I’m Bisexual

Sexuality is something very personal and it’s hard to put a clean label on anybody. Now, this is where some people start rolling their eyes as far back into their head as they can and to them, I say this: Shut the fuck up.

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My Senior Photo

Yeah, shut the fuck up, because you’re just being ridiculous. One thing I’ve never been able to wrap my head around is the fact that some people are willing to spend so much energy on something that literally doesn’t impact their lives in any way.

Let me give an example: I don’t like cheese. I don’t! It just tastes funny to me and I can only eat in warm on things like pizza and mac. People always give me funny looks when I say I don’t like cheese, but then shrug and pop another bit of cheese bit of cheese in their mouth. Now, what they could do is throw me out of the house and never let me back in. That seems a little crazy, but it’s basically what a lot of parents do to their kids when they find out the truth. “Oh, you don’t like dick? Get the fuck out”.

When I sleep with a girl or find myself checking out a girl, the only people I am directly affecting are me and the girl. Now, since I have a boyfriend, Dylan would have some opinions, but he’s not in this hypothetical universe. (Sorry, Darling). Anybody else who is reacting to the happenings between me any another person is choosing to spend their energy focused on our lives and aren’t actively trying to better their own lives. Well, as long as nobody is being physically hurt (without consent) and everybody involved has agreed to participating.

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Grandma and I blowing bubbles

Basically, we don’t need your shit because we are already drowning in our own. For most people, as I will never claim to speak for everybody, when we start having feelings for the same-sex (or whatever), we try to push it down. We were taught it’s not normal. Sometimes this is taught directly through religion or family values. By family values, I mean a homophobic parental unit who likes to use terms such as “faggots” or “homos”. These are the people who don’t want to let Trans people use the bathroom that matches their identity, but will beat them up for having the audacity to wear lipstick in the “Men’s room”.

Most often, though, we are taught to feel abnormal about these feelings indirectly. This takes the form of movies, shows, books, etc. We see happy heterosexual couples and the gay friend is always the butt of some joke. We hear phrases like “no homo, bro” because having these feelings MUST be so bad that you have to make sure people know you’re not gay.

It’s hard to walk through the world with all of these negative messages hitting you all the time. You start to push everything down and you hate yourself. This is why a lot of teens attempt suicide, and, sadly, a lot succeed in taking their own lives.

When I was going through school, I got a lot of shit for the way I presented myself and, once I came out, the fact that I was bisexual. Everybody thought it was a phase, including my mom. To be fair, a lot of people were saying they were bi so they would get attention. Again, not everybody, but a lot. People also bullied me by not talking to me, spreading rumors, spitting on me, slamming my locker, pushing me, and more I’m sure I’m forgetting. It wasn’t a great time.

But I got through it! I survived every awful day of childhood. Even when my mom didn’t believe me and I felt alone, I made it. That’s what matter. Adulthood is… different. I’m lucky to live in a really accepting area of the United States, so I don’t get a lot of hate here. What I do get is people who fetishize me. Oh yeah, Bisexual people are often asked to be part of group sex or sex with somebody’s partner while “they watch”. Please stop asking me to be part of your fantasy. I don’t sleep around and am actually a serial monogamist. I’m not shitting on other people who are fine with this and o sleep around, you do you, but I don’t want it. That’s why you should, I don’t know have some tact and let me finish my god damn drink, Carl!

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Oh my god…

Where I work, however, is a little more conservative in thinking. They’re mostly old farmers who go to church on Easter and Christmas. I tend to just keep my mouth shut in these areas, unless somebody starts spewing utter crap. Then I’ll chime in as a fact-checker. I’m not ashamed of who I am, I just don’t want to waste my time and energy on fighting a battle nobody will win. Honestly, we just need to wait for a lot of these people to die… Sorry. *Enter “Hard To Swallow Pills” Meme Here*

In the end, it’s just important to know who you are and love that person. You are perfect, no matter what. If you have no sex, cool. If you have all the sex, cool. If you like guys, cool. If you like trans guys, cool. If you don’t like romantic relations, cool. If you are attracted to all the things, cool. If you like only your opposite sex, cool. If you have multiple partners at once, cool.

I literally don’t care. It doesn’t impact my life in any way because I’m not worried about what anybody else is doing in the bedroom, as long as it’s all consensual and safe. Be smart, kids. Anybody who stays up late trying to figure out how to make the gays stop doing their own thing is spending too much energy on something that literally wouldn’t affect their life if they didn’t let it.

All this being said, if you need support in any way, feel free to email me. No matter what.

Have a wonderful Saturday, my Delicious Devils!

HS!

LH

I’m A Teacher

I’ve always wanted to be a teacher since I was in High School. I always dreamed of being the cool teacher who students like to hang out with during lunch. I thought I was going to be an English Teacher one day, since my BA is in Creative Writing, and I may move into that field at some point.

It wasn’t until later, while I was attending Skagit Valley Community College, that I found out my love for theatre. While I was getting my BA at WWU, I also took theatre classes that focused on technical side of theatre, accumulating enough for almost a minor. Almost. Like, if I take one more class, I will have a theatre minor. Why didn’t I decide to stay in school one more quarter and just finish off that one credit? Well, because I got a job offer.

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My $22,000 piece of paper

It was last summer during the off-season at Western when I was working as a janitor. I was taking my last break, which was at 1:30 in the afternoon since I got to work at 5am, and I had a text from my mom to come down later for dinner. So, I did. That’s when I started speaking to my mom’s friend who works at the school. She started asking me if I wanted to be a drama teacher. I thought she was joking, so I said that yeah, one day, I would love to be a teacher. That when she looked at me really seriously and said

“No, now”.

And that was that! I went home and filled out my graduation papers, which they had to rush for me. Then I paid what I needed to pay, filled out my application and waited. And waited… Then I waited a while longer. Apparently, they liked to keep me waiting because I was about ready to give up. My stomach turned each day, wondering if I was going to get the job. So, I did what any rational Satanist would do. I performed a ritual.

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A photo from before our first ritual

I decided to do a compassion ritual because I was worried that they maybe had multiple people to decide from or were unsure if they wanted to hire me or not. I have to say, I did feel better afterwards because I felt as if I had finally done everything in my power to sway the outcome. Afterwards, I turned my energy to different things. I started looking at Masters programs and tried painting. I looked for other jobs, too, in case they decided to hire somebody else. Well, a few days later, I received a call. I was being asked to come in and interview! They ended up hiring me on the spot, which is good since school started the next Tuesday.

From then on, it’s been nothing but a dream. Yeah, there are some times when I get stressed and find myself wanting to bang my head against the wall, but I’m happy more often than not. They are all so smart and funny and I love each of them for who they are and I hope I’m still around to see them graduate.

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One of my Favs at the gun march (Used with permission)

When it comes to being a Satanist and being a member of the Church of Satan, I keep that on the DL. If they ask me if I go to church or believe in god, I tell them to ask me after they graduate. Sometimes they debate religion while we are working and I’ll listen to make sure that everything is fair and factual. I’ll chime in as soon as the conversation begins to get personal or if somebody says something inaccurate. This means that I’ve corrected them about the beliefs on some Christians, Hindus, etc. And yes, I’ve defended Satanism.

A real life example: One time a student said that Satanists sacrifice animals and children. Obviously this is crazy and I corrected him. I’m a teacher, which means I am here to teach. I don’t want to create little Satanists, I want to create good people. I want to make sure that these children get thrown into the world with the ability to fact check and question everything.

I do, though, weave satanic sentiments into my teaching and class rules. We respect other people’s time in class, which means knowing when to work, when to chat, and when to listen to Ms. Hippenstiel. This means that nobody should expect to be listened to if they can’t take their eyes off their phone while others are presenting. I also get them to try to work out their own issues before coming to me because I don’t have time to split up fights about desks. But I don’t try to turn them into Satanists. It’s against my religious beliefs to indoctrinate people.

The biggest rule in my class is “Get Over Yourself”. This is important in the theatre because if you spend too much time thinking about how silly you might look, you will never give a good performance. Hell, I was in a play where I played an evil preacher that came back from the dead to yell at gay people who were also dead because they had died of AIDs. It’s called Elegies for Angels, Punks, and Raging Queens and it’s FUCKING BOMB. If I had gotten too worried about what I looked like, I wouldn’t have been able to get audience members to hiss at me when I finished my piece.

I have the future of the United States of America in my hands every day. All I want is for the students to leave school one day and be able to enter the next step of their life with confidence. I was a pretty bad student back in the day, so I understand what it’s like to have a teacher change your life, as my high school English teacher did for me.

I hope they feel safe and loved in my class. If these things hold true, I’ve done my job.

Enjoy the rest of the day, my Lovely Leviathans

HS!

LH