So, as I’ve said before, I’m a teacher and right now we are getting down to the end of the school year which means there’s a lot of work for teachers to do on top of the regular teaching and such that we all do.
That means that by the time I get home at the end of the day, all I want to is hang out with my cats and maybe go on a walk if I can find the energy. This is why I haven’t posted in a few days. I’m tired.
I think it’s important to take a step back from your personal projects from time to time in order to keep yourself sane and give your best self to whatever work you have to do. It’s like Ron Swanson said, “Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing”.
Plus, I need to make sure I am happy. I need to take care of me. This is something I think more people need to work on since we are always trying to please others and we end up killing ourselves for our coworkers and friends.
So, with all that being said, I give you the newest installment of…
Today, our victim is Warlock Hyde! I couldn’t find a picture of his face so I Facebook stalked him and pulled his profile picture!
1) Where do you see yourself in ten years?
Well, I’m pretty well established both professionally and personally, so in 10 years, I don’t know that I really want things to change drastically. I’d say I’ll be in the same field only in a higher position. My kids will all have grown by that point, so I expect I’ll have more time for personal hobbies like travel, writing, and my art.
2) How do you respond to those who react negatively to you affiliation with the Church of Satan?
I find that those people are few and far between. Mainly because I don’t flaunt my affiliation so only close friends know it and the type of friends I attract are eclectic to say the least.
Outsiders to my circle generally think I’m a bit of an oddball or a kook, but I’m genial and on good terms with most of those as well.
3) What do you like to do to unwind after a long day?
I read. I write. I draw. I spend time with my family and dogs. I play board games and watch movies. I occasionally smoke my pipe if the weather outside is nice.
4) If you could trade lives with somebody for a day, would you do it and who would you switch with?
Trading implies that whoever I switch with would be in my shoes for a day. So with that as my understanding, then I say I’d rather not. I wouldn’t want someone to bugger up the house that I’ve built. Besides, my life is pretty good, so the only reason I’d trade would be to experience a different time period such as the 1940s music scene.
5) Which of the Nine Satanic Sins do you witness the most each day?
I feel that many of the sins play off of one another. Pretentiousness, lack of perspective, forgetfulness of past orthodoxies, and counter produce pride are rampant if you go online or turn on almost any TV news or talk show. But I think all of those sins could easily fit snugly under the numero uno sin so I’ll backtrack and simply say it’s stupidity that I see almost every single day.
6) Do you have any projects you are working on currently?
Aside from professional stuff, I am always working on some form of writing project. Right now, it’s short tales in the spirit of Weird Tales magazine. But those are all in fun as I rarely publish any of my works.
7) What fantasy character would you most like to have as a pet?
Ooo! I love animals and fantasy so this is a good one! If I think at length, this could change, but my first instinct is to say Scooby Doo. A semi-talking dog would be such a good (and fun) animal to have around.
8) Tell me your favorite joke.
A young monk begins a stay at a monastery where he must take a vow of silence, except for once a year when he is able to say only two words to the temple master.
The first year passes in silence. When the monk gets to speak to the master, he says “Bed hard.”
At the end of another year of silence, the monk comes before the master and says “Room cold.”
Then yet another year goes by and this time the obviously irritated young monk comes before the master. This time he simply says “I quit.”
The master replies, “I expected as much. All you’ve done since you arrived is complain.”
9) What in your life are you most proud of?
My family. I am unorthodox in my habits. As such, I had concerns in in my young married life that my views wouldn’t be compatible with children. However I’ve found, as Doktor LaVey has noted, children are true magicians and when not dumbed down by society at large, they act according to their own nature. And, at least with my brood, that nature fits nicely in with Satanic tenets (even if my younger kids have little clue what that means).
10) Tell me about a powerful Lesser Magic moment.
This is probably the trickiest question on the list since I believe that pretty much every interaction that I have (including the writing of these answers) is a bit of lesser magic. That said, I still hold my proudest moment of lesser magic to be the initial attracting of my (then future) wife. I won’t go into specifics but I did a bit of research in finding out her interests in advance, had a few conspirators drop some beguiling rumors about me, and then moved in accordingly. The end result of that venture is now coming up on 20 years and I couldn’t be happier.
Well, that’s all for today, kids! I’ve got to go get ready for an assembly for the high schoolers.
Have a nice day and remember that in order to be number 1 you have to be odd!
And the fun part is that he actually took the time to answer them! Each of these interviews is designed to inform and entertain, which this one does for sure! The joke at the end made me laugh so hard that I scared my cats.
1) Tell me about a powerful Greater Magic moment.
The most powerful Greater Magic moment I’ve experienced was my first. It was a destruction ritual for a psychic vampire I was dealing with at work. The ritual itself was full of powerful anger and hatred, and afterwards I felt such a euphoric feeling. Within two weeks the person received several performance related write ups. They quit shortly thereafter.
2) Do the people close to you know you’re a member of the Church of Satan?
My wife knows and has read all the books in my collection as well as one of my brothers. The rest of my family would have to be blind not to know as I have the fact that I’m a member on all my social media pages. There are interviews I’ve done on Good Mourning America and Speak of the Devil that are easily found with a google search. I don’t go around telling people but will honestly answer if asked.
3) How do you like to celebrate your birthday?
I love to go out to a steak house that is close by, they have the best new York strip that they cook to a temperature called “blue”, then having either key lime pie or caramel brulee. After that it’s home for great sex and a great old movie for the night.
4) What would you do if you were turned into a horse for a day?
I would be the fastest horse on the track in my youth, and enjoy being a stud in my later years. Being from Kentucky originally I’ve seen that most horses live better than their owners, so what a life that would be.
5) How do you explain Satanism to Non-Satanists?
I explain Satanism as being a powerful philosophy for “I-theists” as Magus Gilmore has called us. The tools within Satanism allow a born Satanist to develop themselves into successful, fully responsible adults who shape the world the way we want it to be. Through everything from art, music, television, technology, etc. Satanists are living the fullest lives with the most impact.
6) What is your biggest pet peeve?
My biggest pet peeve is stupidity. I can deal with people who are ignorant but those who choose to be ignorant of a subject is, in my opinion, the worst kind of stupidity.
7) Are you currently working on any projects?
I am getting in to painting and I write poetry and songs. There are some videos from when I was a touring musician on YouTube for those who like “retro” music. I am working out a plan of putting together a book of stories from the road accompanied by some of my poetry.
8) What are a few things on your bucket list?
I want to sky dive on my 40thbirthday, take my oldest daughter (6) to Germany, and get together with Reverend Campbell and Warlock Jeff Bowling for a beer.
9) Would you rather give up toothpaste or toilet paper for a week?
Toothpaste. I think there are somethings you could eat or gum you could chew to fix the cleanliness of my mouth. Not much you could do comfortably for your ass.
10) Tell me your favorite joke.
My girlfriend’s dog died the other day so I surprised her by going out and getting her an identical dog. She was livid, she said “what am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
My cats have calmed down now and are trying to get me to love them now. Or feed them. It’s the same, really. I was going to say this was a fun interview for me, but that’s obvious. How about I just tell you when an interview irritates me, yeah? Cool.
So, I’ve been doing a lot of interviewing of other people on here, as well as essays from a Satanic perspective. So, I decided it was high time that I let myself step into my own spotlight and let you guys ask questions this time around. I will be using some of these questions in later interviews, too. So if you don’t see all of your questions here today, you may see them later.
Here is our latest installment in…
Today, the victim is Member Lauren H. That’s me.
1) What’s your favorite horror movie?
Oh, goodness, I am a huge horror movie fan! Since I was a little girl, I’ve been surrounded by horror movies. My Grandma and I would have weekly Crappy Movie Night where we would get a scary movie from the 1960’s and watch it with popcorn. Later on, Mom would host Scary Movie Night with all of our cousins. Now, I think I own more horror movies than any other genre.
This is a really hard question, so I’ll give you a few. 1) As Above, So Below is my movie that I will watch over and over. I wanted to buy it so badly that I wrote the local movie rental store a 5 paragraph essay as to why they should sell me one of their two copies. I own it; 2) The Night of the Living Dead was my first scary movie and I got to meet Barbra once so it will always have a special place in my heart; 3) The Grudge actually still scares the shit out of me.
2) What was your favorite subjects at school?
Jesus with these hard questions! I love learning so much that when people ask me what I would do if I won the lottery, I tell them that I would go to school forever. So, there are a lot of areas of schooling that I love and I had a really hard time deciding what to go to college for. In the end, I decided to go for what comes easiest to me.
I was a Creative Writing major at WWU and graduated with a BA in English. What’s funny is that I didn’t even discover theatre until community college, which is where I am making money, since I am a Drama Teacher and Lighting Designer.
I am also really in love with science and I was able to take an Astrobiology class in high school and it BLEW MY MIND! I love every aspect of science, even Math, in one way or another.
TL;DR: I love learning.
3) Are you introverted or extraverted?
Ya know, it really, really depends on a lot of factors. I love having time to myself where I can just listen to my music and clean or read or whatever strikes my fancy. At the same time, if I’m left alone for too long I get bored and make big forts in the middle of the living room.
If I’ve had a really long day, all I want to do id go home and see my cats. If I haven’t seen anybody in days, I start to whine at my friends to come visit me. I’m somewhere in between. I want to say there’s a word for that…
4) Have you ever spoken with Peter H. Gilmore and/or Peggy Nadramia?
HA! You’re so sweet. No, no I have not. I don’t think I’m even on their radar since I just became a member in February. One day, perhaps years in the future, I will have a big enough base for this blog and I will be able to send them some of my silly questions. Hell, maybe I’ll be able to run into them at a concert or on the street or some shit… that’d be cool.
5) What’s your favorite piece of clothing?
This actually took me a second to think about because I just love clothing. Not in the sense that I like being fashionable, but more I really love being covered and warm. I have this big-ass coat I call Big Coat that I use when I go outside, sometimes even at 60 degrees!
But, when I think about which piece of clothing I like the most, I would say my black and grey flannel. I like in the Pacific Northwest and the weather takes crazy turns from hot to cold to wind to rain to windy rain all in two hours. It’s a crazy place and the key to being comfortable is layers. That’s why we all dress the same. We know that jeans, a tank top, a tee, a flannel and a jacket works as a comfortable outfit in Washington.
I can tell you I do not like underwear. This isn’t even something that’s supposed to be sexy-like, I just REALLY hate them. I wear leggings with skirts and dresses so I don’t have to wear them. Fuck underwear.
6) Where would you want to travel to the most if money wasn’t an issue?
I would really love to go back to Edinburgh for The Fringe Fest. I was there when I was 20 to perform with Skagit Valley College. For those who don’t know, The Fringe is the largest performance festival in the world and it is so much fun! It’s tons of theatre and tons of theatre nerds taking over the bars and partying. I love it so much and I need to go back. Also the food is amazing.
My college was there to perform Elegies for Angels, Punks, and Raging Queens which is a monologue/song play that rhymes and is really, really good. It is the various stories of people who somehow got AIDS, died, and came back to tell their story. I played two people. The first was a woman who got AIDS from sharing needles and died. Her monologue included begging for money, so I would sit outside each performance with a change cup, start in the house, and yell my first line at the audience. They didn’t know I was part of the play so they just thought I was screaming about how much I love getting high.
The second was a preacher who came out to yell at everybody for being gay and stuff. It was weird because I was stepping into a character who was not only the opposite of me, but the only character with words who was “evil”.
Yeah, Scotland. I need to go back.
7) How did you become Satanist?
So, I know what you mean and I will answer that, but I do want to reiterate that Satanists are born, not made. So, I’ve always been a Satanist, I just needed to discover that.
Actually, I found The Church of Satan through music. I was hanging with my friend Colby and he locked me in a car to make me listen to a song. He was almost out and he looked back in and said “This is Ghost. They’re a Satanic band. AND THEY’RE FUNNY, TOO!” and then left.
That song was Square Hammer by Ghost BC.
After that, I just started poking around the Church of Satan’s website and listing to Podcasts like The Devil You Know and Raising Hell. They were my way of getting information before I had the means to get The Satanic Bible. Finally, I was able to get a few of the books written by LaVey and that was it. I knew.
8) Who inspires you the most (dead or alive)?
Oh, that’s easy. My Mom. I love my Mom so, so much because she made me into s strong, hard-working, caring person. She was trapped in an abusive relationship for years with the father of my little brother and sister, who I also love dearly, and she was the only person who was there for me when I was being abused by him, too. I’ll be doing a post about this in more detail later.
She’s my best friend and I would do anything for her.
9) What would be your ideal vacation?
You know if you ask me this during the winter the answer will be different. Right now, I would love to go to Europe somewhere to eat and hike. I love the history over there and the beautiful buildings. Maybe Norway since that’s where most of my DNA comes from, or Germany for the same reason.
During the winter, my answer would be Turks and Caicos with my Mom. It looks so beautiful and warm! I would love to read a book with my foot in the waves and a drink in my hand.
10) What do you think ghosts are? Or at least what so many people have seen and claim to be ghosts?
Okay so I do have a weird-ass hypothesis on what this could be but I don’t think there’s a way to test it. You know how scientists believe Gravity may be such a weak force because it’s spread thin over various alternate universes? That, but ghosts.
So, what I think is that there are an infinite amount of story lines that branch off with every choice we make. So if I make the choice to walk. across a street, in an infinite amount of universes I get hit by a car and in an infinite amount I don’t get hit. There are universes with near-misses and universes where I get hit and live and where I get hit and die. I think ghosts are just the other universes leaking over and showing us a weak image of what may be going on in a different reality we are close to.
That’s just what I think and I know it makes me sound really insane, but I explain it better in real life.
Well, there ya go! My very own interview on my very own blog. I will be putting this in the About The Author page, too, so you can find them there. Thank you so much to all the people who commented or emailed me in some questions, it was hard to pick just 10.
Hold on, I know what you’re thinking. “But, Lauren, you blog is called I’m A Satanist And…”. I know. But hold on!
So, there are degrees within the Church of Satan and each comes with its own title. As I’ve said before, I’ve interviewed Witches, Magisters, Warlocks, Magistras, and even people not associated with the Church who still identify as Satanists. Fuck, I’ve even interviewed a Devil Worshipper! So, I thought I’d give a little bit of an explanation on where I fall before we get onto the Internal Interview.
So, I fall right in the first one with no degree. I just got my Red Card in February and my Active Membership application is probably sitting quietly, waiting to be read. They have a lot of work to get through so it may take up to a year before it even gets glanced at! That’s fine with me because it literally doesn’t matter. With or without Active Membership, I can still be a Member of the Church of Satan who is active. I think that’s what it says on the top of the page, come to think of it.
Today we will be talking with somebody who is a First Degree Satanist in the latest installment of…
Our victim today is Satanist Laz C.! I sat down across the table from a computer and sent him over some hard-hitting questions to get to the bottom of what is going on in that brain.
1) What do you like to do on your free time?
What is this “free time” that you speak of? Hah! When I’m not in the workshop, I’m usually gaming. I can’t do that because my video card is broken and those things are very costly, so I’m ignoring it for the time being.
I also like to catch up on the latest episodes of my favourite true crime podcasts such as Sword and Scale, Casefile, Courtjunkie, Canadian True Crime, They Walk Amoung Us etc. Also This is War, where military vets tell their stories.
I also like to go fishing. So many fish, so little time.
2) Describe your ideal vacation.
Hopping on a boat (I hate flying) to a desert island. Also camping in the middle of a forest, with a river for fishing purposes. As far away from other people as possible.
3) What brought you to apply for Active Membership?
I’d been a member for about 6 years previously, and I wanted to step things up. I’d just gotten Southern Star Woodworks started, I just wanted to become more active with Satanism in general. I tend to take my time with things, but the time was definitely right.
4) Do you think Satanism affects your driving?
I don’t drive! I rely on walking, public transport, lifts, taxis etc.
Does it affect my lack of driving? Eh, perhaps in a way.
One thing that separates us Satanists from the rest is our ability to make things happen. Where life obstacles stump other people, we can carry right on through. So if I need to get somewhere, I get there somehow.
5) What kind of projects are you working on right now?
Let’s see… I have 3 plaques I’m working on at the moment, one is almost ready to ship. 3 altar tiles, and one card holder. I’ve just sent a headphones stand off. I’ve got new items for the store I want to finish and put up when I can.
That explains the lack of free time! (I’ll be ordering something for my alter soon so be prepared)
6) How do you like to celebrate your birthday?
I just like to take the day off and have it for me. I’ll shower myself in snacks and cool beverages. Perhaps a bit of life reflection. I usually start celebrating a day or so early. Why only have one day? It’s mostly a quiet affair.
7) Does your family know that you’re a Member of the Church of Satan? Friends?
The only family I have to speak of now are my two sisters. One knows, I’m fairly sure my other sis does, but we have differing life paths so it doesn’t ever come up. I think being able to have good relationships with people who are living their life in a different manner to you is important. It transcends the limits people place on themselves.
Mum knew and thought it was great, I gave her The Satanic Bible to read and she read it. She was quite spiritual, but on some things we could find common ground.
I’m open about it with friends. I think sometimes my reputation precedes me and word spreads, which is fine. It’s magic. I’ve never found myself in a negative situation with it.
8) Which era would you live in if a wizard made you pick a new one?
If there’s a wizard walking around forcing people to choose a new era to live in, I’d say that’s a rude wizard! Also, this is a hard question. I’m gonna need another coffee, BRB.
I’m going to choose… the 40’s. The fashion, the war, the music, the birth of new technology and the invention of Tupperware. It’s not so far back that I’m going to lack medical care, and not so close to now that things are familiar.
9) Which Satanic Rule of the Earth speaks to you the loudest at the moment?
I’m always a fan of #1. It’s the breaking of that rule that really ticks me off. But then again, can’t realistically hold other people to my lofty standards. Currently I’d say #11, especially with the goings on in the world. I try to avoid the news as much as I can, but some of it still filters through friends etc. I’m all for leaving other people the fuck alone.
People seem to latch onto that one in confusion. Destroying someone/something isn’t limited to physical destruction. You could perform a destruction ritual, however small. Just forgetting about a stranger who’s ruined your day could do. Or in practical terms, say for example the guy who runs the corner store is a twat, and you just so happen to know illegal activities of some kind go on over there, you could be sure the police would like to know about it. It allows for creativity. And I’d say that creativity is the perfect remedy for negativity.
10) How do you define Satan?
He’s the knowledge and mysteries of the universe. He’s the drive that keeps me going when I’ve been pushed down. He’s my rationality when I feel irrational, and most importantly, he is me. He’s the ultimate symbol of rebellion and moxie and I aspire to be the embodiment of this.
I hope you liked my silly questions! There will be many, many more Infernal Interviews coming soon, as well as various rantings from yours truly.
I was really enjoying myself on the way home from work today. It was a beautiful day and there wasn’t anybody in front of me on the road. This is particularly nice since it’s a tiny, winding road that follows the coast and has a lot of corners and I find that a lot of people are too scared to go the speed limit. I am not. I’ve driven Chuckanut many, many times, thus making it very irritating when people are going 25 in the 40.
This almost changed half way home when a truck pulled out in front of me. I have a little silver car and I think people either don’t see me or think I’m going to be slow. Fun Fact: I’m not. I had to slam on my breaks, which caused my car to start to go to one side. I felt myself losing control and heading towards the wall of the cliff beside the road, but was able to get back under control.
The first thing I felt was relief. I was so happy that I wasn’t smashed into a wall or into the side of a truck. The next wave of emotion that hit me was pure mother fucking rage. “How dare you?” I said just now as myself pretending to be me then, “How dare you almost kill me? How dare you almost ruin my day and my car?” I wanted to scream at that driver! I wanted to honk and blast my Ghost BC as loud as I could, just because they had one of those stupid Jesus fish on their bumper.
I didn’t. I kept driving, though I was going slower than the speed limit now because the truck was too afraid to GO THE SPEED LIMIT! Can you tell this is one of my biggest pet peeves? But then I took stock of my body and realized that my chest was hurting. During the near miss, my seatbelt had stopped me from flying forward into the steering wheel or out of the windshield. This would have been especially true had the near miss hadn’t been a miss.
Something similar happened when I was 17.
My Dad was taking me to dinner in his work truck, which was an old, beat up, 199-whatever piece of shit. I don’t know how that thing was running. We were starting to turn left when my door opened. To be fair, my Dad may have had something to do with this since he is not the safest driver in the world and had taken the turn a bit faster than I would have.
So, the door opened and my body started to go with the turn, which would have been out of the door. But I stopped. My seatbelt had gone tight and I was hanging out just far enough to grab the door and swing it shut as I got inside.
Are you seeing a pattern here? I don’t see anything more Satanic than wearing your damn seatbelt. Seriously, it’s the easiest thing in the world to do, besides maybe using your blinker, and it will save your life. It will save you from going through the windshield and dying or smashing into the steering wheel and dying. It’s only job is to keep you alive. Wear it.
My Mom explained it to my the best when she said “Not everybody is going to be making the best decisions for you, so you have to make the best decisions for you”. It flows really well with the quote from Anton LaVey that reads “Life is the great indulgence – Death the great abstinence. Therefore, make the most of life here and now!”
This is wonderful advice, and yet I feel a sense of caution here, too. Life is the only time we get to party, drink, eat, and fuck! You can’t do that when you’re dead. So yes, live life to the fullest while you’re here, but don’t do anything that will cause the proverbial bar to close.
Another wonderful quote from my apparently very Satanic Mother is “Have fun, be safe, and make good choices”. She says this all the time and I always take it to heart. You should, too.
So have fun, be safe, and make good choices, my Little Lucifers.