I Don’t Worship Satan, But This Guy Does.

I know my blog is called I’m a Satanist and…, but if you would have done your research, you’d know that true Satanists just use Satan as an external, fictional representation of my best self free from Abrahamic laws. I don’t actually believe that there is a real devil as described by various religions. I say this because I am also referencing the Satan Characters from all of the other religions.

maxresdefault.jpg
Taken from YouTuber Breaking Pacts in Jesus Name

There are people out there, however, who do believe in the Christian Satan and worship him as though he were real. We call these people Devil Worshippers and they make life hard for real Satanists who subscribe to the teachings of LaVey.

We who stand with The Church of Satan find ourselves constantly battling these people because they make us look really fucking bad. Just like with people who believe in God, Allah, Odin, or whatever, I say this:

Seek help for your delusions and leave us alone.

 

Seriously. You Devil Worshippers are make Satanists look so bad. We are constantly having to battle these perceptions that we are animal-killing, blood-drinking crazies who dance in circles around fire in the forest during the night in order to bring forth the devil for our Black Magic. I mean, the last part is pretty close but that’s just me. I like fires and dancing…

 

So, I fucking interviewed one.

EXTRA EXTRA WARNING: These views are NOT of the Church of Satan or Satanists. I interviewed a DEVIL WORSHIPPER!! Very different. 

1- How did you first discover Satan? 

I have discovered Satan in church, believe it or not.
I have always been the one to analyze things and really dissect things. Reading this evil ‘bible’ for what it is, I began to question things.. How a ‘god’ could just demand blood sacrifice and slavish worship upon everyone. But that’s something Churches don’t want you to know. Christian churches don’t want you to read the Bible for yourself, they only tell you which parts to read. They mainly want to induce you into a hypnosis state during the program to access your subconscious and further brainwash through fear. This is how it works, they essentially bore you(into fear) to get you to believe the biggest lie ever fabricated, apart from this Holocaust lie.

2- What is your relationship with religion?

Well, religion in itself actually means “to bind” in Latin. Liagre to bind, ‘re’ meaning again. I will not oblige myself to follow anyone’s religion(bindings)
“We used to bow before Kings and Emperors, now we bow only to the truth, and follow only love.” Khalil Gibran. Satya Satnam Satan literally translates into ‘truth’ in Sanskrit, ask any Hindu.

3- If the Hulk and the Predator were in battle, who would you bet on? 

Definitely Hulk🤢

4- If you die and find out that we are TOTALLY wrong, what would you say to the real maker of the Universe? 

“Question with boldness even the existence of a God; because, if there be one, he must more approve of the homage of reason, than that of blindfolded fear.”-Thomas Jefferson

5- Garlic bread… yes or no? 

Yes, however I do not eat dead animal remains. That’s disgusting and cruel. Animals are our friends. (The Author did not ask this…)

6- Do you perform any types of rituals? If so, are you willing to describe them for me? 

I perform invocation and evocation rituals, mantras, and reverse Torah rituals, basically reversing the spell They have inflicted on the World through blood sacrifice and power. Rituals are essentially putting yourself into a trance like state and communicating with our gods, ‘demons’ into your Astral altar. Remember Lavey himself stated demons are real entities.

7- If you had a familiar, what would it be and why? 

I would like to make my cat my familiar, but he is old.

8- You hear the World has begun a nuclear war. What is the first thing you do? 

Om Namah Shivaya (That sounds delicious)  

9- If the Christian God is real, what would you tell him? 

If you research Ancient Sumeria, Jehova(Jewish God) is Enlil, Enki’s half-brother. ENLIL is the one who drowns humanity because they were too “noisy”. SATAN/Enki prevents that by calling on one of his humans(that Enki created. Enki is our creator God. This is proven) to survive(‘Noah’s ark’) and repopulate along with were animals and other humans.

10- Define Magic. 

Magic is in anything and everything. Magic is all around us. Our words are magic. Our thoughts are magic. People don’t understand how powerful words are.
Because magic has survived and is slowly overpowering religion is because magic is stronger. Religion is an offshoot of magic. Religion does not have roots of its own, lacking strength. Magic is real, so it commands belief.

REMINDER: These are not the views of the Church of Satan. 

Also, I am not going to say who I interviewed, even if you ask nicely. I’m just trying to learn and pass on what I find out to you, my Darling Devils. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE NOTE THAT THESE ARE THE VIEWS OF A DEVIL WORSHIPPER AND NOT A SATANIST. Also these answers are fucking nuts, so.

I hope you all have a great day, Friends of the Infernal Flame!

HS!

LH

So Can You!

Okay, I straight up stole that title from Stephen Colbert’s I Am America (And So Can You!), which is a really fun book and can be found here. I highly, highly recommend it if you haven’t read it yet.

But that’s not why we are here! Oh, no, I’m here because I feel the need to tell you about how Satanic you are. Don’t worry, I’m not trying to get you to join the Church of Satan or start calling yourself a Satanist because, odds are, you’re not. But damn, people these days are so Satanic that it makes me laugh when they shit on the Church of Satan.

First off, lets me real, you are all selfish. Yeah, it’s true. Don’t worry, I am, too. Obviously I want the best for me because I have to live my life, not you. Thus, if you really don’t matter to me, then I’ll probably help myself before I help you. It’s nothing personal, I just don’t know 99.9% of the people on Earth.

This is not to say I don’t like to be kind, it’s just for a selfish reasons that I help people. For example, If I have enough money during the holidays, I like to get a few chicken meals (including potatoes, bread, a veggie, and a drink) and give them to homeless people I see around town. I can’t do it very often, but I like doing it because it makes me feel good. Yeah, I am owning up to it. I do things people would consider “philanthropic” because I like the feeling of seeing people happy for something I did.

I also don’t NOT care about people on Earth I don’t know, I do, I just need to take care of me and the people around me before I help the rest of the universe. And my selfishness extends to those close to me. I’d be disappointed if a coworker gets a promotion over my Mother or if my Little Sister got her heart-broken. My friends live within my circle of selfishness, as does my partner. Sound familiar?

blackthorne-eleven-rules-earth-lg-2
From The Church of Satan Free Downloads

Now, I’ll give you a moment to read all the way through the above picture. Okay, now do it again. Most of them seem like pretty common sense and that’s because they have been carefully constructed to mathematically– No I’m shitting with you, they are just basic common sense. So let’s look at these one by one.

1- This one may be the one I wish most Non-Satanists would learn because it really annoys me when people try to fix things for me when all I need for them to do is listen. Does that make sense? If a friend/coworker/family member/ whatever and I are talking and they ask about a problem I may be having. If I decide to confide it them, I don’t need them to fix whatever is happening, but just listen. If I want to know how you’d fix it, I’ll ask.

2- This is just an extension of the first. Don’t just start telling me about your Sister’s affair out of nowhere, Brenda, all you did was hand me a divider at the Fred Meyer checkout line.

3- I love the word “Lair” in this because it sounds so dark, but it really just means somebody’s space. I say SPACE and not HOUSE because I consider several spaces an extension of my lair. These spaces include my office, my classroom, my personal space, and my car. Don’t touch the stereo.

4- I love the wording in this one, too, because it makes it seem as though I’m going to be throwing somebody in my oven for sneezing on my face. No, but if you sneeze on my face a few times I might as you to leave. If you don’t, then you might be thrown into the oven… Kidding. (Or am I?)

5- THIS IS SO IMPORTANT! Nothing sexual unless you’ve been given consent. I like “Mating Signal” because when I am dating somebody, we can pretty much give consent by using body language and I always make sure whomever I am with knows that they can stop or say no anytime they way. Never force things on people.

6- Don’t steal… Just don’t steal…

7- This one may be the only one that Non-Satanists won’t nod their head at. The way I explain this is as follows: We use the placeholder word “Magic” to describe something we don’t yet have a name for in science. That being said, if you perform a ritual and it goes the way you want, tip your hat to the Devil.

I say magic may also be real, but very small, like being able to make the best cup of coffee in the office even though the water comes from the same place and the beans are the same. (If you’re a high-ranking CoS Member and I am WAAAY off, please tell me).

8- Oh I love this one so much. Have an awful friend who is sucking the life out of you but you keep going back for some reason, you don’t get to complain. Get rid of that Psychic Vampire and move on. Didn’t bother to vote? Then shut up. Start doing something about it.

9- Come on…

10- Again, this is easy. Animal is attacking you? Do anything you can to survive. Starving? Kill an animal to survive. Satanism is a life-loving religion. That being said, don’t hurt animals.

11- Like the first Rule of the Earth, this one is really important. Leave people alone in public and if somebody starts bugging you, tell them to stop. If they don’t leave you be when you ask nicely, SET THEM ON FIRE- No, don’t do that. BUT at that point you are allowed to get mean… or meaner. Just make sure you’re within your rights. Don’t break any laws.

SEE! A lot of these things are common sense to good people! Satanists are good people and a lot of good people are very Satanic, though not Satanists. Remember, Satanists are born, not made.

This is why I get pissed when people look at me in horror or stop talking to me when they find out I’m a member of the Church of Satan because they think I’m dancing with the Devil while eating babies and sacrificing cats. Just do some research and you’ll realize that all I am guilty of is being awesome.

Have a wonderful Walpurgisnacht, my Dearest Devils!

HS!

From Hell,

LH

I Once Worked For A Christian Church

Okay, it wasn’t for very long. Literally only, like, three hours. But, unholy shit, what an adventure.

First of all, know that one of my jobs for a while has been as a lighting designer or technician of some sort. I’ve talked about it at length in a different post, if you’re wondering what a Theatrical Lighting Designer does.

So, there’s a saying that there’s only six people in theatre because we are so tight-knit that everybody knows somebody who knows you. Well, a friend of mine of Facebook had a friend who usually worked for a church and was going on vacation, thus needing somebody to run the lights for them.

FB_IMG_1523121898428
Lighting Designer Stuff

They said they would pay $100 per day and, back then, that was worth it to me since it would only take, as I thought, two hours out of two of my Sundays. Sure, I’ll take $200 from Christians any day. So, I took the job.

My boyfriend went with me because it was in Everett which, if you know Washington, is shitty. So, we drove from Bellingham the night before and stayed with a friend in Seattle. We ended up staying up too late and woke up feeling like crap. Honestly, we looked hung over, but we weren’t.

So we then got lost on the way to the church. We get there, and I find out that it’s not a real church, it’s a “church” that rents time from a local theatre each Sunday. Well, I get there and I find out that I’m not allowed to use half of the lights available because the theatre doesn’t want them to. Cool.

Then I find out that I can’t record cues, which is fine because I’ve free-styled lighting before, but then the pastor’s wife came up and started telling me to “save” cues and pushing between me and my instruments, which is really freaking annoying.

I knew really quickly that this wasn’t going to work because they didn’t want me, they wanted their normal lady and I was wearing a pentagram necklace. It was for a show, but whatever. Christians gonna Christian. But then something crazy happened just before people started to file in to get seated.

THEY STARTED SPEAKING IN TONGUES

I’m not kidding. Dylan and I were in the booth and they formed this circle and started swaying and praying, which is whatever, but then one of them went full crazy person. Holy crap. Half way through the stupid event the children, twins less than 8, began doing it, too. Their parents were so loud and said they could feel God within her. Ew.

But I’m here and I have to work! It ended up that I was there for three hours! Remember, I had gotten there late, so, apparently, I should have been there for four hours.

I’m sorry, but $200 isn’t enough money to spend my time with the insane.

So, after far too many songs about God trying to be cool, it was finally over and I waited quietly to get my check and go. This took 45 minutes. I suspect it’s because they had to convince the Pastor’s wife to pay me.

Well, eventually a woman who may have introduced herself to me came my direction holding a check. Luckily, I had my Satanic Bible in my purse and reached for that. As the poor girl handed me the check, I opened the book and slipped the check between the pages for safe keeping.

Let me tell you, the look on her face made me worried the check would be canceled by the time I got to the ATM down the street. It wasn’t. I never went back and they never asked me where I was, so I suppose they agreed that this was the best course of action for both parties.

The best part? When I was depositing the check, I noticed that they had paid me the entire amount in advance.

Have a great night, my Infernal Beauties.

HS!

LH