I Love Friday the 13th!

Ah Friday the 13th, a date that strikes terror into the superstitious, and even those who are normally skeptical. I hear people who normally would scoff at those who avoid walking under ladders suddenly start blaming traffic on the date. So what is it about Friday the 13th that makes everybody lose their shit?

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The Last Supper

Well, one of the reasons comes from the Bible. It seems that Christianity thinks that the number 13 is a bad omen since there were 13 guests at dinner and one of those guests, Judas, betrayed Jesus and getting him nailed up. The crucifixion allegedly happened on a Friday. Other major Christian events, such as Cain killing Abel and Eve getting Adam the apple, also happened on a Friday.

On Friday the 13th specifically, there have been a few atrocities that have captured the eye of the easily manipulated and irrational. In 1307, French King Philip the IV rounded up the Knights Templar, a religious and military power charged with defending the Holy Land, so that the King could access their finances.

These stories, along with their uncontrollable persistence of Christians to attempt to inject their beliefs into the lives of people who didn’t ask for it, cause the general public to go around believing that there is something evil about the date.

Other, non-religious, events that people point to as evidence are the killing of Tupac; the crash of an Italian cruise ship that killed 30 people; a bombing at Buckingham Palace; and a cyclone in Bangladesh that killed 300,000 people. These are just some of the occurrences that cause some to believe that the date is cursed.

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A Statue rests at the bottom of a lake in Minnesota 

Another reason people get the creeps about the date comes from pop culture and the rise of Jason Voorhees. What could be scarier than an immortal killer that busts through walls and rises from a lake to commit murder each Friday the 13th? Well, a lot, but Jason is one of the most recognizable horror icons of the age.

While I don’t think people actually believe that Jason Voorhees is going to bust through their door in the middle of the night and slash their throats, I do think they may make it a tradition to watch the movies. This is something my boyfriend and I do sometimes, if there are occasions. We are big horror fans, as you might know if you’ve checked out his blog. Actually, we are doing that tonight with a few drinks and snacks. We like drinks and snacks. I digress… all I’m saying is that people may be freaking themselves out for fun, an that’s great! Movie night!

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My new books!

As a Satanist, I’m feeling extra witchy today! It may be because I recently got my new books, The Satanic Witch and The Satanic Scriptures, in the mail. I think it’s because things are just going my way today. First of all, it’s a Friday, so that’s always great. Secondly, I have a full tank of gas and a full tank of sleep. I’m also looking great, so that’s a plus, and my students were pretty great. It’s shitty weather here, but that’s okay, because it’s tourist season where I work and the wind and rain keeps them away. This is nice because these idiots think its okay to park halfway on the road to look at stupid flowers. It’s really annoying.

I think I also really like the fact that people are so on edge. They are looking all over for what might go wrong and are more susceptible to Lesser Magic. I was thinking of the part in The Satanic Bible where Anton says something about 3:00 am being The Witching Hour, not because it’s a bastardization of the holy trinity, but because most people are asleep that might make it easier to throw curses during rituals.

The next Friday the 13th that rolls around, I’ll be doing a ritual with some friends who are also Satanists. Maybe we will do it at 3:00 am just for good measure.

Well, have a good Friday, my wonderful devils, and I’ll see you tomorrow.

HS!

LH

 

 

I Think Weed Should Be Legal

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Man Holding Leaf by NCCIH

 

Now, I’m not going to come at this from a personal standpoint since I don’t think that it’s important. No, I’m going to come at this from a different approach that people tend to skim over: Common sense. Yeah, I think it’s pretty common sense to legalize weed nationwide (read: worldwide) for the betterment of humanity and none of them are going to be “because it’s fun”.

Again, I do NOT speak on the behalf of the Church of Satan or CoS Members.

So, first and foremost, there are so many medical benefits for people. I’m not saying that it will clear your skin and give you a six-pack, those are different medical benefits that end up just being click bait. No, I mean that the chemicals in marijuana haven been shown to help people with chronic pain from issues such as scoliosis or arthritis; severe pain from broken bones or recent surgeries; degenerative nerve disease pain; Parkinson’s (as a muscle relaxer); period pain; anxiety; depression; PTSD; and irritable bowel syndrome. Please note that this is not everything and there hasn’t been a lot of studies performed on the benefits of weed because it’s illegal.

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National Institute on Drug Abuse

I bring up the medical promises of weed because, if you’ve noticed the United States has been facing a massive opioid epidemic and people seem to be at a loss and grasping at straws for answers. Um, I have an answer. Go back in time fifty years and make marijuana legal then. Let us imagine for a moment a life where opioids were used only at the end of life and a plant replaced pain medication.

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When you go into a doctor’s office for a surgery, these days you’d be prescribed something like oxicodone or hydrocodone, which come with a laundry list of possible side effects such as coughing, stomach pain, nausea, itching, cramps, sweating, dry mouth, and far more. These medications, and others like them, also come with the risk of overdose.

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Dr. Deborah Penner (TBH, I don’t know what year these are from)

Now, Marijuana comes with its own side effects such as an increased heart rate; increased blood pressure; dizziness; dry mouth; increased appetite; and slower reaction times. There is a chance for overdose, technically, but a person would have to consume over 50,000 joints worth of THC These effects differ from person to person and some people would rather deal with opioids than weed, but there are options if you don’t want to feel high.

A lot of products that come from marijuana come in forms that don’t require smoking such as drinks, tinctures, pills, and food items. These things can be 100% THC, 100% CBD or a ratio of the two. THC is the chemical responsible for head-high feeling people feel when they smoke while CBD is responsible for body high and pain relief. There’s other stuff in there, but those chemicals have to do with flavors. If you take a small amount of only CBD, you’d end up feeling just pain relief and little to no body high.

Marijuana, despite what people say, has almost no addictive effect. That’s not to say that people don’t get addicted to feeling a certain way, such as people who are addicted to shopping. It comes from the ground and is highly regulated so that the product put on shelves is safer than cigarettes by far. I’m not saying it’s the answer for everybody, but it might be used in conjunction with weed in order to reduce dependency.

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Photo by RedBubble.com

Another wonderful reason to legalize weed is the economic befits. There has been illegal purchasing of weed for a long time before legalization and I’m sure there will be still due to people who can’t purchase legally, but these definitely fell significantly in the states that decided to legalize. That means that a percent of the money made would be paid to the government in the form of taxes. In 2015, Colorado alone saw $66 million dollars come in from the Pot Tax, which was actually less than they had projected. A figure from the Washington State Treasurer‘s website reads that during the 2017 fiscal year, Washington State raked in just under $320,000,000 in taxes.

These taxes could be put into education or prison systems in order to increase the quality the likelihood that students graduate and prisoners stay out of jail. Speaking of jail, we also need to release nonviolent marijuana offenders from jail, especially when people like John Boehner are joining a Marijuana Firm’s Advisory Board even after stating, in so many words, that his position on weed would never change.

Just releasing these people would save the nation so much money that would otherwise being spent on convicts whose only crime was having a gram of weed on them. That’s crazy. If you crossed my street, you could get that for $6.

In the long run, legalizing weed across the nation would benefit the United States in ways most people can see pretty clearly. Those who oppose the movement are going to be swept under the run when the next generation comes into power. From there, they can watch as we create a nation where they must either adapt or stay quiet.

Remember to register to vote, my Devilish Darlings.

HS!

LH

 

I Am Pro-Choice

I don’t even know why I’m doing a post on this since it just feels obvious. There are many different reasons why I’m pro-choice, both personal and religious, that I can find, but I’m only going to go over five of them on this post.

WARNING: ALL OPINIONS ARE MINE

I do not speak on the behalf of the Church of Satan or its other Members

Presenting…

Lauren’s Reasons Why…

Number One: It’s not your life. 

Let’s say that you got a really bad haircut one day. Even though you brought a picture with you and explained in great detail exactly how you wanted the cut to look, it just isn’t good and it makes you look like a 40-year-old soccer mom. Well, upon seeing your awful haircut, you would want to fix it somehow and when you asked the hairdresser she refuses, and then if you try to go somewhere else, they also refuse, saying that “hairdressers don’t make mistakes, they just give us what we need, not what we want”.

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Like this

This would make me so mad. It’s my hair!  This is my biggest issue with the “Pro-Life” movement because they feel as if they have dominion over things that have absolutely nothing to do with them. Also, why do you care? Get out of my life.

Number 2: It’s My Choice

There was a time, many years ago, that I was pregnant and was considering an abortion. It was the saddest choice of my life, because there are things I want in my life. I want a career and to be able to do what I want. Do I want a family one day? Well, yeah, but not right now because I want to be able to get up and take a road trip with Dylan at 4 am if I wanted to. Some people think that I may be selfish, and yeah, I am, for both me and for my baby. I wouldn’t have been able to raise that baby correctly at age 20 when I was going to WWU, working two retail jobs, as well as starting my theatre career. I had plans and I was busy.

And I struggled for days on what to do. It’s not an easy choice. I didn’t sleep, my studies suffered and my designs came second. I ended up taking a few days off of work because I was struggling with my inner self so much. In the end, it didn’t matter because the universe decided for me. As with most first-time pregnancies, I miscarried. I was a weird mixture of happy and sad, but now, when I see where I am, I’m very happy.

Reason 3: I’m Pro-Life

WHAT!?! But this is a direct contradiction to the title of this blog! No, it’s not. I am Pro-Life in the sense that Christians pretend to me. I value all life, not just babies who have yet to be born, which includes the pregnant person in this situation, as well as adults and the elderly. Here’s what I’ve noticed: A person wants to have sex, but Pro-Life people say they can’t have access to free birth control so they get pregnant and can’t afford a baby or doesn’t want a baby, so she tries to access an abortion but it’s either to expensive, too far away, or illegal. Then she has the baby she never wanted and is forced into poverty, out of school, and into two jobs just to support a child. When she tries to sign up for family help through the government, she is told that she shouldn’t have kids she can’t afford.

Maybe she tries to get an illegal abortion and then both she and the baby dies. Maybe she does have access to a free or reduced-price abortion, but while she is in there, a lunatic comes in and bombs the place or shoots everybody?

This is not Pro-Life. This is Pro-Statis-Quo. I am Pro-Life in the sense that I feel that anybody alive should have full control over their life. This means that I believe in Gun Control because I’m sick of seeing children gunned down in schools. This means I am all about Universal Health Care because people would see their quality of life improve exponentially if they didn’t have to glue their body back together to save money instead of going and getting stitches.

Reason 4: I Live on Earth

I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but there are a lot of people on this planet. In fact, I would say that there are too many people on the planet and we are using up the lasts of our dwindling resources. I, myself, having lived on this planet for the last 24 years, enjoy the Earth. I enjoy the mountains and the forests; I enjoy streams and birds; I enjoy breathing.

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Dylan and I on Mount Baker

As humans are born, they need resources. We are consuming far faster than we could ever hope the Earth to provide and we are strangling our home. Lets imagine birth control methods and women’s health care, including abortions, are available and affordable all over the world. Nice, isn’t it? I imagine a lot of women in power since they were able to do what they want instead of having to care for a child she became pregnant with after a rape; I imagine smarter children and happier teachers                            due to the fact that they have fewer children to take care of and more resources for those they have; I imagine saving the planet.

Reason 5: I’m A Satanist

Yeah, of course I’m Pro-Choice as a Satanist. People who are members of the Church of Satan come from all over the political spectrum and I’m sure there are many, many pro-life Satanists. I don’t know any, but I’m sure they’re out there. But, I feel as if one thing we can all agree on is choice. Everybody should have a choice to do what they want and it’s not up to anybody else to decide what happens in another person’s life.

Even if I were to hate abortions and think that they were murder, which I don’t, I would still be Pro-Choice because I don’t have the right to tell people what to do with their bodies. In the end, everybody on this planet is here on Earth, trying their best to be happy, and people who spend their time being worried about other people’s lives are wasting their own.

I hope you all have a great day, my Infernal Loves.

HS!

LH

 

 

 

My Boyfriend Is Not

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Two of my Loves

Man, is this guy special. I am very, very lucky to have this Dylan in my life. Seriously, I couldn’t imagine my life without him now that I know what it’s like to see him every day and be able to love him.

No, he is not a Satanist, but he is an atheist. I mean, I am an atheist, too, but while I was finding myself within Satanism, he was not, and that’s totally fine. As I said before, I once dated a Hardcore Christian, and one of the most annoying things of that relationship was him always trying to push his religion onto me. Ugh. Everybody knows that person, almost always Christian, who wants to save you. I’m not here to do that. If people have questions, I’ll answer them, but I’m not here to pester anybody.

So, Dylan is great, because he supports me in anything I am interested in, even if I’m not good at it. I hope that I treat him the way he deserves to be treated, even if I did accidentally take his debit card to work with me today.

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Our first picture together

We actually met on Tindr, which I never thought could work for anything but hooking up and leaving. He was actually my first ever Tindr date and he actually came to work with me. Not school, the Lighting Design one. Honestly, I didn’t believe in love at first sight until that moment I saw him waiting for me in the lobby looking lost. I know that sounds stupid, but I swear it’s true. I went up to him while his back was towards me and said

“Looking for somebody?”

And that was it. We spent all but around 15 days together since then and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’ve been in a few relationships before this one and this is the first time I’ve wanted to be around the other person every moment of every day. We can just be ourselves around each other and that means not leaving the house and, for me, changing from Pjs to new Pjs. I like comfort.

We have been together for a year and four months now and live together with our sweet babies. I come home every day excited to see him and the boys.

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Albert not giving a single shit

So, I don’t think it matters to him that I’m a Satanist… especially since he has tattoos that would make a Christian have a heart attack. He’s pretty special to me. I’m very lucky to be able to have found somebody who is this wonderful.

Also, Since he is so important to me, the selfishness and want to improve my life I feel extends to him, as well as other important people in my life, such as my Mom. I’m very proud of all that he has done and I will continue to lift him up in any way I can… unless it involves feet.

The only thing we can’t agree on is milk. He doesn’t drink dairy milk and that’s whatever, I don’t care, I just don’t think he should be allowed to call the stuff he drinks “milk” because it’s not. Because it comes from a coconut. It’s juice.

I hope you all have a wonderful night, my loves.

HS!

LH

P.S. He has a blog, too, so here’s a shamless plug for that. If you like movies, especially horror, check this shit out https://wp.wwu.edu/jmassacre3/

It’s My Birthday!

Ah, the birthday. It’s a party day for a lot of people while others would really rather let the day pass quietly, but for Satanists, it’s a holiday! Life is the all we have so we live to live, which makes the first day of life special, you follow me? Not to mention that, since I am a Satanist, I worship myself, therefore what better way to celebrate the almighty Lauren than to do what I want on the day I graced the Earth with my presence? That means I am going to spend the day and night doing what I want.

So, I started the day by going to work. Yup, I went to work. Now, on my special day, why wouldn’t I take a day off of work and relax? Well, because I had to. Yeah, I didn’t really have a choice. I’m a teacher and I was just on Spring Break and this was our first Monday back, so I didn’t feel as though it would be professional to take a day off. Also, I really missed my kids. I really wanted to go and see them and be around all their smiling faces. So I had to go to work because I value my job and I love my job. My sweet kids sang me Happy Birthday and it was the most magical moment of my life.

After that, I went HOME. Some people like to go out and drink on their birthday. Other people will eat special food or surround themselves with friends and family. Yeah, after work, I went and saw my family for about 20 minutes, but more than anything I just wanted to get home. Because I love my home.

I love my home because it is a curated to my liking and it is a place where I am surrounded by comfort. I am never uncomfortable or afraid in my lair. I look in any direction and see a happy memory or a beautiful painting or something else that brings me joy.

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My Love and I

My darling Boyfriend is often back from school when I get home from work and coming home to such love makes me happier than I ever knew I could be. Dylan doesn’t judge me or say I’m weird; He supports me better than any bra. The other day, he came out and I was asleep on the living room floor with the cats. You know what he did? Moved around me. He respects my space and my choices, no matter how odd my choices may seem. We watch the same stupid videos over and over and he laughs at the same parts with me. Yes, I love to watch the videos, but I mostly love to hear his laugh. It makes me happy.

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Laying on the floor with both of my boys

My home also contains my cats and if you would like to know more about them, I’ve done a LONG blog post on them and would happily talk more about them, but I’ll save that for later. So, I got to my happy place, and then did nothing. I hung out on the couch and chilled out with all of my boys. That is exactly what I wanted to do. And then…

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You know what this is

My sweet Dylan got me my 10th tattoo! I couldn’t be happier with how amazing this is. It’s done in Bellingham by Patrick in Sabbath Tattoo. He has done half of my tattoos and I would never go to anybody else. If Patrick dies, I’m going to level up in necromancy and get him back.

Now, I’m writing this and having a rum and Diet Pepsi (fuck you) while watching the same stupid YouTube videos that I love. My boys are laying nearby and my Darling Dearest is in the shower because he doesn’t feel well. Poor guy.

Well, that’s all from me today! Come back soon as we will be talking abortion and birth control! *Whispers from the back of the room*

Have a good my birthday, my Sweet Devils!

HS!

LH

I Don’t Sacrifice Animals

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Albert Asmodeus Einstein with his lip stuck

Meet my sweet kittens! They are my little fur babies and I spoil them to a disgusting degree. They have dry food at all times and get wet food twice per day; They get treats and various toys, though they prefer used ear swabs and tampon wrappers. I got them a year and a half apart and both off of Craigslist.

(I promise this isn’t just a post about my cats. There’s some substance at the bottom)

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Edwin Lucifer Hubble asleep with his tongue out

My boyfriend and I let these cats walk all over us. Literally, it doesn’t matter what we are doing, as long as we are sitting down, one of the cats is laying on one of use, or trying to lay on one of us. Edwin, the elder, is quiet but pushy, which is really cute. He comes up silently beside you and will attempt to walk into whatever part of your lap, stomach, or chest he can squeeze onto. If you allow him access, he will start laying down. This process can take up to three minutes as he tries to find the best place to lay. if you DENY him access, he will push and then back off and try another angle and push from there. Sometimes, he pretends to leave so that he can get your guard down and then jumps up out of nowhere and you’ve lost. I literally went through this at the beginning of this paragraph.

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“Damn it, Edwin”

Albert, my sweet kitten, is so loud. He, too will approach calmly, as Edwin does, seeking to lay down peacefully. If you allow him access, he will lay down quickly and purr his heart out. He also will move constantly because he gets excited about getting love. if you don’t just let him on, he will yell at you and ram his head into you until you submit. And you will. He is still small enough to work around so you end up getting more done with him on you than you would getting yelled at the whole time.

Our boys are big talkers normally and like to just randomly yell at things like posters, the toilet, us or each other. They’re really sweet and will sometimes sleep together, but prefer to sleep with us during the night and play during the day, with some naps sprinkled in. When we are gone, they can get a little naughty. Well, a lot naughty.

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Albert gazing upon his latest kill

Just yesterday, we were around for one of their crazy times and Edwin fell over the open gate of their sun room and Albert flew off the counter, apparently aiming for the fridge, and ended up smacking flat onto the door. It was great. Also, their little sun room is a dog crate that I put them in to take them outside. As I’ve said, they’re very spoiled. They also get cat grass sometimes, but not all of the time because they like to just rip it out of the dirt.

My boyfriend and I are never alone in the house. Either one or both of them will fallow us from room to room, even going so far as to wait by the door when we leave.

Our bathroom door is broken and in order to keep the cats from coming in, we open one of the drawers. This means that the door is still about an inch open and, despite having failed many times, the boys will try to squeeze their little faces through to be with who ever is in there. It’s really funny and really sweet.

All in all, this post could have just been “I love my cats” end of story, but I wanted to introduce them to the world because they’re so unique. My cats are the best cats. But I also wanted to talk about the fact that people think Satanists sacrifice animals in rituals. No. We don’t and I don’t appreciate being tagged as an animal murderer by people. Well, unless you’re vegan because that doesn’t count. But, seriously, animals are far better than people in every way and I go to great lengths to avoid hurting all animals. Once, I changed lanes to avoid hitting a toad. The only thing I can think that humans have over animals is tacos. Besides, all the animal abusers and killers I’ve ever known were of faith.

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Waiting to watch somebody pee

FUN FACT: When I was dating a Hardcore Chrtistian, he told me how he wants his wedding to be. No guests, just one witness, a preacher, and the two to be wed. (Now, I don’t remember all of the animals involed, but i’ll do my best). He said it must be in a field in a valley. There, the groom with cut the enimals in half and drags a half to each side of the valley so that the blood runs down into the middle. Some of the animals I remember are an ox, a lamb, a pigeon, and a dove. I know there were more, but I can’t remember them. Then the couple will stand on one side of the river of blood and the holy man will be on the other. The couple would then say some words, which I don’t remember because fuck that, the pastor tells them to say, walking through the blood as they do. When the are done, they will be married to each other and to God. Then the animals will be cooked and eaten at a party with friends and family.

I promise you this is true. Hand on my Science textbook and takeout menu. If somebody reads this and gets all up in arms over it, then I don’t know what to tell you, because he was a hardcore CRC member and apparently insane. Satanist, as I’ve said before, don’t animals unless in danger or for food. Satanists don’t need to stoop to such pathetic levels in order to perform successful rituals.

So, people might want to update their beliefs on where evil really lives in the world.

Enjoy your Sunday. I’m going to get some tacos and I’ll be back tomorrow for my birthday!

HS!

LH