So Can You!

Okay, I straight up stole that title from Stephen Colbert’s I Am America (And So Can You!), which is a really fun book and can be found here. I highly, highly recommend it if you haven’t read it yet.

But that’s not why we are here! Oh, no, I’m here because I feel the need to tell you about how Satanic you are. Don’t worry, I’m not trying to get you to join the Church of Satan or start calling yourself a Satanist because, odds are, you’re not. But damn, people these days are so Satanic that it makes me laugh when they shit on the Church of Satan.

First off, lets me real, you are all selfish. Yeah, it’s true. Don’t worry, I am, too. Obviously I want the best for me because I have to live my life, not you. Thus, if you really don’t matter to me, then I’ll probably help myself before I help you. It’s nothing personal, I just don’t know 99.9% of the people on Earth.

This is not to say I don’t like to be kind, it’s just for a selfish reasons that I help people. For example, If I have enough money during the holidays, I like to get a few chicken meals (including potatoes, bread, a veggie, and a drink) and give them to homeless people I see around town. I can’t do it very often, but I like doing it because it makes me feel good. Yeah, I am owning up to it. I do things people would consider “philanthropic” because I like the feeling of seeing people happy for something I did.

I also don’t NOT care about people on Earth I don’t know, I do, I just need to take care of me and the people around me before I help the rest of the universe. And my selfishness extends to those close to me. I’d be disappointed if a coworker gets a promotion over my Mother or if my Little Sister got her heart-broken. My friends live within my circle of selfishness, as does my partner. Sound familiar?

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From The Church of Satan Free Downloads

Now, I’ll give you a moment to read all the way through the above picture. Okay, now do it again. Most of them seem like pretty common sense and that’s because they have been carefully constructed to mathematically– No I’m shitting with you, they are just basic common sense. So let’s look at these one by one.

1- This one may be the one I wish most Non-Satanists would learn because it really annoys me when people try to fix things for me when all I need for them to do is listen. Does that make sense? If a friend/coworker/family member/ whatever and I are talking and they ask about a problem I may be having. If I decide to confide it them, I don’t need them to fix whatever is happening, but just listen. If I want to know how you’d fix it, I’ll ask.

2- This is just an extension of the first. Don’t just start telling me about your Sister’s affair out of nowhere, Brenda, all you did was hand me a divider at the Fred Meyer checkout line.

3- I love the word “Lair” in this because it sounds so dark, but it really just means somebody’s space. I say SPACE and not HOUSE because I consider several spaces an extension of my lair. These spaces include my office, my classroom, my personal space, and my car. Don’t touch the stereo.

4- I love the wording in this one, too, because it makes it seem as though I’m going to be throwing somebody in my oven for sneezing on my face. No, but if you sneeze on my face a few times I might as you to leave. If you don’t, then you might be thrown into the oven… Kidding. (Or am I?)

5- THIS IS SO IMPORTANT! Nothing sexual unless you’ve been given consent. I like “Mating Signal” because when I am dating somebody, we can pretty much give consent by using body language and I always make sure whomever I am with knows that they can stop or say no anytime they way. Never force things on people.

6- Don’t steal… Just don’t steal…

7- This one may be the only one that Non-Satanists won’t nod their head at. The way I explain this is as follows: We use the placeholder word “Magic” to describe something we don’t yet have a name for in science. That being said, if you perform a ritual and it goes the way you want, tip your hat to the Devil.

I say magic may also be real, but very small, like being able to make the best cup of coffee in the office even though the water comes from the same place and the beans are the same. (If you’re a high-ranking CoS Member and I am WAAAY off, please tell me).

8- Oh I love this one so much. Have an awful friend who is sucking the life out of you but you keep going back for some reason, you don’t get to complain. Get rid of that Psychic Vampire and move on. Didn’t bother to vote? Then shut up. Start doing something about it.

9- Come on…

10- Again, this is easy. Animal is attacking you? Do anything you can to survive. Starving? Kill an animal to survive. Satanism is a life-loving religion. That being said, don’t hurt animals.

11- Like the first Rule of the Earth, this one is really important. Leave people alone in public and if somebody starts bugging you, tell them to stop. If they don’t leave you be when you ask nicely, SET THEM ON FIRE- No, don’t do that. BUT at that point you are allowed to get mean… or meaner. Just make sure you’re within your rights. Don’t break any laws.

SEE! A lot of these things are common sense to good people! Satanists are good people and a lot of good people are very Satanic, though not Satanists. Remember, Satanists are born, not made.

This is why I get pissed when people look at me in horror or stop talking to me when they find out I’m a member of the Church of Satan because they think I’m dancing with the Devil while eating babies and sacrificing cats. Just do some research and you’ll realize that all I am guilty of is being awesome.

Have a wonderful Walpurgisnacht, my Dearest Devils!

HS!

From Hell,

LH

I’m Bisexual

Sexuality is something very personal and it’s hard to put a clean label on anybody. Now, this is where some people start rolling their eyes as far back into their head as they can and to them, I say this: Shut the fuck up.

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My Senior Photo

Yeah, shut the fuck up, because you’re just being ridiculous. One thing I’ve never been able to wrap my head around is the fact that some people are willing to spend so much energy on something that literally doesn’t impact their lives in any way.

Let me give an example: I don’t like cheese. I don’t! It just tastes funny to me and I can only eat in warm on things like pizza and mac. People always give me funny looks when I say I don’t like cheese, but then shrug and pop another bit of cheese bit of cheese in their mouth. Now, what they could do is throw me out of the house and never let me back in. That seems a little crazy, but it’s basically what a lot of parents do to their kids when they find out the truth. “Oh, you don’t like dick? Get the fuck out”.

When I sleep with a girl or find myself checking out a girl, the only people I am directly affecting are me and the girl. Now, since I have a boyfriend, Dylan would have some opinions, but he’s not in this hypothetical universe. (Sorry, Darling). Anybody else who is reacting to the happenings between me any another person is choosing to spend their energy focused on our lives and aren’t actively trying to better their own lives. Well, as long as nobody is being physically hurt (without consent) and everybody involved has agreed to participating.

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Grandma and I blowing bubbles

Basically, we don’t need your shit because we are already drowning in our own. For most people, as I will never claim to speak for everybody, when we start having feelings for the same-sex (or whatever), we try to push it down. We were taught it’s not normal. Sometimes this is taught directly through religion or family values. By family values, I mean a homophobic parental unit who likes to use terms such as “faggots” or “homos”. These are the people who don’t want to let Trans people use the bathroom that matches their identity, but will beat them up for having the audacity to wear lipstick in the “Men’s room”.

Most often, though, we are taught to feel abnormal about these feelings indirectly. This takes the form of movies, shows, books, etc. We see happy heterosexual couples and the gay friend is always the butt of some joke. We hear phrases like “no homo, bro” because having these feelings MUST be so bad that you have to make sure people know you’re not gay.

It’s hard to walk through the world with all of these negative messages hitting you all the time. You start to push everything down and you hate yourself. This is why a lot of teens attempt suicide, and, sadly, a lot succeed in taking their own lives.

When I was going through school, I got a lot of shit for the way I presented myself and, once I came out, the fact that I was bisexual. Everybody thought it was a phase, including my mom. To be fair, a lot of people were saying they were bi so they would get attention. Again, not everybody, but a lot. People also bullied me by not talking to me, spreading rumors, spitting on me, slamming my locker, pushing me, and more I’m sure I’m forgetting. It wasn’t a great time.

But I got through it! I survived every awful day of childhood. Even when my mom didn’t believe me and I felt alone, I made it. That’s what matter. Adulthood is… different. I’m lucky to live in a really accepting area of the United States, so I don’t get a lot of hate here. What I do get is people who fetishize me. Oh yeah, Bisexual people are often asked to be part of group sex or sex with somebody’s partner while “they watch”. Please stop asking me to be part of your fantasy. I don’t sleep around and am actually a serial monogamist. I’m not shitting on other people who are fine with this and o sleep around, you do you, but I don’t want it. That’s why you should, I don’t know have some tact and let me finish my god damn drink, Carl!

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Oh my god…

Where I work, however, is a little more conservative in thinking. They’re mostly old farmers who go to church on Easter and Christmas. I tend to just keep my mouth shut in these areas, unless somebody starts spewing utter crap. Then I’ll chime in as a fact-checker. I’m not ashamed of who I am, I just don’t want to waste my time and energy on fighting a battle nobody will win. Honestly, we just need to wait for a lot of these people to die… Sorry. *Enter “Hard To Swallow Pills” Meme Here*

In the end, it’s just important to know who you are and love that person. You are perfect, no matter what. If you have no sex, cool. If you have all the sex, cool. If you like guys, cool. If you like trans guys, cool. If you don’t like romantic relations, cool. If you are attracted to all the things, cool. If you like only your opposite sex, cool. If you have multiple partners at once, cool.

I literally don’t care. It doesn’t impact my life in any way because I’m not worried about what anybody else is doing in the bedroom, as long as it’s all consensual and safe. Be smart, kids. Anybody who stays up late trying to figure out how to make the gays stop doing their own thing is spending too much energy on something that literally wouldn’t affect their life if they didn’t let it.

All this being said, if you need support in any way, feel free to email me. No matter what.

Have a wonderful Saturday, my Delicious Devils!

HS!

LH

I Am Beautiful!

Hell, yeah, I’m willing to say it. I’m a pretty person! I don’t mean to sound full of myself, but that’s exactly what this post is going to sound like because it’d about loving yourself, which is taking me a long time to do. Yeah, I’m still in the progress of accepting myself as pretty because I was told for so long that I wasn’t.

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Me, age 17, and Harper

From a very young age, around 6, I was told I was ugly. My former Stepdad was very abusive and always made me feel very low. At the same time, my peers weren’t any kinder. I was growing into my body and didn’t yet fit the image of what was beautiful. I was trying to figure out who I was, how I wanted to present myself, and where I fit into the world. As a woman, this is really hard. I was expected to be smart and funny and sporty and kind and this and that and it was so much pressure. My Mom was the only person who made me feel loved.

My grandma, an alcoholic, once told me I should never have children because I was so bad with kids. Yeah, I was 13. I wasn’t even good with myself yet. These things start to eat at a person and soon I wondered if I was even worth the oxygen I was breathing. I wasn’t pretty enough or smart enough. I couldn’t be a mom. What else is there in the world?

At age 15 I tried to end my life by taking a metric butt-ton of sleeping pills. One they started to take, I regretted everything. My boyfriend’s mom saw that something was very wrong and took me to the hospital. I’m eternally grateful to her since I love the life I have now so much.

My Mom left my former step dad in the middle of the night and that was the best day of my life. I had a new begging. I could be my own person without hate or persecution. After that, I thrived.

I was able to get the help and medication I needed, which gave me the drive to start learning and really taking care of myself. It’s only as of late that I’ve started to think of myself as a pretty person. My love, Dylan, who I’ve spoken about previously, has helped me so much in my journey to love myself. He’s helped me love my flaws because they make me who I am.

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Me now (April 2018)

I’m still working on loving myself entirely because I seem to keep finding things about myself I dislike each day. But each day, I see something else that’s beautiful. I’m not perfect, but that’s what makes me amazing. Self acceptance is an important part of enjoying your life, but Self Appreciation is even more valuable. Appreciate the parts of yourself you find immaculate. I, for one, love my eyes because they’re dark blue, light blue, green, and orange. That’s awesome! But, also learn to appreciate your flaws. For example, I have a huge nose bump, but I love it, because it shows that I have Viking blood and that dope AF.

I love you all, my Infernal Brothers and Sisters, and I hope you do, too.

HS!

LH

 

My Boyfriend Is Not

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Two of my Loves

Man, is this guy special. I am very, very lucky to have this Dylan in my life. Seriously, I couldn’t imagine my life without him now that I know what it’s like to see him every day and be able to love him.

No, he is not a Satanist, but he is an atheist. I mean, I am an atheist, too, but while I was finding myself within Satanism, he was not, and that’s totally fine. As I said before, I once dated a Hardcore Christian, and one of the most annoying things of that relationship was him always trying to push his religion onto me. Ugh. Everybody knows that person, almost always Christian, who wants to save you. I’m not here to do that. If people have questions, I’ll answer them, but I’m not here to pester anybody.

So, Dylan is great, because he supports me in anything I am interested in, even if I’m not good at it. I hope that I treat him the way he deserves to be treated, even if I did accidentally take his debit card to work with me today.

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Our first picture together

We actually met on Tindr, which I never thought could work for anything but hooking up and leaving. He was actually my first ever Tindr date and he actually came to work with me. Not school, the Lighting Design one. Honestly, I didn’t believe in love at first sight until that moment I saw him waiting for me in the lobby looking lost. I know that sounds stupid, but I swear it’s true. I went up to him while his back was towards me and said

“Looking for somebody?”

And that was it. We spent all but around 15 days together since then and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’ve been in a few relationships before this one and this is the first time I’ve wanted to be around the other person every moment of every day. We can just be ourselves around each other and that means not leaving the house and, for me, changing from Pjs to new Pjs. I like comfort.

We have been together for a year and four months now and live together with our sweet babies. I come home every day excited to see him and the boys.

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Albert not giving a single shit

So, I don’t think it matters to him that I’m a Satanist… especially since he has tattoos that would make a Christian have a heart attack. He’s pretty special to me. I’m very lucky to be able to have found somebody who is this wonderful.

Also, Since he is so important to me, the selfishness and want to improve my life I feel extends to him, as well as other important people in my life, such as my Mom. I’m very proud of all that he has done and I will continue to lift him up in any way I can… unless it involves feet.

The only thing we can’t agree on is milk. He doesn’t drink dairy milk and that’s whatever, I don’t care, I just don’t think he should be allowed to call the stuff he drinks “milk” because it’s not. Because it comes from a coconut. It’s juice.

I hope you all have a wonderful night, my loves.

HS!

LH

P.S. He has a blog, too, so here’s a shamless plug for that. If you like movies, especially horror, check this shit out https://wp.wwu.edu/jmassacre3/