It Has Been a Crazy Week

So, as I’ve said before, I’m a teacher and right now we are getting down to the end of the school year which means there’s a lot of work for teachers to do on top of the regular teaching and such that we all do.

That means that by the time I get home at the end of the day, all I want to is hang out with my cats and maybe go on a walk if I can find the energy.  This is why I haven’t posted in a few days. I’m tired.

I think it’s important to take a step back from your personal projects from time to time in order to keep yourself sane and give your best self to whatever work you have to do. It’s like Ron Swanson said, “Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing”.

Plus, I need to make sure I am happy. I need to take care of me. This is something I think more people need to work on since we are always trying to please others and we end up killing ourselves for our coworkers and friends.

So, with all that being said, I give you the newest installment of…

end of MY rope

 

Today, our victim is Warlock Hyde! I couldn’t find a picture of his face so I Facebook stalked him and pulled his profile picture!

18423804_110121086228640_7963769555050903421_n
See?
1) Where do you see yourself in ten years?
Well, I’m pretty well established both professionally and personally, so in 10 years, I don’t know that I really want things to change drastically. I’d say I’ll be in the same field only in a higher position. My kids will all have grown by that point, so I expect I’ll have more time for personal hobbies like travel, writing, and my art.
2) How do you respond to those who react negatively to you affiliation with the Church of Satan?

I find that those people are few and far between. Mainly because I don’t flaunt my affiliation so only close friends know it and the type of friends I attract are eclectic to say the least.

Outsiders to my circle generally think I’m a bit of an oddball or a kook, but I’m genial and on good terms with most of those as well.

 

3) What do you like to do to unwind after a long day?

I read. I write. I draw. I spend time with my family and dogs. I play board games and watch movies. I occasionally smoke my pipe if the weather outside is nice.

 

4) If you could trade lives with somebody for a day, would you do it and who would you switch with? 
Trading implies that whoever I switch with would be in my shoes for a day. So with that as my understanding, then I say I’d rather not. I wouldn’t want someone to bugger up the house that I’ve built. Besides, my life is pretty good, so the only reason I’d trade would be to experience a different time period such as the 1940s music scene.
5) Which of the Nine Satanic Sins do you witness the most each day?
I feel that many of the sins play off of one another. Pretentiousness, lack of perspective, forgetfulness of past orthodoxies, and counter produce pride are rampant if you go online or turn on almost any TV news or talk show. But I think all of those sins could easily fit snugly under the numero uno sin so I’ll backtrack and simply say it’s stupidity that I see almost every single day.
6) Do you have any projects you are working on currently? 
Aside from professional stuff, I am always working on some form of writing project. Right now, it’s short tales in the spirit of Weird Tales magazine. But those are all in fun as I rarely publish any of my works.
7) What fantasy character would you most like to have as a pet?
Ooo! I love animals and fantasy so this is a good one! If I think at length, this could change, but my first instinct is to say Scooby Doo. A semi-talking dog would be such a good (and fun) animal to have around.
8) Tell me your favorite joke. 

A young monk begins a stay at a monastery where he must take a vow of silence, except for once a year when he is able to say only two words to the temple master.

The first year passes in silence. When the monk gets to speak to the master, he says “Bed hard.”

At the end of another year of silence, the monk comes before the master and says “Room cold.”

Then yet another year goes by and this time the obviously irritated young monk comes before the master. This time he simply says “I quit.”

The master replies, “I expected as much. All you’ve done since you arrived is complain.”

 

9) What in your life are you most proud of?
My family. I am unorthodox in my habits. As such, I had concerns in in my young married life that my views wouldn’t be compatible with children. However I’ve found, as Doktor LaVey has noted, children are true magicians and when not dumbed down by society at large, they act according to their own nature. And, at least with my brood, that nature fits nicely in with Satanic tenets (even if my younger kids have little clue what that means).
10) Tell me about a powerful Lesser Magic moment. 
This is probably the trickiest question on the list since I believe that pretty much every interaction that I have (including the writing of these answers) is a bit of lesser magic. That said, I still hold my proudest moment of lesser magic to be the initial attracting of my (then future) wife. I won’t go into specifics but I did a bit of research in finding out her interests in advance, had a few conspirators drop some beguiling rumors about me, and then moved in accordingly. The end result of that venture is now coming up on 20 years and I couldn’t be happier.
32257960_10209764654113351_3572882576559308800_o.jpg
This is just a chicken. Her name is Patty

Well, that’s all for today, kids! I’ve got to go get ready for an assembly for the high schoolers.

Have a nice day and remember that in order to be number 1 you have to be odd!

HS!

LH

I Answered Your Questions

So, I’ve been doing a lot of interviewing of other people on here, as well as essays from a Satanic perspective. So, I decided it was high time that I let myself step into my own spotlight and let you guys ask questions this time around. I will be using some of these questions in later interviews, too. So if you don’t see all of your questions here today, you may see them later.

Here is our latest installment in…

end of MY rope

Today, the victim is Member Lauren H. That’s me.

1) What’s your favorite horror movie?

Oh, goodness, I am a huge horror movie fan! Since I was a little girl, I’ve been surrounded by horror movies. My Grandma and I would have weekly Crappy Movie Night where we would get a scary movie from the 1960’s and watch it with popcorn. Later on, Mom would host Scary Movie Night with all of our cousins. Now, I think I own more horror movies than any other genre.

This is a really hard question, so I’ll give you a few. 1) As Above, So Below is my movie that I will watch over and over. I wanted to buy it so badly that I wrote the local movie rental store a 5 paragraph essay as to why they should sell me one of their two copies. I own it; 2) The Night of the Living Dead was my first scary movie and I got to meet Barbra once so it will always have a special place in my heart; 3) The Grudge actually still scares the shit out of me.

2) What was your favorite subjects at school?

Jesus with these hard questions! I love learning so much that when people ask me what I would do if I won the lottery, I tell them that I would go to school forever. So, there are a lot of areas of schooling that I love and I had a really hard time deciding what to go to college for. In the end, I decided to go for what comes easiest to me.

I was a Creative Writing major at WWU and graduated with a BA in English. What’s funny is that I didn’t even discover theatre until community college, which is where I am making money, since I am a Drama Teacher and Lighting Designer.

I am also really in love with science and I was able to take an Astrobiology class in high school and it BLEW MY MIND! I love every aspect of science, even Math, in one way or another.

TL;DR: I love learning.

3) Are you introverted or extraverted?

Ya know, it really, really depends on a lot of factors. I love having time to myself where I can just listen to my music and clean or read or whatever strikes my fancy. At the same time, if I’m left alone for too long I get bored and make big forts in the middle of the living room.

If I’ve had a really long day, all I want to do id go home and see my cats. If I haven’t seen anybody in days, I start to whine at my friends to come visit me. I’m somewhere in between. I want to say there’s a word for that…

4) Have you ever spoken with Peter H. Gilmore and/or Peggy Nadramia?

HA! You’re so sweet. No, no I have not. I don’t think I’m even on their radar since I just became a member in February. One day, perhaps years in the future, I will have a big enough base for this blog and I will be able to send them some of my silly questions. Hell, maybe I’ll be able to run into them at a concert or on the street or some shit… that’d be cool.

5) What’s your favorite piece of clothing?

This actually took me a second to think about because I just love clothing. Not in the sense that I like being fashionable, but more I really love being covered and warm. I have this big-ass coat I call Big Coat that I use when I go outside, sometimes even at 60 degrees!

But, when I think about which piece of clothing I like the most, I would say my black and grey flannel. I like in the Pacific Northwest and the weather takes crazy turns from hot to cold to wind to rain to windy rain all in two hours. It’s a crazy place and the key to being comfortable is layers. That’s why we all dress the same. We know that jeans, a tank top, a tee, a flannel and a jacket works as a comfortable outfit in Washington.

I can tell you I do not like underwear. This isn’t even something that’s supposed to be sexy-like, I just REALLY hate them. I wear leggings with skirts and dresses so I don’t have to wear them. Fuck underwear.

6) Where would you want to travel to the most if money wasn’t an issue?

I would really love to go back to Edinburgh for The Fringe Fest. I was there when I was 20 to perform with Skagit Valley College. For those who don’t know, The Fringe is the largest performance festival in the world and it is so much fun! It’s tons of theatre and tons of theatre nerds taking over the bars and partying. I love it so much and I need to go back. Also the food is amazing.

My college was there to perform Elegies for Angels, Punks, and Raging Queens which is a monologue/song play that rhymes and is really, really good. It is the various stories of people who somehow got AIDS, died, and came back to tell their story. I played two people. The first was a woman who got AIDS from sharing needles and died. Her monologue included begging for money, so I would sit outside each performance with a change cup, start in the house, and yell my first line at the audience. They didn’t know I was part of the play so they just thought I was screaming about how much I love getting high.

The second was a preacher who came out to yell at everybody for being gay and stuff. It was weird because I was stepping into a character who was not only the opposite of me, but the only character with words who was “evil”.

Yeah, Scotland. I need to go back.

7) How did you become Satanist?

So, I know what you mean and I will answer that, but I do want to reiterate that Satanists are born, not made. So, I’ve always been a Satanist, I just needed to discover that.

Actually, I found The Church of Satan through music. I was hanging with my friend Colby and he locked me in a car to make me listen to a song. He was almost out and he looked back in and said “This is Ghost. They’re a Satanic band. AND THEY’RE FUNNY, TOO!” and then left.

That song was Square Hammer by Ghost BC.

After that, I just started poking around the Church of Satan’s website and listing to Podcasts like The Devil You Know and Raising Hell. They were my way of getting information before I had the means to get The Satanic Bible. Finally, I was able to get a few of the books written by LaVey and that was it. I knew.

8) Who inspires you the most (dead or alive)?

Oh, that’s easy. My Mom. I love my Mom so, so much because she made me into s strong, hard-working, caring person. She was trapped in an abusive relationship for years with the father of my little brother and sister, who I also love dearly, and she was the only person who was there for me when I was being abused by him, too. I’ll be doing a post about this in more detail later.

12687956_10153541684163860_477694319161536820_n.jpg
My Mom and Little Brother

She’s my best friend and I would do anything for her.

9) What would be your ideal vacation?

You know if you ask me this during the winter the answer will be different. Right now, I would love to go to Europe somewhere to eat and hike. I love the history over there and the beautiful buildings. Maybe Norway since that’s where most of my DNA comes from, or Germany for the same reason.

During the winter, my answer would be Turks and Caicos with my Mom. It looks so beautiful and warm! I would love to read a book with my foot in the waves and a drink in my hand.

10) What do you think ghosts are? Or at least what so many people have seen and claim to be ghosts?

Okay so I do have a weird-ass hypothesis on what this could be but I don’t think there’s a way to test it. You know how scientists believe Gravity may be such a weak force because it’s spread thin over various alternate universes? That, but ghosts.

So, what I think is that there are an infinite amount of story lines that branch off with every choice we make. So if I make the choice to walk. across a street, in an infinite amount of universes I get hit by a car and in an infinite amount I don’t get hit. There are universes with near-misses and universes where I get hit and live and where I get hit and die. I think ghosts are just the other universes leaking over and showing us a weak image of what may be going on in a different reality we are close to.

That’s just what I think and I know it makes me sound really insane, but I explain it better in real life.

Dd_GgC0VAAETERQ.jpg-large.jpeg
This is my kitten Albert 

Well, there ya go! My very own interview on my very own blog. I will be putting this in the About The Author page, too, so you can find them there. Thank you so much to all the people who commented or emailed me in some questions, it was hard to pick just 10.

Enjoy the long weekend, my Lovely Lucifers!

HS!

LH

I’m Not a Satanist (Yet).

Hold on, I know what you’re thinking. “But, Lauren, you blog is called I’m A Satanist And…”. I know. But hold on!

So, there are degrees within the Church of Satan and each comes with its own title. As I’ve said before, I’ve interviewed Witches, Magisters, Warlocks, Magistras, and even people not associated with the Church who still identify as Satanists. Fuck, I’ve even interviewed a Devil Worshipper! So, I thought I’d give a little bit of an explanation on where I fall before we get onto the Internal Interview.

These are the various degrees within the Church of Satan according to their site.

  • Registered Member (no degree)
  • Active Member—Satanist (First Degree)
  • Witch/Warlock (Second Degree)
  • Priestess/Priest (Third Degree)
  • Magistra/Magister (Fourth Degree)
  • Maga/Magus (Fifth Degree) 

So, I fall right in the first one with no degree. I just got my Red Card in February and my Active Membership application is probably sitting quietly, waiting to be read. They have a lot of work to get through so it may take up to a year before it even gets glanced at! That’s fine with me because it literally doesn’t matter. With or without Active Membership, I can still be a Member of the Church of Satan who is active. I think that’s what it says on the top of the page, come to think of it.

Today we will be talking with somebody who is a First Degree Satanist in the latest installment of…

end of MY rope

Our victim today is Satanist Laz C.! I sat down across the table from a computer and sent him over some hard-hitting questions to get to the bottom of what is going on in that brain.

MeAbout
He sent me on like a sweetie
1) What do you like to do on your free time?
What is this “free time” that you speak of? Hah! When I’m not in the workshop, I’m usually gaming. I can’t do that because my video card is broken and those things are very costly, so I’m ignoring it for the time being.
I also like to catch up on the latest episodes of my favourite true crime podcasts such as Sword and Scale, Casefile, Courtjunkie, Canadian True Crime, They Walk Amoung Us etc. Also This is War, where military vets tell their stories.
I also like to go fishing. So many fish, so little time.
2) Describe your ideal vacation. 
Hopping on a boat (I hate flying) to a desert island. Also camping in the middle of a forest, with a river for fishing purposes. As far away from other people as possible.
3) What brought you to apply for Active Membership?
I’d been a member for about 6 years previously, and I wanted to step things up. I’d just gotten Southern Star Woodworks started, I just wanted to become more active with Satanism in general. I tend to take my time with things, but the time was definitely right.
4) Do you think Satanism affects your driving?
I don’t drive! I rely on walking, public transport, lifts, taxis etc.
Does it affect my lack of driving? Eh, perhaps in a way.
One thing that separates us Satanists from the rest is our ability to make things happen. Where life obstacles stump other people, we can carry right on through. So if I need to get somewhere, I get there somehow.
5) What kind of projects are you working on right now?
Let’s see… I have 3 plaques I’m working on at the moment, one is almost ready to ship. 3 altar tiles, and one card holder. I’ve just sent a headphones stand off. I’ve got new items for the store I want to finish and put up when I can.
That explains the lack of free time! (I’ll be ordering something for my alter soon so be prepared)
6) How do you like to celebrate your birthday? 
I just like to take the day off and have it for me. I’ll shower myself in snacks and cool beverages. Perhaps a bit of life reflection. I usually start celebrating a day or so early. Why only have one day? It’s mostly a quiet affair.
7) Does your family know that you’re a Member of the Church of Satan? Friends?
The only family I have to speak of now are my two sisters. One knows, I’m fairly sure my other sis does, but we have differing life paths so it doesn’t ever come up. I think being able to have good relationships with people who are living their life in a different manner to you is important. It transcends the limits people place on themselves.
Mum knew and thought it was great, I gave her The Satanic Bible to read and she read it. She was quite spiritual, but on some things we could find common ground.
I’m open about it with friends. I think sometimes my reputation precedes me and word spreads, which is fine. It’s magic. I’ve never found myself in a negative situation with it.
8) Which era would you live in if a wizard made you pick a new one? 
If there’s a wizard walking around forcing people to choose a new era to live in, I’d say that’s a rude wizard! Also, this is a hard question. I’m gonna need another coffee, BRB.
I’m going to choose… the 40’s. The fashion, the war, the music, the birth of new technology and the invention of Tupperware. It’s not so far back that I’m going to lack medical care, and not so close to now that things are familiar.
9) Which Satanic Rule of the Earth speaks to you the loudest at the moment?
I’m always a fan of #1. It’s the breaking of that rule that really ticks me off. But then again, can’t realistically hold other people to my lofty standards. Currently I’d say #11, especially with the goings on in the world. I try to avoid the news as much as I can, but some of it still filters through friends etc. I’m all for leaving other people the fuck alone.
People seem to latch onto that one in confusion. Destroying someone/something isn’t limited to physical destruction. You could perform a destruction ritual, however small. Just forgetting about a stranger who’s ruined your day could do. Or in practical terms, say for example the guy who runs the corner store is a twat, and you just so happen to know illegal activities of some kind go on over there, you could be sure the police would like to know about it. It allows for creativity. And I’d say that creativity is the perfect remedy for negativity.
10) How do you define Satan? 
He’s the knowledge and mysteries of the universe. He’s the drive that keeps me going when I’ve been pushed down. He’s my rationality when I feel irrational, and most importantly, he is me. He’s the ultimate symbol of rebellion and moxie and I aspire to be the embodiment of this.
SweetNachoCat.jpg
This is Nacho average feline 

 

I hope you liked my silly questions! There will be many, many more Infernal Interviews coming soon, as well as various rantings from yours truly.

Enjoy your weekend, my Darling Devils!
HS!
LH

 

I Dated A Christian For Two Years

Seriously. This was before I knew that the Church of Satan was a thing, though, even if I was already a Satanist. This is because Satanists are born and not made, which means that if I’m a Satanist NOW, I was a Satanist THEN because I have always lived my life Satanically. It’s a part of me, much like the color of my eyes.

10624883_10201738563986114_8251823564812989459_n.jpg
Yup, there’s photographic proof

So with that in mind, let me tell you about the time I dated a Hard Core Christian for two years. Let’s call him Tim because that’s his name. Tim belonged to a denomination of faith called The Christian Reformed Church. What is that? Here’s a quote that sorta explains it:

Reformed Christians are a small part of a much larger body of believers who love and serve Jesus Christ. We’re part of a family that includes Orthodox, Roman Catholic, Anglican, Evangelical, and a host of other churches that confess and practice the Christian faith.

Reformed teachings are shared by denominations other than the Christian Reformed Church. What’s different is the emphasis that we might place on them. Cornelius Plantinga writes:

Our accents lie more on the sovereignty of God, on the authority of Scripture, on
the need for disciplined holiness in personal Christian life, and finally, on
Christianity as a religion of the Kingdom.
A Sure Thing: What We Believe and Why
(Grand Rapids: CRC Publications, 2001), p. 281

For example, the Reformed faith teaches the Lordship of Jesus Christ over all creation. We can’t imagine a Christian church that doesn’t hold to that teaching. But Reformed believers place a lot more emphasis on this teaching than many other Christians do. As a result, Reformed believers have invested a lot of their energy and resources in Christian education (Christian day schools, colleges, and seminaries), Christ-centered political/social action, and parachurch ministries to those in need.” (Taken from CRCNA.org)

There were more than a few reasons why this was never going to work out, but we’re focusing on the religious reasons today. First off, though he didn’t say it, I was expected to serve him. That was never going to happen. Once, we went to a service (Yes, I went, too) where he told me not to stand until he stood; not to sit until he sat; not to speak until he spoke; and so on. I broke all of those rules.

I refuse to be bossed around. I am in charge of myself and nobody else is. This is why I dye my hair fun colors and wear clothes that make it hard for people to fit me into a category. Depending on the day I am either a punk, a goth, a prep, grungy, lazy, or whatever strikes my fancy at the time I’m picking out my clothes. This makes it hard for me to be in a relationship with somebody who wants me to fit a mold.

So, I mentioned earlier that I went to church with him and I did this because I wanted to support him. I hated it, but I was trying to show that his interests were important to me. That stopped pretty quick, which made him nervous because he wanted to get married and have kids who went to church and all that jazz.

OH HELL NO! First of all, I was 19-21 when we were dating so I was not about to have kids. I was busy going to college and getting on with my life. Second, I am totally uncomfortable with telling kids what to think. When my mom was raising me, I was lucky because she would let me explore religion on my own and never pointed me in one direction or another. This is because my Mom is agnostic and wanted me to discover the world myself.

In the end, I think we could both feel that it was coming. I was his first girlfriend, even though he was 24 when we started dating, and I was the one to take his virginity. Because of these things, he thought I had sent him to hell. His solution? He spoke with the elders at his church and they told him to leave me.

So, that’s what he did. He took me a mile away from my car, out in the middle of nowhere, and left me. I cried, yes, but it didn’t take me long to get over it. I got pissed and walked the mile back to my car with him driving a few feet behind me because I refused to get into his truck.

I get home and go to tell my mom what had happened, but she already knew. Apparently, he decided to take an hour to break up with my parents before breaking up with me. It was strange.

All in all, I’m glad we dated. Seriously, I am, because I know all the arguments Christian’s have! I know the arguments and I know their lies. I’ve been on the other side of the lines and I took notes. Also he introduced me to my DnD friends and I love them so much.

So, in the end, Thanks, Tim, for teaching me all about what I never want to be.

Live your life, loves, and never let anybody change you.

HS!

LH

Not Everybody Knows

I know it may seem like it would be really easy for my family to find out I’m a Satanist, they apparently don’t care enough or don’t google me very often. That’s just fine with me. There are some people in my family who would never be able to wrap their heads around being a Satanist and not believing in Satan.

I also try to keep it on the down-low in professional settings. I work with children, so it’s not my job to try to convince them to be Satanists. I’m sure a few of them are, but not all of them. If they ask me questions about any religion, I’ll answer them, but that’s just because I feel they have a right to information. I’ll also point them to just google stuff, but make sure the information is accurate.

Now, since I’ve been interviewing a lot of out and proud Satanists, I’m going to bring on a person who calls himself a “Closeted Satanist’.

Buckle up for the latest installment of:

THE INFERNAL INTERVIEWS

20161029_150706.jpg
A Spooky Pumpkin

1) What made you decide to join the Church of Satan?

Joining The Church of Satan was my way of making a pact with The Devil, so to speak. It was my way of saying to myself, “You are one serious mofo” concerning my commitment to the religion/philosophy that has proven to be a most useful guide through life.

2) What is your response when people ask you if you’re religious? 

I usually just tell the curious that I’m non-religious. If I think they’re being pushy, I’ll confirm my atheistic stance to let them know I’m not buying what they’re selling. On the rare occasion when I feel I’m talking to a kindred soul, I might divulge that I’m a Diabolist.
3) Do you have any Satanic Paraphernalia in your house? Hidden?
I keep my ritual items and books displayed in my bedroom, along with a badass painting of Magus LaVey created by Rev. Eric Vernor. One might find a book I’m reading st any given time lying on a table in another room – I like to flirt with danger.
4) Would you rather go to space or ride a T-Rex? 
That depends. Are we talking riding the T-Rex in the Jurassic era or are we talking modern-day? Because I would totally dig going on a rampage through a busy part of town on the back of a dinosaur. Otherwise, I’d choose space.
5) Does anybody close to you know you’re a Satanist? 
When I was much younger (I’ve been a self-identifying Satanist for about 23 years), I was much more open about my interest in Satanism, so a lot of people knew. As I grew older and learned that subtlety can be my friend, I wore it on my sleeve less and less. There are probably still some who suspect that my involvement with Satanism was more than just a passing interest but I only talk about it with close confidants these days.
6) What is your Membership Status within the Church of Satan? 
I’m a Satanist (First Degree member). Basically, that just denotes active membership within CoS.
7) How do you weave Satanism into your daily life? 
My main source of income is my job in the steel structure manufacturing business. I work in an environment saturated with a lot of “good ole boys” – the “God, Guns and Government” types. I use Lesser Magic skills on a daily basis, like diplomacy, flattery and empathy (the latter two aren’t always genuine). I also live in a small town 30 miles outside of Nashville, TN, so those skills come in handy pretty much everywhere around here.
8) Do you have anything you’re working on currently you’d like to talk about? 
I’m currently writing songs for an acoustic project I plan to record with my wife’s assistance on vocals. I’ve also recently been inspired to take up painting. I’ve always been an above-average sketch artist but never seriously tried my hand at mediums involving color. I’ve got a long way to go but I’m steadily improving.
9) What made you decide to stay in the closet about being a Satanist. 
I have young children whom I don’t desire to see suffer on account of my interests and affiliations.
However, I’m not a total closet-Satanist. I just choose to keep that part of my life out of the spotlight. I’ll still talk about Satanism with open-minded folks and I do wear a Baphomet sigil ring often, so those in-the-know can identify my interest.
10) Define Magic. 
Magic is a hunk of blackberry cobbler topped with vanilla ice cream.
Ladies and Gents, and every flavor in between, I found this entry to be particularly interesting since I find myself hiding it in some social circles and being really open about it in others. You can be a Satanist and be Satanic without wearing Satan on your forehead. I hope this gets you all thinking and let me know if you have any questions for me or my guest.
Have a Devilish Day, my Satanic Sweethearts.
HS!
LH

I Got to Raise Some Hell

So this interview is really exciting for me because I really love the Raising Hell Podcast. I’ve been listening to Milton and his guests for a little over a year now and it has helped me so much. This Podcast is amazing because it will talk about anything from Magic to Sex to Parenting to Disabilities and beyond.

One of my favorite people Milton brings on is Witch Troj. She is wonderful to listen to and she always has a way to articulate her opinions in ways that allow the listeners to absorb the information while drawing their own conclusions. He also has wonderful segments such as The Grownup Grotto, What Would Josephine Do, What the Wild Things Think, and more. I find each of these segments offers different information that pertains to both Satanism and Parenting.

To be clear, I am not a parent, I just want to be one day and I figure it’s probably best to start learning now so that I can be the very best like no one ever was.

And on that note, allow me to give the floor to my future friend (Oh yeah) Warlock Milton Cruver!

16711723_10208330401244315_4063644576561861531_n.jpg
Milton and Audra (I’m assuming. This photo is from his ‘Meet The Family’ page to be fair).
1) What Satanic qualities do you inject into your parenting? – Satanists have always had the innate privilege of representing our religion through the simple act of living, unlike other religions in which people are expected to follow a particular set of mandates. Satanism is not a religion one practices through an ideology which must be adhered to but which one identifies with as naturally defining of how one has always lived their life. This is what is meant by the dictum of, “Born, not made.” and we present ourselves accordingly. It is for this reason there could never be any indoctrination or proselytizing into or within our religion. Any attempts to do so are always met with the most resounding of objections from those who “get it”. The mentorship of our young ones, as I see Satanic parenting to be, comes from a curriculum of pragmatism and realism which exults in the magic of allegory, theatrical expression and symbolism. We are here to assist our youth in navigating the world unfettered by the chains of unreasonable expectations and assertively engage in showing them how to think instead of simply what to think. In tandem with this is our dictum of Responsibility to the Responsible. Rather than supporting an environment which extols a victim mentality of blaming others and making excuses, we champion the ego building lesson of being responsible for ones actions and holding others accountable for the same. Submitting to peer pressure is not a valid excuse for poor choices and we do not condone association with groups that undermine an individuals self-worth. In all things, we set the example for our children through living a life unashamed of who we are. If the first step in life is coming to a realization of what you represent, the completion of that circle in all its Satanic glory is being proud of what that is. You don’t have to be perfect. You just have to be you.
2) How often do you have to tell your children not to put things in their mouth? – Not as many times as perhaps I should. If it’s not going to poison them and it’s not a choking hazard, they can figure it out for themselves. Why deprive them of the adolescent joy of finding out that Mama’s fruity smelling soap does not indeed taste like mango lemon sherbet? And the humorously betrayed faces when that toy they’ve managed to cram into their mouth sticks out at all odd angles? Kids are far too often not allowed to test the world, even within the relative safety of the home. I think todays kids could do with a healthy dose of getting back to basics, and making a few more mistakes before they find themselves in the much less forgiving world of societal expectations and personal faux pas.
3) Describe your relationship to Satanism and The Church of Satan. – First and foremost I’d like to state that this relationship, as all should truly be, was consensual. Satanists live our religion. We are Satanism. There has never been a need for a brick and mortar Church as we carry our churches with us. In our hearts and minds and upon our bodies, the temple in which Satanism resides comes ready-made in the form of our fleshy vessel and quite appropriately returns to the earth when we leave this mortal coil. Those few who have opened their own personal lairs (the late Anton Szandor LaVey included) to worthy individuals of our cabal do so with a discerning eye and do not suffer the majority to partake in the comradery and ritual which takes place behind closed doors. As a Warlock in the Church of Satan I am active within the organization and the membership which it comprises.
4) Do other parents ever give you shit for being a Satanist? – There have been instances where those whom I associate with on a professional level uncover my association and involvement with what have been labeled, “the dark powers”, and approach me with venomous concern over how they think I must comport myself as a parent. With few exceptions, I have been able to not only allay those concerns but find common ground and now enjoy very supportive and enjoyable friendships with some of them. Parenting is one of those hot button topics which, rightfully so, people tend to take personal and concern themselves over greatly. It is more important to me that a guardian support the individual child through an open and honest relationship, than what they personally choose to believe or to what faith they ascribe themselves to. I’ve found myself agreeing most wholeheartedly with devout believers on some topics, while some of my atheistically inclined fellows hold opposing views.
5) What is your favorite salt-water creature? – I’m a sucker for the octopus. (HAHA)
6) Are you working on any projects currently? – As host of the Raising Hell podcast, I’ve been presenting the Satanic Perspective on Parenting for over three years now. I’ve colluded on a number of projects, some public and others more behind the scenes both within the organization and outside from media representatives and independent artists. There are several endeavors underway which will be released either towards the end of the year or in early 2019 which I’ve had a hand in and I look forward to seeing them come to fruition. Stay tuned!
7) What do you think your greatest accomplishment is? – In my young adult life, I take great pride in having successfully pursued a career in public service as a Fire Fighter while continuing my day job and supporting my family. Working through the required curriculum and academy time throughout the week and attending classes and events on the weekend makes for a busy schedule, but working towards a goal and setting an example for my children with a healthy work ethic and drive to succeed is immensely gratifying.
8) What’s your favorite scary movie? – This is incredibly difficult to answer, as there are a number of incredibly worthy movies. But if there was one I would recommend to people, it would have to be Dog Soldiers (2002). The basic synopsis is that a British Special Forces team is set to do war games against another special forces team, finds them dead in the woods and ends up battling werewolves. For anyone who despises movies where the protagonists don’t fight back and make terrible choices, this one is a refreshing change of pace.
9) If you could tell your young self one thing, what would it be? – Stay the course. At times it will be tough, but you’ll be tougher.
10) Define Magic. – While I could recite the clinical definition of Magic as it applies to Satanism, I prefer to explain it as I would to a child. Magic is what captivates you and in turn, what allows you to hold the world captive. The most mundane of things can hold the greatest of power. The ability of a flame to capture ones attention. The rapture one feels when an infant laughs with joy. The serene peace one can find in the morning sunrise. Whether through you exerting your will to change the hearts and minds of those around you or by ritualistic expression overcoming your own personal tribulations, magic has the ability to change not only the world around you, but that the one in which you choose to move through. (This was beautifully put)
Thank you thank you thank you so much Milton for taking the time to answer my questions. I continue to learn through your words and I can’t wait for the next episode of Raising Hell to come out. Seriously, guys, you have to listen to the show, even if you’re not a parent or not a Satanist.
cropped-raisinghellpodcastlogo2.png
The super cool Raising Hell Podcast Emblem 
Stay tuned for even more interviews from our wonderful friends of the Left-Hand Path.
HS!
LH

 

I’m a Satanic Witch

No, not the kind of Witch with warts and a long nose who throws newt’s eyes into bubbling cauldrons to make potions that make me immortal. Nor do I lure little children away into the night to suck away their life force to make myself beautiful. No, I am something much more powerful. I am a Satanic Witch.

I would like to make it clear that I am not (yet) a Second Degree Active Member of the Church of Satan, which means a person has moved up from Member to Active Member to Witch/Warlock. There are other levels to the Hierarchy that you can find on the Church of Satan’s website, but I’m not going to touch on those during this post.

Screen Shot 2018-05-03 at 3.48.02 PM.png
The Satanic Witch and I!

 

For this post is all about Satanic Witches and what I feel it means to be a Satanic Witch. I highly recommend reading The Satanic Witch if you haven’t already because it is a really great guide to figuring out if you even are a Satanic Witch, what kind of Satanic Witch you are, and what the hell that means.

I find myself falling into two different types of Satanic Witches. I am both pretty and an old grandma. I know it seems a little oxymoronic, but that’s who I am. Let me explain a little further.

I like to bake. I really love making sweet baked goods for people, as well as big meals if I have the space to host. I love to feed people and send them home with enough leftovers to fill their bellies for days to come. I am only 24 years old, but my friends will sometimes call me Grandma Lauren because I like to watch Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy, hang out with my cats, cook, bake, and (if my insomnia allows) get to bed before 10.

DBICOYHVwAEOUzD
My Chocolate Cake

I am also a beautiful. I am! It’s taken me a long time to realize this and call myself beautiful, but it’s part of what makes me a Satanic Witch. I am able to use these eyes and hips to draw people in and help get what I want. This is not to say that I am luring men into the shadows to kill them by flashing them a glimpse of my ankle. Not at all. But, if my pretty smile helps me get a job over a different candidate, you damn well know I’m going to be flashing them these pearly whites throughout the entire interview! Know what you’ve got and make it work for you. With that in mind, let us begin talking about…

Lesser Magic: What I find the most interesting about Lesser Magic is the fact that it is called “Lesser”. I understand that it means the difference between ritual-induced universal influence VS flirting… Lesser magic is literally how you sell yourself. I’m a pretty baker so when I need something I can flutter my lashes and offer a cookie to get what I need. (They’re homemade and I only use Amish butter so there’s a lot of flavor from that fat…. yum!) I digress.

I honestly think that Lesser Magic is the most powerful magic available to the Satanic Witch because we have the ability to use it on the daily. This can also happen over messages, too, if you are, like me, better with the written word than with spoken word. To be fair, I am good at poetry, but you know what I mean. Lesser Magic is known as manipulative  or Non-ritual magic. Then, there is something we use that is called…

Greater Magic: Greater Magic is ritual magic. This is the kind of magic that will cause people to point and scream “BLACK MAGIC” or “DEVIL WORSHIP” and crap like that. That’s bullshit. First off, there’s no such thing as black magic or white magic, there are only delusional people who trick themselves into thinking that they aren’t performing a ritual for selfish reasons. BREAKING NEWS: Everything you do is selfish so just learn to deal with it.

Greater Magic must take place during a ritual. If you haven’t done a ritual yet, I highly recommend it because it made me feel so calm afterwards. Basically, a ritual is done if a Satanist has done everything possible to influence the world physically. Let me give an example. Last year I was interviewed for a job and I went in and did really well and filled out what they wanted me to fill out and graduated college so I could start working right away and then… I waited. I waited and waited and waited and the weight of the waiting was so heavy that I found that all I could do was sit there and wonder if they were going to call me. That’s no way to live! I was wasting my time!

So, I performed a compassion ritual with two of my Satanist friends so that I might sway the mind’s of those thinking of hiring me. I left the ritual finally feeling like I had done everything possible! The choice was far out of my hands and all I could do was hope that my curse would work.

It did! Two days later I got a call and had been hired as a Drama Teacher! 23 years old and straight out of college! Now, I’m not saying that magic is real like in Harry Potter. As cool as that would be, I just don’t buy it. BUT I do believe that Magic is real.

Magic, to me, is very small. Unless we go into the ritual chamber, magic comes to us in the form of being able to make the best box cake anybody has ever tasted. Maybe its finding a full bottle of alcohol on the side of the road one day. Maybe it’s something scientific we just don’t have a name for yet. Hell, we barely understand Gravity.

During a recent interview with a Witch of the Church of Satan, I asked her a quick follow-up question and I basically got the answer I expected.

How do you think being a Satanic Witch differs from being a Satanic Warlock?

“My first impulse is to say that Witches have Vaginas and Warlocks have penises,  but even that rule has exceptions. There’s certainly no different standard for one over the other. When I try to imagine what I would be like as a warlock, the only difference of any significance is that I would have different secondary sexual characteristics. But they would be really significant! I mean, my cock, it would be monstrously huge!” -Heidee Nytes

(If you’d like to read more of that interview, click here).

Damn, I love Satanists.

If you would like to know more about what it means to be a Satanist or a Satanic Witch, I would take a look at a podcast that I listen to. She hasn’t posted since March, but I promise that Confessions of a Wicked Witch with Magistra Ygraine because she is so brilliant. Her voice is very soothing to me so I like to just listen to calm down every now and then. Another fun part of the podcast is the Wicked Witch of the Year Award. This is pretty straight forward, but if you would like to know more, please go listen to the podcast. It’s so good, as are all of the hosts and shows on Radio Free Satan.

Well, I hope you have a Devilish Day my Dark Darlings!

HS!

LH