Good evening, my lovelies. Since it is going into spring time, I began to think about growth and new beginnings. Spring time is when animals start having their new babies and trees start getting new buds on their branches. With this idea of growth and renewal in mind, I decided to interview a member of the Church of Satan who is going through a process of redefining and growing into themselves. Put your hands together for a friend of I’m a Satanist And… Gwen!
All that being said, I am so very thankful to Gwen for being the latest installment in…
1) How’s life?
Better than I could have ever imagined since starting to transition, I didn’t know what I was missing out on!
2) Have you had any interesting or exciting experiences since starting transitioning?
More “funny” than interesting, I’ve had people not notice the physical changes, despite them being very obvious (along with me wearing female clothing etc).
One conversation I basically asked them if they’d noticed the changes, they said “your hair is longer?” – and I had to point at my tits (seriously) until they clicked that it was more than just hair being longer.
I was wearing a long flowing dress at the time too…..
3) Will how you celebrate your birthday change this year?
I haven’t decided fully yet, but something to do with 32-bit computing and femaleness – I’m still a geek at heart
4) What’s your favorite way to relax after a long day?
Coding something (currently working on an OS kernel), a bit of gaming or TV – often with a nice cold drink and a snack.
5) What do you say to Satanists who are anti-LGBTQA+?
“You aren’t Satanists” – seriously, people who don’t get that obviously never read LaVey’s work.
6) What did you grow up masterbating to? (Reader submitted: feel free to submit your own in the comments!)
I plead the 5th!
Ok, a few random girls I liked in school (sidenote: that held me back for years, I thought i couldn’t be trans cos I liked girls) and Sarah Michelle Gellar and a few other random celebs.
7) What’s the biggest change in your daily life thus far since beginning to transition?
Practical stuff mainly – taking my HRT meds (not a big change really, I already swallowed a bunch of nootropics and supplements daily for health reasons), different clothing, and applying makeup if I’m going out somewhere.
8) Has your relationship with the Church of Satan changed since your began the transition process?
Not yet, I haven’t got a formal diagnosis of gender dysphoria yet, once I have that i’ll be applying for a new card.
9) What’s the stupidest driving law in the place in which you (generally) live?
Not a clue, I don’t drive.
10) What is your favorite guilty pleasure song you would never admit to anyone else? (Reader submitted: feel free to submit your own in the comments!)
crawling by Linkin park – edgy emo teenage crap, but I first heard it when I was a very emo teenager, and if you watch the video it kinda makes sense why I related to it……..
I hope you are all having a great day and enjoyed this installment in The Infernal Interviews! I’ll see you soon, my darlings.
Man oh man, I am excited! New Years Eve is one of my favorite holidays and it is finally here! Now, I know some of you might be saying today isn’t the holiday, tomorrow is, but come on let’s be honest here. Most people are celebrating tonight and spend tomorrow eating and nursing hangovers.
At least, that’s how I’ve always done it. Other people may celebrate differently, but I think I’m in the majority. So, tonight, I’ll be going out with friends and partying until midnight… and probably past that, too.
One thing that a lot of people do, too, is to make promises to themselves in the form of a New Year’s Resolution. I think it’s really funny that people do them for the same reason it’s funny that we celebrate New Years. It’s pointless. Yes, we are going into a brand new year, but all that means is that the Earth has come back around to a random point in its orbit again. It did that April 9th, too, but I was the only one I knew celebrating that date.
All that being said, I love that people make New Years Resolutions. For one thing, it causes them to reflect on the parts of themselves they may want to change and make a plan to change it. It may be going to the gym or being a “better person” or a better student or maybe even smaller and more personal.
I don’t do resolutions because I don’t need an arbitrary date to be self-reflective. I do, though, try to clear my conscience. I want to go into this New Year free of anything that may be weighing me down. This isn’t to say that I’ll be performing a ritual, but I have been going through my life and taking stock. Anything I deem as negative is removed. Some of these things were really difficult because they involved major changes that had an impact on others.
But I feel really good! I thought I was being a “good little Satanist” and living my best life, but I wasn’t. I was living a safe life, within which I had fallen into a comfortable rhythm. I don’t want to go into detail just because it may be too soon to talk about it on my little blog, but I can tell you that I am a better Satanist for having made these changes and that makes me a better overall person.
So, whatever you’re thinking about changing, do it. Fucking do it. If you’re trying to better yourself FOR YOURSELF, then what’s holding you back? I will tell you that I know it will be scary and I know it might be painful, but you have a duty to yourself to get your ass up and make this universe EXACTLY how you want it, because it’s the only one you’ve got and it’s the only chance you’ll get.
Now, time to attack the laundry. I like to go into the New Year with a clean house.
My day is filled with dangers. I could slip in fall in the shower or just be straight up murdered in my sleep. Every day I drive 45 minutes to and from work, either on the freeway or the nerve-wracking Chuckanut Drive. It’s a wonderfully beautiful area
right edge of the Puget Sound and surrounded by forests, but the road has a lot of twists and turns. The lanes are very small and the road follows a steep cliff, which makes passing large trucks very scary.
The best part is that my car is one of the deadliest to drive these days. To be fair, I’m looking to buy a new one soon but I really needed a new mattress. I know that doesn’t seem as important as a new car, but you should have slept on my old mattress.
Back to danger. So, I work at a school and that makes me nervous due to the school shootings that have occurred. I worry about keeping my students safe and what we would do if something were to happen. I have a plan, but I worry anyway.
When I’m in the theatre, I could fall from the ladder, lift, or catwalk, which range from 10 feet up to 60 feet up, depending on the location. I could start a fire and die
from that in various ways. I could be electrocuted. I could get hit by something coming in from the fly system. Also you can just be murdered anywhere, so just add that mentally from now on.
There are many, many diseases all over the world that could destroy my life and leave me in agony for my raining days. There are animals that can sting you, bite you, poison you, paralyze you, brutalize your body and/or murder you. I’m looking at you, Australia.
My greatest fear in the world is dying before my mother followed closely by getting in a violent car accident and burning alive. My phobias are spiders, bees, and clowns/mascots.
The thing is, I still drive to work every day to teach children. I still go 60 feet up onto the catwalk in the theatre and lean five feet out to gel a lamp. I still want to travel and eat new foods! There’s too much to do and see for me to say, but my bucket list is long. There’s a lot I’ve already done, too, like driving across country in 18-wheelers and performing in the Edinburgh Fringe Festival.
I live my life aware of the possible hazards and I think about what I would do in situations, but I don’t live my life as if it will happen every time I step out of the house. That’s no way to enjoy what the universe has to offer.
Go for a drive down Chuckanut if you’re ever in Bellingham, but pay attention to the road and wear your seatbelt. Have a belt-cutter and a way to break your window in case you crash into the water. If you’re prepared, you’ll be okay.
Case in point: Last winter my boyfriend and I were driving home from a party in Seattle. It was really, really snowy and he’s driving slower, but we came to a big hill on I-5 (just past the Starboard road exit if you’re familiar) and at the bottom, I felt the car start to slip. Dylan started to panic a little and I watched the trees and the lights of oncoming traffic as we spun towards the median. He was trying to correct
and hit the break, so I very calmly said to take his foot off the break and keep his hands still. Eventually, we came to a stop facing traffic, though it was really far up the road. After a breath, we continued. This time, much slower. We passed other cars that night that had spun out. Some had gone into the trees, others into guard rails or just straight off the road. When we made it home, I almost cried.
My point here is that I was able to be calm because I was prepared. I wasn’t afraid, even as it was happening. I distinctly remember feeling a crisp, chilly weight in my stomach and feeling very even. I was the calm within the storm and we didn’t go off the road.
So, what I’m trying to say is to go out and live your life, just be prepared.
Okay, off to school. I’ll talk to you later, my Darling Devils.
Listen, if this post isn’t something you want to hear about, click away now. I don’t want shitty comments on here because it isn’t productive. So if you’re going to be a twat, find the nearest exit (which may be behind you) and exit the plane.
So, I had a man force himself on me. I know, I’m being very blunt but I don’t want to sugarcoat this in any way.
Two years ago I was on the bus home from University and, as we were rounding a corner, the bus made a really scary sound and everybody’s eyes snapped up. I happened to make eye-contact with a guy we will call Jackson. Jackson had really pretty blue eyes and made a little worried face that made me laugh a bit, so we started talking.
When the bus stopped, we got off and started walking the same way. Then we kept walking the same way until we were at my apartment door and, as it happened, so was he! Jackson was my across-the-hall neighbor. We spoke a few times and I found out he was a Marine and was a business major. He wasn’t somebody I saw myself with, but I thought he was nice enough.
Not long after meeting, he invited me over to watch Aladdin. Though, we didn’t watch it in the living room because “his neighbors get jealous when he brings women over” so we watched it in his bedroom. Whatever, I understood hiding from my roommates because I, too, had roommates that preferred their privacy.
Well, that’s when he started trying to have sex with me. I said no and it happened anyway. That’s all I’ll say about that. After, I ran home and went to sleep. I think I had a drink and a cigarette before sleeping. I just wanted to go to bed and wake up and move on. Nobody would believe a sailor could do such a thing, right? And girls made stuff up all the time… right? So I was told.
I went to great pains to avoid Jackson and my grades and work suffered. I was often late because I was hiding away. Eventually, I stopped seeing him and figured he had moved out. Later, I met a girl in a Technical Writing class who had been one of his roommates. It turns out he had done the same thing to her that he did to me.
I also found out he had killed himself.
When I googled his name, I found his obituary and real all the loving comments below. I thought about saying something and revealing the monster that had ruined my life but I didn’t. There was no point anymore, was there?
I still don’t trust everybody and I have a hard time with some sexual things, especially near the anniversary. I’ve moved on a lot and I know it’ll be okay later, but the scars are still there.
I’m not asking for sympathy or whatever, I just wanted to tell my story and let those who may be going through this now that you’ll be okay and to urge them to report it. You’ll be okay. I promise.
The thing is, he could have gone somewhere with me if he had been patient.
I was halfway through this post and it deleted, so here we go again. No, hold on, I’m going to get a snack first.
Okay, I’m back. So, as I have said before, I’m a teacher and I also run two different clubs after school. The first is Drama Club. I teach drama so it’s natural for me to run this and I love it so much! I don’t do much other than steer the kids and teach them the skills they need to act, work back stage, or be part of the creative team. The students are totally in charge of directing, stage managing, sound, lights, costumes, set, and props. The productions they put on are totally student created.
This is crucial because it teaches them responsibility as they know their friends and family, as well as strangers, will be coming to see what they’ve done and they want to be able to take pride in their work.
The other club I run is Dungeons and Dragons (DnD) club. Here, as in Drama Club, the students take charge. If one of them decides they have a story they want us to be a part of, they take charge as Dungeon Master (DM) as long as the current DM is done with their campaign or wants to take a break. If they’re not DM, they’re playing along with me. I mostly just show them where they can find the information they need within the books and explain how to do things such as rolling a character (4D4-lowest=STAT).
I LOVE running this club because it is so much fun and it teaches them so much. These students have to learn how to work together to overcome obstacles and that doesn’t just mean fighting big dudes. Sometimes you have to solve a murder or get through a dungeon with a bunch of traps and other times you’re running a business in order to get money. There’s a lot of quick math and you have to learn how to work together and use other character’s skills to get around (or through) problems. On top of all of this, they create friends and that’s really important for students.
All that being said, I would like to make an official statement.
I DO NOT RUN AN “AFTER SCHOOL SATAN CLUB”
When people find out I’m a Satanist, either by noticing my attire or I feel I can tell them, one of the questions they ask, if they also know I’m a teacher, is if I run “one of those After School Satan Clubs they saw on Facebook”.
No I don’t.
First off, let me sorta explain what an After School Satan Club is. To the best of my knowledge, the clubs were created by a group of well-meaning trolls who wanted to provide a space for children to learn STEAM programs in a secular environment. look, I get it. Doesn’t it sound really cool to have a place for little kids to be themselves and learn and grow, all under the loving eye of Papa Baphomet?!
No, actually, that sounds awful. One thing Satanists don’t do is force our religion on others, especially children, so the club’s desire to have the kids learn in a secular environment is instantly squashed by the name of the club itself.
The idea of a club also goes against Satanism as we have the internet. Yes, there used to be a grotto system in place, but that was before we could connect on social media. So, Satanists would never endorse a club for children, no matter how well-intentioned.
Here’s the thing, if you really want children to learn and grow in secular environments, there are better ways to do it. You can donate to the school or to clubs directly; you can go to sporting events or school plays; you can make sure to encourage children to work hard in areas they are interested in, even if it’s not something in which you are interested; you can be their cheerleader while also helping them improve. If you’re worried about education losing funding, call your local representative and make sure your voice is heard in a meaningful way, not stunts.
So, no, I don’t run an After School Satan Club, but I do run two clubs. These clubs operate based on my values and as much as that includes not forcing Satanism down people’s throats, it also includes pushing to be the best at what you do and becoming who you want to be, which does translate into my teaching. I want to give the kids the skills they need to go out and play DnD without me or leave Drama Club and get into a professional production. So, I guess I run a Club That Meets After School That Isn’t Satanic But The Teacher is a Satanist So The Club Teaches You How To Be a Better Person on the Down Low But is Mostly About Life Skills. A CTMASTISBTTSSTCTYHTBBPDLBMALS. Catchy.
Have a great rest of your day, my Devilish Darlings.
We are almost to the end of our journey through Hell and come now to a ghastly site. Here are those whose souls were weighed down by the Sin of Envy have their eyes sewn shut with wire as they had once derived pleasure by seeing others brought low. That is interesting to me because the sin becomes less about wanting what other have and more about enjoying seeing that other are below you.
As before, these damn sins could be all be boiled down to, like, three and this is one of the sins that could disappear into Lust. Envy, to me, seems to just be you lusting after what others have, which can do two things. It can either 1) Drive you mad and/or 2) Push you.
I don’t have a lot of good things to say about Envy other than that it can drive you or at least become an indicator of what you might want in your life. I know I want a family one day because when I look at these families at the park or whatever, I feel a bit of envy for what they have. When I see a car that I like, I might feel that little jump in my stomach and I might feel a little more of a drive to get where I want to be.
That’s pretty much all I can say in favor of envy because, as Epstein says, it’s no fun at all. Well, until you get what you want, but that erection eventually fades and you’ll never stop wanting.
This is what Rev. Campbell called on one of his live streams “Keeping up with The Jonses”. This is when you use your neighbor at a benchmark for social class and the accumulation of material goods. This can drive a person to want and want and spend and spend in order to put out this false idea that they are as good as those around them. This is no fun and will run you into the ground.
Yeah this isn’t going to be a long one saying “Yeah go out there and be envious!” because I don’t think that would be worth your time and energy. If you want something, go get it!
Now, I’m going to go get a piercing or a tattoo. I’ll show you later.
Alright, friends, this is day two of my Seven Deadly Sins. As we continue our spiraling staircase down into Hell alongside our friend Dante, we come to a ghastly site. Cerberus watches over an unending storm of ice that rains upon the heads of those consumed by the sin Gluttony while they were alive. Here, in Hell, they are face down in a “vile slush” which symbolizes the personal degradation of one who overindulged in food, drink and other worldly pleasures, while unable to see others lying nearby. This torture is designed to mimic their cold and selfish nature while on Earth.
Date’s Inferno is so cool, you guys have got to check it out.
The website deadlysins.com defines Gluttony as “an inordinate desire to consume more than that which one requires”, which could just be stuck into Lust if you ask me, but nobody did so I’ll keep writing.
What I get when I read about this Sin is that there’s no getting out of it anymore, at least in this day and age. We consume far more than we require of far more than just food. I mean, yeah, we all over eat (I did yesterday), but we are also consuming natural resources faster than we should, though that’s more a few really wealthy people who want to get more wealthy.
We consume media in large amounts and I know that’s damn true because we all have Twitter or Facebook or Instagram or whatever you use to show the world how happy your life is. I check Twitter a lot because I get bored, so I’m right there with you.
Here’s the kicker: Satanists don’t care. That’s not to say that we don’t care about the environment or eating too much and gaining weight or how much we check our phones, we just don’t care what you do.
As Satanists, we have our own set of Sins, the Ninth being “Lack of Aesthetic”. This just means that you have a look in mind that will allow you the greatest Lesser Magic abilities you can at any time… at least that’s how my brain takes it. We also practice Indulgence not Compulsion as the only thing that should be dictating our lives is ourselves. These two things combined makes it nearly impossible for a Satanist to be a glutton, but we may allow ourselves to be gluttonous from time to time. Let me explain…
When I was 13 I was driving in the front seat with my mom and my little sister was in the back seat. She was doing something (I can’t remember) to annoy me at the time and I was giving it back, only far more mean because I was a teenager and also older. My Mom was trying to get us to stop when I seemingly crossed a line in the sand. She pulled over, stopped, smacked me across the face and said,
“You’re being a bitch. You’re not a bitch, but you’re being a bitch”
This has always stuck with me because it is so true! The meaning of the quote and that I was being a bitch, I’m sure I was. But after everything I learned two things: 1) My mom can slap hard and 2) You can do something without letting it define you.
I love McChickens. I know, how freaking gross is that? I don’t know why but they’re just so good and they’re even better when you’re drunk or hung over. I admit that there was a time where I ate a few too many of them while also not working out enough to counter their nasty, so I gained some weight. I’m 5’8″ and was around 155, which was not part of the aesthetics I wanted to present. So, I stopped getting them as much and started walking more.
Oh, I also HATE working out so instead I just walk around my town and listen to music. Now, I’m 140 and that looks a lot better to me. The thing is, I still get my damn McChickens, I just make sure they’re not fucking with my life. Sometimes I get one in a week, other times I’ll eat 4 and a fry because it’s what I want, Satan damn it!
It’s not ruining my life, nor how I want to look. I’m not hurting others and they’re only a dollar and some change after tax, so they’re not expensive. So who cares?
Who cares if you are on Insta a lot as long as you’re getting your important work or homework done as well? I don’t.
The biggest thing that bugs me about the Seven Deadly Sins, and I’m sure I’ll say this again, is that they are way too nosey. The Church had to control people and they made use they could do that by knowing everything that was going on in the lives of their flock and then telling them it was wrong. I honestly don’t give a shit what my neighbors are doing as long as it doesn’t hurt me, their children, or their animals. As soon as one of those issues comes up, it starts to become my business. That’s just because I would move Hell and Earth to save an animal or a kid. I can’t help it, there’s just this Beast inside me that comes out when either of those things are in danger… It’s a super power. I digress… again.
But go ahead and enjoy whatever your McChicken is! If your McChicken is getting them likes on that Insta, post a great picture. (Extra points if you tag me and give it the hashtag #MyMcChicken). If your McChicken is having sex, go out and get some! (Don’t tag me in that).
And every once in a while, if you’re worried you might be slipping into a grey area between indulgence and compulsion (because sometimes it takes a moment to check yourself) just go to the bathroom, look in the mirror, smack yourself and say
“You’re being a bitch. You’re not a bitch, but you’re being a bitch”