfortable with talking to women.  They’ve forgotten how to initiate a conversation, and they’ve forgotten how to read body language. You’re certainly not gonna get her to go home with you if you just stand across the room and stare like a creep.  You actually have to start a conversation, and from there, read the situation.
But I also think that the alleged “war on men” that you see being portrayed in the media is not real.  It’s very much been manufactured by folks who have a vested interest in the suppression of female sexuality.  Here’s a hot tip, fellas: straight women WANT to talk to men.  They WANT to flirt with men. And yes, they even WANT to sleep with men.  You just have to treat them like people.  Listen to them, and make them comfortable in their decision to do so.

9) What have you done in your life that you are most proud of?
I ran two very successful stand-up comedy fundraiser events to raise money for the Little Shelter of Long Island, which is a no-kill animal shelter in Suffolk County.  We raised several thousand dollars over the course of those events.  We’re big animal lovers, and to put on those two shows in the comedy club that I ran briefly was a great experience, and is something that I’m extremely proud of.

10) Tell me your favorite joke.

Well… you asked.  😉 (The Author is nervous)

I want you to picture a small town.  Just your average, run-of-the-mill, Anywhere, USA kind of place.  Not much to it.  It’s got a Main St, where the local grocery and the post office sits across from Mr. Miller’s Pharmacy (est. 1908.) Like something out of a Norman Rockwell painting.  And in this ordinary town, lived an 8-year-old boy.  And as you might suspect, life for this little 8 year old boy in this ordinary town was remarkably dull.  There’s not much to do when you live a small town life, so his life was filled with a number of mundane tasks that he essentially did to mark the hours of his life.  He’d get up, he’d shower, he’d eat breakfast, he’d get dressed, go to school, come home, do his homework, maybe see a friend or two, then go to bed, and do it all over again the next day.

One particular day, as he’s returning home from school, he sees something he hasn’t seen before.  It’s a sign nailed to a lamp-post.

And the sign reads “Circus coming… in one year!”

The boy runs home, excited about the news he’s learned!  And he’s excited because he knows that today may suck, tomorrowmay suck, and yes… the day after may suck as well, but in one year’s time, the circus is coming to town, and it’s going to be the end all, be all, greatest time of his life!

He counts down the months…

He counts down the weeks…

He counts down the days…

Finally, the day of the circus arrives!  The boy wakes up early, showers, and shaves for the 1st time (because he’s only 8 years old.)  And as he walks into town, he sees the tent, and its the biggest tent he’s ever seen in his life!  And he enters the tent, and its everything he ever could have imagined, and more!  A grander spectacle had never been witnessed in this sleepy little town!  In the left ring is a lion tamer, in the right ring is an acrobat, and in the center ring…

… is a clown.

And this clown is telling joke, and doing magic tricks, and making all of the boys and girls laugh and laugh.  And the point comes in the clown’s performance where he asks for a volunteer from the audience.  And who does the clown pick?  Yes… our little 8-year-old friend.  The boy goes down to the center ring, and the clown places his hand on the boy’s shoulder as he speaks.

“Boy… are you a dog,” asks the clown.

“No, clown,” replies the boy.

“Boy… are you a horse?”

“No, clown.”

“Boy, are you a cow?”

“No, clown.”

“Boy… are you a duck?”

“No, clown.”

The clown holds his finger in the air, as if he’s had a grand epiphany, and proclaims “WELL, THEN BOY… YOU MUST BE AN ASS!”

Everyone in the tent bursts into uproarious, hysterical laughter, and the boy runs out of the tent, completely crushed and devastated. His dream of magical and wondrous day has been turned into his worst nightmare come to life.  He runs home, bawling his eyes out and throws himself onto his bed.  And he makes a solemn vow to himself.  He vows that, one day, somewhere, he is going to exact his revenge on this clown; this painted villain that took away his dignity.  He doesn’t know how or where, but vengeance will be his.

He marks off the years of his adolescence in his small town hell like an inmate tracking time.  He finally graduates from high school, and goes off to college.  Not just any college, but the College of Quick Comebacks.  He studies his ass off for 4 long, grueling years, and manages to graduate 1st in his class, with honors, from the College of Quick Comebacks.  And after graduation, he returns to his small, ordinary home town.

He is now 21 years old.

And he just happens to have returned to town on the day that the circus has come back to town, as well.

And as he walks into town, he sees the tent, and its STILL the biggest tent he’s ever seen in his life!  And he enters the tent, and its STILL everything he ever could have imagined, and more!  A grander spectacle had never been witnessed in this sleepy little town!  In the left ring is a lion tamer, in the right ring is an acrobat, and in the center ring…

… is the clown.

And this clown is telling joke, and doing magic tricks, and making all of the boys and girls laugh and laugh.  And the point comes in the clown’s performance where he asks for a volunteer from the audience.  And who does the clown pick?  Yes… our now 21 year old friend.  He goes down to the center ring, and the clown places his hand on the boy’s shoulder as he speaks.

“Boy… and are a dog,” asks the clown.

“No, clown,” replies the boy.

“Boy… are you a horse?”

“No, clown.”

“Boy, are you a cow?”

“No, clown.”

“Boy… are you a duck?”

“No, clown.”

The clown holds his finger in the air, as if he’s had a grand epiphany, and proclaims “WELL, THEN BOY… YOU MUST BE AN ASS!”

And the boy turns to the clown and yells “FUCK YOU, CLOWN!  FUCK YOU!!!”

(THE AUTHOR IS LAUGHING SO HARD!)

Well, all, I hope you all enjoyed reading these questions and answers. I know I did! I really hope I can get my claws on some more members… I’ve got my eyes on you Magus Gilmore…

 

Have a wonderful rest of your day, my Demonic Darlings.

HS!

LH