And the fun part is that he actually took the time to answer them! Each of these interviews is designed to inform and entertain, which this one does for sure! The joke at the end made me laugh so hard that I scared my cats.
1) Tell me about a powerful Greater Magic moment.
The most powerful Greater Magic moment I’ve experienced was my first. It was a destruction ritual for a psychic vampire I was dealing with at work. The ritual itself was full of powerful anger and hatred, and afterwards I felt such a euphoric feeling. Within two weeks the person received several performance related write ups. They quit shortly thereafter.
2) Do the people close to you know you’re a member of the Church of Satan?
My wife knows and has read all the books in my collection as well as one of my brothers. The rest of my family would have to be blind not to know as I have the fact that I’m a member on all my social media pages. There are interviews I’ve done on Good Mourning America and Speak of the Devil that are easily found with a google search. I don’t go around telling people but will honestly answer if asked.
3) How do you like to celebrate your birthday?
I love to go out to a steak house that is close by, they have the best new York strip that they cook to a temperature called “blue”, then having either key lime pie or caramel brulee. After that it’s home for great sex and a great old movie for the night.
4) What would you do if you were turned into a horse for a day?
I would be the fastest horse on the track in my youth, and enjoy being a stud in my later years. Being from Kentucky originally I’ve seen that most horses live better than their owners, so what a life that would be.
5) How do you explain Satanism to Non-Satanists?
I explain Satanism as being a powerful philosophy for “I-theists” as Magus Gilmore has called us. The tools within Satanism allow a born Satanist to develop themselves into successful, fully responsible adults who shape the world the way we want it to be. Through everything from art, music, television, technology, etc. Satanists are living the fullest lives with the most impact.
6) What is your biggest pet peeve?
My biggest pet peeve is stupidity. I can deal with people who are ignorant but those who choose to be ignorant of a subject is, in my opinion, the worst kind of stupidity.
7) Are you currently working on any projects?
I am getting in to painting and I write poetry and songs. There are some videos from when I was a touring musician on YouTube for those who like “retro” music. I am working out a plan of putting together a book of stories from the road accompanied by some of my poetry.
8) What are a few things on your bucket list?
I want to sky dive on my 40thbirthday, take my oldest daughter (6) to Germany, and get together with Reverend Campbell and Warlock Jeff Bowling for a beer.
9) Would you rather give up toothpaste or toilet paper for a week?
Toothpaste. I think there are somethings you could eat or gum you could chew to fix the cleanliness of my mouth. Not much you could do comfortably for your ass.
10) Tell me your favorite joke.
My girlfriend’s dog died the other day so I surprised her by going out and getting her an identical dog. She was livid, she said “what am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
My cats have calmed down now and are trying to get me to love them now. Or feed them. It’s the same, really. I was going to say this was a fun interview for me, but that’s obvious. How about I just tell you when an interview irritates me, yeah? Cool.
So, I’ve been doing a lot of interviewing of other people on here, as well as essays from a Satanic perspective. So, I decided it was high time that I let myself step into my own spotlight and let you guys ask questions this time around. I will be using some of these questions in later interviews, too. So if you don’t see all of your questions here today, you may see them later.
Here is our latest installment in…
Today, the victim is Member Lauren H. That’s me.
1) What’s your favorite horror movie?
Oh, goodness, I am a huge horror movie fan! Since I was a little girl, I’ve been surrounded by horror movies. My Grandma and I would have weekly Crappy Movie Night where we would get a scary movie from the 1960’s and watch it with popcorn. Later on, Mom would host Scary Movie Night with all of our cousins. Now, I think I own more horror movies than any other genre.
This is a really hard question, so I’ll give you a few. 1) As Above, So Below is my movie that I will watch over and over. I wanted to buy it so badly that I wrote the local movie rental store a 5 paragraph essay as to why they should sell me one of their two copies. I own it; 2) The Night of the Living Dead was my first scary movie and I got to meet Barbra once so it will always have a special place in my heart; 3) The Grudge actually still scares the shit out of me.
2) What was your favorite subjects at school?
Jesus with these hard questions! I love learning so much that when people ask me what I would do if I won the lottery, I tell them that I would go to school forever. So, there are a lot of areas of schooling that I love and I had a really hard time deciding what to go to college for. In the end, I decided to go for what comes easiest to me.
I was a Creative Writing major at WWU and graduated with a BA in English. What’s funny is that I didn’t even discover theatre until community college, which is where I am making money, since I am a Drama Teacher and Lighting Designer.
I am also really in love with science and I was able to take an Astrobiology class in high school and it BLEW MY MIND! I love every aspect of science, even Math, in one way or another.
TL;DR: I love learning.
3) Are you introverted or extraverted?
Ya know, it really, really depends on a lot of factors. I love having time to myself where I can just listen to my music and clean or read or whatever strikes my fancy. At the same time, if I’m left alone for too long I get bored and make big forts in the middle of the living room.
If I’ve had a really long day, all I want to do id go home and see my cats. If I haven’t seen anybody in days, I start to whine at my friends to come visit me. I’m somewhere in between. I want to say there’s a word for that…
4) Have you ever spoken with Peter H. Gilmore and/or Peggy Nadramia?
HA! You’re so sweet. No, no I have not. I don’t think I’m even on their radar since I just became a member in February. One day, perhaps years in the future, I will have a big enough base for this blog and I will be able to send them some of my silly questions. Hell, maybe I’ll be able to run into them at a concert or on the street or some shit… that’d be cool.
5) What’s your favorite piece of clothing?
This actually took me a second to think about because I just love clothing. Not in the sense that I like being fashionable, but more I really love being covered and warm. I have this big-ass coat I call Big Coat that I use when I go outside, sometimes even at 60 degrees!
But, when I think about which piece of clothing I like the most, I would say my black and grey flannel. I like in the Pacific Northwest and the weather takes crazy turns from hot to cold to wind to rain to windy rain all in two hours. It’s a crazy place and the key to being comfortable is layers. That’s why we all dress the same. We know that jeans, a tank top, a tee, a flannel and a jacket works as a comfortable outfit in Washington.
I can tell you I do not like underwear. This isn’t even something that’s supposed to be sexy-like, I just REALLY hate them. I wear leggings with skirts and dresses so I don’t have to wear them. Fuck underwear.
6) Where would you want to travel to the most if money wasn’t an issue?
I would really love to go back to Edinburgh for The Fringe Fest. I was there when I was 20 to perform with Skagit Valley College. For those who don’t know, The Fringe is the largest performance festival in the world and it is so much fun! It’s tons of theatre and tons of theatre nerds taking over the bars and partying. I love it so much and I need to go back. Also the food is amazing.
My college was there to perform Elegies for Angels, Punks, and Raging Queens which is a monologue/song play that rhymes and is really, really good. It is the various stories of people who somehow got AIDS, died, and came back to tell their story. I played two people. The first was a woman who got AIDS from sharing needles and died. Her monologue included begging for money, so I would sit outside each performance with a change cup, start in the house, and yell my first line at the audience. They didn’t know I was part of the play so they just thought I was screaming about how much I love getting high.
The second was a preacher who came out to yell at everybody for being gay and stuff. It was weird because I was stepping into a character who was not only the opposite of me, but the only character with words who was “evil”.
Yeah, Scotland. I need to go back.
7) How did you become Satanist?
So, I know what you mean and I will answer that, but I do want to reiterate that Satanists are born, not made. So, I’ve always been a Satanist, I just needed to discover that.
Actually, I found The Church of Satan through music. I was hanging with my friend Colby and he locked me in a car to make me listen to a song. He was almost out and he looked back in and said “This is Ghost. They’re a Satanic band. AND THEY’RE FUNNY, TOO!” and then left.
That song was Square Hammer by Ghost BC.
After that, I just started poking around the Church of Satan’s website and listing to Podcasts like The Devil You Know and Raising Hell. They were my way of getting information before I had the means to get The Satanic Bible. Finally, I was able to get a few of the books written by LaVey and that was it. I knew.
8) Who inspires you the most (dead or alive)?
Oh, that’s easy. My Mom. I love my Mom so, so much because she made me into s strong, hard-working, caring person. She was trapped in an abusive relationship for years with the father of my little brother and sister, who I also love dearly, and she was the only person who was there for me when I was being abused by him, too. I’ll be doing a post about this in more detail later.
She’s my best friend and I would do anything for her.
9) What would be your ideal vacation?
You know if you ask me this during the winter the answer will be different. Right now, I would love to go to Europe somewhere to eat and hike. I love the history over there and the beautiful buildings. Maybe Norway since that’s where most of my DNA comes from, or Germany for the same reason.
During the winter, my answer would be Turks and Caicos with my Mom. It looks so beautiful and warm! I would love to read a book with my foot in the waves and a drink in my hand.
10) What do you think ghosts are? Or at least what so many people have seen and claim to be ghosts?
Okay so I do have a weird-ass hypothesis on what this could be but I don’t think there’s a way to test it. You know how scientists believe Gravity may be such a weak force because it’s spread thin over various alternate universes? That, but ghosts.
So, what I think is that there are an infinite amount of story lines that branch off with every choice we make. So if I make the choice to walk. across a street, in an infinite amount of universes I get hit by a car and in an infinite amount I don’t get hit. There are universes with near-misses and universes where I get hit and live and where I get hit and die. I think ghosts are just the other universes leaking over and showing us a weak image of what may be going on in a different reality we are close to.
That’s just what I think and I know it makes me sound really insane, but I explain it better in real life.
Well, there ya go! My very own interview on my very own blog. I will be putting this in the About The Author page, too, so you can find them there. Thank you so much to all the people who commented or emailed me in some questions, it was hard to pick just 10.
Hold on, I know what you’re thinking. “But, Lauren, you blog is called I’m A Satanist And…”. I know. But hold on!
So, there are degrees within the Church of Satan and each comes with its own title. As I’ve said before, I’ve interviewed Witches, Magisters, Warlocks, Magistras, and even people not associated with the Church who still identify as Satanists. Fuck, I’ve even interviewed a Devil Worshipper! So, I thought I’d give a little bit of an explanation on where I fall before we get onto the Internal Interview.
So, I fall right in the first one with no degree. I just got my Red Card in February and my Active Membership application is probably sitting quietly, waiting to be read. They have a lot of work to get through so it may take up to a year before it even gets glanced at! That’s fine with me because it literally doesn’t matter. With or without Active Membership, I can still be a Member of the Church of Satan who is active. I think that’s what it says on the top of the page, come to think of it.
Today we will be talking with somebody who is a First Degree Satanist in the latest installment of…
Our victim today is Satanist Laz C.! I sat down across the table from a computer and sent him over some hard-hitting questions to get to the bottom of what is going on in that brain.
1) What do you like to do on your free time?
What is this “free time” that you speak of? Hah! When I’m not in the workshop, I’m usually gaming. I can’t do that because my video card is broken and those things are very costly, so I’m ignoring it for the time being.
I also like to catch up on the latest episodes of my favourite true crime podcasts such as Sword and Scale, Casefile, Courtjunkie, Canadian True Crime, They Walk Amoung Us etc. Also This is War, where military vets tell their stories.
I also like to go fishing. So many fish, so little time.
2) Describe your ideal vacation.
Hopping on a boat (I hate flying) to a desert island. Also camping in the middle of a forest, with a river for fishing purposes. As far away from other people as possible.
3) What brought you to apply for Active Membership?
I’d been a member for about 6 years previously, and I wanted to step things up. I’d just gotten Southern Star Woodworks started, I just wanted to become more active with Satanism in general. I tend to take my time with things, but the time was definitely right.
4) Do you think Satanism affects your driving?
I don’t drive! I rely on walking, public transport, lifts, taxis etc.
Does it affect my lack of driving? Eh, perhaps in a way.
One thing that separates us Satanists from the rest is our ability to make things happen. Where life obstacles stump other people, we can carry right on through. So if I need to get somewhere, I get there somehow.
5) What kind of projects are you working on right now?
Let’s see… I have 3 plaques I’m working on at the moment, one is almost ready to ship. 3 altar tiles, and one card holder. I’ve just sent a headphones stand off. I’ve got new items for the store I want to finish and put up when I can.
That explains the lack of free time! (I’ll be ordering something for my alter soon so be prepared)
6) How do you like to celebrate your birthday?
I just like to take the day off and have it for me. I’ll shower myself in snacks and cool beverages. Perhaps a bit of life reflection. I usually start celebrating a day or so early. Why only have one day? It’s mostly a quiet affair.
7) Does your family know that you’re a Member of the Church of Satan? Friends?
The only family I have to speak of now are my two sisters. One knows, I’m fairly sure my other sis does, but we have differing life paths so it doesn’t ever come up. I think being able to have good relationships with people who are living their life in a different manner to you is important. It transcends the limits people place on themselves.
Mum knew and thought it was great, I gave her The Satanic Bible to read and she read it. She was quite spiritual, but on some things we could find common ground.
I’m open about it with friends. I think sometimes my reputation precedes me and word spreads, which is fine. It’s magic. I’ve never found myself in a negative situation with it.
8) Which era would you live in if a wizard made you pick a new one?
If there’s a wizard walking around forcing people to choose a new era to live in, I’d say that’s a rude wizard! Also, this is a hard question. I’m gonna need another coffee, BRB.
I’m going to choose… the 40’s. The fashion, the war, the music, the birth of new technology and the invention of Tupperware. It’s not so far back that I’m going to lack medical care, and not so close to now that things are familiar.
9) Which Satanic Rule of the Earth speaks to you the loudest at the moment?
I’m always a fan of #1. It’s the breaking of that rule that really ticks me off. But then again, can’t realistically hold other people to my lofty standards. Currently I’d say #11, especially with the goings on in the world. I try to avoid the news as much as I can, but some of it still filters through friends etc. I’m all for leaving other people the fuck alone.
People seem to latch onto that one in confusion. Destroying someone/something isn’t limited to physical destruction. You could perform a destruction ritual, however small. Just forgetting about a stranger who’s ruined your day could do. Or in practical terms, say for example the guy who runs the corner store is a twat, and you just so happen to know illegal activities of some kind go on over there, you could be sure the police would like to know about it. It allows for creativity. And I’d say that creativity is the perfect remedy for negativity.
10) How do you define Satan?
He’s the knowledge and mysteries of the universe. He’s the drive that keeps me going when I’ve been pushed down. He’s my rationality when I feel irrational, and most importantly, he is me. He’s the ultimate symbol of rebellion and moxie and I aspire to be the embodiment of this.
I hope you liked my silly questions! There will be many, many more Infernal Interviews coming soon, as well as various rantings from yours truly.
One thing I believe whole-heartedly is that you can never learn too much. One can never have perfect knowledge on any subject. Not me, or The President, or Neil deGrasse Tyson. This is one of the reasons why I do these interviews, as I’ve said before. It is part of my job as a Satanist to learn as much as I can about Satanism and be able to look at it from various points of view. It is, similarly, my job as a productive member of society to be able to consider points of view that are different from your own in general. This is how you grow as a person.
So please enjoy the latest entry in…
This time I sat down at my computer and sent some carefully constructed questions with Magister of the Church of Satan Bill M. I highly recommend taking these answers to heart, checking out The Devil’s Mischief, and following Bill on Twitter.
So, without further ado, Magister Bill M!
1) How did you discover the Church of Satan?
I grew up in the 1980s during the Satanic Panic, so I had heard here and there about the Church of Satan. Various representatives would get a tiny bit of airtime on the many sensationalist daytime talk shows, if they were lucky. It wasn’t until the mid 1990s that I really read The Satanic Bible as an adult and came to identify myself as a Satanist, then inevitably found out more about the Church of Satan. I’ve been a member for about 20 years.
2) What have you done in your life that you are the most proud of?
It’s easy to name the more obvious stuff: my mathematics degrees, my engineering career, music talent, and the other sorts of things they’d put in a newspaper obituary. But I guess overall I’m just proud of my ability in and of itself to hone skills and turn frustration into creations. That might seem vague or corny to some, but it’s a work ethic that led to my podcast (The Devil’s Mischief) and other work for Radio Free Satan, my websites such as GeorgeCarlin.net, other Internet creations like my Facebook group “Ridicule of Shitty Writing”, numerous essays, things I’ve done as a musician, meeting people whose work I’ve admired, seeing the improvement in students of my own with math or music, and lots of other things which may seem little in and of themselves, but add up to enrich my life on the whole.
3) What is your position within the Church of Satan and what does that mean?
I hold the title of Magister. I tell non-Satanists that in layman’s terms, it’s sort of like the rank of bishop. To me though, it’s a proud honorary title that says my life as a Satanist has caught the attention of the Church of Satan, and that they’ve deemed my understanding and presentation of Satanism to be exceptional. I think with the title though comes a responsibility with certain things I say and where I say them, knowing that people might stupidly (or deliberately) misconstrue my personal views as being some sort of official statements from the Church of Satan. Obviously that’s not what being a representative of an organization means, but hey, you know how the media and the Internet can be.
4) If a wizard came up and told you that he would give you $100,000,000 but you could only listen to one song for the rest of your life, what would you do with your money and what song would you pick?
I’d honestly pass on that deal. I already make a sizable salary, and music is too important to me to make a sacrifice like that. But just to play along with this fun hypothetical scenario anyway, I think I’d pick something without words, like Ravel’s “Bolero”. I’d take maybe $1 million to blow on fun things, another $1 million to help out some close friends and relatives, then put the rest into a mix of investments and real estate. I’d keep the money a secret otherwise, to avoid hearing from too many supposed “friends” who’d want a cut.
5) Has anybody ever given you shit for being a Member of the Church of Satan?
Oh yeah, this happens from time to time. In the offline world, not many of my acquaintances know of my affiliation. I’m very selective about whom I decide to come out to as a Satanist, because I know the reality of the status quo’s perception of our deliberately adversarial religion. I don’t tell co-workers, in part because I don’t think ANYBODY should be talking about religion in the workplace. But most people I choose to come out to are smart enough to understand me and get the gist of what the COS is about, after I give them the 60-second Satanism 101 talk. I’ve certainly misjudged a few people before though, including people who I thought seemed level-headed enough but suddenly turned all self-righteous and irrational over hearing that “S” word, or vice-versa; a couple of people whom I thought would react all angrily and emotional surprisingly accepted the Satanism thing just fine.
Online of course, where I’m an “online persona” and more transparent about being a Satanist, it can get expectedly nasty. It used to be the Jesus freaks who’d find me and give me shit most often. But these days, I probably get more shit from the equally annoying “new atheist” crowd, or at least the more militant of them, who can’t wrap their brains around concepts like atheists in non-theistic religions or using captivating metaphors. Both the Jesus freaks and the militant atheist crowd though are ultimately letting Christianity define the meaning of things like “religion” to them, and are largely motivated by the pipe dream of wanting to see at least 90% of the world adopt their way of thinking.
Then of course you have the even more annoying pseudo-Satanists who parrot whatever anti-COS or anti-LaVey lines they read somewhere on the Internet. I’ve lost count of how many “Satanic organizations” have come and gone who claimed to be some sort of superior replacement for the COS, and turned out to be basing their beliefs on things that don’t even make sense within Satanism, trying to do things we’ve already found not to work (we don’t need grottos in 2018, folks), or stupidly replace entire parts of Satanism with contrary parts and think it can still work. Some other trolls who bash COS membership are simply idiots who view any form of commitment as being “conformity”, as if having any sort of structure would be a threat to their personal liberty. It’s ridiculous.
6) What is your favorite swear word and why?
I find myself saying “motherfucker” a lot these days. I’m not sure why. I think I like the multi-syllabic quality of it.
7) Define Greater Magic.
This may forever be one of those nailing-Jello-to-a-wall topics when trying to explain it to outsiders. A lot of it has to do with the fact that it’s a subjective experience that calls for controlled suspension of disbelief, so to try to intellectualize it is a contradiction. But I’ll try my best.You know how The Satanic Bible says, “Herein you will find truth, and fantasy”? Well, here’s where the fantasy part comes in. And note that the word is “fantasy”, which means by definition it’s something viewed as being imagined, as opposed to a belief that supernatural things really exist. Just as we use the figure of Satan as a metaphor, you could view the concept of magic as being a metaphor, too. A dictionary will tell you that when people use the word “magic”, they’re typically never referring to the alleged supernatural powers claimed by spell-casting occultists. Rather, the word is most commonly used to refer to the sleight-of-hand art of stage magic (which many occultists dry to distance themselves from by spelling their own practice as “magick”, with a “k”), where the magician knowingly sets up an illusion for his audience for the purpose of triggering an emotional response. Other times people use the word “magic” or “magical” to refer to something exceptionally enchanting or beautifully surreal, as in “That wedding was simply magical!”. These two last usages of the word relate much more with Satanism’s use of magic than the typical occult one does.
I would perhaps define greater magic as the self-transformative use of symbolism and ritual in a focused, subjective setting to facilitate the manifestation of one’s own stated desires. That may seem like a lot of wordage, but keep in mind we’re talking about a topic that takes up 2/3 of the pages of The Satanic Bible, all of The Satanic Rituals, and several essays among other books like The Devil’s Notebook, Satan Speaks, and The Satanic Scriptures. To further elaborate on my definition: you start with a clearly-stated desire, and to help you along in transforming your mindset and setting you on the right path to that, you utilize a ritualistic setting. In fact, as Dr. LaVey said in his essay “Ravings from Tartarus”, Greater Magic is ultimately a way of formalizing acts that otherwise may not have gotten any attention without the ritualistic trappings. Mechanically speaking, the essence of the practice has much more in common with the sort of goal-visualizing techniques and meditations you’d find in a self-help program, than occult practices that depend upon faith in actual supernatural concepts. The added Satanic trappings of a greater magic ritual however help emotionally connect everything back to the philosophical core of Satanism.
I’ve talked about Greater Magic at length before, in a number of printed articles and interviews. I encourage anybody who’s interested in the topic to listen to my extensive talk on the Demented1’s YouTube videocast.
8) Are you working on any creative projects right now?
Currently I’m trying to put together a special episode to celebrate the 15th anniversary of The Devil’s Mischief. Magister David Harris has helped me out with this. The Devil’s Mischief is, as far as I know, the longest-running Satanic podcast still in existence. More information on the show can be found on the official site. I also continue to make original content for the Dr. Schitz page, am working on a book of my past Satanism-related essays, and always have a number of musical projects going on at any given time.
9) How do you celebrate your birthday?
For several years I would alternate between celebrating in Las Vegas and celebrating locally here in the Boston area. I absolutely fell in love with Las Vegas the very first time I went there in 2000. There’s never a shortage of things to do there. But whether I’m celebrating in Sin City or celebrating close to home, a recurring theme is treating myself to one or more live events and the best food, for starters. Every year is always a little different and takes some planning, but I’m determined to have an amazing time.
10) If you had to live in another time period, which would you pick?
On the one hand, I’d like to travel back to the 1970s to see a lot of my favorite pop culture things in the flesh: favorite arena rock bands at the height of their popularity, sit in the audience for a live taping of TV shows like “All in the Family”, watch some of my favorite movies on the big screen, pay for a coffee with a quarter, and so on. However, I don’t know if I’d want to live there, especially when I think of having to throw away so many modern technological conveniences we take for granted, like ATMs and cell phones. Not to mention the gas crisis and high crime. I think it’s all too easy to romanticize the past. The Woody Allen movie “Midnight in Paris” has some Satanic lessons on that. We live in a great time right now where we have a lot of wonderful technology to create Total Environments of past times and places if we want to, keeping only the parts we like. So if I did have to live in another time period, I’d want to explore some period in the far future, where we’d presumably have even better technology for optionally creating whatever environment we want.
I hope you guys loved this interview as much as I did! The answers were long and thought-out, which, when coupled with Bill’s voice in his writing, makes reading enjoyable and informative.
Keep learning, Darling Devils, and keep hoping that stupidity becomes painful.
I was really enjoying myself on the way home from work today. It was a beautiful day and there wasn’t anybody in front of me on the road. This is particularly nice since it’s a tiny, winding road that follows the coast and has a lot of corners and I find that a lot of people are too scared to go the speed limit. I am not. I’ve driven Chuckanut many, many times, thus making it very irritating when people are going 25 in the 40.
This almost changed half way home when a truck pulled out in front of me. I have a little silver car and I think people either don’t see me or think I’m going to be slow. Fun Fact: I’m not. I had to slam on my breaks, which caused my car to start to go to one side. I felt myself losing control and heading towards the wall of the cliff beside the road, but was able to get back under control.
The first thing I felt was relief. I was so happy that I wasn’t smashed into a wall or into the side of a truck. The next wave of emotion that hit me was pure mother fucking rage. “How dare you?” I said just now as myself pretending to be me then, “How dare you almost kill me? How dare you almost ruin my day and my car?” I wanted to scream at that driver! I wanted to honk and blast my Ghost BC as loud as I could, just because they had one of those stupid Jesus fish on their bumper.
I didn’t. I kept driving, though I was going slower than the speed limit now because the truck was too afraid to GO THE SPEED LIMIT! Can you tell this is one of my biggest pet peeves? But then I took stock of my body and realized that my chest was hurting. During the near miss, my seatbelt had stopped me from flying forward into the steering wheel or out of the windshield. This would have been especially true had the near miss hadn’t been a miss.
Something similar happened when I was 17.
My Dad was taking me to dinner in his work truck, which was an old, beat up, 199-whatever piece of shit. I don’t know how that thing was running. We were starting to turn left when my door opened. To be fair, my Dad may have had something to do with this since he is not the safest driver in the world and had taken the turn a bit faster than I would have.
So, the door opened and my body started to go with the turn, which would have been out of the door. But I stopped. My seatbelt had gone tight and I was hanging out just far enough to grab the door and swing it shut as I got inside.
Are you seeing a pattern here? I don’t see anything more Satanic than wearing your damn seatbelt. Seriously, it’s the easiest thing in the world to do, besides maybe using your blinker, and it will save your life. It will save you from going through the windshield and dying or smashing into the steering wheel and dying. It’s only job is to keep you alive. Wear it.
My Mom explained it to my the best when she said “Not everybody is going to be making the best decisions for you, so you have to make the best decisions for you”. It flows really well with the quote from Anton LaVey that reads “Life is the great indulgence – Death the great abstinence. Therefore, make the most of life here and now!”
This is wonderful advice, and yet I feel a sense of caution here, too. Life is the only time we get to party, drink, eat, and fuck! You can’t do that when you’re dead. So yes, live life to the fullest while you’re here, but don’t do anything that will cause the proverbial bar to close.
Another wonderful quote from my apparently very Satanic Mother is “Have fun, be safe, and make good choices”. She says this all the time and I always take it to heart. You should, too.
So have fun, be safe, and make good choices, my Little Lucifers.
This interview is a bit different since Sophie is not a Member of the Church of Satan and hasn’t applied. Sophie lived in the United States for a year before moving back to Europe. Please remember that I am giving you her answers exactly as they are given, so any grammatical errors should be read in an adorable French accident.
I decided to showcase Sophie because she is an example of somebody who likes Anton LaVey’s teachings as spelled out in The Satanic Bible, but doesn’t agree with every aspect. This makes the person Satan-Friendly, at least in my eyes. They understand what we believe, they agree with most of it, but have decided not to go full Satan. This is great! I think there need to be more Satan-Friendly people in the world, as not everybody is a Satanist. Though, as Milton says on The Raising Hell Podcast, everybody can benefit from being more Satanic.
Buckle up, my darlings, for the latest in our long history of…
The Infernal Interviews
1) What did you think of The Church of Satan before becoming more acquainted with it?
I was lapsed Catholic till I was 17. My father had lung cancer. Me and my mother prayed a lot, but nothing.. It was very difficult for my mother, she became depressed, and sick. I lost her a year later…
I lived with my uncle and I asked many thing about God and why he let the world be destroyed.
I hated religions, I knew about the Fallen Angel and his story. Then, I was curious about people who are against religion and why. I discovered the Church of Satan, Anton Szandor LaVey, Peggy Nadramia, Peter H. Gilmore.
I read their interviews and I was like “Wtf they don’t believe in Satan but they are Satanists”. And I learn a lot. Religion is just a modern mythology, many rules are against our human nature, we have rapists, terrorists, and the others aren’t realists.
Finally, I don’t have to work harder to get the Satanic values, I’ve always felt them.
2) How often do you perform Ritual Magic?
I’ve never practiced magic, and I’m not interested.
3) How long did it take for you to send in your Membership Application?
I’ve never tried the Membership Application.
4) If you were taken into the future, what would you be the most excited to see?
I would like to see the Earth in the year 3000, how can be the world: like in Star Wars? Or a dictatorship? Or maybe destroyed?
5) Tell me about your Best Friend.
Her name is Julia, we are the same age, I know her since elementary school.
Funny thing, we have nothing in common, she doesn’t like rap, metal, horror movies, she hates video games, she is lesbian, I am bi, and she is blond lol We watch action movies, we like nightclubs, I learn many things from her, and she hopes to be a probationer.
I’ve always loved her, she is funny and always positive. I think we have the same personality, that’s why we are always together. When I lost my parents, she comes up to me everyday.
6) Do you have any projects you are currently working on?
Well, I’m studying psychology. I like to understand people, the brain, the personality. I would like to help people. We only live once! I’ll feel better.
7) What would you do if somebody stole your car but replaced it with a helicopter?
Ahah I’ll use it 2-3 times and I’ll sell it.
8) What’s your favorite movie?
Fast and Furious are my fav, but I can’t tell you if I prefer the 1st, the 3rd, the 6th etc.
9) What kind of toppings do you like on pizza
Spicy: chicken, pepper, chorizo, merguez sausage and cheese.
10) What would you like Non-Satanists to know about Satanists?
Great question. They must know that we are not evil, we are better than the majority of religious people. They may know why we are Satanists and our stories.
I feel like it is important for this blog to go beyond just Satanists, as I would like to get the perspective of those not in our world. I want their views on our tenants and ideas because I am curious about how I am viewed in the world. Just the other day somebody thought I was trying to be edgy for being with the Church of Satan, even though THEY were the ones who went searching for that information in order to throw it in my face. The mistake they made is in thinking that I am ashamed of being a Satanist. Nothing could be further from the truth.
There are a lot more Infernal Interviews coming, as well as some changes to the layout of the site… ya know, if I can figure it out.
Enjoy this stupendous spring day, my Sweet Satanist.
I am now, but I remember checking the mail each day, some times multiple times per day, to see if my Red Card had come. Naturally it came when I was gone. So I came home to a white, unassuming envelope sitting on the kitchen table with my name on it.
That was a really exciting day for me! I’m sure each of you can remember when you were, too, in Church of Satan limbo and the feelings that came along with that. And the feelings that followed knowing you had been accepted!
So, since I interviewed MANYmembers of the Church of Satan, as well as an actual Devil Worshipper, I thought I’d interview somebody who was pending approval. This person identifies as a Satanist but is waiting for conformation to come on their Membership status.
This is the next installment of:
The Infernal Interviews
1) How long have you been with the Church of Satan?
“With” The church of Satan? Membership pending I guess you could say, but a Satanist from my early grade school years. Even when in the Episcopalian Church.
2) What did you think when you first heard of the Church of Satan?
My first inclination as a young boy of 5 was, “where can I find this church? It sounds like a really big fun house with a lion, secret door ways and horror attractions! I must go there at once!” (of course speaking of LaVey’s “Black House” and not the Established Church of Satan.”)
3) What is your favorite play?
I have several. As far as musicals I recently became a huge fan of “Hedwig and the Angry Inch.” However I would have to say “The Tempest.” (Shakespeare)
4) What is your personal definition of Satan?
I have several: Every Satanist or “weekend warrior” thinks “The church of satan wants to hear “Adversary” because that’s what LaVey said. I’m not always one to jump to that explanation. Mine is more “Hero.” He’s the unspoken fictitious hero of the Bible that was given a terrible reputation. Jesus wondered into the wilderness like an idiot Satan tried to feed him, then offer him relief, apparently that was “wrong.” Not to mention Satan educated humanity, clothed us, fed us metaphorically, helped us become “aware” of the flesh and indulgence. So thank you Satan.
5) Do you have any animals?
Yes. I have two dogs and a corn snake.
6) Chocolate or Vanilla?
Both I’m not an Ice Cream Racist.
7) Do you have any projects you’re currently working on?
Yes, musically “Hades In Tow,” film wise I am attempting to make a series called “AntiChrist.”
8) Have you ever shaved your legs?
Yes, and waxed with Nair Cream. (Not to self: Do not use nair cream on pubic stubble, it will leave chemical burns in creases).
9) What would you like Non-Satanists to know about Satanists?
This is a loaded question. Non-Satanists please stop practicing contempt prior to investigation. (mind you some do not.) We are living in “Era Satanas.” Whether the non Satanist likes it or not, mainstream religion is being phased out and recognized as fraud and problematic.
10) How do you like The Satanic Bible?
It was like listening to the Beatles for the first time… Backwards. When I first read it, I was baffled, and had to re-read it. I thought to myself “how could every answer in my life be right here in one simple book.” Well, it was. So after re-reading the Satanic Bible ad nauseam, I learned that this path is for me, and with an open mind while still thinking for myself, freely, I continue to learn more and more every day. There was no turning back.
I hope you liked this interview and I will update you on the Membership Status of Lvcifer Invictvs Crow as soon as I know. For all the rest of you waiting, hang in there!
Have a great rest of your day, my Sweet Satanists!