I’m Afraid

Life is scary. There are a lot of ways to get hurt and killed out there, and we are more aware of that these days than ever before due to how quickly information can spread. Every day I look at my Twitter feed and see numerous headlines such as “Texas water resort closed, tested for ‘brain-eating amoeba’ after man’s death“, “Facebook just had its worse hack ever — and it could get worse“, and “Seven parked cars set on fire in Redmond” and my brain instantly goes “well, what would we do if that happened?”. Well, I don’t know, but maybe I should know.

My day is filled with dangers. I could slip in fall in the shower or just be straight up murdered in my sleep. Every day I drive 45 minutes to and from work, either on the freeway or the nerve-wracking Chuckanut Drive. It’s a wonderfully beautiful area

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From the Oyster Bar on Chuckanut Drive

right edge of the Puget Sound and surrounded by forests, but the road has a lot of twists and turns. The lanes are very small and the road follows a steep cliff, which makes passing large trucks very scary.

The best part is that my car is one of the deadliest to drive these days. To be fair, I’m looking to buy a new one soon but I really needed a new mattress. I know that doesn’t seem as important as a new car, but you should have slept on my old mattress.

Back to danger. So, I work at a school and that makes me nervous due to the school shootings that have occurred. I worry about keeping my students safe and what we would do if something were to happen. I have a plan, but I worry anyway.

If I go out, I could be drugged (that’s happened twice to me), I could get hit by a drunk driver, I could be raped or murdered for denying a man, or sold into the illegal sex trade.

When I’m in the theatre, I could fall from the ladder, lift, or catwalk, which range from 10 feet up to 60 feet up, depending on the location. I could start a fire and die

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From McIntyre Hall. This is one of the theatres I work in. See the catwalk above the house?

from that in various ways. I could be electrocuted. I could get hit by something coming in from the fly system. Also you can just be murdered anywhere, so just add that mentally from now on.

There are many, many diseases all over the world that could destroy my life and leave me in agony for my raining days. There are animals that can sting you, bite you, poison you, paralyze you, brutalize your body and/or murder you. I’m looking at you, Australia.

My greatest fear in the world is dying before my mother followed closely by getting in a violent car accident and burning alive. My phobias are spiders, bees, and clowns/mascots.

The thing is, I still drive to work every day to teach children. I still go 60 feet up onto the catwalk in the theatre and lean five feet out to gel a lamp. I still want to travel and eat new foods! There’s too much to do and see for me to say, but my bucket list is long. There’s a lot I’ve already done, too, like driving across country in 18-wheelers and performing in the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.

I live my life aware of the possible hazards and I think about what I would do in situations, but I don’t live my life as if it will happen every time I step out of the house. That’s no way to enjoy what the universe has to offer.

Go for a drive down Chuckanut if you’re ever in Bellingham, but pay attention to the road and wear your seatbelt. Have a belt-cutter and a way to break your window in case you crash into the water. If you’re prepared, you’ll be okay.

Case in point: Last winter my boyfriend and I were driving home from a party in Seattle. It was really, really snowy and he’s driving slower, but we came to a big hill on I-5 (just past the Starboard road exit if you’re familiar) and at the bottom, I felt the car start to slip. Dylan started to panic a little and I watched the trees and the lights of oncoming traffic as we spun towards the median. He was trying to correct

black car on roadway while raining during nighttime

and hit the break, so I very calmly said to take his foot off the break and keep his hands still. Eventually, we came to a stop facing traffic, though it was really far up the road. After a breath, we continued. This time, much slower. We passed other cars that night that had spun out. Some had gone into the trees, others into guard rails or just straight off the road. When we made it home, I almost cried.

My point here is that I was able to be calm because I was prepared. I wasn’t afraid, even as it was happening. I distinctly remember feeling a crisp, chilly weight in my stomach and feeling very even. I was the calm within the storm and we didn’t go off the road.

So, what I’m trying to say is to go out and live your life, just be prepared.

Okay, off to school. I’ll talk to you later, my Darling Devils.

HS!

LH

 

I’m Not a Satanist (Yet).

Hold on, I know what you’re thinking. “But, Lauren, you blog is called I’m A Satanist And…”. I know. But hold on!

So, there are degrees within the Church of Satan and each comes with its own title. As I’ve said before, I’ve interviewed Witches, Magisters, Warlocks, Magistras, and even people not associated with the Church who still identify as Satanists. Fuck, I’ve even interviewed a Devil Worshipper! So, I thought I’d give a little bit of an explanation on where I fall before we get onto the Internal Interview.

These are the various degrees within the Church of Satan according to their site.

  • Registered Member (no degree)
  • Active Member—Satanist (First Degree)
  • Witch/Warlock (Second Degree)
  • Priestess/Priest (Third Degree)
  • Magistra/Magister (Fourth Degree)
  • Maga/Magus (Fifth Degree) 

So, I fall right in the first one with no degree. I just got my Red Card in February and my Active Membership application is probably sitting quietly, waiting to be read. They have a lot of work to get through so it may take up to a year before it even gets glanced at! That’s fine with me because it literally doesn’t matter. With or without Active Membership, I can still be a Member of the Church of Satan who is active. I think that’s what it says on the top of the page, come to think of it.

Today we will be talking with somebody who is a First Degree Satanist in the latest installment of…

end of MY rope

Our victim today is Satanist Laz C.! I sat down across the table from a computer and sent him over some hard-hitting questions to get to the bottom of what is going on in that brain.

MeAbout
He sent me on like a sweetie
1) What do you like to do on your free time?
What is this “free time” that you speak of? Hah! When I’m not in the workshop, I’m usually gaming. I can’t do that because my video card is broken and those things are very costly, so I’m ignoring it for the time being.
I also like to catch up on the latest episodes of my favourite true crime podcasts such as Sword and Scale, Casefile, Courtjunkie, Canadian True Crime, They Walk Amoung Us etc. Also This is War, where military vets tell their stories.
I also like to go fishing. So many fish, so little time.
2) Describe your ideal vacation. 
Hopping on a boat (I hate flying) to a desert island. Also camping in the middle of a forest, with a river for fishing purposes. As far away from other people as possible.
3) What brought you to apply for Active Membership?
I’d been a member for about 6 years previously, and I wanted to step things up. I’d just gotten Southern Star Woodworks started, I just wanted to become more active with Satanism in general. I tend to take my time with things, but the time was definitely right.
4) Do you think Satanism affects your driving?
I don’t drive! I rely on walking, public transport, lifts, taxis etc.
Does it affect my lack of driving? Eh, perhaps in a way.
One thing that separates us Satanists from the rest is our ability to make things happen. Where life obstacles stump other people, we can carry right on through. So if I need to get somewhere, I get there somehow.
5) What kind of projects are you working on right now?
Let’s see… I have 3 plaques I’m working on at the moment, one is almost ready to ship. 3 altar tiles, and one card holder. I’ve just sent a headphones stand off. I’ve got new items for the store I want to finish and put up when I can.
That explains the lack of free time! (I’ll be ordering something for my alter soon so be prepared)
6) How do you like to celebrate your birthday? 
I just like to take the day off and have it for me. I’ll shower myself in snacks and cool beverages. Perhaps a bit of life reflection. I usually start celebrating a day or so early. Why only have one day? It’s mostly a quiet affair.
7) Does your family know that you’re a Member of the Church of Satan? Friends?
The only family I have to speak of now are my two sisters. One knows, I’m fairly sure my other sis does, but we have differing life paths so it doesn’t ever come up. I think being able to have good relationships with people who are living their life in a different manner to you is important. It transcends the limits people place on themselves.
Mum knew and thought it was great, I gave her The Satanic Bible to read and she read it. She was quite spiritual, but on some things we could find common ground.
I’m open about it with friends. I think sometimes my reputation precedes me and word spreads, which is fine. It’s magic. I’ve never found myself in a negative situation with it.
8) Which era would you live in if a wizard made you pick a new one? 
If there’s a wizard walking around forcing people to choose a new era to live in, I’d say that’s a rude wizard! Also, this is a hard question. I’m gonna need another coffee, BRB.
I’m going to choose… the 40’s. The fashion, the war, the music, the birth of new technology and the invention of Tupperware. It’s not so far back that I’m going to lack medical care, and not so close to now that things are familiar.
9) Which Satanic Rule of the Earth speaks to you the loudest at the moment?
I’m always a fan of #1. It’s the breaking of that rule that really ticks me off. But then again, can’t realistically hold other people to my lofty standards. Currently I’d say #11, especially with the goings on in the world. I try to avoid the news as much as I can, but some of it still filters through friends etc. I’m all for leaving other people the fuck alone.
People seem to latch onto that one in confusion. Destroying someone/something isn’t limited to physical destruction. You could perform a destruction ritual, however small. Just forgetting about a stranger who’s ruined your day could do. Or in practical terms, say for example the guy who runs the corner store is a twat, and you just so happen to know illegal activities of some kind go on over there, you could be sure the police would like to know about it. It allows for creativity. And I’d say that creativity is the perfect remedy for negativity.
10) How do you define Satan? 
He’s the knowledge and mysteries of the universe. He’s the drive that keeps me going when I’ve been pushed down. He’s my rationality when I feel irrational, and most importantly, he is me. He’s the ultimate symbol of rebellion and moxie and I aspire to be the embodiment of this.
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This is Nacho average feline 

 

I hope you liked my silly questions! There will be many, many more Infernal Interviews coming soon, as well as various rantings from yours truly.

Enjoy your weekend, my Darling Devils!
HS!
LH

 

I Wear My Seatbelt

I was really enjoying myself on the way home from work today. It was a beautiful day and there wasn’t anybody in front of me on the road. This is particularly nice since it’s a tiny, winding road that follows the coast and has a lot of corners and I find that a lot of people are too scared to go the speed limit. I am not. I’ve driven Chuckanut many, many times, thus making it very irritating when people are going 25 in the 40.

This almost changed half way home when a truck pulled out in front of me. I have a little silver car and I think people either don’t see me or think I’m going to be slow. Fun Fact: I’m not. I had to slam on my breaks, which caused my car to start to go to one side. I felt myself losing control and heading towards the wall of the cliff beside the road, but was able to get back under control.

The first thing I felt was relief. I was so happy that I wasn’t smashed into a wall or into the side of a truck. The next wave of emotion that hit me was pure mother fucking rage. “How dare you?” I said just now as myself pretending to be me then, “How dare you almost kill me? How dare you almost ruin my day and my car?” I wanted to scream at that driver! I wanted to honk and blast my Ghost BC as loud as I could, just because they had one of those stupid Jesus fish on their bumper.

I didn’t. I kept driving, though I was going slower than the speed limit now because the truck was too afraid to GO THE SPEED LIMIT! Can you tell this is one of my biggest pet peeves? But then I took stock of my body and realized that my chest was hurting. During the near miss, my seatbelt had stopped me from flying forward into the steering wheel or out of the windshield. This would have been especially true had the near miss hadn’t been a miss.

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From Anton LaVey and taken from AZ Quotes… I don’t know who took the photo.

Something similar happened when I was 17.

My Dad was taking me to dinner in his work truck, which was an old, beat up, 199-whatever piece of shit. I don’t know how that thing was running. We were starting to turn left when my door opened. To be fair, my Dad may have had something to do with this since he is not the safest driver in the world and had taken the turn a bit faster than I would have.

So, the door opened and my body started to go with the turn, which would have been out of the door. But I stopped. My seatbelt had gone tight and I was hanging out just far enough to grab the door and swing it shut as I got inside.

Are you seeing a pattern here? I don’t see anything more Satanic than wearing your damn seatbelt. Seriously, it’s the easiest thing in the world to do, besides maybe using your blinker, and it will save your life. It will save you from going through the windshield and dying or smashing into the steering wheel and dying. It’s only job is to keep you alive. Wear it.

My Mom explained it to my the best when she said “Not everybody is going to be making the best decisions for you, so you have to make the best decisions for you”. It flows really well with the quote from Anton LaVey that reads “Life is the great indulgence – Death the great abstinence. Therefore, make the most of life here and now!”

This is wonderful advice, and yet I feel a sense of caution here, too. Life is the only time we get to party, drink, eat, and fuck! You can’t do that when you’re dead. So yes, live life to the fullest while you’re here, but don’t do anything that will cause the proverbial bar to close.

Another wonderful quote from my apparently very Satanic Mother is “Have fun, be safe, and make good choices”. She says this all the time and I always take it to heart. You should, too.

So have fun, be safe, and make good choices, my Little Lucifers.

And wear your god damn seatbelt.

HS!

LH