Hey guys, how’s it going, ya girl here, and, I gotta say, I’ve learned more about self worth in the last week than I have in my entire life. I have had a pretty tough year and have been unable to find a steady job for most of it, which is infuriating as I have devoted the majority of each day to making myself employable. Those who follow this blog know that I am not one to back down from hard work, even if it means learning a new language in order to make sure an opera is able to run with minimal errors.
Well, a few days ago, I finally got a good job within my field of study, after my father asking me every week “why don’t you use your degree?” as if I took my certificate and used it for toilet paper. What happens after that? My family member asked me if I hadn’t gotten a job because I was addicted to drugs. Honestly, folks, I have never felt more shame in my life. I had been working so hard to support myself and never ask for help, only to be told that it looked like I was an addict. What is a Satanist to do? One who strives for nothing more than being their best self?
Ignore them. Succeed on your own. Even after those who said they were there for you and were proud of you have decided to wait and watch you fail without lending a hand until they thought you were at rock bottom. Nobody except you knows how hard you’re working because nobody is paying 100% attention to you. And you know what? That’s okay. Nobody owes you their full attention because they, too, are trying to reach their full potential.
To spite the people who think I am failing, I am going to thrive without them and then move on.
I hope to post more now that I’ve gotten a job and will have more time to dedicate to this blog. Well see, though, since this is just me yelling into the void most of the time.
The lights dim and smoke rolls through the room as a ghost-like bride leads a grim groom to the stage as she swings a puffing thurible. They sit, a ghostly light casting sharp shadows upon their faces. The show begins.
This is the beginning of the end that is The Wedding Funeral, a show that is touring across The United States and leaving misery (read as joy) in its wake. Seriously, this show made me smile, gave me chills, and, at one point, made my eyes water. I was amazed.
The theatrics enhanced the music and the music seamlessly meshed with the design. Darren’s mastery of the guitar matched with Ethel’s haunting saws creates an atmosphere that, alone, would tickle the senses. Then starts the lyrics I am completely entranced with the music that is meeting my ears. I had never heard anything like it.
The Wedding Funeral made me feel as though I was in a Broadway production, a Ritual Chamber, and a Rock Concert all at the same time and I cannot recommend it enough. If it’s coming within 100 miles of you, I expect you to go and let me know what you think.
Thank you, Darren and Ethel, for bringing this beautiful music to the world. Hail you both!
Good evening, my lovelies. Since it is going into spring time, I began to think about growth and new beginnings. Spring time is when animals start having their new babies and trees start getting new buds on their branches. With this idea of growth and renewal in mind, I decided to interview a member of the Church of Satan who is going through a process of redefining and growing into themselves. Put your hands together for a friend of I’m a Satanist And… Gwen!
All that being said, I am so very thankful to Gwen for being the latest installment in…
1) How’s life?
Better than I could have ever imagined since starting to transition, I didn’t know what I was missing out on!
2) Have you had any interesting or exciting experiences since starting transitioning?
More “funny” than interesting, I’ve had people not notice the physical changes, despite them being very obvious (along with me wearing female clothing etc).
One conversation I basically asked them if they’d noticed the changes, they said “your hair is longer?” – and I had to point at my tits (seriously) until they clicked that it was more than just hair being longer.
I was wearing a long flowing dress at the time too…..
3) Will how you celebrate your birthday change this year?
I haven’t decided fully yet, but something to do with 32-bit computing and femaleness – I’m still a geek at heart
4) What’s your favorite way to relax after a long day?
Coding something (currently working on an OS kernel), a bit of gaming or TV – often with a nice cold drink and a snack.
5) What do you say to Satanists who are anti-LGBTQA+?
“You aren’t Satanists” – seriously, people who don’t get that obviously never read LaVey’s work.
6) What did you grow up masterbating to? (Reader submitted: feel free to submit your own in the comments!)
I plead the 5th!
Ok, a few random girls I liked in school (sidenote: that held me back for years, I thought i couldn’t be trans cos I liked girls) and Sarah Michelle Gellar and a few other random celebs.
7) What’s the biggest change in your daily life thus far since beginning to transition?
Practical stuff mainly – taking my HRT meds (not a big change really, I already swallowed a bunch of nootropics and supplements daily for health reasons), different clothing, and applying makeup if I’m going out somewhere.
8) Has your relationship with the Church of Satan changed since your began the transition process?
Not yet, I haven’t got a formal diagnosis of gender dysphoria yet, once I have that i’ll be applying for a new card.
9) What’s the stupidest driving law in the place in which you (generally) live?
Not a clue, I don’t drive.
10) What is your favorite guilty pleasure song you would never admit to anyone else? (Reader submitted: feel free to submit your own in the comments!)
crawling by Linkin park – edgy emo teenage crap, but I first heard it when I was a very emo teenager, and if you watch the video it kinda makes sense why I related to it……..
I hope you are all having a great day and enjoyed this installment in The Infernal Interviews! I’ll see you soon, my darlings.
I like to listen to music. I know this is a very bland statement because EVERYBODY likes to listen to some sort of music, but it’s true. Music in the shower; in the car on the way to work; at work sometimes; when I go on my ten-mile walks; anywhere I can listen to music, to do. It helps me process my emotions and sometimes allows me to pretend I’m in a music video, which is a lot of fun.
Now, I thought about doing my “Top Ten Favorite Satanic Songs” but then I realized two things. 1) I don’t know/enjoy that many Satanic songs and 2) I am of the opinion that every song is Satanic. Yes, even Christian music. I love advent music and will often listen to Amazing Grace around the Holidays, as well as others, because I enjoy the memories that accompany the music. I consider a song Satanic as long as I, a Satanist and God of my own universe, like it.
So, without further ado, here are my Top Ten Favorite Songs (at the moment) in…
I love this song because it is just so much fun to sing to! Now, I never seek this song out, but instead wait for the radio station to play it because then it feels like more of a treat. I can’t really say exactly what I love about this song other than it’s fun to sing to in the car. If it comes on at the clurb, I sing to it, but I’m not sure how to dance to it other than to square dance and I won’t do that. (Sorry if you like to square dance. You do you, boo).
This song is really special to me because my Mom used to put it on in the car to get me to fall asleep when I was a baby. She said the feeling of the car (or laundry basket on the dryer) combined with the low voice of Brad Roberts would make me pass right out. I still have a hard time listening to this song in the car at night because it’ll make me feel sleepy.
I adore this song because it is so much fun to listen to and it’s all about doing your damn best. What could be more Satanic than that!? These young men are about to go to war and they’re imagining what they could do to change the world for the better. They want to be the best that they can be. Plus it’s rap! What is more fun than a rap musical about the founding of the United States?
This may seem as if it’s coming out of left field, but I really love this song for how empowering it is. It’s all about how Cardi doesn’t have to be a dancer anymore and gets to live her best life, free of what those who are jealous of her might think. One of my favorite lines is an allusion to the shoes she is wearing which she says are “red bottoms”. Now, I don’t pay a lot of attention to fashion, but I do know that this is referring to Christian Louboutin shoes which have red bottoms and are known to be REALLY EXPENSIVE. Like, $800+ expensive. That’s my rent!
Oh, what a classic, am I right? I love listening to this one because it’s a great song overall. Wonderful beat, fun guitar (obviously), and a really great story! I didn’t really listen to the lyrics at first, instead enjoying the song as a whole. Then I really listened and realized it was even more amazing than I had thought! It’s about this kid who can’t afford to get into a concert and then ends up becoming a rock star through hard work. Can I get a Hail Satan?
Man oh man do I love this song. Please pardon that the video I linked to is a live version, I can’t find one that isn’t, but it’s on the CD in my car so I know it’s out there. I love this song because it’s freaking funny. Another reason I like this song so much is that I know the guys. I was, honestly, expecting that they would be sucky because it seems most people who want to show you their music are actually mediocre, but I ended up loving every song! Fun fact: I was allowed the honor of singing a verse of this song with them a few days ago!
Gotta say, the music video for this song caught me before the actual song because she has damn spiders running all over her. I was amazed and sickened and couldn’t look away. But the song itself is really good. You can tell what the song is about from the title, but I found it really fun to listen to as I was walking around my town because it let me pretend to be in my own movie/music video. Yes, I am laughing at myself right along with you.
I feel powerful when I listen to this song. Yes, this is the first song on the list that would be considered Satanic and also the first band to get me into Satanism. I know Ghost is sometimes considered First Phase, but screw off, I really like driving down the road, singing “HAIL SATAN” at the top of my lungs. I adore a lot of songs by Ghost, but this one is my favorite out of all of them, for sure.
So, this song is interesting because it’s about how high-class people can also be sluts, which I think is wonderful. I don’t think Freddie Mercury is casting this in a negative light, though, as the woman in the song sounds freaking amazing. I like to joke that I’m going to walk down the aisle to this song if I get married one day. Mom doesn’t think that’s very funny.
Damn, what a song. This is another song that used to be a lullaby for me. I would fall asleep when this came on and can sometimes still feel sleepy, just like The Crash Test Dummies song from before. The reason I picked this one over that for the top spot, though, is because I’ve also had some wonderful memories become attached to it as I’ve grown up. I was the only one in my history class to know the song and my teacher thought that I was cheating because I knew what song it was by the first two chords. My favorite memory of this song, though, was when I slow danced to it in a bar. He wasn’t a very good dancer, but I was so happy in that moment and I will carry that feeling with me for the rest of my life.
Well, I hope you liked some of the songs on here and might give a listen to a few that you don’t know! I’d like to say, too, that these are subject to change from day-to-day, just based on my mood and such. I tried to give you a comprehensive list, but I’m sure I missed a few because I’m not in the right mood to even think about them.
So, what are some of your favorite songs, my Darling Devils?
Morning, everyone, and welcome back! I am so glad to be able to pop in and post an update because I have been one busy Witch these last few days! School has started and there is a lot to do for each class since they are online. While I’m doing that, attempting to be a student, I am also teaching, which is a lot of work in itself. I already have myself stretched really thin, so it makes sense that the stress doesn’t end there.
Last month, I had a show open and close. As I have said before on this blog, I am a Freelance Theatrical Lighting Designer, which just means I don’t belong to a specific theatre or troupe. I can pop around from show to show, depending on what kind of show I want to do.
Well, I’ve just come across my first big speed bump. I’ve never had an issue with being paid on time, so I wasn’t too worried when the paycheck I was to receive was late. I was told that I would be paid after my work was done, which would be earlier than the show closes. I’m not needed once the show opens because, well, the design is over.
Weeks go by and I not only do not receive my check, I don’t receive any updates from my producers or directors. When I do ask, people would try to get away from me as soon as possible because they knew they didn’t have the answer that I wanted. It was really pissing me off because I deserve to be at least informed. If you can’t pay me, at least let me know when it’ll happen.
A week after we CLOSE the show, I get a group text from my Producer saying that checks were ready and she just needed us to text her our address. So, I give her my address and wait. Another two weeks I waited before I finally emailed her saying I needed my check. Surprise! Apparently it had been sent back and she just never told me.
Whatever, I just need the money. I’m not the richest person in the world and I was starting to need gas. So, she tells me I have to meet her to get it. I have to meet her at a roller rink 45 minutes away from me because that works best for her. At this point, I’m livid. I have shit to do and that’s a lot of my time taken away.
So, I go. I make the trip to get my money and she’s late. I wait another 30 minutes before I go inside and check to see if she went in and was waiting for me. Nope! She was FUCKING ROLLER SKATING WITH HER KIDS! She had looked at her phone, saw that I said I was waiting and exactly where I was parked, didn’t respond, and went in to just do her own thing.
Well, I was going out later that night so I was already ready and I have to say, I looked FINE. Black skinny jeans, black heels, skin-tight black shirt, grey leather jacket and my necklace from Reverend Campbell. So, that’s what I look like as I storm into this roller rink, pissed to hell, walking towards this woman with fire in my eyes. Once she saw me I got my check real quick. One thing I refused to do was say “thank you”. I was not thankful to her. I was mad.
What really, really pissed me off was that the check wasn’t in an envelope, so I couldn’t even check to see if the address was wrong or check to see why it had gotten sent back. THEN I SAW THE DATE. The date the check had been written was that day. Why? Was the last check bad and she wanted to rewrite a new one? WHY?!?! I think she never sent it. I think I was never going to get paid.
This makes me so, so mad because I value my time. I had been planning on deep-cleaning my apartment, dying my hair more purple, washing my cats, cleaning my car, doing homework, and grading homework. I had shit to do! I miss posting here! But no, I had to waste so much time and energy on getting a fucking check.
Value your time. I wish I hadn’t put myself into a position to be so dependent on this particular check, but the holidays really sucked a lot out of my funds. Next time somebody is behind on paying me, I’ll think of this time and make sure they are bending themselves over backwards to get it to me, not the other way around.
Hey, guys, what’s up! I hope you had a wonderful and safe night last night. I know mine was absolutely amazing. It started at 6am PST and I got back home at exactly midnight because, like in Cinderella, I will turn into a grumpy old man after that. It’s bedtime.
This Halloween ended up being quite the rollercoaster. I learned a lot, too. I learned a lot about the work ethic that has been instilled in some of my students and also that of their parents. I learned about that some parents are really shitty examples for their kids and that’s why they’re really shitty kids in class. I learned why some kids lose their magic. It was a really interesting, eye-opening experience this year.
Let me tell you about my night.
I am a teacher in a small school and I have my own two-story building of which I am in charge. Due to the fact that I have this massive theatre to my disposal, I am able to put on a Haunted House. This was the second year and we had it set up where there were three ways to get through a section of the attraction: One tunnel where you had to crawl; One tunnel where it was so dark that you couldn’t see; One tunnel where you were blinded by flashing lights before getting on an elevator and going down. Then you either went through the Halloween room or the IT room, funneled through a few more and then out past the chainsaw clown.
It was very simple and nicely signed so that there was no way to screw it up. Well, except the feckers who wanted to screw it up. The ones who didn’t want to play along. I gotta say, why did you come? Why come pay money to get into a Haunted House put on by the school if you were going to break stuff, hide, go off course, ruin scares for others, and generally screw around? It doesn’t make it fun and you become the person nobody wants to hangout with.
Think back on some of your favorite Halloween memories. For me, its times when everybody was playing along. If that’s willing to be scared at a Haunted House and enjoying that feeling of fear, it’s more fun when everybody suspends their disbelief and allows themselves to feel like they’re going to die! One little girl last night said to herself “Is this how I’m going to spend the last moments of my life?” and I couldn’t help but laugh out loud.
For me, that was the most annoying part of the night because it was ruining my fun, too. You’re in MY house and you paid me to scare you… LET ME SCARE YOU!
My next biggest issue was people with shitty work ethics. I had two kids leave during the show and one didn’t even tell me. I learned when I saw him walking away and confronted him. The other got too tired from sitting on the steps making creepy sounds. Seriously. Then 8 students who gave me slips saying they were coming didn’t show up, so I had far less actors, and therefore scares, to work with. I was livid. We pulled it off and had grown women crying, but it could have been so much better if these kids were true to their word. I’m going to call them out on it, too, because it ruined something with my name on it. We were on the front page of the paper, above the fold, and I feel like I gave a sub par performance. That’s my name. That’s my reputation as a teacher and a theatre professional.
The worst case of abandonment was when two sisters (twins) approached me the day before the Haunted House. They were supposed to be the girls from The Shining and had even purchased the outfits. One of the girls came up to me and told me that they weren’t going to be able to do the Haunted House because it was their last Halloween. What? I was so confused. Were they dying? No. Apparently their parents decided that they can’t go trick-or-treating once they’re teenagers and they were 12. 12! I didn’t stop collecting candy until I was, like, 15 and even after that I still went with my family and the other kids. It was Halloween where I could stay up late, eat candy, scare people, and be weird. Don’t take that away from your kids. It’s a special time and it keeps them being creative and allowing themselves to be, well, themselves for a night. Truly and purely. What’s more fun than emulating your favorite character, whomever that may be.
So, not only did these parents rob their children of scaring a bunch of people all night, they took actors away from me and taught them, simultaneously, that it’s okay to ditch out on commitments that you don’t want to do and that creativity is something to be grown out of. Wonderful parenting.
When we did get everything going, we were amazing. We were so good that we had grown men screaming, adult women crying, and children wondering if they were going to die. (“Is this how I’m going to spend the last moments of my life?”). Sometimes, we did too good, though, because the kids who thought they were going to be tough ended up getting scared. This made them upset and they would react to their fear with anger, striking my actors and throwing stuff at them. Sometimes they would tear apart walls in order to get around something they saw early and wanted to be cool. Sometimes they threw candy at us, though, so that was fine.
The thing is, sometimes the parents were with them and just allowed this, even leading it a few times. I was astonished that this is how they would behave in a place that wasn’t theirs. They didn’t make the set pieces or the costumes, but they were fine with destroying them. I had to throw a few people out. My actors, kids in this case, were my first priority and the guests were disrespecting them and the space they worked so hard to create. I can’t allow that.
Afterwards, we were all so tired, but so happy. We overcame issues with the sound, worked together as a team to scare the shit out of people, and had a ton of fun doing it. I couldn’t have asked for a better Halloween.
I hope that Samhain was everything you wanted and more, my Darling Devils. Now let’s start planning for next year, WE’RE LATE!
Oh my goodness, do I love myself some horror movies. They’ve been an important part of my life ever since I was a little girl and my Dad showed me Scream, which Mom wasn’t super happy about. Though Ghost Face still scares me to this day, as does the girl from The Grudge, I watch a horror at least once a week with my boyfriend. He actually has a blog, Jurassic Massacre 3, that reviews and delves into various movies that fall into horror/thriller genres.
All that being said, I’ve seen a few horror movies in my time and I thought I’d share with you some of my favorites and why I love them. I meant to have this posted yesterday, but I found it too hard to pick just 10. It’s time for:
Lauren’s Top Ten Horror Movies*
* For now
10) Scream (1996)
As I said before, this was the first Horror movie I ever remember watching and it still scares the crap out of me. I think that’s because I saw it when I was so young. I, now, appreciate it for what it is: A scary movie that pokes fun at scary movies while still, purposefully, falling into those tropes. It’s a fun film that you don’t have to take seriously but still manages to scare. I like to watch this one a lot during Halloween Month (October) as it puts me in a spooky mood and allows me to hide from the rain.
9) The Grudge (2004)
J-Horror scares the crap out of me because of the types of spirits depicted and their use of atmosphere to creep out the audience instead of falling back onto the jump scare. This movie gets me more than any other in the genre because of the damn sound the woman makes. That long, choked inhale will stick with me through the night and I’ll end up scaring myself more than the movie scared me as I imagine where she might be hiding.
8) The Thing (1982)
The most impressive part of this movie is the practical effects. I have a deep love for practicals because they just look so much better on-screen and age better than CGI and others. I come from the theatre community and we don’t get the luxury of adding or taking away whatever we want in Post because it’s all, obviously, live! That means we have to work extra hard to trick audiences into believing whatever world we are creating. If theatre can, movies can. The Thing is a prime example of what a movie can look like when practical effects are used. The 2011 version is the opposite.
7) Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 (1986)
Now, don’t come at me saying the original is also better. Trust me, I know the argument. I like this one more because it has more replay value, to use video game terms. There’s a bit of humor, some amazing set pieces, and gore that will make your stomach try to escape your body. This is also a great example of a movie not treating its audience like children as there’s very little explanation as to what’s going on or who we should care about. Well, other than the text scrolling in the beginning but I let that slide because it was in the original.
6) Sinister (2012)
Damn, what a creepy movie. As I have said before, I’m not a huge fan of jump scares because I think they’re a cheap way to scare people and this movie has very few of them. Every detail of the movie is designed to make you feel off. The entire movie takes place in the house (until the end) in order to make you feel claustrophobic; the movie is generally quiet and the music to enhance the terror, not be the scare. I really like the use of color and darkness, too, as everything seems to have a grey wash to it and there are times when the lack of light makes the viewer feel closed in upon.
5) 1408 (2007)
This movie has a crappy rating on Rotten Tomatoes for some reason but I really like it! Basically, it’s John Cusack v An Evil Room. The effects didn’t age well and there are parts that seem a little silly, but I really love the concept presented as well as how they are executed. This movie is also able to make you really sad as you follow the main character through the torture he endures within the room. What’s really cool about this movie is that the set never gets boring, even though the action mostly takes place within the room.
4) Cabin in the Woods (2012)
Alright, I know I already put a horror/comedy making fun of horror movies on this list but I don’t care what you say because this movie his amazing. I really love the overall concept of this movie and if you haven’t seen it, go give it a watch, especially if you’re a horror fan. This movie tips its hat to the horror movies that have come before while also screaming for change. There are also characters worth rooting for and a bunch of tiny details that show just how much thought went into the script. Well, except the eagle part.
3) As Above, So Below (2014)
So, this movie made me nervous at first because it is shot like a documentary and I was worried I was going to be thrown into shaky-cam hell, which, other than a short piece at the start, I wasn’t! The movie takes place in the catacombs under Paris, which is actually where they filmed a majority of the scenes, so the production value of this movie is astounding. The real human bones in each shot, combined with knowing they are far underground, adds to the feeling of being trapped. Basically, these people are looking for the Philosopher’s Stone and get trapped and have to go through Hell to get out. “The only way out is down”.
2) Night of the Living Dead (1968)
My grandma and I used to have something called Crappy Movie Night when I was young. We would go the used book store and get an old horror movie. This is how I saw Night of the Living Dead and instantly fell in love. This was great! The zombies weren’t scary alone but as they grew in numbers, the living inside become the real threat. Man, it’s a great film! I loved zombies ever since then and still plan different ZA escapes depending on where I am. Plus I love sad endings. The best part about this movie? I got to meet Barbra.
1) Tusk (2014)
This is the best horror movie ever made. I watched it for the 7thtime last night and I noticed two more details that I hadn’t seen before. I really don’t want to spoil this movie so I’m just going to tell you what it does correctly. First of all, it’s a great idea. There’s something believable about the plot, even though it seems insane. You, as a viewer, feel the pain of the main character on physical and emotional levels and it’s impactful because the movie takes the time to round out its characters. Second, the camera work is perfection. The angles, frames, and close-ups aren’t frivolous and tell you exactly what’s going on and who’s in charge… if you pay attention. Third, IT’S SO FUCKED UP. This is my favorite movie.
Here’s all you need to know: Justin Long gets turned into a walrus.
That’s all for now, folks! Please, take a few hours and watch one of these (Tusk) and let me (Tusk) know what (Tusk) you (Tusk) think (Tusk).