I Am Unique

One thing that I’ve noticed is that there are a lot of, well, similarities between people of faith. We all know that stereotypical Christian family that has 2.5 kids and a dog. Yes, the people you are picturing are blond.

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From Wholesome Christian Memes

People tend to think that applies to Satanists as well and in some ways they’re right. We hold the same core values of Satanism since we are, well, Satanists, but that’s pretty much where the similarities end. We are all from different walks of life. There are Republican Satanists and Democratic Satanists and Satanists in between and beyond.

One of the ways I like to showcase this is through the Infernal Interviews and I did cover this topic with our latest victim in…

end of MY rope

I sent some questions to Citizen of the Infernal Empire Chris!

1) What is your relationship to the Church of Satan?

I am a Registered, card-carrying member of the organization. I am not an Active Member, thus I’m considered a Citizen of the Infernal Empire. This is not to say that the organization is not aware of my activities or progress as I try to make sure that I send them an email about once a year to let them know what important things are going on in my life.

I was honored to be invited to the home of our High Priest and High Priestess the day after the 50th Anniversary celebration. Two of the videos I shot during the Devils Reign II art show (curated by Magus Gilmore) have been featured on the Church of Satan’s YouTube channel, and I was surprised to wake up one afternoon and see one of my photographs of Magus Gilmore from that same event was used for his birthday announcement in 2017. So, I guess I’m doing okay by their standards.

 

2) When did you finally decide to apply?
After discovering what Satanism was through reading Anton LaVey’s Satanic Bible in 1990, I waited until after I had finished my enlistment with the United States Navy in 1993 to start studying the religion deeply. It was in 1994 that I re-read the Satanic Bible, and the rest of Magus LaVey’s work that I could find. Now, you have to remember, back then the Internet was not as ubiquitous as it is today. If you wanted this information, you had to go out in the world and look for it, and esoterica wasn’t particularly easy to find. One day while at Tower Records in Tustin, California, I just happened to discover a copy of “The Black Flame” magazine, which was the International Forum for the Church of Satan. The magazine was produced and printed by Hell’s Kitchen Productions, run by (then) Magister Peter H. Gilmore and Magistra Peggy Nadramia. In the magazine was a half page advertisement for the Church of Satan complete with the address for information. Send off your S.A.S.E. (self-addressed, stamped envelope, for our younger readers), and they would mail you registration materials.
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Citizen Chris and a lovely lady
The one hundred dollar membership fee back then was a bit steep for me as this was during a time when I wasn’t in the best financial situation. I still wanted to join, so I kept the membership packet and saved up the fee over time. By the time I was ready to apply, I had studied the organization and knew what their mission was. What really appealed to me was I saw the mission had not changed after Anton LaVey died. I wanted to show my support for the organization, so I got the rest of the money together and mailed in my application in 1998.
3) What would you like Non-Satanists to know about Satanists?
This religion does not foster homogeneity. Don’t expect all Satanists to think the same way. Satanism is not a cause. The cause in Satanism is the individual person, and what works for one may not work for another.  About the only thing all Satanists WILL have in common is the shared religious philosophy codified by Anton Szandor LaVey, and that’s it. Even then, each Satanist will apply the religion and their personal perception of it differently to their own lives.
4) Would you rather be a horse or a cat? The Wizard gives you 3 seconds to decide.

That’s easy: a cat. Yes, it’s a shorter life span, but nobody is expecting me to do any hard work or carry them on my back, and I get to sleep all day.

 

5) Describe your ideal home. 
I’m kind of partial to Bag End, the underground home of Bilbo Baggins in Tolkien’s work. Being under ground, it would help keep the energy bills down during the summer. As long as my wife and cats are there, I’m good.
6) How do you celebrate your birthday?
That depends on my mood, so it varies. If there’s a band in town I’m fond of, I may go to the show. I may see a movie. I’m fortunate to live within ten miles of that home of Total Environments, Disneyland. My wife and I are Annual Passholders, so that is always an option.
7) Describe a powerful Lesser Magic moment.
A Lesser Magic moment I experienced, or one I performed? If it’s one that I experienced, then it would be my wife’s wedding proposal to me. She’s quite the Satanic Witch. As for one I performed, I could say the groundwork I laid for my promotion to Public Safety Dispatch Supervisor with the law enforcement agency I work for, but those details are confidential. (Wink)
8) How do you describe Ritual Magic, or Greater Magic, when people are genuinely curious? 
I tell them it’s a fun way of clearing my own brain so I can get on with my life and do what I need or want to do. I also add that I feel that doing so too often robs the ritual of its special properties, so I typically reserve Greater Magic exclusively for those things I can’t get over by any other means. For the rest of the day-to-day, I have other ritualistic activities, such as Itosu-ryu Karate, and weight training.
9) Where do you think my left sock keeps going?
It’s goes to the pile that also includes my missing metric adjustable wrenches and football bats.
10) Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
If my sanity and health hold up, and with a bit of studying, I hope to promote to the second rank of Supervisor at work. With some more work, I should also be at the level of Shodan (third degree black belt) in my Karate school and maybe teaching my own students.
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Have a great rest of your weekend, guys! I’m going to be taking it easy and looking for my left socks.
I will be hanging out on the internet with Reverend Campbell on June 8th, so watch out for that!
Remember, in order to be #1, you have to be odd!
HS!
LH

Not Everybody Knows

I know it may seem like it would be really easy for my family to find out I’m a Satanist, they apparently don’t care enough or don’t google me very often. That’s just fine with me. There are some people in my family who would never be able to wrap their heads around being a Satanist and not believing in Satan.

I also try to keep it on the down-low in professional settings. I work with children, so it’s not my job to try to convince them to be Satanists. I’m sure a few of them are, but not all of them. If they ask me questions about any religion, I’ll answer them, but that’s just because I feel they have a right to information. I’ll also point them to just google stuff, but make sure the information is accurate.

Now, since I’ve been interviewing a lot of out and proud Satanists, I’m going to bring on a person who calls himself a “Closeted Satanist’.

Buckle up for the latest installment of:

THE INFERNAL INTERVIEWS

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A Spooky Pumpkin

1) What made you decide to join the Church of Satan?

Joining The Church of Satan was my way of making a pact with The Devil, so to speak. It was my way of saying to myself, “You are one serious mofo” concerning my commitment to the religion/philosophy that has proven to be a most useful guide through life.

2) What is your response when people ask you if you’re religious? 

I usually just tell the curious that I’m non-religious. If I think they’re being pushy, I’ll confirm my atheistic stance to let them know I’m not buying what they’re selling. On the rare occasion when I feel I’m talking to a kindred soul, I might divulge that I’m a Diabolist.
3) Do you have any Satanic Paraphernalia in your house? Hidden?
I keep my ritual items and books displayed in my bedroom, along with a badass painting of Magus LaVey created by Rev. Eric Vernor. One might find a book I’m reading st any given time lying on a table in another room – I like to flirt with danger.
4) Would you rather go to space or ride a T-Rex? 
That depends. Are we talking riding the T-Rex in the Jurassic era or are we talking modern-day? Because I would totally dig going on a rampage through a busy part of town on the back of a dinosaur. Otherwise, I’d choose space.
5) Does anybody close to you know you’re a Satanist? 
When I was much younger (I’ve been a self-identifying Satanist for about 23 years), I was much more open about my interest in Satanism, so a lot of people knew. As I grew older and learned that subtlety can be my friend, I wore it on my sleeve less and less. There are probably still some who suspect that my involvement with Satanism was more than just a passing interest but I only talk about it with close confidants these days.
6) What is your Membership Status within the Church of Satan? 
I’m a Satanist (First Degree member). Basically, that just denotes active membership within CoS.
7) How do you weave Satanism into your daily life? 
My main source of income is my job in the steel structure manufacturing business. I work in an environment saturated with a lot of “good ole boys” – the “God, Guns and Government” types. I use Lesser Magic skills on a daily basis, like diplomacy, flattery and empathy (the latter two aren’t always genuine). I also live in a small town 30 miles outside of Nashville, TN, so those skills come in handy pretty much everywhere around here.
8) Do you have anything you’re working on currently you’d like to talk about? 
I’m currently writing songs for an acoustic project I plan to record with my wife’s assistance on vocals. I’ve also recently been inspired to take up painting. I’ve always been an above-average sketch artist but never seriously tried my hand at mediums involving color. I’ve got a long way to go but I’m steadily improving.
9) What made you decide to stay in the closet about being a Satanist. 
I have young children whom I don’t desire to see suffer on account of my interests and affiliations.
However, I’m not a total closet-Satanist. I just choose to keep that part of my life out of the spotlight. I’ll still talk about Satanism with open-minded folks and I do wear a Baphomet sigil ring often, so those in-the-know can identify my interest.
10) Define Magic. 
Magic is a hunk of blackberry cobbler topped with vanilla ice cream.
Ladies and Gents, and every flavor in between, I found this entry to be particularly interesting since I find myself hiding it in some social circles and being really open about it in others. You can be a Satanist and be Satanic without wearing Satan on your forehead. I hope this gets you all thinking and let me know if you have any questions for me or my guest.
Have a Devilish Day, my Satanic Sweethearts.
HS!
LH

I’m a Satanic Witch

No, not the kind of Witch with warts and a long nose who throws newt’s eyes into bubbling cauldrons to make potions that make me immortal. Nor do I lure little children away into the night to suck away their life force to make myself beautiful. No, I am something much more powerful. I am a Satanic Witch.

I would like to make it clear that I am not (yet) a Second Degree Active Member of the Church of Satan, which means a person has moved up from Member to Active Member to Witch/Warlock. There are other levels to the Hierarchy that you can find on the Church of Satan’s website, but I’m not going to touch on those during this post.

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The Satanic Witch and I!

 

For this post is all about Satanic Witches and what I feel it means to be a Satanic Witch. I highly recommend reading The Satanic Witch if you haven’t already because it is a really great guide to figuring out if you even are a Satanic Witch, what kind of Satanic Witch you are, and what the hell that means.

I find myself falling into two different types of Satanic Witches. I am both pretty and an old grandma. I know it seems a little oxymoronic, but that’s who I am. Let me explain a little further.

I like to bake. I really love making sweet baked goods for people, as well as big meals if I have the space to host. I love to feed people and send them home with enough leftovers to fill their bellies for days to come. I am only 24 years old, but my friends will sometimes call me Grandma Lauren because I like to watch Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy, hang out with my cats, cook, bake, and (if my insomnia allows) get to bed before 10.

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My Chocolate Cake

I am also a beautiful. I am! It’s taken me a long time to realize this and call myself beautiful, but it’s part of what makes me a Satanic Witch. I am able to use these eyes and hips to draw people in and help get what I want. This is not to say that I am luring men into the shadows to kill them by flashing them a glimpse of my ankle. Not at all. But, if my pretty smile helps me get a job over a different candidate, you damn well know I’m going to be flashing them these pearly whites throughout the entire interview! Know what you’ve got and make it work for you. With that in mind, let us begin talking about…

Lesser Magic: What I find the most interesting about Lesser Magic is the fact that it is called “Lesser”. I understand that it means the difference between ritual-induced universal influence VS flirting… Lesser magic is literally how you sell yourself. I’m a pretty baker so when I need something I can flutter my lashes and offer a cookie to get what I need. (They’re homemade and I only use Amish butter so there’s a lot of flavor from that fat…. yum!) I digress.

I honestly think that Lesser Magic is the most powerful magic available to the Satanic Witch because we have the ability to use it on the daily. This can also happen over messages, too, if you are, like me, better with the written word than with spoken word. To be fair, I am good at poetry, but you know what I mean. Lesser Magic is known as manipulative  or Non-ritual magic. Then, there is something we use that is called…

Greater Magic: Greater Magic is ritual magic. This is the kind of magic that will cause people to point and scream “BLACK MAGIC” or “DEVIL WORSHIP” and crap like that. That’s bullshit. First off, there’s no such thing as black magic or white magic, there are only delusional people who trick themselves into thinking that they aren’t performing a ritual for selfish reasons. BREAKING NEWS: Everything you do is selfish so just learn to deal with it.

Greater Magic must take place during a ritual. If you haven’t done a ritual yet, I highly recommend it because it made me feel so calm afterwards. Basically, a ritual is done if a Satanist has done everything possible to influence the world physically. Let me give an example. Last year I was interviewed for a job and I went in and did really well and filled out what they wanted me to fill out and graduated college so I could start working right away and then… I waited. I waited and waited and waited and the weight of the waiting was so heavy that I found that all I could do was sit there and wonder if they were going to call me. That’s no way to live! I was wasting my time!

So, I performed a compassion ritual with two of my Satanist friends so that I might sway the mind’s of those thinking of hiring me. I left the ritual finally feeling like I had done everything possible! The choice was far out of my hands and all I could do was hope that my curse would work.

It did! Two days later I got a call and had been hired as a Drama Teacher! 23 years old and straight out of college! Now, I’m not saying that magic is real like in Harry Potter. As cool as that would be, I just don’t buy it. BUT I do believe that Magic is real.

Magic, to me, is very small. Unless we go into the ritual chamber, magic comes to us in the form of being able to make the best box cake anybody has ever tasted. Maybe its finding a full bottle of alcohol on the side of the road one day. Maybe it’s something scientific we just don’t have a name for yet. Hell, we barely understand Gravity.

During a recent interview with a Witch of the Church of Satan, I asked her a quick follow-up question and I basically got the answer I expected.

How do you think being a Satanic Witch differs from being a Satanic Warlock?

“My first impulse is to say that Witches have Vaginas and Warlocks have penises,  but even that rule has exceptions. There’s certainly no different standard for one over the other. When I try to imagine what I would be like as a warlock, the only difference of any significance is that I would have different secondary sexual characteristics. But they would be really significant! I mean, my cock, it would be monstrously huge!” -Heidee Nytes

(If you’d like to read more of that interview, click here).

Damn, I love Satanists.

If you would like to know more about what it means to be a Satanist or a Satanic Witch, I would take a look at a podcast that I listen to. She hasn’t posted since March, but I promise that Confessions of a Wicked Witch with Magistra Ygraine because she is so brilliant. Her voice is very soothing to me so I like to just listen to calm down every now and then. Another fun part of the podcast is the Wicked Witch of the Year Award. This is pretty straight forward, but if you would like to know more, please go listen to the podcast. It’s so good, as are all of the hosts and shows on Radio Free Satan.

Well, I hope you have a Devilish Day my Dark Darlings!

HS!

LH

So Can You!

Okay, I straight up stole that title from Stephen Colbert’s I Am America (And So Can You!), which is a really fun book and can be found here. I highly, highly recommend it if you haven’t read it yet.

But that’s not why we are here! Oh, no, I’m here because I feel the need to tell you about how Satanic you are. Don’t worry, I’m not trying to get you to join the Church of Satan or start calling yourself a Satanist because, odds are, you’re not. But damn, people these days are so Satanic that it makes me laugh when they shit on the Church of Satan.

First off, lets me real, you are all selfish. Yeah, it’s true. Don’t worry, I am, too. Obviously I want the best for me because I have to live my life, not you. Thus, if you really don’t matter to me, then I’ll probably help myself before I help you. It’s nothing personal, I just don’t know 99.9% of the people on Earth.

This is not to say I don’t like to be kind, it’s just for a selfish reasons that I help people. For example, If I have enough money during the holidays, I like to get a few chicken meals (including potatoes, bread, a veggie, and a drink) and give them to homeless people I see around town. I can’t do it very often, but I like doing it because it makes me feel good. Yeah, I am owning up to it. I do things people would consider “philanthropic” because I like the feeling of seeing people happy for something I did.

I also don’t NOT care about people on Earth I don’t know, I do, I just need to take care of me and the people around me before I help the rest of the universe. And my selfishness extends to those close to me. I’d be disappointed if a coworker gets a promotion over my Mother or if my Little Sister got her heart-broken. My friends live within my circle of selfishness, as does my partner. Sound familiar?

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From The Church of Satan Free Downloads

Now, I’ll give you a moment to read all the way through the above picture. Okay, now do it again. Most of them seem like pretty common sense and that’s because they have been carefully constructed to mathematically– No I’m shitting with you, they are just basic common sense. So let’s look at these one by one.

1- This one may be the one I wish most Non-Satanists would learn because it really annoys me when people try to fix things for me when all I need for them to do is listen. Does that make sense? If a friend/coworker/family member/ whatever and I are talking and they ask about a problem I may be having. If I decide to confide it them, I don’t need them to fix whatever is happening, but just listen. If I want to know how you’d fix it, I’ll ask.

2- This is just an extension of the first. Don’t just start telling me about your Sister’s affair out of nowhere, Brenda, all you did was hand me a divider at the Fred Meyer checkout line.

3- I love the word “Lair” in this because it sounds so dark, but it really just means somebody’s space. I say SPACE and not HOUSE because I consider several spaces an extension of my lair. These spaces include my office, my classroom, my personal space, and my car. Don’t touch the stereo.

4- I love the wording in this one, too, because it makes it seem as though I’m going to be throwing somebody in my oven for sneezing on my face. No, but if you sneeze on my face a few times I might as you to leave. If you don’t, then you might be thrown into the oven… Kidding. (Or am I?)

5- THIS IS SO IMPORTANT! Nothing sexual unless you’ve been given consent. I like “Mating Signal” because when I am dating somebody, we can pretty much give consent by using body language and I always make sure whomever I am with knows that they can stop or say no anytime they way. Never force things on people.

6- Don’t steal… Just don’t steal…

7- This one may be the only one that Non-Satanists won’t nod their head at. The way I explain this is as follows: We use the placeholder word “Magic” to describe something we don’t yet have a name for in science. That being said, if you perform a ritual and it goes the way you want, tip your hat to the Devil.

I say magic may also be real, but very small, like being able to make the best cup of coffee in the office even though the water comes from the same place and the beans are the same. (If you’re a high-ranking CoS Member and I am WAAAY off, please tell me).

8- Oh I love this one so much. Have an awful friend who is sucking the life out of you but you keep going back for some reason, you don’t get to complain. Get rid of that Psychic Vampire and move on. Didn’t bother to vote? Then shut up. Start doing something about it.

9- Come on…

10- Again, this is easy. Animal is attacking you? Do anything you can to survive. Starving? Kill an animal to survive. Satanism is a life-loving religion. That being said, don’t hurt animals.

11- Like the first Rule of the Earth, this one is really important. Leave people alone in public and if somebody starts bugging you, tell them to stop. If they don’t leave you be when you ask nicely, SET THEM ON FIRE- No, don’t do that. BUT at that point you are allowed to get mean… or meaner. Just make sure you’re within your rights. Don’t break any laws.

SEE! A lot of these things are common sense to good people! Satanists are good people and a lot of good people are very Satanic, though not Satanists. Remember, Satanists are born, not made.

This is why I get pissed when people look at me in horror or stop talking to me when they find out I’m a member of the Church of Satan because they think I’m dancing with the Devil while eating babies and sacrificing cats. Just do some research and you’ll realize that all I am guilty of is being awesome.

Have a wonderful Walpurgisnacht, my Dearest Devils!

HS!

From Hell,

LH

I’m Celebrating!

There are a lot of Christian holidays, such as Christmas, Easter, and Good Friday, as well as holidays that seem to be smeared with God’s presence even if it shouldn’t be such as Thanksgiving and the Fourth of July. Now, I still enjoy most of these holidays. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not praising the lord and begging forgiveness, but I will go to evening service at a Christian church on Christmas Eve. Why? I like it when they sing Silent Night with only candles to light the church. It’s really pretty, sue me.

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This… this is a candle

But, there are Satanic Holidays. As I stated in a previous post, one’s own birthday is the highest of the Unholy Holidays because Satanism is a Life-Celebrating religion. Basically, Death is the Great Abstinence so we must make the most out of life, which makes the day in which you entered life YOUR most important day. This is just a really long way of saying ‘The Party Don’t Start ‘Til I Walk In”.

Another Unholy Holiday that seems pretty obvious is Halloween! Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course Satanists are going to love Halloween because it’s so deliciously dark! This is also a date in which, according to The Satanic Bible, all manner of spirits, devils, witches and spirits are on the loose! Well, at least to the older folks in Scotland during the time of the Druids. Those crazy kids, on the other hand, used the night to perform fertility rituals and others that might help sway a certain partner to them, sexually speaking.

The changing of the seasons, marked by the solstices and equinoxes, are also important to Satanism as they represent change and self-recreation.

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Spring vs Winter in WA

BUT! The Satanic Holiday in which I am celebrating today is Walpurgisnacht! Yes, it is almost Walpurgisnacht, which means we are half-way to Halloween! Yay! (I think I’m going as the Satanic Priestess version of Mother Theresa).

Walpurgisnacht takes place each year, starting on the evening of April 30th and ending in the evening of May 1st. It is celebrated in the name of Saint Walpurgis, or Walpurga, and is basically a second Halloween. This celebration marked the change from Winter to Summer and was seen as a day in which the veil between the living and the dead was again thin, as it is on Halloween.

Sadly, I have to work on Walpurgisnacht. Technically I could take the day off, as well as Halloween and my Birthday, but I’m not going to. I need the money and I would rather cash my sick days in for a boost to my paycheck or, just maybe, use them if I got sick. Besides, I like my job.

So, instead, I’m celebrating today! Now, this doesn’t mean to you what it means to me. For one person, this may mean inviting a bunch of people over and sharing the day together playing games and eating good food. Hey, sometimes I’m down for that, too. But, for my, celebrating this Satanic Holiday (at least this year) means not leaving the house, hanging with my cats, and staying in my PJs all day. That’s just how I roll.

So, that being said, I hope you all have a wonderful Unholy Holiday and Celebrate in your own way, my Demonic Darlings.

HS!

From Hell,

LH

I Have Insomnia

Hello, guys, all 9 of you! I know I’ve been gone for a long while, it’s just been a crazy time at work. The students are starting to get into testing season and it’s becoming beautiful here in the Pacific Northwest so they get really restless by the time they get to me. That’s okay, I understand.

Another reason I have been away for a while is that I am SO fucking tired. I have insomnia, which really sucks when I am trying to look after 30 middle school children. My eyes start to feel like they’re filled with cement and I get tunnel vision if I stop for too long.

It’s impossible for me to get any work done during these hours. My brain moves at half speed and I sit there, thinking about what I want to write, and almost as soon as an idea enters my brain, I forget it. Sometimes, I try to spell of ‘Ove” when it’s really tired.

So, some of you are probably starting a message saying to try melatonin. I can’t. I literally can’t because if I do, my legs shake. Or, well, they feel like they need to shake  or they’ll explode. This is extra frustrating because my brain will be tired, but if I stop moving my legs, it feels so much like they’ll burst if I stop even for a second.

Recently, I found that walking helps a lot. I really, really hate running and going to the gym, so I just end up walking a whole lot so that I can tire myself. Sometimes I don’t start walking until very late at night. I had to pause this recently because I ended up seeing somebody trying to break in to an apartment complex on my last walk. When he saw me, he stopped and watched me the whole way. I thought I was about to be murdered or worse.

Luckily,  found something that works really, really well and I was so happy to finally get more than 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep! I’m not taking to tonight or tomorrow, though, because the last time I found something that worked, my brained ended up getting used to it until I had to either take too much or it wouldn’t work.

Insomnia also makes my anxiety and depression much worse and it’s hard to better your life in any way when you’re too tired to eat, even if the food is already made for you. I find myself reading the Compassion Ritual, in my head, to help me fall into some sort of trance that reading brings. I read the Compassion Ritual from The Satanic Bible so that I might sway the night to let me sleep. Sometimes I write song lyrics that will never be felt on singing lips.

BUT, the first thing I try, as soon as it starts to get too late, is drinking warm milk and watching Bob Ross. The man has such a relaxing voice that it lulls me into a sense of comfort and peace. This, along with the warmth of the milk I heated, will sometimes be just enough to push me off the cliff and into sleep.

I hope you all have a great night sleep tonight and wake up feeling refreshed. If not, let me know, I’ll probably be up.

HS!

From Hell,

LH

I’m A Teacher

I’ve always wanted to be a teacher since I was in High School. I always dreamed of being the cool teacher who students like to hang out with during lunch. I thought I was going to be an English Teacher one day, since my BA is in Creative Writing, and I may move into that field at some point.

It wasn’t until later, while I was attending Skagit Valley Community College, that I found out my love for theatre. While I was getting my BA at WWU, I also took theatre classes that focused on technical side of theatre, accumulating enough for almost a minor. Almost. Like, if I take one more class, I will have a theatre minor. Why didn’t I decide to stay in school one more quarter and just finish off that one credit? Well, because I got a job offer.

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My $22,000 piece of paper

It was last summer during the off-season at Western when I was working as a janitor. I was taking my last break, which was at 1:30 in the afternoon since I got to work at 5am, and I had a text from my mom to come down later for dinner. So, I did. That’s when I started speaking to my mom’s friend who works at the school. She started asking me if I wanted to be a drama teacher. I thought she was joking, so I said that yeah, one day, I would love to be a teacher. That when she looked at me really seriously and said

“No, now”.

And that was that! I went home and filled out my graduation papers, which they had to rush for me. Then I paid what I needed to pay, filled out my application and waited. And waited… Then I waited a while longer. Apparently, they liked to keep me waiting because I was about ready to give up. My stomach turned each day, wondering if I was going to get the job. So, I did what any rational Satanist would do. I performed a ritual.

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A photo from before our first ritual

I decided to do a compassion ritual because I was worried that they maybe had multiple people to decide from or were unsure if they wanted to hire me or not. I have to say, I did feel better afterwards because I felt as if I had finally done everything in my power to sway the outcome. Afterwards, I turned my energy to different things. I started looking at Masters programs and tried painting. I looked for other jobs, too, in case they decided to hire somebody else. Well, a few days later, I received a call. I was being asked to come in and interview! They ended up hiring me on the spot, which is good since school started the next Tuesday.

From then on, it’s been nothing but a dream. Yeah, there are some times when I get stressed and find myself wanting to bang my head against the wall, but I’m happy more often than not. They are all so smart and funny and I love each of them for who they are and I hope I’m still around to see them graduate.

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One of my Favs at the gun march (Used with permission)

When it comes to being a Satanist and being a member of the Church of Satan, I keep that on the DL. If they ask me if I go to church or believe in god, I tell them to ask me after they graduate. Sometimes they debate religion while we are working and I’ll listen to make sure that everything is fair and factual. I’ll chime in as soon as the conversation begins to get personal or if somebody says something inaccurate. This means that I’ve corrected them about the beliefs on some Christians, Hindus, etc. And yes, I’ve defended Satanism.

A real life example: One time a student said that Satanists sacrifice animals and children. Obviously this is crazy and I corrected him. I’m a teacher, which means I am here to teach. I don’t want to create little Satanists, I want to create good people. I want to make sure that these children get thrown into the world with the ability to fact check and question everything.

I do, though, weave satanic sentiments into my teaching and class rules. We respect other people’s time in class, which means knowing when to work, when to chat, and when to listen to Ms. Hippenstiel. This means that nobody should expect to be listened to if they can’t take their eyes off their phone while others are presenting. I also get them to try to work out their own issues before coming to me because I don’t have time to split up fights about desks. But I don’t try to turn them into Satanists. It’s against my religious beliefs to indoctrinate people.

The biggest rule in my class is “Get Over Yourself”. This is important in the theatre because if you spend too much time thinking about how silly you might look, you will never give a good performance. Hell, I was in a play where I played an evil preacher that came back from the dead to yell at gay people who were also dead because they had died of AIDs. It’s called Elegies for Angels, Punks, and Raging Queens and it’s FUCKING BOMB. If I had gotten too worried about what I looked like, I wouldn’t have been able to get audience members to hiss at me when I finished my piece.

I have the future of the United States of America in my hands every day. All I want is for the students to leave school one day and be able to enter the next step of their life with confidence. I was a pretty bad student back in the day, so I understand what it’s like to have a teacher change your life, as my high school English teacher did for me.

I hope they feel safe and loved in my class. If these things hold true, I’ve done my job.

Enjoy the rest of the day, my Lovely Leviathans

HS!

LH