I Love Friday the 13th!

Ah Friday the 13th, a date that strikes terror into the superstitious, and even those who are normally skeptical. I hear people who normally would scoff at those who avoid walking under ladders suddenly start blaming traffic on the date. So what is it about Friday the 13th that makes everybody lose their shit?

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The Last Supper

Well, one of the reasons comes from the Bible. It seems that Christianity thinks that the number 13 is a bad omen since there were 13 guests at dinner and one of those guests, Judas, betrayed Jesus and getting him nailed up. The crucifixion allegedly happened on a Friday. Other major Christian events, such as Cain killing Abel and Eve getting Adam the apple, also happened on a Friday.

On Friday the 13th specifically, there have been a few atrocities that have captured the eye of the easily manipulated and irrational. In 1307, French King Philip the IV rounded up the Knights Templar, a religious and military power charged with defending the Holy Land, so that the King could access their finances.

These stories, along with their uncontrollable persistence of Christians to attempt to inject their beliefs into the lives of people who didn’t ask for it, cause the general public to go around believing that there is something evil about the date.

Other, non-religious, events that people point to as evidence are the killing of Tupac; the crash of an Italian cruise ship that killed 30 people; a bombing at Buckingham Palace; and a cyclone in Bangladesh that killed 300,000 people. These are just some of the occurrences that cause some to believe that the date is cursed.

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A Statue rests at the bottom of a lake in Minnesota 

Another reason people get the creeps about the date comes from pop culture and the rise of Jason Voorhees. What could be scarier than an immortal killer that busts through walls and rises from a lake to commit murder each Friday the 13th? Well, a lot, but Jason is one of the most recognizable horror icons of the age.

While I don’t think people actually believe that Jason Voorhees is going to bust through their door in the middle of the night and slash their throats, I do think they may make it a tradition to watch the movies. This is something my boyfriend and I do sometimes, if there are occasions. We are big horror fans, as you might know if you’ve checked out his blog. Actually, we are doing that tonight with a few drinks and snacks. We like drinks and snacks. I digress… all I’m saying is that people may be freaking themselves out for fun, an that’s great! Movie night!

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My new books!

As a Satanist, I’m feeling extra witchy today! It may be because I recently got my new books, The Satanic Witch and The Satanic Scriptures, in the mail. I think it’s because things are just going my way today. First of all, it’s a Friday, so that’s always great. Secondly, I have a full tank of gas and a full tank of sleep. I’m also looking great, so that’s a plus, and my students were pretty great. It’s shitty weather here, but that’s okay, because it’s tourist season where I work and the wind and rain keeps them away. This is nice because these idiots think its okay to park halfway on the road to look at stupid flowers. It’s really annoying.

I think I also really like the fact that people are so on edge. They are looking all over for what might go wrong and are more susceptible to Lesser Magic. I was thinking of the part in The Satanic Bible where Anton says something about 3:00 am being The Witching Hour, not because it’s a bastardization of the holy trinity, but because most people are asleep that might make it easier to throw curses during rituals.

The next Friday the 13th that rolls around, I’ll be doing a ritual with some friends who are also Satanists. Maybe we will do it at 3:00 am just for good measure.

Well, have a good Friday, my wonderful devils, and I’ll see you tomorrow.

HS!

LH

 

 

I’ve Noticed Something…

I’ve been using my relaxing time to watch Buzzfeed Unsolved. I want to start off by saying that I really love Shane and Ryan and I really appreciate the hard work they do in order to bring us these wonderful, funny, interesting videos. Some of my favorites include “The Grizzly Murders of Jack The Ripper“, “The Suspicious Assassination of JFK“, and “The Shocking Case of O.J. Simpson“, though all of their videos deserve a watch. Yes, including the ones where Ryan craps his pants in the dark because he thinks there are ghosts and demons. Shane is hilarious.

All that being said, I’ve noticed that they have a bad habit of throwing Satanists under the bus. The first time I noticed this was when I was watching their video “Three Terrifying Cases of Ghosts and Demons” and somewhere around the 37 minute mark, they mention a woman who was thought to be a “Satan Worshiper”. I didn’t think too much about it at first because I am not, in fact, a Satan Worshiper, I am a Lauren Worshiper. Then, around a minute later, they went and threw out the big “S” word. Well, the priest they were speaking to said “Satanic Cult”.

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Above: NOT a Satanic Symbol

Couple things. I would have kept my mouth shut if we had stuck with “Satan Worshiper” or “Devil Worshipers” or “Lunatics”, but we didn’t. They went to “Satanic Cult.” First thing, Satanists don’t do cults and those who are members of the Church of Satan, like myself, aren’t part of a cult. Cults control you, which is the opposite of what Satanism is about.

“But, but, but Lauren! There are RITUALS in Satanism!”
Why yes… yes there are, but they’re total psychodrama meant to make the participants feel as if they’ve done everything they’ve physically can to sway their desired outcome in their favor and now need to shed the weight of worrying so that they can push forward onto other endeavors. That being said, never deny the power of magic. If you perform a ritual and it works, make sure you give credit where credit is due. That being said, I want it to be clear that I, personally, don’t believe in magic as something supernatural, but rather something natural that we don’t yet have a name or explanation for. But, hey, I moved on, because people get things wrong sometimes.

Then, it happened again. I was watching the video “The Disturbing Mystery of the Jamison Family“. At 16:45, the boys mention that the father in the missing family was reading “a Satanic Bible”. Okay, so let us say this is true. Maybe he was reading The Satanic Bible. So what? Anybody who has taken a look into The Satanic Bible written by Anton LaVey (because anything else that claims to be a “Satanic Bible” is BS) will know that there’s nothing evil about it. It makes clear that Satanism is about being an individual and making sure you have a successful life because there is no afterlife; Nobody is controlling your life besides you. But, I kept on watching, because, as I’ve said before, I really like these guys as people and they make me laugh.

But then it happened again! I was watching the video on the freaking Illuminati, which is wrapped in mystery enough itself, when all of a sudden I hear “The third theory is that the New World Order is connected to the Anti-Christ because the Illuminati are Satanists” before going on to quote a book from Pat Robertson saying that Satanists were responsible for “The French Revolution, The Communist Manifesto, and the creation of The Federal Reserve”.

At this point, I had to pause the video because I was laughing so hard. That’s when I looked up and saw this:

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Again, the symbol used above is NOT SATANIC

This was making me laugh so much at this point that my cat came over to check on me. Guys, maybe the people who created these things were Satanists in their heart, but they wouldn’t have even known what to call it or, if they did have Satanism as it is now, I doubt they would have ever admitted to it OR have also been a part of the Illuminati. I mean, sure, I’ll let you think they were the Illuminati, but they weren’t Satanists.

And then… my favorite. “The Demonic Goatman’s Bridge” video! Oh my goodness. So, here’s the basics of the story. Basically, they say that there is a demon that… haunts(?) the bridge because Satanists have been performing rituals on the bridge.

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This is very close to a Satanic symbol

No, guys, just, no. Satanists, real Satanists, don’t believe in Demons. Satan isn’t real, Lucifer isn’t real. None of that. People who worship Lucifer are called Devil Worshippers and are closer to Christians than Satanists. Also, Satanists tend to perform rituals in private, safe areas because they are private events that we don’t want to be interrupted.

They then did a BS ritual with protection circles and other white magic crap. Ryan had stated that there had been evidence of people doing rituals on the bridge and they had the following exchange.

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What the hell

As I’ve stated before, Satanists don’t believe in the same thing Ryan believes. We are very practical people and don’t believe that there are ghosts or demons or Lucifer or gods or any of that crap. You’re on a bridge and you’re freaking yourself out.

Then, later in the same video, they said there were often Satanic Rituals carried out in the woods and that animal bones were often found there. They said that the town went so far as to stop selling cats because so many were turning up dead in the aforementioned forest.

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Another not Satanic symbol

First of all, fuck you. I’m sorry, but this actually hurt my feelings. I love cats. You know, I love all animals, but cats especially. I have two, in fact, named Edwin and Albert, who I spoil rotten. I also used to foster sick and young kittens before they were put up for adoption at a local animal shelter.

Second of all, if you had done your research, you would have seen the Eleven Satanic Rules of the Earth, as seen blow:

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Available for Download at The Church of Satan Website

I’ll bring your attention to Number 10: “Do not kill non-human animals unless you are attacked or for your food”. This literally means that humans are animals, too, and we shouldn’t hurt non-human animals unless we need to stay alive because we are starving or being attacked.

This whole video was a mess, but I still love the boys. I just want them to do their research. And they are, by no means, the only ones. I also noticed two videos, called “5 Nightmarish Facts about the Mysterious and Legendary Chupacabra” and “5 Most Mysterious & Secret Societies on the Planet“, both of which are videos from the channel Top 5s. Again, I greatly enjoy the videos this channel creates and have watched a lot of them, I’m just pointing these out because they have inaccuracies.

All in all, I just want to not be labeled as an evil person who kills cats and summons demons, because I’m not. If you are somebody who is trying to do good, in-depth journalism, you can contact the Church of Satan directly here. I am NOT a spokesperson, I’m just a Member of the Church of Satan who wants to be a little bit more understood.

Have a good rest of your day, my loves.

HS!

LH