I would like to start this story by saying that I don’t believe in ghosts or demons or anything like that. I need more evidence in order to believe that something other than decay happens to us when we die. Hell, I’m an astrobiology nerd and believe that aliens are real, but I don’t think they’ve visited Earth. The evidence just isn’t there for me.
So, I believe this is a scary story about sleep paralysis. For those who haven’t experienced this, Sleep Paralysis is when your body shifts between waking and sleep in an irregular way, thus they will be awake, but unable to move. Some people say they hallucinate in these moments.
So, that being said, here’s what happened.
A few months ago, I was staying over at my grandparent’s house with my boyfriend. They had us sleep in separate bedrooms, so I took the twin bed so he could have the full. Plus, the twin bed has the misfortune of being right beside my loudly snoring grandma; facing the morning light; fitted with a door that allows a lot of light in; and decorated with two paintings of pale, dead-eyed children.
The biggest issues for me are the morning light and the hall because my room as to be totally dark for me to fall asleep. I also have to leave the door slightly ajar so that my former-foster kitten can get in and sleep with me. The paintings are just creepy as hell, but I’m able to push them out of my mind once Harper, the cat, jumps up with me.
After what felt like a few minutes, my door pushed open. I was facing the wall, so when I looked, I couldn’t see anything other than the tiny blue flowers of the wallpaper. I thought it was my boyfriend, at first, coming in because he couldn’t sleep, just based on how the door had opened so far. I could hear the hinges squeak, so I could hear it had swung wide. Then he didn’t say anything.
Then, I thought, maybe my cat had pushed the door wide open and I braced for the mattress to bounce under her weight. She was a very fat cat and the mattress was small and old. Actually, both were purchased from an insane asylum in Sedro Wolley when it shut down.
She never jumped up. Nothing huge on its own so I closed my eyes to fall asleep, but then I felt something. Nothing touched me, but it felt like something was hovering inches over my body. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t see. I could just lay there and feel. I don’t know how to explain it other than to speak to your experiences. I feel that most people know when somebody is next to them and can understand what I mean when I say that it felt like somebody was bending over me, very near me. The feeling stayed that way for five minutes
Then I heard what I can only describe as a hoof being slowly dragged on concrete. It happened three times Kkkkkkkkkkkr-click, Kkkkkkkkkkkr-click, Kkkkkkkkkkkr-click. The feeling of somebody over me was still there for a few more moments, and then suddenly disappeared. I could move again and I instantly shot up and towards the door, trying to see anything.
All I saw was the door wide open and the top of the stairs.
Again, I don’t think something was actually there, I 100% think I was imagining everything. But, wow, what an imagination I have! It was able to scare the crap out of me, to the point where I’m still thinking about it. I’m not scared anymore, but it was damn scary in the night.
I ended up going in and sleeping with my boyfriend for the rest of the night.
So, that’s my scary story. Nothing supernatural, but still contains the same, great fright!
Hey guys, this was supposed to go up yesterday, but apparently I missed the button so you get it today. So, all this happened yesterday and I don’t want to go back to fix all the tense issues. Cool? Cool.
I went for a walk today. The bitter fall breeze bit my cheeks until they were cherries and Feel Like Making Love rang through my headphones, overpowering the lonely sound of my sneakers crunching through fallen leaves. Through the trees that line the trail, I watched various sea birds bob up and down on the Puget Sound, scuttling past sailboats named Freedom and Seas the Day.
The forest trail gave way to a park dotted with people and their dogs. I watched the shivering owners desperately wrap themselves tighter in their coats and shove their throwing hand frantically back into their jeans pocket after tossing their dog’s slobbery tennis ball. A few held coffee from down the street. One man stood in the center of a large patch of grass, a mirror ball gliding over his fingers in a manner that suggested years of practicing in his room had given him the idea that people would gather around and watch. Nobody had yet.
The park morphed into walkways that spanned the small inlets of water that scooped into the earth. A woman wearing a cranberry hijab stopped me and pointed towards deeper water where two black lumps were rolling through the waves. Sea Otters. I watched them for a moment, listening to the woman murmur to her husband about how cute the little creatures were.
As I walked on, my small Sigil of Baphomet necklace tapped rhythmically against my chest. I thought again of the sailboat named Freedom as I passed the small groupings of flags fluttering at half-staff, and I was grateful. I thought of the other places in the world where a woman would never walk alone and I was grateful. The tapping of Baphomet upon my chest reminded me that I am very lucky to live in a world where I am free to be whatever religion I choose, no matter how evil those may assume it is. I thought, naturally, of the military and all they’ve done, since the birth of the nation, to protect my right to be myself, and I was grateful.
Then I thought of the veterans in my life. My great-grandfather was one of the first responders to Pearl Harbor and once told me of seeing the smoke on the horizon, his heart turning the same acrid color. As I began to feel pride, a wave of anger washed through my arms and down into my fingertips. My great-grandpa was not, is not, an honorable man, nor should he be celebrated.
My great-grandpa should not be celebrated. He was cruel to his family and created rifts within the family that won’t be healed for generations. He abused his family. He threw unwanted kittens into rivers rather than fix his cat, first allowing his children to play with them. He was, and still is, a manipulative, horrible man.
I passed a group of runners going the other way. A few of them nodded at me while others stared straight forward, as if I weren’t there. I realized, then, what I was thankful for were the individuals who went into the military. They want to protect what the country stands for, which means fighting for things you may not believe in. I’m thankful for them and I gladly thank them.
What I refuse to do is blindly thank veterans. I’m sure this is where people will start to get irritated with me, but that’s okay. I understand that there are evil people in the military who have still given so much. I, too, understand people in the armed forces have raped and murdered their fellow servicemen. Am I supposed to thank them? I don’t think so and I won’t. A person can be part of a greater good and throw kittens into rivers.
The bitter fall breeze halted and my cherry cheeks grew hot as I stepped into my house from the cold. My cats ran up to greet me and I ran my hand along their tails, warming my fingertips on their heads. I knew I was glad for the good men and women who were protecting me, even though they didn’t know me or agree with me. In the end, there is more good than bad. I just wish we could do better.
So, on this Veterans Day, thank you for all you’ve done.
As I was scrolling through Twitter yesterday, a term caught my eye. “Homo Satanist”. As somebody who is part of the LGBTQ+ community, I began to feel myself prickle, preparing for rage. I was pleasantly surprised that it was actually a title of a book, as well as the title somebody had chosen for themselves. I was curious, so I dove a little deeper.
Fred Andersson is the an author and, while not a member of the Church of Satan, feels very connected to Satanism and the philosophy of Anton LaVey. So, I decided to send over some questions to get to know Fred a little better in this edition of
Please give a round of applause to our latest victim Fred Andersson
1) What is your relationship to Satanism and the Church of Satan?
I’m not a member of CoS, but I feel very connected to their philosophy and LaVey is a role model of some sorts, even if I don’t agree with him in everything. But that’s also the great part of CoS and Satanism; we’re all true individuals and respect each other. I’ve always, since I was a kid in a Christian community, had similar ideas and ways of looking at life as CoS, but it took me some time to understand the value in this. When a friend years ago told me I really need to read The Satanic Bible I bought it, read it, found it fun and interesting but it didn’t leave a big mark. Maybe I year later I picked it up and read it again, and some things spoke to me even more. And this happened every year or so until I finally “got it”. LaVey himself I’ve always found interesting and witty and I understand what he was trying – and succeeded – to do.
2) What does being part of the LQBTQA+ community and being a Satanist have in common?
I found out that may inside the community either sees themselves as Satanists or at least have the same philosophy, and I love this. I believe that Satanism, and maybe more specifically CoS, is the perfect thing or LGBTQ+ people, as we’re embracing ourselves, our sexuality, we breaking free from norms to live the lives WE want to live. Some Christians blame us gays for being egocentric – and I say YES to that, because we dare to do it. We’re not tied down by guilt and Christian moral rules; we live as we want.
3) Where would you take Charlie Chaplin on a date in the year 1994?
I would probably take him to an old wax museum in Sweden, now bankrupt since many years back, where they had THE worst very wax figure of him ever made. I think he would have appreciated it for some reason.
4) How do you celebrate Halloween?
The thing is, Sweden isn’t much of a Halloween country. The tradition itself have been growing over the years, but it’s not the same as in the United States. I usually try to watch one of the Halloween films, this time it was my hold favorite Halloween III: Season of the Witch. That one sets the mood very well!
5) Tell me the story behind Homo Satanist. How did you come up with the name/title/term?
It kinda just came to me while thinking about who I am. I usually just introduce myself as Fred, because Fred for me is everything I am – but if I’m not Fred then I’m not a homo sapiens like my fellow humans… and suddenly it struck me; I am Homo Satanist, a man of Satan. That felt so comfortable I decided to build a concept around it, and that’s one of the things that lead to the book.
6) What’s your favorite movie and why?
Difficult to say! In my personal collection of films, physical media, I have over 7000 titles! But If I must chose one I’ll chose Stanley Kubrick’s Eyes Wide Shut, a film which triggers both my fascination for the occult, rituals, sex and individualism. I love it so much I might one day write a book about it – and the novel it’s based upon and the 60’s Austrian TV-movie based on the same source. I always find something new in it and it still, to this day, have some of the best writing I’ve ever seen in a film.
7) Is there a story that you weren’t able to fit into your book that you’d like to tell?
Oh sure, but most of them deals with what’s legal in Sweden or not – and when some things still are not legalized or accepted it’s a bit difficult to talk about it without being branded a criminal. It’s not that I’m especially active in this area, but the idea of banning certain substances is primitive and goes against my whole idea of individualism.
8) What do you do when you’re bored? or Do you get bored?
I rarely get bored nowadays, but if that happens I usually watch the most depressing film I have available. It makes me appreciate my own life a lot more and triggers my emotions in very stimulating way. I also have a tendency to shop a lot of expensive books when I’m bored, which is both good and bad.
9) THE ZOMBIES ARE COMING! Quick, what in your house do you grab and why?
I suppose the cats have already escaped, so that means I’ll grab water and warm clothes. Because I bet I’ll need to hide in the woods for a while until it’s all over!
10) Do you have any other creative projects you’re working on?
I’m currently finishing the editing of a short story collection, which I hope will be published in two-three months, but it’s written in Sweden. I’m also halfway through something we can call Homo Satanist 2 and one book about chaos magic, or maybe more an inspiration to use magical thinking in everyday life.
I love that in order to get over being bored, you watch a sad movie. That’s wonderful. Thank you, Fred, for taking the time to answer my silly questions and I hope your book does very well!
And thank you all for coming back and reading, I really love doing these interviews and you guys make it worth my time!
I can’t believe I have to say this. Honestly, I haven’t had anybody say that I am connected to Nazis since my school years when kids would make fun of my extremely german last name. Back then I would just laugh at them for being unoriginal and shrug it off. I knew the kids didn’t think I was hateful or a murderer.
A few weeks ago I was poking around on Twitter when I saw that somebody was making comments on my friend Sophie’s tweet, trying to say that the Church of Satan and its members were Nazis. It was really pissing me off because I am not a nazi. I am a Democrat and also not a monster.
Now, the Holocaust is interesting in a “peek into the mind of a maniac” sort of way, but the acts committed by Nazis and in the name of Hitler were astoundingly cruel and horrific. That makes me a student of history, not a Nazi.
But this person decided to go on and say that since the Church of Satan may contain members with Nazi sympathies, it is a Nazi organization. Um, no, that’s not how anything works. If we were to apply the same logic to everything else, the world would fall apart. Organizations all over the world have members that may have ideas or values that the organization doesn’t share.
An example: Most Nazis are Christian but Christians would take offense if you were to say that being Christian makes them a Nazi because they don’t kick the Nazis out of Christianity. An easier example: A square is a rectangle but not every rectangle is a square.
I am a very firm believer that people should be able to make their own choices in life. This may be because I had an abusive stepdad who wanted to control me and my mother and due to him, I put a lot of value in freedom. I dye my hair different colors because I don’t want to be constrained to black, brown, or blonde. Sometimes that means living in a world where I disagree with others.
Now, does that mean I would condone the banning of non-halal foods because Muslims decided that they don’t want them on the shelves anymore? No. Just like I don’t agree with Nazis that white people are the master race or whatever. I think that’s a disgusting ideal and I’m horrified anybody would compare me to a Nazi.
Maybe there are Nazis in the Church of Satan, I don’t know, because I am not responsible for who the Church of Satan decides to allow into their ranks. Nor do I have the power to kick Nazis out of the Church of Satan. If low-level members like me had that power, I’m sure the Nazis would have used it by now.
The members of the Church of Satan are not one hive mind. Sure, there are some values that we share such as The Eleven Satanic Rules of the Earth and The Nine Satanic Statements, but they mean something different to each individual Satanist. If you were to ask Reverend Campbell to interpret the Seventh Satanic Rule of the Earth and then asked Citizen Nero to do the same, their answers would probably be different.
Humans consume the world through different filters. These can be race, religion, socioeconomic status, childhood experience, privet vs public school, city vs farm living, and so much more. Because of these lenses, information is processed differently from person to person and no two people’s experiences can be the same. To say that all Satanists are one thing because you saw one Satanist do the thing is a sign of a small mind.
So, what can I do if I don’t want to be labeled a Nazi? The guy who prompted this post said that I am appeasing the Nazis because I’m not doing anything to get them out of my Church. That is if there even are any because I really haven’t looked into it. That’s not a productive way to spend my energy.
Well, I’m a teacher and I am using that influential position to make a better future. I am introducing them to plays and scripts that make them think and challenge their world view. We learn about the ways theatre was shaped in different regions of the world and how culture is a huge part of putting on a production. I am working on creating a world where Nazis can’t exist.
Reverend Campbell posted a video today where he discusses The Satanic Warlock of the Year award and what he is looking for in candidates. One thing that was on my mind a lot today was looking at what you’ve done in the real world and not within the world of Satanism. I really recommend watching the video because he’s spot on. I’m not just trying to drive Nazis out of the Church of Satan, I’m trying to drive that sort of thinking out of the entire world. To focus on JUST changing the little Satanic bubble you live in would be short-sited. I am focused on much larger prizes.
So go change the world, my Sweet Satanists, whatever that means to you.
Hey there, my Darling Devils, it’s me, ya girl, and I’m here to give you my book recommendations! This took me a LONG time because I have so many books that I adore for various different reasons. Somehow, I’ve got it down to my Top 5 with a few honorable mentions at the end because it was hard to pick. There are a wide variety of genres represented, so there should be something for everybody, and I will provide links to where you can purchase these.
NOTE: I have NOT included any of the Church of Satan’s book in this list because I plan to do a literary analysis on each of them later.
So, without further ado, please put your hands together for…
5) Selected Writings of Ella Higginson: Inventing Pacific Northwest Literature
This book is dear to my heart because it is (mostly) about Bellingham, which is where I spend most of my days, as well as other parts of Washington, Alaska, and Diet Washington AKA Oregon. This is a collection of short stories, poems, fiction, and non-fictions from a woman who was absolutely amazing.
Ella Higginson was born in Kansas, moved to Oregon, and then moved to what was known was New Whatcom, Washington with her husband in 1885. She was chosen to be the very first Poet Laureate of Washgton State and was hugely popular. On the side of one of the buildings at my alma mater is the phrase “Here is the home of color and of light” which is attributed to nobody. This is one of Higginson’s lines from her poem “College by the Sea”, which is a poem about WWU back when it was a Normal School, which taught women how to be teachers. Her name isn’t under the quote because nobody at that time could imagine a world where people didn’t know Ella Higginson. Actually, I have a tattoo of that line!
Sadly, Ella was lost to history until one of my favorite people in the world, Laura Laffrado rediscovered her work in the State Archives. Seriously, what a character this woman is. I can’t put Laura into words, but there are interviews with her in various magazines. Just google her.
I really recommend this book if you want to see some amazing examples of poetry and prose writing. Ella Higginson was an accomplished poet with an unparalleled master of words.
4) I am America (and So Can You!) dictated by Stephen Colbert (Author of I am America (and So Can You!).
As you can see from the cover, this book is hilarious! This is written by the character Stephen Colbert played on his Comedy Central show The Colbert Report, also named Stephen Colbert. Sadly, this character died after Stephen left The Colbert Report, but his identical twin cousin, Stephen Colbert, often makes appearances on Stephen’s current show, The Daily Show.
By the time you’re done reading this book, you’ll have a hole in the side of your cheek from how often your tongue has been shoved in there. It’s all about what is wrong with America and how Stephen knows how to fix it! If you’re a fan of Stephen it’s really easy to read in his voice, which adds to the hilarity of the entire thing.
Sections include “The Family: So help me God I will turn this book around right here”; “Class War: Let them buy cake for a change”; and “Homosexuals: Do not read by glow stick light”.
If these sound like really right-wing talking points, it’s because they are! That’s the whole point of the character of Stephen Colbert, the show he used to host, and the book I am recommending here.
Beyond this humor, the text pokes holes into all of the arguments often used by republicans to defend their views. This serves as a humorous way to point out the flaws of Uncle Gary the he starts going off about the Lesbians and the Mexicans after be’s had a few at Thanksgiving.
Seriously, I don’t laugh out loud at books often, but this one had me roaring!
This book is interesting because it’s one of two on this list that I had to purchase for a class while I was at WWU. It’s a collection of short stories that pit humans against, not only nature, but their natural instincts. I’ve read the book through, but often come back for specific stories within the text, as they have the ability to stand alone.
A few of my favorites are It’s Coming, which is about a group of humans that are trying to escape from a monster that the readers never get a really good look at; Meteorologist Dave Santana, about a woman obsessed with a local weather man; and The Not-Needed Forest which takes us into a world where boys are sorted into “Needed” and “Not-Needed”.
What makes these stories so amazing is that they don’t explain everything. Allow me to explain. We as readers are shoved into the world where out characters live, but we don’t learn everything that they already know because, well, they already know it and have no reason to explain everything to an observer they as characters are unaware of. This is something that movies have a huge issue with, though the one movie I’ve recently seen that does it REALLY well is A Quiet Place.
Another interesting aspect of a lot of these stories is the perspective. Often times, the characters refer to themselves in first-person plural, using “we” instead of “he” or “I”. I was actually doing it in the last paragraph. This draws the reader into the story and makes it feel more personal; like it’s actually happening to them, too.
If you’re into some really fucked up stories written beautifully, check out this one for sure.
2) Aristotle and Date Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Saenz
Just as Stephen Colbert’s book made me laugh out loud, this book had me weeping. It may seem like it’s going to be a philosophical book, which it is in some ways, but this is actually a book about two boys growing up together and finding love.
As you can see from the cover, this book has won many awards, including an LGBTQ+ literature award, so you can kinda figure out how the story goes just by looking at it. This isn’t a bad thing at all since there are a lot of twists and turns that put you on edge as you’re reading.
I don’t want to go too far into the story or the characters because I really think you should read it! Actually, I have a second copy of this book, so if you really want it, shoot me a comment and I can send it to you at the end of July. I’ll even write you a little personalized note if you want!
Holy, holy, holy I love this book! I read this book for the first time in 10th grade and I read the whole damn thing in one go because I couldn’t put it down!
This is the story of a family and how life takes you through crazy twists and turns, even when you’re already dealing with other issues. We follow a man through his life as he struggles to balance following his dreams and falling in love.
Oh, and the narrator is a dog. That’s right, folks, you get to hear about life through the best dog ever. Enzo is a wonderful pup with some wonderful views on life. This isn’t really a spoiler, but if you want to go in blind, don’t read the next sentence. Enzo believes that if he really tries, he can learn all he can during his time as a dog and then come back in the next life as a person. Also, since his human is a racer driver, he loves watching races and so there’s some really cool nods to real racing culture, if that’s your thing.
I’ve loaned out these books many time and have purchased it as gifts for people’s birthdays and weddings because I love it so much. I really, really recommend buying, borrowing, or checking out this book because it really fun and well-written.
Hold on, I know what you’re thinking. “But, Lauren, you blog is called I’m A Satanist And…”. I know. But hold on!
So, there are degrees within the Church of Satan and each comes with its own title. As I’ve said before, I’ve interviewed Witches, Magisters, Warlocks, Magistras, and even people not associated with the Church who still identify as Satanists. Fuck, I’ve even interviewed a Devil Worshipper! So, I thought I’d give a little bit of an explanation on where I fall before we get onto the Internal Interview.
So, I fall right in the first one with no degree. I just got my Red Card in February and my Active Membership application is probably sitting quietly, waiting to be read. They have a lot of work to get through so it may take up to a year before it even gets glanced at! That’s fine with me because it literally doesn’t matter. With or without Active Membership, I can still be a Member of the Church of Satan who is active. I think that’s what it says on the top of the page, come to think of it.
Today we will be talking with somebody who is a First Degree Satanist in the latest installment of…
Our victim today is Satanist Laz C.! I sat down across the table from a computer and sent him over some hard-hitting questions to get to the bottom of what is going on in that brain.
1) What do you like to do on your free time?
What is this “free time” that you speak of? Hah! When I’m not in the workshop, I’m usually gaming. I can’t do that because my video card is broken and those things are very costly, so I’m ignoring it for the time being.
I also like to catch up on the latest episodes of my favourite true crime podcasts such as Sword and Scale, Casefile, Courtjunkie, Canadian True Crime, They Walk Amoung Us etc. Also This is War, where military vets tell their stories.
I also like to go fishing. So many fish, so little time.
2) Describe your ideal vacation.
Hopping on a boat (I hate flying) to a desert island. Also camping in the middle of a forest, with a river for fishing purposes. As far away from other people as possible.
3) What brought you to apply for Active Membership?
I’d been a member for about 6 years previously, and I wanted to step things up. I’d just gotten Southern Star Woodworks started, I just wanted to become more active with Satanism in general. I tend to take my time with things, but the time was definitely right.
4) Do you think Satanism affects your driving?
I don’t drive! I rely on walking, public transport, lifts, taxis etc.
Does it affect my lack of driving? Eh, perhaps in a way.
One thing that separates us Satanists from the rest is our ability to make things happen. Where life obstacles stump other people, we can carry right on through. So if I need to get somewhere, I get there somehow.
5) What kind of projects are you working on right now?
Let’s see… I have 3 plaques I’m working on at the moment, one is almost ready to ship. 3 altar tiles, and one card holder. I’ve just sent a headphones stand off. I’ve got new items for the store I want to finish and put up when I can.
That explains the lack of free time! (I’ll be ordering something for my alter soon so be prepared)
6) How do you like to celebrate your birthday?
I just like to take the day off and have it for me. I’ll shower myself in snacks and cool beverages. Perhaps a bit of life reflection. I usually start celebrating a day or so early. Why only have one day? It’s mostly a quiet affair.
7) Does your family know that you’re a Member of the Church of Satan? Friends?
The only family I have to speak of now are my two sisters. One knows, I’m fairly sure my other sis does, but we have differing life paths so it doesn’t ever come up. I think being able to have good relationships with people who are living their life in a different manner to you is important. It transcends the limits people place on themselves.
Mum knew and thought it was great, I gave her The Satanic Bible to read and she read it. She was quite spiritual, but on some things we could find common ground.
I’m open about it with friends. I think sometimes my reputation precedes me and word spreads, which is fine. It’s magic. I’ve never found myself in a negative situation with it.
8) Which era would you live in if a wizard made you pick a new one?
If there’s a wizard walking around forcing people to choose a new era to live in, I’d say that’s a rude wizard! Also, this is a hard question. I’m gonna need another coffee, BRB.
I’m going to choose… the 40’s. The fashion, the war, the music, the birth of new technology and the invention of Tupperware. It’s not so far back that I’m going to lack medical care, and not so close to now that things are familiar.
9) Which Satanic Rule of the Earth speaks to you the loudest at the moment?
I’m always a fan of #1. It’s the breaking of that rule that really ticks me off. But then again, can’t realistically hold other people to my lofty standards. Currently I’d say #11, especially with the goings on in the world. I try to avoid the news as much as I can, but some of it still filters through friends etc. I’m all for leaving other people the fuck alone.
People seem to latch onto that one in confusion. Destroying someone/something isn’t limited to physical destruction. You could perform a destruction ritual, however small. Just forgetting about a stranger who’s ruined your day could do. Or in practical terms, say for example the guy who runs the corner store is a twat, and you just so happen to know illegal activities of some kind go on over there, you could be sure the police would like to know about it. It allows for creativity. And I’d say that creativity is the perfect remedy for negativity.
10) How do you define Satan?
He’s the knowledge and mysteries of the universe. He’s the drive that keeps me going when I’ve been pushed down. He’s my rationality when I feel irrational, and most importantly, he is me. He’s the ultimate symbol of rebellion and moxie and I aspire to be the embodiment of this.
I hope you liked my silly questions! There will be many, many more Infernal Interviews coming soon, as well as various rantings from yours truly.
Seriously. This was before I knew that the Church of Satan was a thing, though, even if I was already a Satanist. This is because Satanists are born and not made, which means that if I’m a Satanist NOW, I was a Satanist THEN because I have always lived my life Satanically. It’s a part of me, much like the color of my eyes.
So with that in mind, let me tell you about the time I dated a Hard Core Christian for two years. Let’s call him Tim because that’s his name. Tim belonged to a denomination of faith called The Christian Reformed Church. What is that? Here’s a quote that sorta explains it:
“Reformed Christians are a small part of a much larger body of believers who love and serve Jesus Christ. We’re part of a family that includes Orthodox, Roman Catholic, Anglican, Evangelical, and a host of other churches that confess and practice the Christian faith.
Reformed teachings are shared by denominations other than the Christian Reformed Church. What’s different is the emphasis that we might place on them. Cornelius Plantinga writes:
Our accents lie more on the sovereignty of God, on the authority of Scripture, on the need for disciplined holiness in personal Christian life, and finally, on Christianity as a religion of the Kingdom. —A Sure Thing: What We Believe and Why (Grand Rapids: CRC Publications, 2001), p. 281
For example, the Reformed faith teaches the Lordship of Jesus Christ over all creation. We can’t imagine a Christian church that doesn’t hold to that teaching. But Reformed believers place a lot more emphasis on this teaching than many other Christians do. As a result, Reformed believers have invested a lot of their energy and resources in Christian education (Christian day schools, colleges, and seminaries), Christ-centered political/social action, and parachurch ministries to those in need.” (Taken from CRCNA.org)
There were more than a few reasons why this was never going to work out, but we’re focusing on the religious reasons today. First off, though he didn’t say it, I was expected to serve him. That was never going to happen. Once, we went to a service (Yes, I went, too) where he told me not to stand until he stood; not to sit until he sat; not to speak until he spoke; and so on. I broke all of those rules.
I refuse to be bossed around. I am in charge of myself and nobody else is. This is why I dye my hair fun colors and wear clothes that make it hard for people to fit me into a category. Depending on the day I am either a punk, a goth, a prep, grungy, lazy, or whatever strikes my fancy at the time I’m picking out my clothes. This makes it hard for me to be in a relationship with somebody who wants me to fit a mold.
So, I mentioned earlier that I went to church with him and I did this because I wanted to support him. I hated it, but I was trying to show that his interests were important to me. That stopped pretty quick, which made him nervous because he wanted to get married and have kids who went to church and all that jazz.
OH HELL NO! First of all, I was 19-21 when we were dating so I was not about to have kids. I was busy going to college and getting on with my life. Second, I am totally uncomfortable with telling kids what to think. When my mom was raising me, I was lucky because she would let me explore religion on my own and never pointed me in one direction or another. This is because my Mom is agnostic and wanted me to discover the world myself.
In the end, I think we could both feel that it was coming. I was his first girlfriend, even though he was 24 when we started dating, and I was the one to take his virginity. Because of these things, he thought I had sent him to hell. His solution? He spoke with the elders at his church and they told him to leave me.
So, that’s what he did. He took me a mile away from my car, out in the middle of nowhere, and left me. I cried, yes, but it didn’t take me long to get over it. I got pissed and walked the mile back to my car with him driving a few feet behind me because I refused to get into his truck.
I get home and go to tell my mom what had happened, but she already knew. Apparently, he decided to take an hour to break up with my parents before breaking up with me. It was strange.
All in all, I’m glad we dated. Seriously, I am, because I know all the arguments Christian’s have! I know the arguments and I know their lies. I’ve been on the other side of the lines and I took notes. Also he introduced me to my DnD friends and I love them so much.
So, in the end, Thanks, Tim, for teaching me all about what I never want to be.
Live your life, loves, and never let anybody change you.